When the past isn't

Its doomsday Tuesday which means it's time to cover another topic with the Men's Club and Demystifying Divas, this week's topic: Full disclosure of sexual background.

I guess I could be considered fairly old fashioned on this topic since I kind of like to know a woman's history prior to hoping into the sack with her. It's not that I want a list of references with various acts performed and do's / don'ts (although the do's and don'ts might be helpful), oh what the hell am I babbling about I'm married and I'd me neutered were I to even think twice about running around on my wife.

The amount of disclosure and the details (who, what, when how many times, were there farm animals and pudding involved) will be determined by the situation, what type of relationship you're having and what the person can handle. It will also depend on the amount of respect you have for the person your in a relationship with. In an ideal world it would matter not the number of sexual conquests a person had endured so long as they were disease free. The past is and should remain in the past, but often time our past isn't left behind and must be explained. Our mistakes and experiences build the character that whomever we're seeing is interested in, however often times people are discouraged when their version of the fairy tale doesn't meet real life experiences.

It's a simple fact that some people can handle information others can't. In college I knew guys who wanted to know their girlfriend's entire past. Then once they'd heard it, if it wasn't what they'd baked up in their ideological little world they couldn't deal with it. It made them act like a jealous ass while out in public or the pedestal they had placed her on came crashing down and the relationship started to wither away. Was it right, nope, she was still the same person prior to disclosing that information.

There is always a time and place for everything, full discloser included.

If it's a one night stand after drinking heavily at the bar in Tijuana there probably won't be too much chatting about prior history, just be sure to wear a protective coat of armor. 40% of people who know they are HIV+ do not tell their partners (Information from Trojan® Condoms Web Site). And for something else that Ajax won't take off, 1 in 5 people (20%) over the age of 12 have some form of herpes. Hmm, maybe it would be good to have a conversation prior to hoping in the sack with somebody.

The Minister of Propaganda and the Wizard do a better job of explaining when its time to disclose various bits of information. I was working on a list but got distracted when somebody started throwing gummie bears and talking about her undies and talking politics.

Christina is right on target, as usual, when she says there are bits of information that we should know prior to proceeding very far in a relationship. She calls it interrogation within the guise of polite conversation. I call it a smart move. Especially for a woman, there are too many weirdos out there. Not that all people convicted of criminal behavior will be forthcoming with their past, but hopefully you can learn enough to run like hell. Silk continues the discussion with information you should disclose prior to disclothing.

There are times however that discloser isn't a good idea and may actually be detrimental to your health. For example, say you talk your girlfriend to trying something new, when you've finished up you shouldn't tell her it was okay and that her best friend was better. Or on your honeymoon, you shouldn't say: "You know your little sister and I did this thing the other night I think you'd enjoy, maybe we could get her to join us". And never tell her that after a couple years of practice she might be as good in the sack as her mom is.

sadie offers advice on how to recover if you're ever cornered with questions about how your current flame compares to an ex. I'm pretty sure she documented the correct responses for my benefit.

Kathy reminds me of one of the reasons I like being married, the hard parts over with, no more secrets. Except that trip to the Bunny Ranch (Not work safe) a couple of years back.

Moogie is guest posting with the divas this week.

Stigmata is still gallivanting across Europe, and shall post when able.

Posted by phineas g. at 11:00 AM on May 31, 2005

Call me naive or cloistered, but I was unaware guys (at least the college ones you referred to) were so interested in that past history or may have had those perceptions.

I guess no one was interested in asking me about it...

Humorous, as well as interesting Mr. Phin!

Now toss some of those gummy bears this way. I love those things!

; )

Posted by: Christina at May 31, 2005 11:12 AM

Ack! Those statistics you cited don't bear well for the future of humanity! You are wise to want that information about a woman. (Shudder...)

Gummy bears? When did I have those? Did you steal them???

Nice new phishy by the way....I'm hoping he can tap dance.

Posted by: sadie at May 31, 2005 12:10 PM

1 in 5 have some sort of herpes? Really? eek gad! If that doesn't make you keep your pants on, what will?

Posted by: Suzanne at June 1, 2005 08:25 AM