Applications being accepted

Old, stupid, fat, ugly, broke asexual prudes need not apply.

This is like the greatest dating / relationship advice ever, so I'm going run with it. Sure you're thinking to yourself. Self, phin's already married to a hot, well edumacated, fiscally responsible woman with an obviously high libido since she's the mother of the phinlet what more could he ask for? Simple I want it all quantity and quality, polygamy laws be damned.

Since Jacqueline, Jackie if you will, has set her lofty goals so high and she's what I'd consider to be on the low end of average attractiveness, and ace agrees, I being an extremely good looking manly man with a masters degree, a good job, who's physically fit, well traveled and hung like a hamster 'ought have no problem keeping multitudes of women sedated satisfied, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

Now since I know upon reading this that you ladies panties have dropped to the floor and your ankles are appropriately back behind your ears I'll get on with the application process.

The normal stuff:

  1. Name, age (no need in applying if you're over 22 or under 18 without parental consent), measurements and cup size.
  2. Real or Surgically enchanted chesticals.
  3. Type of car you own.
  4. Type of car you'll buy me.
  5. Do you rent or own your home.
  6. Tattoos, piercing or other "body art".
  7. Unique talents that would make phin happy.
  8. Edumication (college degrees, certifications, etc...).
  9. Income and assets.
  10. Ability to pour on bullshit once you realize you've screwed the pooch.

Just don't forget to follow Christina Ricci's lead and be sure to send the uber-naughty pics when applying.

H/T: Venomous Kate.

Posted by phineas g. at 11:31 AM on August 20, 2006 | TrackBack

Hung like a hamster? Gee, to think that I didn't notice that...

Posted by: agent bedhead at August 20, 2006 09:45 PM

I like the new look--a lot.

Looks like Wednesday Addams is all grown up to speak.

Posted by: WB at August 23, 2006 09:24 PM

I like your new site.

Posted by: seawitch at August 23, 2006 10:16 PM

Love the new site. Don't worry about any bugs. Just tell everyone they're features.

Posted by: bobgirrl at August 24, 2006 05:49 PM