Home again

The best words I'd heard all week Flight 68 for Hooterville North Carolina Now Boarding.

Yay 'twas time to leave the land of Nuts and Fruits and head back home. Sure I enjoyed my trip, it's just folks out on the left coast are a strange timid group.

Just a note to the Los Angelians, when somebody with a southern drawl makes eye contact and says Howdy or Hello he isn't about to rob or rape or murder or maim you or any combination of the above, well most like he isn't. I guess we southern folk are an odd lot in that we still believe in common courtesy.

Heaven forbid you actually try to hold the door or elevator for a woman out there. All those years of oppression that the twenty-something year old spoon fed hussy driving daddy's beamer has endured come flooding back. Sorry 'bout that darlin', if you'll kindly step back outside I'll be sure to slam the door in your face. All these years and I'd never realized how oppressive my dangling participle really was.

To Mistress Chrissy, Madam Sadie and Master Steve-O, as my new Latino Friend, Juan, says Muchos Grassyass for keeping the fires burning. As for the rest of y'all where's the remote, who drank the last of the gin, scotch and Patron and what the hell is that smell?

Damn it's good to be home.

Note to self: Learn spanglish or at least purchase spanglish to southernese translator prior to next trip.