Lonely or Broken

This week's topic of discussion for the Men's Club and Demystifying Divas: Lonely Hearts or Broken Hearts and which one is better / worse.

Since I don't talk about myself enough I'll try to pull from personal experience in this post. For the most part in regards to women I dated prior to meeting my wife; let's just say I'm glad they're in the distant past and they don't have my current address (them girls was crazy in the head, however they did provided me with some ammunition material for this post).

I never really went through either one of the stages; I really didn't give a damn about being in a relationship until I met my wife. So I don't have any personal experience with the lonely heart or broken heart bit. Go ahead, laugh, I'll quit typing for a second while you get the calling bullshit and calling me a liar. Done now? May we proceed? Thank you.

The first somewhat serious girlfriend I had in college was a perpetual lonely heart. To her life wasn't worth living if she wasn't in a relationship; she simply needed the stability (for lack of a better term) of another person in her life. The big problem however was she went from zero to married in about a two month time frame. Within two months of our first date she had already started talking marriage, number of kids she wanted, naming the kids, and figuring out how we'd divvy up the holidays, etc….

Being a freshmen in college for the first bit when she was doing this I was pondering whether or not I'd have another beer. When I realized that she was serious about the names of our children and all the other stuff, we had a little chat that ended up with me being called several not nice names and her attempting to launch my whozits into orbit with a swift kick (that I luckily blocked, for the most part). However, within two weeks she had found her next victim and had moved on.

We kept in contact (she was a bartender at one of my favorite watering holes) and she repeated the cycle until she found someone as off balance as she was. They were married within a year and divorced two years later. She was still playing the lonely heart card the last time I saw her about three years ago.

I also knew a girl in college that could be the case study for your stereotypical bitter broken hearted shrew. She'd found her one true love, and knew prior to their relationship he a drunk, a cheat and a liar, but he was the one for her. They were She was madly in love and love conquers all right? He'd change for her, she thought. And he did, at least until they got naked or he found someone else to play slap and tickle with.

She would incessantly harp on the one that got away. Somehow there was a guy at every party, every bar, hell just about anywhere that reminded her of her ex. She'd start off with tears, then move anger and cuss any guy that would listen (and some that wouldn't), then move to the self pity stage). Boy howdy was she a bitter shrew at the ripe old age of twenty. She really felt that in the end it really was her fault, she could have been more attentive to his needs or tried that threesome with the girl they met at the bar the night before they broke up. That would have been a true display of her love for him and he couldn't possibly have left after that right?

At times people (men and women) fail to realize that the world really is against them and they really are a horrible person that nobody wants to be in a relationship with; for the rest of us, its just matter of living, learning and moving on ( and / or hiding bodies).

Given the two choices, the lonely heart is a much better scenario if you ask me. Really if they haven't been in true love they don't know what they're missing?

When Lord Alfred Tennyson made the statement: 'Tis is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. He obviously hadn't been kicked in the twins or verbally accosted in public by a spurned wife or girlfriend.

For more rational and less biased opinions:
The AirMarshal describes his perfect man what women want and why they're a glutton for punishment. You may also rest assured the rest of the Villains will chime in.
The Wizard says that a broken heart is only a flesh wound.
Stigmata is gallivanting across europe and will post when asap.
Kathy says loneliness is like crack (to some people).
Christina says she shall partake and embrace love's grace.
sadie says women really wonder "Am I a horrible person.... do I suck in bed".
Guest blogging with the divas this week is Pammy, who agrees that Alfred is full of cow paties.
Silk says that she's heavy today. Her words, not mine, do y'all really think I'm that crazy?

Posted by phineas g. at 11:15 AM on May 24, 2005

Hmmmm. Interesting take on the subject, Phin. That is one of the nice things about Tuesdays, the different perspectives we each share.

I think you may be on to something with the Lonely Heart identifying itself as worthy only when in a relationship.

As for me (in my high school and college days), I wanted to experience a relationship where someone thought I was "special." I wanted what the other girls seem to have...

I was a very late bloomer in that department.

; )

Posted by: Chrissy at May 24, 2005 11:26 AM

Ah Chrissy, what you fail to realize is that when you're young and impressionable they all seem perfect and cutsie.

Phin you ditched the psycho ball kicker for a woman who kicks you every morning, just not in the balls?

You got a damn good trade there!

Posted by: silk at May 24, 2005 02:03 PM

Damn Phin! I take it back :p

Posted by: silk at May 24, 2005 04:37 PM

Oh.... you thought I meant.... boy howdy do I manage to get myself into the most interesting predicaments.

Posted by: phin at May 24, 2005 05:36 PM

See - these last few paragraphs involve the same MIss Brokenhearts I was talking about. Boy howdy indeed.

Posted by: sadie at May 24, 2005 09:42 PM