Elections 2008 - Idolized (The Democratic Primaries)

With the most recent "American Idol" receiving some 63 Million votes a couple of things dawned on me. First, we've reached a sad state of affairs in America when a game show draws more interest in voting than presidential elections. Secondly, perhaps we could spark some political interest if political elections were setup in a similar format. Imagine the possibilities:

Announcer: And now we have Democratic Presidential hopeful John "My wife's really a man" Kerry.

John Kerry: Thank you ladies and gentlemen, and thank you America. For my first song I'd like to kick it Old School. Going back to my roots as a soldier and peace activist, I'll be singing War originally performed by Edwin Starr back in the early 70's. Sure I personally don't remember too much about the 70's, or the 80's or 90's for that matter, but when I heard the song on Xena: Warrior Princess it spoke to me on so many levels.

... John Kerry sings a rendition of War that bears an eerie resemblance to of the sounds of wombats mating...

Simon: That had to be the single most atrocious sound I've ever heard. And believe me I've heard some horrid sounds, like the time Paula and Randy were back stage having a threesome with that midget stripper who'd left my dressing room just thirty minutes prior. That's right you nasty freaks, you were getting my hand-me-downs. But back to you John, that was truly horrendous, I'm hoping some deranged fan will strangle you in the parking lot to keep me from having to endure your nasally voice ever again.

Paula: Wow, that was amazing, just beautiful, almost as beautiful as you are John. You know the name John reminds me of my days as a "working girl". I'd never understood why we called our clients John's, I never had many clients named John, I did have a couple of visits from a guy named Bill and another named Al though. Speaking of "working girls", I've never really understood why the word "working" was used, I mean really we're just doing what we really enjoy.

Simon: Damn, won't she ever shut up?

Paula: That's just a mean, mean thing to say Simon. John, you did a wonderful job, maybe a bit more work could be done, I mean I wasn't really "feeling" it. It seemed as if you weren't really into the theme. Like maybe you had been in the past, but you'd changed your mind or something.

Randy: Yo, Yo, Yo. John man, you totally rocked and by rocked I mean sucked. I was contemplating jamming this pen into my ear, but then decided that it'd be hard to get the blood outta this bad ass shirt I'm wearing, so in the end I jammed out to mah boy Kanye West's latest single, How I be taken Whitey's money and keepin' in real, on my iPod, now that's some dope rhyming. Maybe next time you could bust a rap move, show the audience how you're keeping it real with the minorities.

Announcer: Up next we have Democratic Nominee John Edwards...

Fade to black...

Tune in next week for another exciting episode of American President