Blasphemy on the Tee Vee

If you've read more than two entries on this blog you've probably realized there aren't many things I take seriously in life. Some things I won't tolerate people messing around with are my family, faith, my Country and those who defend her, Melissa Theuriau, my friends and Barbeque.

As I've mentioned in the past some folks call whatever they toss on the grill or smother in a tomato based sauce Barbeque. As much as I've tried to edumakate them, there just ain't no learnin' folks decent taste. Which is fine, it just leaves more Barbeque for me, most of the time.

Well tonight as I settled in to watch Tee Vee, and nap a bit, Alton Brown, host of the FoodTV show Good Eats, was discussing Barbeque. His description of Barbeque was very close to mine, at least the cooking process. For y'all wondering about the proper cooking technique, it's slow smoked pork, and a slice of heaven when done properly, done wrong it's a greasy mess.

Then towards the end of the show he mentioned sauce. Now anybody with decent raisin', and a bit of good sense, knows the only sauce that touches Barbeque is vinegar based. I'll be damned if Alton, Mr. Brown if you're nasty, didn't mention making a sauce out of sweet pickle juice and mustard. I kid you not, I threw up, just a bit, in my mouth.

I got this sickened queasy feeling that soon turned into rage. Why, why the hell would anybody allow this to be run on national Tee Vee? Here we are censoring cartoon images of Mohammad, Muhammad or however they're spelling it this week, and this slips by.

Now I'm no religious expert, never claimed to be, but I'm pretty damned sure that suggesting somebody pour a bile type liquid onto otherwise perfectly prepared Barbeque is a one way ticket straight to hell, purgatory, the Clinton household for a game of slap and tickle or whatever your idea of eternal damnation is.

Blasphemy plain and simple.

Posted by phineas g. at 11:57 AM on March 02, 2006 | TrackBack

Anyone from North Carolina (as I am) knows that no one outside the state can really serve up BBQ.

I pity them. I really do. The TV thing was just a liberal plot to corrupt our NC BBQ into some Pickle Juice Yankee-Poo. The Heresy is exposed.

And just when is there going to be a little "Phinnigan"--or are you guys planning on carrying him around like that until he's 18?

Posted by: WB at March 3, 2006 05:11 AM

Pickle juice and mustard? That's pretty sick.

Posted by: Theresa at March 3, 2006 06:03 AM

I just scored the recipe for the best flippin' vinegar based Barbeque for chicken. I thought of you immediately.

If I can work out the kinks I'll send it too you. Damn - my mouth is waterin' just thinking!! It's THAT good.

Posted by: Tammi at March 3, 2006 08:11 AM

Since sweet pickle juice and mustard are both vinegar based, I don't understand y'alls objection. No one and I mean no one can cook barbeque like James here in Mississippi. Y'all come down for a little bit heaven sometime. :)

Posted by: seawitch at March 3, 2006 09:23 AM

Not going to call a fartwa on him yet, he got the cooking close to right. Best ribs I've ever had so far: Fresh Aire in Jackson, GA. Best pulled pork: Bar-B-Cutie in Nashville. Reminds me, I need to do some here soon, since I haven't had any really good up here...

Posted by: Laughing Wolf at March 3, 2006 01:03 PM

Uh, I buy my BBQ sauce from the store... in a jar.

Posted by: Contagion at March 3, 2006 06:01 PM


Posted by: Graumagus at March 7, 2006 09:19 AM