Lies, Damn Lies, and .....

Ah yes another Tuesday another topic for the Demystifying Divas and the Men's club. Today's topic: The lies told to significant others. As I do every Tuesday when discussing these topics I shall enlighten you with the Truthfulness of a Michael Moore documentary and the sincerity of a Tom Cruise wedding proposal.

Everything I have said is a lie, including this.

I'm guilty of it, am I ashamed, well a bit; however I've never intentionally lied to the Wife or some one I was dating, it just happened that way. I'm sure the ladies out there are thinking, that lying SOB is really going to say he doesn't intentionally lie to his wife. Well for what it's worth I don't. There's no reason for me to lie and is able to pick out when I'm not telling the whole truth. I'd hate to see her reaction if I were to try an outright lie. Knowing this the Wife as come to realize that if she doesn't want an honest answer, she need not ask me the question (it also goes without saying that tact isn't one of my strong suits).

Why do people feel compelled to lie? Maybe you're trying don't want to hurt a friend's feelings, maybe you're trying to get somebody naked, maybe you just don't remember the truth, the reasons are as varied as the individual situation.

The analysis of some of the common lies:
I'll respect you in the morning. Sure we have all intentions of respecting you in the morning (okay sometimes we don't). However when you become a willing and eager participant in a game of slap and tickle, on a shower curtain coated from head to toe in baby oil the respect factor drops a bit. Can you blame us for loosing a little bit of respect for sleeping with us the night we met?

That was by far the bestest relations I've ever had, when confronted with this question shortly after having the sex. In this case we're just trying to protect your fragile little ego and our family jewels. I mean could you handle the truth of knowing that you're little sister is better than you are in the sack? I didn't think so.

No I didn't spend a hundred dollars at the strip club at So and So's bachelor party. Technically this wouldn't be a lie as we never spend a hundred dollars at a strip club. Sure we've spent over that amount or just under that amount, but never exactly one hundred dollars. Being vague isn't a lie is it? Now if you ask for an exact dollar amount and if we know you're going to be pissed; well expect the bull shit to spew forth.

Telling the Wife I'm going to take out the trash / the dog / or anything else that involves me getting of my ass during the next commercial while you're watching the game. We really are planning to do whatever you've been nagging about; it's just better things keep getting in the way. For future reference if you have TIVO this excuse is worthless. The Wife has become quite fond of picking up the remote and pausing a show so I can help with whatever task I've been putting off for the past three days.

Since I'm rather common and you're excepting it I won't mention the: No darling that outfit doesn't make you look fat lie. It's just too predictable. Plus when someone has mistakenly asked me that question I preferred to point out that it is their ass, not the outfit making them look fat.

Sorry folks that it. That's all I've got. I really had more written until Kathy distracted me with an explanation that pudding wresting was possible whilst Sadie erased what I'd worked on. Silk and Chrissy came in to see what the ruckus was all about and it evolved into the royal rumble of lingerie clad pillow fights. Honest, that's the way it happened.

Would I lie to you?

Okay so I'm slack and non-creative today.

The these fine bloggers put their talents to use and shall help to keep you entertained. Be sure to click over and see what our Maximum Leader, the Wizard and Puffy have to say about lying. Then visit Kathy, Silk, Sadie, Sheila O'Malley (she's guest blogging for Chrissy) and Twisty.