A restoration of faith, kind of

My faith in mankind was severely diminished this past week. It seems our, not me and you in particular but humans as a species, have lost all sense of decency. I'm o the most prudish of people, as you may very well know if you've been rambling about the phish bowl for any extended period of time. Really there aren't very many topics I won't cover, yet some things should remain covered, by a tarp, bed-sheet or burlap sack if necessary.

What you're probably wondering struck such a deep cord? Bathing suits or the lack there-of to be precise. I'd really like to know which fashion industry executive made the brilliant call to make a thong in a size 4X, really folks, that's Four (4) X's. Now some of you may be thinking this is an anomaly, but it isn't, I seen it with my own to eyes in multiple locations. I'm also sad, and a bit disgusted, to say I saw it being worn, if you can call it that.

Now just so y'all won't think I'm sexist the beast having a whale of a time sporting her bikini was accompanied by an equally rotund cross between a wildebeest and Bigfoot, who happened to be wearing a Speed-O. Let that sink into your mind's eye for a second, hell y'all might actually be able to hear and smell the fat sizzling in the 95 degree heat.

Now I realize people are stupid, it's a given and one of the main reasons as a rule I don't like them, but isn't there somebody at some level of our economic supply chain that said "I don't think that's a very good idea". Apparently not.

As a general rule I'm against a nanny state, for this though, I'll make an exception. If not for your humble binocular toting pervs bird watchers like me at least think about the kids folks, at least do it for the kids. Really our youth doesn't deserve mental scarring like this until they walk in on their parents in their full blown BDSM regalia.

On the upside though, a bit of my faith was restored as I found a ready supply the single greatest clothing creation to hit stores in the latest century. That item: the Large-Tall Crew Neck Undershirt. Sure those of you of average and stubby smaller stature won't see the brilliance of this as you've never battled to keep your undershirt tucked in when only an inch of it hits your waist-line.

Somewhere there's a tall skinny clothing designer worth every last drop of the cosmo his boyfriend will be buying him later on tonight. Here's to you mister Large-Tall Crew Neck Undershirt marketing guy, may your supply of Cosmos or Appletinis hold out until your boyfriend looks like Matthew Mcconaughey.

Posted by phineas g. at 05:35 PM on July 06, 2006 | TrackBack

... and spandex.... don't forget spandex...

Posted by: Eric at July 6, 2006 08:16 PM

Let me know where to find the Large-Tall Crew Neck Undershirts, dude.

Randy Newman's Law: Short people have no reason to live.

Zonker's Theorem: Short people have no reason to live except to ensure that no stores carry my shirt sizes.

Posted by: zonker at July 6, 2006 09:46 PM

Scary stuff. I don't blame you! That is why I limit my 'letting it all hang out' to the back yard, so I don't traumatize small children and the elderly.

Mike would agree with you on the tall clothing. Nothing worse than sleeves of a dress shirt that are too short.

Posted by: Theresa at July 7, 2006 06:29 AM

MMMMMMMMMMMM. Matthew McConaughey.

Posted by: agent bedhead at July 8, 2006 11:18 PM

... "a bit discussed"???... huh?...

Posted by: Eric at July 9, 2006 04:56 AM

I thought 3X was the largest thong size.

Posted by: bobgirrl at July 10, 2006 12:14 PM