Bangkok

I realize what is currently unfolding in Thailand ain't good.
Yet, I can't help but giggle when I read CNN's headline:Tanks roll in Bangkok.

Now I've been kicked in the jimmy, even had a doorknob or two catch me in the manly bits, but I'll be damned if I'd let a tank hit it.

Questions I can't answer

As the day wears on I can't shake questions that keep coming up and I can't answer them. Mainly questioning myself, but I can't help but wonder.

Had I been on Flight 93 would I have charged the cabin with the other passengers?

Had I been in one of the towers or the Pentagon after the planes struck would I have charged into the flames to help those who couldn't find their way out?

I'd like to think I know the answers to those questions. That the answer would be yes, yet I pray I never find out, that the situation never arises.

I've seen this question asked several times today. Do you feel safer now than before the attacks of September 11th, 2001? People are answering yes and no when I can't believe the question is being asked. How, how can anyone feel that safe again? It's not that I'm promoting mass hysteria, but prior to September 11th a majority of us lived in a state of blissful ignorance.

I fall back to conversations with one of my professors from college whose family fled Iran instead of dying at the hands of Radical Muslims. He, and his family, are themselves Muslims. I remember him talking about extremists long before we were attacked and I wonder why nobody, including myself, listened.

I wonder if there can be peace and safety while Islamic states still exist. The consensus seems to be no. With people pointing to the open scars still in New York, the daily bombing in Iraq and Afghanistan and versus from the Quran to prove their point. I can't help but think of friends from college who were Muslims who were and still are just as outraged as I am at the attacks.

I can't help but wonder if any of this could have been prevented. Had Carter erased Iran from the map or had Regan handled the Iran-Contra Affair differently or had the first President Bush dethroned Saddam or had President Clinton sent cruise missiles flying or had the current President Bush launched pre-emptive strikes would anything have turned out differently?

As much as I think about the questions I can't come up with concrete answers. There's always a "but" or a "what if" and nothing seems to suffice.

September 11th

I've written this post and revised it a dozen times in my head. Calling it a tribute doesn't make sense to me. Saying I remember what happened on September 11th, 2001 doesn't do justice to those who lost their lives or shed light to the fact that rarely a day goes by when I don't think about what happened. It's a matter of being (un)able to find the right words when seemingly none will do.

Like many others I remember exactly what I was doing when I learned about an airliner slamming the first tower. I remember the voice of a normally jovial radio announcer cracking as he choked back tears trying to explain what had happened. I remember wondering if my brother and his family had gone into the city that day and praying they hadn't. I remember praying for the safety of best friend who was in New York for business. I remember praying for those trapped in the buildings, the first responders and their families. I remember being thankful for the brave souls on flight 93, yet mourning the loss of their lives. I like many others can't help but remember September 11th, 2001.

I remember how I'd felt safe flying across the country on a regular basis, never worrying about a plane being hijacked, much less being used as a weapon. I remember being able to kiss my wife good bye before I left on a flight knowing that I'd be flying home safely in a couple of days. I remember not being concerned men of Middle Eastern decent were about to board the same flight I was on.

I remember lying to my wife of only three months that night, telling her that everything would be okay. I remember knowing that the world had forever been changed just a few hours earlier.

I remember praying I would wake up in the morning and it had all been a dream.

I remember praying for the first time that someone, whoever they were, would die a slow painful death.

I remember 2,996 lives ended prematurely on bright a September day because the lives of 19 terrorists hadn't been ended prematurely.

I remember hearing that time heals all wounds. I think they're wrong. I'm more enraged today than I was five years ago. I'm more upset today than I was five years ago. I'm assuming I've emotionally peaked, but can't say for certain. I do know for certain that I'll go to my grave loathing the bastards who attacked our America on September 11th, 2001.