The house of women

I live in the house of women. It's me, my wife, her 3 cats (all female), my boxer (also female) and my 19 year old sister in law. I’ve always respected my father in law; but it has been during the past several months of my sister in law living with us while she goes to college that I’ve realized the hell he must have lived through with three daughters. Now that I have his oldest and youngest living in my house I realize just how little my opinions matter.
There’s just way too much estrogen running though the house and me being the simpleton that I am, well I say some pretty stupid things, and now I think they’re planning to neuter me. Below is a list of things that sounded funny at the time:

• You’re going back for seconds again?
• I promise you that if the clothes in this house were shrinking, mine wouldn’t fit either.
• If you want your boobs to grow just rub a little toilet paper between them, it worked on your butt cheeks.
• If you don’t want me peeing on the seat leave it up.
• So when you say you're leaving does it mean you aren't coming back? Oh, you're just going to work, damn.
• Really, you can leave the seat up, I promise you won’t fall in.
• Those are what we call child berthing hips.
• You know, you really don't sweat much for a fat girl.

A memorial fund will be setup in my name shortly after my wife finds this post.