You said what??????

This week's topic for the Men's club and the Divas is: Most embarrassing dating moments and how to avoid them.

I once again had trouble with this topic; mainly because it really takes quite a bit to embarrass me. However as I looked back over my dating past there were several moments I remembered that I should probably be embarrassed by or at least ashamed of. Not surprising a majority of these moments had to do with the impaired judgment that goes hand in hand with having a few too many drinks.

First and foremost is hitting on the bartender. Sure she's going to flirt right back as you're tipping five bucks for a two dollar beer. I can however promise you that 99% of the time she isn't going to give her phone number out to a guy that manages to down a fifth of liquor by himself in one night. Thus it's best to save your pickup lines for the chick that keeps getting hotter as the night wears on. You know the one dancing alone beside the pool tables.

As the old song goes: Last night I went to bed at two with a ten, and at ten I woke up with a two... Just a hint, if you're going to have a one night stand, make sure:
a) your friends don't see the other participant if he / she is below par
b) that you come home wearing the same thing so you can at least deny anything happened. If you come home minus clothing it's hard to claim we just "talked"; and you can bet your friends will give you hell for hooking up with somebody that's homely.
c) that you see your "target" sober so your beer goggles don't interfere with good judgment.

There's also the embarasing, when is the right time kiss someone for the first time. Try to kiss her too soon and she'll turn her head and you're kissing cheek. Wait too long and she's telling all her girl friends you're gay. To avoid this I always went for smokers. See I was a smoker so when I was on the market the added smoke flavoring didn't bother me and I figured if she was willing to stick a nasty ass cigarette in her mouth she probably won't mind kissing me good night.

The final embarrassing moment, which I inevitably encountered, was me opening my big mouth and saying the wrong thing. Not sure if y'all have noticed it or not but I'm a tad bit of a smart ass, just a tad mind you. One particular instance comes to mind. An ex-girlfriend and I were watching Tee Vee. I made a comment about the show she snippily responded. Never one to be out done I replied: "When I want lip out of you, I'll rattle my zipper". For some reason she wasn't as amused as I was. Needless to say the relationship went downhill from there. The remedy for this was for me to learn to keep my big yap shut, when I finally met the right one.

Note: I haven't done this one but I saw it happened and laughed accordingly.
The over protective bit is way over rated; don't make an ass out of yourself in public trying to be big and bad. I promise there's always somebody bigger and meaner. When you get overly jealous and he kicks your ass you'll just end up looking like an even bigger idiot when she leaves with her new "friend".

For more enlightened views: The Naked Villains, The Wizard and Stiggy shall provide manly perspectives. While Sadie, Silk, Kathy, Chrissy and Michele provide the feminine point of view.

Posted by phineas g. at 12:01 AM on July 21, 2005 | TrackBack

The lip comment is priceless!

Posted by: Oddybobo at July 21, 2005 09:01 AM

just damn. Phin you really are even more inappropriate than i am! But oh so funny lol

Posted by: silk at July 21, 2005 10:58 AM

When I want lip out of you, I'll rattle my zipper ????


Posted by: Kathy at July 22, 2005 12:04 PM