WWVD: Velociquestion™ #1

As I was perusing the Yahooligan news wire I ran across an article explaining that Canadians had discovered keeping the homeless boozed up was actually keeping them healthier. That's right the Canadian Medical Association decided to waste perfectly good booze on folks that aren't willing to work for it.

As I pondered this bit of information I was getting a tad bit irritated. Here I was having to work, well show up at the office, for somewhere around eight hours a days, to afford my hooch and those crazy canooks were providing Night-train, Mad Dog 20/20 and Ripple to bums in the name of science, for free even.

wwvd_char.gifAfter a couple of drinks at lunch, to calm the nerves ya know, I asked my self. Self What Would Velociman Do in a situation like this?

So I devised a plan, not only to get my hands on some free drink while cutting down on the number of bums walking the streets around the office. See we've got a pet bum named George, he's a professor of Ebonics I think, and everyday like clock work ole George shows up for his dollar. We call it protection money, hell it's a charitable contribution and a tax write of ain't it???

Well tomorrow as a late Christmas present ole George is getting a all expenses paid trip, via USPS¹, to the land o' milk and honey free booze. Once he arrives he's to split his daily rations and all he can wrangle from the other bums with me. Pure genius I tell you.

Now y'all may be wonderin' what his incentive to "share" will be. Well from what I heard it get's mighty damned cold in Canada 'bout this time of year and I'm holdin' on to his coat and return postage 'til I get an adequate supply of "fine" wine. Hey, if you haven't tried equal parts of Champaign and Ripple, I like to call it Champipple, you just ain't livin'. And hell those hosers are just givin' the stuff away.

Of course if you are in any way offended by this, go fly a kite, eh.

1) Stop lookin' at me like I'm cruel and heartless, I'm poking air holes in the box and givin' him half a bologna sammich to hold him over. It shouldn't take him more than a week or so to clear customs should it?

Posted by phineas g. at 10:45 PM on January 04, 2006 | TrackBack

Genius, pure genius.

Posted by: Contagion at January 5, 2006 08:39 AM

Some bonded Canadian whisky would be nice, too.

Posted by: Velociman at January 6, 2006 10:36 AM

Maybe you could trade Celine Dione for a couple of cases, too.

Posted by: Dash at January 6, 2006 05:18 PM

Maybe he'll remember to bring you back some fatback and a toque, eh?

Posted by: RP at January 9, 2006 09:56 AM