Men's Club: Spit Polished & Squeaky Clean

It's Tuesday and this week's topic: The differences between how men and women get ready in the morning.

Living in a house with two women (my wife and her sister) has taught me many, many things. Some things that shouldn't be said and some things that every man should know. That being said a little bit more background may be in order. My wife has two sisters; all three of these ladies were high school and collegiate athletes(her youngest sister, the one living with us is still in school); thus they have the ability to kick my skinny little arse at will. Lucky for me they choose not to, most of the time.

I on the other hand, grew up in a house hold with two brothers one older and sometimes wiser, and one younger. While the many different scrapes and scuffles we got into taught me quite a bit about life' challenges; they did absolutely nothing to prepare me for life with two bosses the lovely ladies at my house(the two bosses statement was removed due to the fact I take orders from my dog and the cats also).

One thing I learned early on was that there is a sacred (and scary) time of the day when afore mentioned ladies are getting ready for Work / School; granted it took several verbal thrashings, but I've learned none the less.

My morning routine is simple:

1. Alarm goes off, get out of bed.
   
2. Bathroom Time: Brush Teeth & possible shower depending upon the previous nights activities and whether to not I showered prior to going to bed. (If I go to bed clean I'?m not going to get dirty without a little bit of help).
3. Put on Clothes
4. Pop pills(Prescribed medications only of course)
5. Grab breakfast
   
6. Let Chloe (our pet boxer & number three in the chain of command) out for the day.
7. Leave for work.

Total Time Elapsed: 20 ? 30 Minutes.
* If a shower is required only one type of soap is required (another added benefit of keeping a shaved head).

Now for the ladies:
On days where there will be little human interaction(weekends, vacations, etc?) their routine doesn?'t vary much from mine, except there is a guaranteed shower. On days when human interaction is required well that?s a whole ?nother ball game. Using the keen observational skills I acquired during my stalker younger days I've tried to document a typical work / school day morning.

1. Alarm Clock sounds off. Snooze button slapped a couple of times.
2. Drag out of bed & stumble towards bathroom.
3. Brush Teeth & Preheat shower to Four Million Degrees Celsius to create sauna affect.
4. Arrange towels, bath robe and cleaning supplies.
5. Shower: Use Special soap (body wash). Rinse. Use Special soap for the face. Rinse. Shampoo. Rinse. Shampoo. Rinse. Condition. Rinse.
6. Dry Hair Using Towel. Which ends in a strange turban type wrap to ensure no excess moisture will escape.
7. Dry body using another Towel and wrap around torso.
8. Cover remaining exposed skin with floor length bath robe.
9. Pick out attire for the day.
10. Return to bathroom and use hair dryer.
11. Put previous outfit back and choose another.
12. Return to bathroom and torment hair using various items call ?Irons?. Some are for curling others for straightening and there's yet another for attacking unsuspecting males that may walk past the door way.

13. Pull original outfit from closet and lays [the original outfit] beside second outfit.
    
14. Return to bathroom and apply makeup (this step may is optional, some days they wear makeup some days they don?t).
15. Pull third and final outfit from closet.
16. Put on outfit & model in front of at least two mirrors.
    
17. Grab breakfast
18. Kick phin in the ribs.
    
19. Leave for work

Total Time Elapsed: 60 -? 90 Minutes.

So as you can see there really isn't that much of a difference between how men get ready and how ladies gets ready ; only a step or twelve (majority of the steps apply to her sister also, although there are portions I didn't witness all of them first hand).

*To further my research I spoke to several of my married friends and verified the steps above with them; some slight alterations may take place, but in general they stayed the same.

[+/-] show/hide the extended entry

Update Everybodys In, and on the same day too. Impressive.
Kate 'splains her daily routine.
Kathy says that if you expect a woman to go into battle she needs ample time to apply the proper amount of "war paint".
Silk give us a lady's perspective and says an attractive & presentable woman is worth the wait.

Sadie finally woke up sometime after noon and posted, her response was worth the wait (there's something mentioned about 500 groping hands or something or other; sounds kinky to me).
The Wizard has added another male perspective.
Puffy Says that if you can keep the ladies from taking advantage of unsuspecting men everyone would get ready much quicker (well he didn't really say exactly like that).
Zonker gives us a glimpse of what it's like to wake up with him. Hmm, that doesn't quite sound right does it? I think I just scared myself.

[]'d red text added for clarification. Thanks be to Sadie for pointing out english isn't my first language; I'm not sure what the first one is yet. When I find out I'll let y'all know.

Now go clean yourself you nasty rascal.