I'm a slackard continued

This week's entry composed of three parts: Do men always have good sex? What about women do they have good sex? Who/what determines if the sex was, indeed, good?

First of I’ll apologize for the delayed nature of this posting and as much as I’d like to give the powers that be the ole one finger salute and blog instead of deal with work related crises well bloggin’ just doesn’t pay the bills. Now on to the matters at hand, so to speak.

When examining the question we have to wonder, what is great sex? If it’s reaching a physical climax then 99% of the time men are going to have great sex, the other 1% we’re so drunk we think we’re Dionysus (the Greek God Wine and Intoxication, who also had a way with the ladies) himself and if the ladies aren’t getting their jollies, well it isn’t our fault. If you’re to ask men that haven’t been married, or in this day and age been in a long term “relationship”, they’ll tell you that they always have good sex, however they haven’t experienced the toe curling, heart stopping, physically and mentally exhausting activity that can only be achieved once you’ve reached a certain level of love and trust.

This leaves one wondering if men are capable of having the bad sex and most certainly there are those who would say yes, it’s possible to have the bad sex. I haven’t experienced the bad sex first hand and feel relatively certain the missus hasn’t experienced the bad sex either. Of course she could be protecting my fragile ego, in which case at least one of us is happy and sleeping well at night. Most often stories of the bad sex revolve around a night of heavy alcohol consumption and a "friend" that they may or may not have known before the drinking started.

As for the ladies, do they have the good or the great sex? If they’re smart they do. As Sadie pointed out last week, it’s about edumucating your significant other. If they’re doing it wrong, expect them to keep doing it wrong if you’re emphatically screaming “You’re my big daddy!” while secretly waiting for him to finish up so you can get back to watching Oprah or doing your nails. Women have known for centuries that men are simpletons; why they haven’t figured out we need explicit instructions with lots of detail and subpoints, preferably with diagrams, is beyond me.

As I eluded to a bit earlier most folks will agree that casual sex is good, hell even less than perfect sex is still desirable, because face it sex is much more enjoyable when there are at least two (and in monogamous relationships only two) interested and active participants; a twosome sure beats a onesome everytime. The key of course being interested and active are both required, if you aren’t willing to put your all "into it" per say, it may be good but it won’t be great. Great sex is as much a mental act as it is physical, it’s being able to read and anticipate which acrobatic feat should be performed next. Only through communikateshun will you know if it is time for the triple lutz-double toeloop or should we shift gears and try a summersault-triple back flip dismount instead (bedroom acrbatics folks that's where the true path to gratification lies).

As with any physical activity just be sure you warm up first, as this helps to avoid injuries. Some prefer stretching, others foreplay, I prefer a six-pack of Abita Golden and a hot pastrami sammich.

For more enlightened and less disturbing approaches: the Air Marshal of Naked Villainy, Jamesy, Stigmata and That 1 Guy of Drunken Wisdom. The ladies Silk, Kathy, Chrissy and Phoenix.

Posted by phineas g. at 02:34 PM on October 14, 2005 | TrackBack

I think everyone's take was right on the money, but I have to say this - the toe-curling part, that comes with love and trust...you got it. And you made me spew my coffee on my screen when I read the triple lutz-double toeloop line! That was brilliant.

Posted by: Theresa at October 14, 2005 07:05 PM

You know there have actually been folks that have tried to convince me that a trapeze and bull whip aren't aren’t regular accoutrements in the bedroom; I think they’re just being modest.

Posted by: phin at October 14, 2005 07:39 PM

I have a don't ask and I won't tell rule about mine...saves a lot of embarrassment.

Posted by: Theresa at October 14, 2005 09:56 PM

I think whether or not sex is good had a lot to do with what you wanted going into it. When I get exactly what I want, I'm highly satisfied, even if what I wanted didn't include orgasm.

Also, marital sex is THE BEST. This is because you are having sex with a person who is highly trained by you to read your every cue and give you exactly what you want-- and this person has already signed up to have sex with you as often as possible for the rest of his or her life. I've had my hubby for 12 years and there are very few times that I'll go unsatisfied.

Posted by: Wacky Hermit at October 17, 2005 06:21 PM