Random travel thoughts

Below is an amalgamation of observations and things I learned as I flew up and down the eastern seaboard yesterday (from North Carolina to Pennsylvania and back home to North Carolina again).

Fourteen hours of one day in airports and airplanes isn’t very much fun when you're traveling alone.

When you have six flights the chances are at least one of the piolets will bounce the plane of the run way.

Rough landings work almost as well as a chiropractor's visit for loosening up a stiff back, until you try to get out of bed the next day.

There is a dress code that requires all females under the age of twenty-one to wear a tank top and shorty shorts. Exceptions to this rule should be made. For example if the shorts your going to wear, that don't cover your butt cheeks and are made of less material than the sails on the USS Constitution, maybe you shouldn't wear them in public (or allow your friend / daughter to).

Treating the airline employees at the ticket counter with kindness, instead of like servants, will brighten everybody's day. Actually talking to the ticket counter employees about something other than your trip can get you upgraded or moved to a better seat. Acting like an putz and complaining to / blaming the employees for problems our of their hands can get you bumped from the flight or a seat in the back of the plane.

John Gibson lied when he said the airways and transit systems in the United States hadn't been affected by the most recent terror attacks.

With enough smiling and playful banter it is possible to convince the cute young lady sitting beside you to hold your hand during take off, you know because this is your first time flying (leave out the at 6:29 to whatever location bit if you travel quite a bit).

Even the mention of explosives in your luggage will result in you being presented with a set of sparkly new bracelets. The guy that gives them to you isn't very gentle, they fit snug, and you'll probably miss your flight home. (Yes I actually saw this take place yesterday. I pointed and laughed at him. He seemed rather miffed by my finding amusement in his pain, I didn't care.)

When the stewardess says "If there's anything I can do to make your flight more enjoyable" spankings aren't part of the anything she'll do. Full body massages aren't in the game plan either. A lingerie clad pillow fight with the other cute stewardess is apparently against FAA regulations, otherwise she said have been all for it. She will however be happy to grab you a pillow; Just make sure she doesn't try to hold it over your face, for too long, when she brings it back.

When somebody sitting beside you closes their eyes it doesn't mean they want you to keep telling them your entire life story. They're probably plotting ways to make your life story shorter should they ever encounger you on an airplane again. Grown women don't find it humorous when you ask them if they want to play the quiet game, those sitting around you may.

Update: I'll probably be picking up one of these shirts for my next trip. (hattip: Confederate Yankee)

Posted by phineas g. at 01:15 PM on July 22, 2005 | TrackBack

Amalgamation, eh? Nice.....but I prefer 'bouillabaisse."

It sounds a wee bit snarkier.

Posted by: sadie at July 23, 2005 02:23 AM

Lmao @ 'the quiet game'.

Posted by: silk at July 23, 2005 08:19 AM

Hmmm...sounds like you travel with me!

Posted by: Sissy at July 23, 2005 11:30 PM

I have to travel in October. First time in two years. You made me remember why I hate it... always. Blech. I loved the silent game, though! We play that with our boys...

Posted by: Boudicca at July 24, 2005 10:12 PM

Buy that shirt and I'll bet your wife crosses out the word "up" before she lets you wear it.

Posted by: zonker at July 25, 2005 11:19 PM