Next up on Dr. Phil: Husbands who don't like their wives.

What a unique concept. One of the great and unique thinkers he is.

Ain't that a shocker of a topic? Here I was blissfully thinking that every husband was so deeply engrossed in their wife's thoughts and feelings that the marital spat was a thing of the past. Guess I'd better sell my stock in Toilet-seat Cover 'R Us. Damn, and just when I thought I was going to make it big time.

Damn you Doktor Phil and your touchy feely methods of making us embrace our inner feminist. Me I'm all for equal rights. If she wants the toilet seat dry leave the seat up. If she wants a good reason to wash her behind leave it down, I'll be sure to hose down every square inch of it, and a bit of the floor too. I've never really understood why chicks get so damned upset about the toilet seat deal anyhow. It ain't rocket science and you'd think after their tail gets a nice bathing in toilet water they'd learn to check the seat. Women are the more superior sex aren't they? The screams of men being pigs and simpletons are all over the Internet and yet they expect us to change.

It's the age old adage, men get married expecting women not to change and the do, women get married expecting men not to change and they don't. Yet for centuries we, both men and women, have been greatly disappointed, you think we'd learn by now. Which of course is why I'm all for gay marriage, I'm not the first person to say it, but shouldn't they be miserable like the rest of us?

Want to end the gay man's monopoly on fine dining and fashion? The cure marriage. All it'll take is a divorce and Francis will be lining up with Jim Bob and Ray Ray to buy flannel shirts from the discount bin at Wally World. I guess that makes me a cynic, damn, and here I was thinking I'd look on the bright side of life.

The toilet seat thing though is a pisser. It wasn't long ago ladies had to head outside to "powder their noses" and you can get your sweet as they made sure the seat was down then. One step forward and two steps back I guess.

I can't wait 'til next week's episode. House Training Your Teenager, when and when not to use the shock collar.