What's a happenin' hot stuff

Today's question came to us from The Flirt Blog and it goes something like this: how do you tell if someone is single?

Being unsingle, or happily married as mrs. phin keeps telling me, means I don't really have to worry about whether or not somebody is single. However prior to meeting mrs. phin there was a need to try to determine whether a lady was single or "off the market" so to speak.

One method of spotting a single lady has always been to spot the pack¹ of single ladies at the local bar / pub / dance club. In college single ladies, "the target", much like single men, tend to roam the bar scene in packs. Often times the pack contains one or two ladies who are in a relationship, they act as the voice of reason for the single ladies ensuring they get home with their panties intact, they are / were "the enemy". Being able to differentiate between the "targets" and the "enemies" is essential and is the difference between leading a life of happiness and leading a life of celibacy.

There are the obvious signs when trying to spot the ladies that are off the market such as, but not limited to: a wedding or engagement ring on her finger, the rather large gentlemen she's draped over or the incessant yapping about her boyfriend.

The signs the ladies are "available" may be a bit more subtle. Since some people (myself included) are flirtatious, flirting in and of itself can't be considered a sign she'd like to get to "know" you better. Repetitive eye contact is often judged to be a sign that a lady is interested, of course it could be you're the ugliest sob she's ever seen, you look like her long lost sister who had an addadicktome, that you've got something stuck to your tooth (and not the tooth in your pocket) or maybe she'd like to chat with you a bit.

A couple of the methods I used, prior to meeting mrs. phin (note to self: you're happily married) were asking the "target" herself, asking one of the other ladies in the pack or asking the bartender, verbal communication is a wonderful thing and the worst that can happen is they say she's off the market.

If you're a tad bit on the shy side you may decide to take an indirect route and watch how she interacts with the guys around her. The major downside to this option is another gentleman is liable to sweep her off her feets befo' you gets a chance.

Sure I'm pushing the direct route, but you really don't want to be on the receiving end of a jealous husband wanting to shoot his wife's loofer. Nor do you want to spend hours upon hours pitching woo to a lady that isn't willing to receive said woo. As with most things in life it's all about communication, 'specially since assumptions make an ass out of you and me and we're both shunned for them.

In the case of mrs. phin I took and have taken a more active role in ensuring our marital bliss and ensuring everyone knows we're together. As has been well documented in the past women have a genetic deformity, an "evolutionary trait" if you will. This "trait" makes women think that we enjoy "the chase", thus they take great joy in playing "hard to get". Mrs. phin did indeed take this route when we were dating. When I "sealed the deal" otherwise known as convincing her to marry me I turned the tables on her. I've taken the approach of playing "hard to want", this often involves making an ass out of myself in public and having her call me a jackass. This method however provides her with the "project" of ensuring I'm not annoying single ladies or corrupting their boyfriends, thus enabling her to display she's a kept woman, see and y'all thought I was crazy.

Important Note #1: Do not refer to a group of ladies in a bar as a herd, as they often mistake this as your inference that they're heifers or sows and tend to get a bit pissy. Making mooing noises or hog calls as the crowd walks by is also a good way to have "the enemy's" husband / boyfriend attempt to inflict bodily harm uponst you.

For testoserone laden ramblings: Stiggy, Our Maximum Leader, Nugget, and Jamesy.
The effervescent estrogenized remarks of Silk, Kathy and Phoenix.

Sadie and Pammy were kind enough to offer a preview of next week's topic, action was of course planned to build anticipation and definately wasn't a scheduling snafu.