Seekrit Agent LLamas...

The title of this post should be sung to the tune of Johnny River's: Seekrit Agent Man.

Via The World Tribune:

TEL AVIV - Israel's military has found the perfect vehicle for special operations forces: the llama.

Steve, Robert, I, ummm, hate to be the bearer of bad news, really I do, but, I don't really think this is what LMC meant when he said y'all should go commando.

After extensive tests, the uncomplaining work-horse animals were found to easily out-perform donkeys. What's more, they need refuelling only every other day.

Is anyone really surprised by this? What animal wouldn't out-perform a jackass? As I've been saying all along, we should put the LLamas in charge of political reform and French Nooz correspondence.

Military sources said the Israel Army plans to use llamas for reconnaissance and combat missions in enemy territory, Middle East Newsline reported. They described the llama as ideal for special operations missions in Lebanon against the Iranian-sponsored Hizbullah.

This is all well and good, until Steve-O gets his hooves on the Testor's model airplane glue and starts thinking he's the Queen of Sheba, again.

"The llama is a quiet and disciplined animal that can carry huge loads," a military source said. "Vehicles make noise and need roads and fuel. We've tried donkeys and they are not suitable for such missions."

Quiet? Are we talking F-15 taking off quiet or Jenna Jameson mid-orgasm quiet? Good news is either way their constant bouts of flatulance should go virtually undetected. Disciplined? Sure if you don't mind chatting away about Naval history (how long has belly button lint been an issue anyhow?) and Muzac.

The sources said the army has been training special forces to conduct low-signature ground missions in enemy territory. In January, llamas were employed in a special forces exercise in the Golan Heights.

The exercise employed a scenario in which a special operations unit entered Lebanon or Syria for reconnaissance and sabotage. During the exercise, the llamas carried more than 50 kilograms of equipment over mountainous terrain.

Evidently the Isralies haven't seen how testy good Ole Robbo gets when he encounters Maryland drivers, heaven help 'em when he's performing cover operations in a nation full of taxi drivers. If you think Robbo pitched a bitch about knocking item's of his wife's "honey-do" list wait 'til you strap 50 Kilos of anything other than pure Florida snow to his back.

The army plans to train a force of llamas to carry up to 100 kilograms of equipment and supplies, the sources said. They said this would ease the burden on troops and enable special operations forces to focus on combat or reconnaissance.

Yeah, good luck with that, as the saying goes, you can't teach and Old LLama new tricks and Steve-O did turn Forty a couple of weeks back. What's the average life-expectancy of a LLama anyway?

The sources said donkeys also participated in the Golan Heights exercise. They said the donkeys did not perform as well and required much more food than llamas.

And this was a shock because Michael Moore, Cindy Sheehan and Hillary Clinton are prime examples of Jackasses in peek physical condition.

More as this heart-wrenching non-story about two LLamas desires to find love and acceptance in the Middle Eastern Outback develops.

Holy Hell Steve-O put some damned drawers on.

Hat-tip: To My Pseudo-Yankee Brother.