A memo from the boss

Apparently my behavior at work hasn't been up to par as of late (the past five years). I received a memo, via e-mail, of things I'm no longer allowed to do at work. I'm not sure if I should read too much into this, as it's probably my boss's idea of a joke. But he's serious it's going to be awfully dull around here.

The List:

  • Leave open cans of potted meat or sardines in the boss's office; I was only offering him a mid-day snack.
  • Set the "On Hold" Music to the Llama Song.
  • Fill the boss's desk drawers with Styrofoam packing peanuts.
  • Set the boss's computer up with a Barbie, Sponge Bob Square Pants, Fraggle Rock or Muppets Themes.
  • "Accidentally" Delete the Three Gigs of pornography on his work computer.
  • Print out motivational phrases from despair.com and post them all over the office.
  • "Accidentally" Replace the Two Gigs of pornography he downloaded after the Three Gigs were deleted with Gay Pornography.
  • Ask for spankings a form of punishment if a deadline is missed
  • "Accidentally" Replace the porn to replace the gay porn with pictures of kittens and puppies.
  • Display this image on my desktop:

    Please remember to think about the kittins.
  • Point all the desktop shortcuts on my boss's computer to the pornographic movies he's downloaded to replace the kittens and puppies.
  • Play the Llama Song over the Intercom and leave for lunch.
  • Ask customers: "Would you like fries with that?". (I work for a software company.)
  • Use the phrase: "I like syrup!" anytime someone mentions a salad. If you need an explanation on this one, you won't get it from me, but you'll find more information on it here.
  • Threaten to take a leak in the boss's gas tank if he doesn't give me the afternoon off to go fishing.

On second thought it probably won't be too bad. He made the mistake of being overly specific, again.

Note: Cross posted on Snooze Button Dreams.

Posted by phineas g. at 02:00 PM on May 23, 2005

Is he dissing the Llama song? Punishable by death!

Posted by: silk at May 23, 2005 05:18 PM

Haha, that's good....gives you the chance to get creative and figure out some new things to do!

Posted by: Sissy at May 23, 2005 10:26 PM

I'm still pissing myself at the kitten wallpaper :-)

Posted by: Tilesey at May 24, 2005 03:53 AM

Too funny. I have wallpaper on my PC at work set to an image from despair.com. And the kitty thing...I saw that about a year ago for the first time and ever since I've tried to keep a running total of my kitty slayings. I'm into the four digits. Poor, poor kitties!

Posted by: Joan at May 24, 2005 02:36 PM