Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Wife's

Popcorn or her fine ass either.

This weeks Demystifying Divas / Men's Club topic was brought to us by a multi-part question from Dax Montana of The Dax Files. The original post can be found here. For those of you too lazy to click over here's a summary of the questions asked:

• What is cheating?
• At what level of commitment can cheating occur?
• How much of an emotional investment does it take before cheating can occur?
• What should be the penalty?

What is cheating? Plain and simple it's breaking the rules. This goes for relationships as well as just about anything else in life. To establish ground rules you've got to communicate. Now I’m not saying that prior to going out on the first date you should sit down and hash out a contract; but the application of a bit of common sense you should be able to determine your boundaries. At some point in time, as a relationship progresses, the expectation of exclusivity comes into play. If you aren’t sure about it, well then maybe you should ask, if you’re sleeping with the person; then you should definitely ask if you aren’t sure.

The act of cheating is going to vary from relationship to relationship; based upon the ground rules established. I realize that may sound like a politician’s way out of the definition, so here are some examples. To some cheating would be going out to dinner with someone else, to others cheating may not start until actual physical contact has been made and yet to some others it isn’t cheating if your partner knows what is going on (enter the world of swingers). Like in West Virginia its all relative.

Chances are pretty good if you’ve got to lie or deceive partner about what you were doing then you’re cheating. I’m not talking about going out drinking with your college buddies, unless your college buddies like to get drunk and act like Romans. I’m referring to any of the actions you may take to build a romantic relationship with another person.

At what level of commitment can cheating occur? Really it all falls back to the ground rules established. As some couples that have only dated for a short time period expect exclusivity whereas some people that are married allow physical relationships with others (enter the pesky swingers again). But a pretty safe bet is that once you’ve seen each other naked then there’s a pretty safe bet the other person is expecting exclusivity. Exceptions to this rule could be the drunken ramblings in the sorority or fraternity house in college; but like swingers these would be the exceptions to most people’s rules.

If you don’t feel that an intimate encounter of the naked kind warrants a commitment of monogamy then it is your responsibility to let the other person know if they don’t already; preferably prior to the intimate part of the naked encounter. Yes by taking responsibility for your actions and letting someone know that you’re planning to rogering as many people as possible, or maybe just the office secretary, may put damper on things; but don’t you owe them a little respect?

How much of an emotional investment does it take before cheating can occur? I’ll say it one more time it depends upon the ground rules (So I’m beating the hell out of a dead horse what of it?). A pretty safe bet here would be if you’ve utter the three little words that get so many people in trouble, no not Let’s get naked, the other three, I Love You, then there is an expectation of monogamy. If you’ve uttered those words and the person replied me too, well don’t you feel like an ass?

What should be the penalty? The clap, it’s painful, yet curable. I haven’t had the clap, nor do I want too. But a nice non-permanent, yet painful venereal disease seems like it would be fitting for someone who breaks the trust of someone they're in a relationship with.

That being said, it’s extremely difficult to give cheating a blanket definition. Since all people are unique each relationship will also be unique. The only thing I know for certain is the relationship I have with my wife and the ground rules she’s given me. Innocent flirting is acceptable. Cheating would be defined as trying to build a romantic emotional or physical relationship with someone else. I double checked earlier for clarification and received a reply of if you have to ask don’t do it. The ever growing list of things I know I can’t do include going out to a romantic dinner with someone, kissing, touching rubbing, etc…

The penalties I haven’t really thought about what I’d do, but my wife has made her view point on this clear. If she were to catch me cheating she divorce me, neuter me, then kill me; but not necessarily in that order and defiantly without anesthesia.

For more opinions on this topic the other gentlemen sounding off are: The Wizard, Puffy & Zonker should be speaking up at some point in the near future.
And the always lovely divas have chimed in also: Silk, Sadie, Kathy & Chrisina