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Things every man should know

Being a simpleton as I’ve been told on more than once it doesn’t take much to amuse me. Often times I find things thoroughly amusing that my wife is appalled by. Having only been married a short time four years (wonderful years if you’re reading dear and an eternity if you aren’t) there are several things I think every man should know.

  • It is never intelligent to discuss your wife’s sister’s hotness with her, or the hotness of her friend (that is single and promiscuous) or the hotness of her mom.
  • Referring to your wife as “Ol’ Hatefull” because she spouts off at the mouth every thirty seconds isn’t a wise decision.
  • Who lit the fuse on your tampon is not an appropriate response to any question for any reason.
  • It isn’t acceptable to pee in the sink, even if you move the dishes to the other side.
  • If you have a dog and it is a female, you still can’t get away with saying you’re going home to spend time with the bitch.
  • Using all the hot water for any reason prior to the misses taking a bath is equal to giving her written permission to remove your whozits, through your nose.
  • According to some unwritten law attempting a covered wagon is grounds for a swift kick in the nads at a date to be determined.
  • The answer to "Does this skirt, top, dress, etc.. make me look fat?" is never: well since you’ve mentioned it…
  • or Nope, but your ass does
  • If you’ve ever complimented your wife and she replies with: "daddy says I’m the best" you should be very concerned.
  • I don’t care how hot her sister is you can't discuss it with your wife

It's just important that we learn from each other's mistakes right?

Posted by phineas g. at 10:40 AM on June 09, 2005
Comments

*laughs hysterically!*

Posted by: Oddybobo at June 9, 2005 01:34 PM

Words to live by.

Posted by: RP at June 9, 2005 01:52 PM

Oh, my!

; )

Posted by: Chrissy at June 9, 2005 06:38 PM

The correct answer to "Do you think I'm beautiful?" is NOT "Yeah, but I've got odd tastes."

Posted by: Jim at June 10, 2005 08:31 AM

Phin,

that was hilarious!

I've posted the women's version.

http://villainsvanquished.blogspot.com/2005/06/things-every-woman-should-know.html

Posted by: Phoenix at June 10, 2005 03:28 PM

Important safety tips. Thanks. But what is a "covered wagon"?

Posted by: D. Carter at June 10, 2005 06:01 PM

D. Carter-

Farting under the covers and then pulling them up over her head. Chicks don't appreciate that, or so I've been told.

Posted by: prairie biker at June 10, 2005 08:41 PM

Prairie Biker:

Thanks for the definition. That would obviously register 0 on the chivalry meter.

Posted by: D. Carter at June 11, 2005 04:54 PM

H0h0h0! Nicely done.

Posted by: Paladin at June 13, 2005 05:44 PM

I've always heard it called a dutch oven. You know how those freaky dutch do it.

Posted by: Dr. Phat Tony at June 17, 2005 08:08 AM

Yeah, I've always known it as a dutch oven as well.

All the same, solid post. Better than most of the carnival submissions, I'd say.

Posted by: Patriot Xeno at June 17, 2005 09:39 AM

I was all set to ask whether a Covered Wagon was anything like a Dutch Oven...and the previous commenters handled it quite nicely.

Words to live by, indeed. There is no good answer to the question, "Do I look fat?"

Posted by: Elisson at June 17, 2005 11:41 AM