Today's News: Its all under there.

Under where?

Apparently Madonna's cone shaped bras aren't the only undergarment that could be used as a deadly weapon. Only in Idaho.

Security guards refused to allow a woman into a federal courthouse until she removed a bra that triggered a metal detector.

Lori Plato said she and her husband, Owen Plato, were stunned when U.S. Marshals Service employees asked her to remove her bra after the underwire supports set off the alarm.

"I asked if I could go into the bathroom because they didn't have a privacy screen and no women security officers were available," Plato said Wednesday. "They said, 'No.'

"I wasn't carrying a shank in my bra. If it's so dangerous, why did they give it back and let me put it on?"

I'm thinking there had to be a whole lot of metal in her bra to sound the alarm. Which might help to answer why they gave it back. I'll answer her question "If it's so dangerous, why did they give it back and let me put it on?" with a question of my own. What guy wants to look at your thingy's if they're hanging waste level?

Next item: My loins, they are en fuego.

A Douglasville, Ga., man said he had flames coming up to his chest when his iPod Nano suddenly burst into flames while he was working, WSBTV.com reported Friday.

Danny Williams, who works at a kiosk at Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport, told WSBTV.com that he had the iPod and a glossy piece of paper in his pocket at the time. He said it was the piece of paper that saved him from being badly burned.

This guy was protected from a burning sensation in his nether regions by a piece of paper. And to think all those years I've relied on Trojans.

Lastly. I wonder how many underroos you could buy for $44,000.

Thieves have twice raided an Orange County store that specializes in corsets and other costumes, making off with an estimated $44,000 in exotic outfits.

Jeanette Zinkan, a 69-year-old great grandmother who goes by the name "Miss Antoinette," owns Versatile Fashions, and designs most of the store's merchandise herself.

"They took the guts out of me when they took my entire showcase. That's more than 30 years of work," said Zinkan.

In June, police say thieves used a master key to get into the business next to Zinkan's then sawed through the wall and took what she estimated as $15,000 worth of merchandise.

Then last month, the business's back door was pried open, and this time $29,000 in corsets and costumes were snatched.

The thieves took a pair of gowns Zinkan wore to the Sex Maniacs Ball, an erotic awards show in London, where Zinkan played a queen to Hugh Hefner's king.

Smart money says the grandkids stole the "goods" and burned them when they found out Grammy's a naughty girl. Sadly the torching of the garments will never remove the images seared into their mind's eye.

Nasty

Dude, your barbecue tastes like feet.

I guess the reason the story is "news" is because it happened in North Carolina, where we know what real barbecue tastes like. If the "incident" had taken place in Memphis, Texas or Kansas they'd have never know the difference.