Dear Mr. Islamofacist
Today would be a bad day for you to blow me up as I just finished a couple of these
for lunch, and we both know you won't get your rivers-o-honey and 72 virgins if you come into contact with pork.
That's right folks, not only is Eastern North Carolina the only true Barbeque, it's a terrorist deterrent. And y’all thought I was crazy for spouting off about Life, Liberty and Eastern North Carolina Barbeque for all.
Sooper Seekrit Message to the LLama Butchers: Now that's what I call a sandwich.
» Wilson Fu Weblog swims in with: Terrorist Derrent
Guess who's back...
After a couple of months of rest, relaxation and recuperation the Demystifying Divas and Men's Club are back in action. It really is stressful being this damned good looking and intelligent, but hey somebody’s got to do it so it may as well be us. The topic this week: If men to show their emotions are they real men? Do women really want the strong silent type?
The answer to the question "If men to show their emotions are they real men?" is yes; however the outward our displays of emotion are just a bit different than what women are expecting.
It's really a matter of how the two sexes define the expression of emotions. There's the uberfeminine display of emotion, which involves the verbalization of your feelings, crying, watching beaches repeatedly and eventually consuming a gallon of Häagen-Dazs Chocolate Chocolate-Chip Ice Cream. There's the ubermasculine display of emotion, which often involves reaching ones breaking point, climbing a bell-tower and reciting lines from Full Metal Jacket. Somewhere in the middle is what we deem acceptable practice.
Men are supposed to cringe when they see another guy get popped in the nads and then laugh. It's not that we're happy he got involuntariy neutered, it's our way of saying "Damn, that sucks, better you than me". We're also supposed to point and laugh when our drunken buddy falls off the bar stool or gets shot down by the hot girl. We aren't reveling in their pain, we're just saying: "We've all been there; you've got to climb right back up on that barstool and hit on the really drunk chic at the end of the bar".
We're there to help our buddies out should they be in need. When his wife of ten years turns out to be a lesbian and leaves him for Helga; we'll take him to a strip joint, pour beers down his throat and buy him lap dances from skeezy strippers to make him feel better. We won't even mention that he cried like a two year old.
See I'm not saying men are candy asses if they display a bit of emotion, its all well and good if warranted. It's the needless incessant "Why don't you show me how much you love me" that men should be about to live without and that little phrase turns us into cold emotionless drones just looking for a reason to drop you for the Coors light twins.
As far as whether or not women want the strong silent type, judging by the number of times I've been hushed, shhh'ed and told to be quiet I'd say the answer is a resounding yes. I'm not even so sure about the strong part, I'm pretty sure the women 'round the phishbowl just want me to be quiet. Being a well trained husband and having learned to keep quiet when the TV is turned to Lifetime is why she keeps me around, my abilities to open jars and utilize hand tools are just the added benefits.
My opinion is if women wanted overly emotional metrosexuals they wouldn't keep marrying those of us who know when and when not to display a bit of emotion.
For bits of wisdom from the Men's Club check out The Wizard, The Foreign Minister, The Fertile Irishman and this week it's Jamesyboy in the hot seat.
The ladies also bring forth bits of wisdom so be sure to visit Kathy, Sadie, Silk and the newest diva Phoenix.
» Naked Villainy swims in with: Men's Club topic -- "Emotional Men"
» fistfuloffortnights.net swims in with: We’re Baaaaaaack!
» The LLama Butchers swims in with: I realize I'm failing Kurt Russell when I say this but
A fascination of sorts
I've been following Theresa's Once Upon a Time series of posts(Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4 which I'd highly recommend by the way), and I realized just how severe my issues are. It's not like the nervous tick or voices in my head, those I can deal with, it's my fascination with food*.
Unknowingly she's provided an escape from an otherwise hectic day at the office, well maybe she does know it; however as I'm reading her stories I'm able to visualize the place she's been and remember the time I've spent on the left coast.
I can almost taste the fish tacos I had while roaming around San Diego and Tijuana. Go ahead and scoff at the idea, you're missing out on one of the few delicacies Southern California has to offer.
I'm damn near drooling at the thought of them right now.
For the real thing you can't order the fish tacos you would at a restaurant either. It's the street vendors who hold the key to your flavoristic orgasm. Having trouble visualizing a taco stand? Think New York Hotdog cart, then add a cheap charcoal grill and fresh fillets of the daily catch to the mix and there you have it.
Freshly grilled fish with a bit of lime juice, shredded cabbage, the ranch-type topping and you're in for a treat. In the words of Stewie: it's like an orgy in for your mouth.
I'd give just about anything for a couple of those damned tacos right now.
* For those of you wondering the pudding fetish is a separate issue all together.
Once upon a time
Reading Preston Taylor Homles' A Brief Conversation with the Mrs. reminded me of a conversation I had with my lovely bride not too long ago. We were watching television and the lead actress (Jodi Foster I think) was getting the crap kicked out of her by her husband.
Me: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?the Wife: Spousal abuse isn't a laughing matter
Me: unless you're married to a clown.
the Wife: *Shakes head and wonders out loud why she married me.*
She's so mean to me, her snide remark almost hurt my feeling..
Why is it...
that feminists dress and try their best to look like men?
Their refusal to wear a bra is bad enough; who wants to be surrounded by women tucking their chesticles into their belt?
Maybe Freud was on to something...
It's what you've always wanted
You remember way back when you wanted a lite-brite.
And your mean ole parents said "You'll shoot your eye out kid".
Now's your chance to catch up on all the time you should have wasted as a child with a virtual lite-brite.
Hat tip: Rocket Jones
We get by with a little help from our friends..
Chrissy posted the following at Fistful of Fortnights.
If anybody has any information please click over and leave a comment.
My mom and my best friend's (Susan's) mom are in DeRidder, Louisiana, a small town just above Lake Charles.
I have confirmed with the local electric company they will be out of power for two to three weeks.
Cameron and Lake Charles have been laid to waste.
I'm told by people there that DeRidder looks like a war zone.
My mom is freaking out a bit. While she has weathered many storms, none have come this close or caused this much damage. Then, there's that thing about being alone without my father (he died in December) standing over her to tell her what to do.
Susan's sister also lives in DeRidder and her house took a tree through the roof. Her mom took a tree to a shed.
Susan and I have been networking trying to figure out the next step. We need to get both of our moms out of the area until the power comes back on. There's still major power outages and gas shortages from Houston to Lafayette with roads also being closed through Houston, Beaumont, and Lake Charles.
If Susan's uncle from Tyler, a police officer, is not able to get enough gas to them in the next day or so, I will put together a truck with enough extra gas cans to take to the back roads to head that way. Both my mom's vehicles have gas we can syphon once I get there.
If anyone is between Houston and Lake Charles, please speak up and let me know what the gas situation is where you are.
Many thanks.
Socialism
Socialism: Because everyone should be rewarded for mediocrity and striving to do the least amount possible.
Find out how you can contribute bring Amerika here, because no-one should be compensated for excellence.
The War of Lateral Aggression
I speak to you as a North Carolinian in a solemn hour for the life of our country, of our Empire, of our Allies, and above all the cause of good and true Barbeque. A tremendous battle is raging in Memphis and other parts of the Country. The Memphians, by a remarkable combination of propaganda and trickery have begun their full fledged assault on the taste buds of America. They have penetrated deeply and spread alarm and confusion in their trick.
It would be foolish, however to disguise the gravity of the hour. It would be still more foolish to lose heart and courage or to suppose that maybe there is room for tomatoes in Barbeque sauce, however much you like the idea of spicy catsup. We may look with confidence to the stabilization of the border known as I-95, and to the general engagement of the masses which will enable the qualities of the only true Barbeque to be matched squarely against those of their adversaries with spicy catsup at hand. For myself, I have the invincible confidence in our Barbeque and in Barbeque connoisseurs throughout the South.
We must expect that as soon as stability is reached on the Western Front, the bulk of that hideous apparatus of aggression which has smothered taste buds throughout the Southeast will be turned upon us. I am sure I speak for all when I say we are ready to face it; to endure it; and to retaliate against it - to any extant that the unwritten laws of war permit.
There will be, many men, and many women, on this island of sanity, who when the ordeal comes upon them, as come it will, will feel comfort, and even pride - that they are sharing the perils of the lads at the front, God bless them - and are drawing away from them a part at least of the onslaught they have to bear. Is this not the appointed time for all to make the utmost exertions in their power?
Our task is not only to win the battle - but to win the War. There will come the battle for our sauce - for all that Barbeque is, and all that Barbeque means - that will be the struggle. In that supreme emergency we shall not hesitate to take every step, even the most drastic, to call forth from our people, the last ounce and the last inch of effort they are capable. The interests of property, the hours of labour, are nothing compared with the struggle for Barbeque and honour, for right and freedom, to which we have vowed ourselves.
We have differed and quarreled in the past; but now one bond unites us all - to wage war until victory is won, and never to surrender ourselves to servitude and shame and tomatoes in or on our Barbeque, whatever the cost and agony may be. This is one of the most awe-striking periods in the long history of Barbeque. It is also beyond doubt the most sublime. Side by side, unaided except by their kith and kin in the great Dominions and by the wide Empires which rest beneath their shield, North Carolina’s peoples have advanced to rescue not only Memphis, but MANKIND from the foulest and most soul-destroying tyranny which has ever darkened and stained the pages of history. Behind them - behind us - behind the cookers and smokehouses of Eastern North Carolina - gather a group of shattered States and bludgeoned American: the Yankees, the Lexingtons, the Tennesseans, the Texans, the Kansans, - upon all of whom the long night of Barbequeism will descend, unbroken even by a star of hope, unless we conquer, as conquer we must; as conquer we shall.
Centuries ago words were written to be a call and a spur to the faithful servants of Truth and Justice: 'Arm yourselves, and be ye men of valour, and be in readiness for the conflict; for it is better for us to perish in battle than to look upon the outrage of our nation and our altar. As the Will of God is in Heaven, even so let it be.'
In the words of General Omar Bradley In war there is no prize for the runner-up, well except for a plate of faux barbeque smothered in tomato based faux barbeque sauce.
And so coninutes the War of Lateral Aggression as we pursue the three keys happiness.
Note: A majority of this post was blatantly plagiarized from Sir Winston Churchill's "Be ye men of Valour" Speech.
I knew it
I'm not the only one blogging about boobies.
Hmm, who knew there was a blogger Boobie-Thon?
Going straight
There are LUGs (Lesbians until graduation).
Whats the phrase for penguins that are gay until a female's available?
All I know is It's too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin' around. I gotta send you back to the South Pole.*
For once it wasn't Rove
Finally a conspiracy theory that doesn't involve Rove and Chimpy McBushitler.
I'm betting that he spilled coffee on his talking points memo, I know I've made similar mistakes when I misunderstood the subliminal messages Chimpy sends out every morning.
The Breastest Post Ever...
Kathy's published the Breast Post Ever.
Remember it's not porn if it's artistic.
Back in the saddle...
That's right folks we're back in the saddle again.
Well we'll be back in it, starting September the 29th. Yep, September 29th is when the posting by the demystifying divas and the men's club collectives shall resume.
There is of course the matter of the Feisty Diva retiring, so Phoenix of Villains Vanquished joins the line up of your as normal as they get normal divas, Kathy, Sadie and Silky. (Rumor also has it that there have been sightings of our beloved feisty one over here, but y'all know how rumors are.)
Stigmata (the who is also answering to the name of the Fertile Irishman), The Wizard, the Villainous Naked Ones and I being the gentlemens of the men's club will be making our triumphant returns as well.
Enter the view
basil of basil's blog enjoys reading blogger interviews but the folks doing the interviews haven't been doing them as of late. So he's decided to start interviewing folks. He's posted a schedule of the victims. Finally you can get answers to those questions you've been itching to ask.
I'm signed up, I'm fourth in the rotation, so now's your chance. Click on over and see who else is on the list, sign up or ask a couple of questions.
I don't know shep smith's sexual orientation
To the person who reached my humble abode on the web by googling for shep smith sexual orientation: I'm not sure if he's gay or not but this post from Sadie may help to clear up any questions you may have.
Personally I think he looks stunning in that matching garter ensemble.
Three keys to happiness
There must be something in the air. Something that's affecting somewhat reasonable folks thinking. Something that is causing a misfiring of synapses that's led them to believe smearing a tomato based sauce on meat instantly turns it into Barbeque. Now there's Barbeque (typically only found in eastern North Carolina or the home or restaurant of a transplanted Eastern North Carolinian), and barbeque (the adjective used across the country for cooking a piece of meat on a grill, often times involving the smearing of a tomato based sauce, often used when describing Ribs found in Memphis, Tennessee).
One of the luxuries I've had is being able to travel throughout the country. However one of the downsides is soon as lunch or dinner time rolls around, without fail I'm drug to their local "barbeque" restaurant. Some of them have actually tried to pass off the local Tony Roma's as a decent place to eat. It may be decent, if you haven't eaten in a while and your stomach is starting to eyeball your spine, but short of starvation I'll pass.
Several years back I arrived in Kentucky (Owensboro to be exact) during one of their local Barbeque Festivals. As a treat the owner of the company I was working with had purchased "Mutton Glutton" tickets for us. You read that right, Mutton, in Kentucky it seems sheep serve a purpose for something other than wool and date night. It wasn't bad, however I was sickened that they'd actually desecrate the name barbeque; overall it wasn't terrible if you weren't expecting real barbeque.
Other trips have taken me throughout the country where I've had just about every type meat imaginable (minds out of the gutter please) barbequed. Some of the more tasty treats I've experienced were the barbequed halibut tacos in San Diego, barbequed beef brisket in Dallas and barbequed ribs in Memphis.
There are some folks(Glenn Reynolds and Preston Taylor Holmes being two of the proud Tennesseans)1 that are probably going to get almost fightin' mad about this, but y'all are just barbequing pig, y'all ain't serving Barbeque. As I said earlier, there is a huge difference between Barbeque and barbeque. Hell I've been to places in Memphis that actually served a Mustard based sauce and folks were still calling it good Memphis barbeque2. If that took place around here it'd be grounds for a tar and feathering.
For those who still aren't quite sure what Barbeque is; it's a whole hog slow cooked skin side up for at least eight hours over charcoal, wood or possibly propane (propane if you don't have access to anything else that'll burn). About an hour before it's done you flip it and start it dousing it with Barbeque sauce. Barbeque sauce, as compared to barbeque sauce, is vinegar based (typically apple cider vinegar) with a couple of key ingredients being crushed red pepper, crushed black pepper and sugar. There are other secret ingredients that are passed through the family, but those are common throughout. Once the pigs done, it's taken off the cooker and the meat is chopped up, with more sauce being mixed in.
Round here in Eastern North Carolina smearing spicy catsup (the other barbeque sauce) onto somebody's Barbeque is damned near a killing offense. It's a little know fact that the war of Northern Aggression (some folks call it the Civil War, but there won't nothing civil about it) was actually started when some dumb Yankee soldier started bitching about our Sweet Tea and then tried mix catsup in with our Barbeque sauce. That's right folks it wasn't the threat federal guvement interfering with states rights that caused the first shots to be fired it was some ole dumb Yank that didn't know any better.
Hopefully this will help clear up some of the confusion that's been spreading around recently. There are three keys to happiness: Life, Liberty and Eastern North Carolina Barbeque (just don't forget the Brunswick Stew, Slaw, Boiled 'taters and Sweet Tea).
1) Glenn Reynolds and Preston Taylor Holmes are apparently trying to start some sort of war with their neighbors to the east or perhaps they just don't know good Barbeque.
2) No ill will should be harbored towards Memphians as the radioactive isotopes emitted from Graceland have more than likely caused a genetic mutation to their taste buds; well that and they just don’t know any better.
Super Secret Message to Mr. Reynolds and Mr. Holmes: I'll be glad to overnight a bit of quality Barbeque to y'all if you'd like, or if you ever make it east of I-95 in North Carolina dinner's on me.
» Confederate Yankee swims in with: Revise and Extend?
» Voluntary Redneck swims in with: I am so ashamed!
» The LLama Butchers swims in with: Oh no, now he's done it
» Drunken Wisdom swims in with: Ya'll Won't Believe This...
RINO Sightings
evolution v5.1 has this week's edition of RINO Sightings.
Lots of good reading since there isn't much here, yet, maybe someday there will be.
Simpleton
Yep, I'm a simpleton, I've never even tried to argue the fact.
When I read Tammi's rather innocent post the first thing that came to mind: Bubble-Wrap Lingerie (Popup image probably isn't safe for work).
So I'm a simpleton with a one track mind.
At least I admit it.
» The LLama Butchers swims in with: Oh no, now he's done it
Accountability
I'm constantly amazed by lack of accountability in the corporate world today. I'm frequently dealing with clients who have been handed the family business and started it on a downward spiral. Yes these members of the lucky sperm club are the one's showing up to work at eleven, leaving at noon for a two hour lunch and then calling it quits at three.
All too often when a child inherits the business and its key employees from their parents junior starts bleeding the company for all it's worth the key employees plead with the now retired owner to come back or leave and form a competitive company. The scenario I'm seeing more of is the former.
When the owner steps back in it's often the key employees that are held accountable instead of Junior's inability to operate the company and function as a responsible member of society. People are fired and salaries are cut all so Junior can continue live in the lifestyle he's become accustomed to.
My observations over the past ten years in a consultancy role for several hundred companies helps me to understand how we've ended up in the precarious situation we as a country are in today. Nobody's being held accountable or accepting responsibility for their actions.
Somebody wants you, maybe
Do you enjoy writing?
Are you willing to worship phin and treat him as a deity?
Would you like to discuss a broad range of topics?
Do you wished you had gills so you could spend more quality time with phin?
Are your political leaning moderate to conservative?
Do you think phin is the greatest thing since canned peaches?
Do you have an excellent sense of humor and hard to offend?
Would you be willing to pudding wrestle before a live studio audience?
Are you interested in posting at least two days per week on an indefinite basis?
Do you enjoy a good spanking?
If you've answered yes to at least half of these questions the lovely and talented Sadie may be interested in speaking with you. She's looking for a partner in crime for Fistful of Fortnights.
I'd apply except I'm lacking in the sense of humor department. Oh she'd like somebody fairly literate also, which definitely knocks me out of the equation. That and I ignore my blogging duties enough as is.
A new survey
A growing trend to shows that lesbianism is rampant in the United States.
From news flash: A new survey shows that 57% of college girls want to sleep with Angelina Jolie.
That
'splains
it.
It
seems
I
must
be
a
huge
friggin'
lesbian
too.
Hat tip: Dr. Rusty Shackleford
Happy birthday Harv
It's Harvey's birthday and he's asked for pictures of boobs. Since he probably doesn't want to see my man boobies I figured I'd get him an image to use for his desktop (it also matches the e-card Ihim). Anyhoo, here's your birthday present Harv.
Charities are for Suckers
At least that's what Ted Rall, cartoonist turned relief funding expert, would have you think in his article posted on Yahoo News.
He unleases a barage of ingorant and hate filled comments such as:
Hurricane Katrina has prompted Americans to donate more than $700 million to charity, reports the Chronicle of Philanthropy. So many suckers, so little foresight.
Cutting a check to the Red Cross isn't just a vote for irresponsible government. It's a drop in the bucket compared to what you'll end up paying for Katrina in increased taxes.
As we watched New Orleanians die of thirst, disease and anarchic violence in the face of Bush Administration disinterest and local government incompetence, millions of us did the only thing we thought we could to do to help: cut a check or click a PayPal button. Tragically, that generosity feeds into the mindset of the sinister ideologues who argue that government shouldn't help people--the very mindset that caused the levee break that turned Katrina into a holocaust and led to official unresponsiveness. And it is already setting the stage for the next avoidable disaster..
It's time to "starve the beast": private charities used by the government to justify the abdication of its duties to its citizens.I know it isn't the proper attitude; however if there's ever been anyone deserving of a smiting it's Ted Rall. My hope is that he catches the syphilis during a blood transfusion necessary because he was gang raped by a pack of rabid herpes infected squirrels on his way home from group therapy required before he completes his sex change operation.
Hopefully this isn't going to be the next battle cry of the uberliberals and hopefully it won't curb the benevolence of our society.
Secret Message to Ted: If you're bitter and in pain due to the most recent flare up, you can get information about Valtrex here. I hear folks go for months without flare-ups.
» evolution swims in with: rino sightings: hornitarian jihad
» Classical Values swims in with: The world needs more Hornitarians!
Ask Auntie Llamkette
Dear Llamkette,
Over the past week America has watched as Ophelia has plotted her course and now prepares to unleash her fury on the coastal inhabitants of Eastern North Carolina. The poor unsuspecting North Carolinians will definitely be at a loss for words and how will they get their pleas for help and message out unless I'm allowed to capitalize on their misery help them?
Nobody covered the catastrophic losses of Hurricane Katrina like I did. I was the first Reporter in New Orleans and one of the last to leave. Oh sure there were the locals, but who wants a bunch of half baked crawfish eatin' creoles telling them what's going on? I mean it takes an anchor from a cable news network to get the message out. Much like an anchor holds a ship in place I was there to stay the course and get the message out about the travesties taking place in New Orleans. Sure that doesn't make much sense, but you try to make an anchor reference okay?
I just don't understand why the big meanies at Fox News won't let me go? Is there anything I can do?
Your pal,
Shep "The Hurricane Master" Smith
Dear Shep,
The reason you haven't been allowed to head to North Carolina is because your blazon displays of idiocy while coving the stories unfolding during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina proved you lack self-awareness. If those "big meanies" in the offices of Fox News allowed you to head to North Carolina you'd probably end up locked in Bubba's basement squealing like a pig for days on end.
What you don't understand Shep is that hurricanes aren't a new phenomena and North Carolinians have been dealing with them for decades. The "big meanies" seem to understand that the coastal inhabitants would whip your ass when you interrupt their recovery and rebuilding efforts to ask your stupid questions about; how they feel and if their lives will ever be the same.
You're probably also itching to find stories displaying the worse side of human nature, the dregs of society waiting for an unfortunate situation to take advantage of. Well Shep you're probably not going find that in North Carolina. See when the area was ravaged by Hurricane Floyd in '99 the residents rolled up their sleeves and started helping each other out; instead of waiting for the Government to get in and do something for them. They acted much like the folks in outside of New Orleans that were affected by the Hurricane; you know the people the media has dodged like the plague the past couple of weeks.
See Shep, the reason those "big meanies" won't let you leave if because they got tired of screaming "SHUT.THE.HELL.UP.SHEP." at the TV screen also. So it is personal and but it's in your best interest.
Your pal,
LLamkette
Funny where it all ends up....
After I get my hole finished maybe Pixy will send the Australian Coast Guard out to rescue me (if the Indian Ocean doesn't drain).
Hat tip: Harvey who tipped his had too VWBug.
» Stop The ACLU swims in with: Thank You
» Cake Eater Chronicles swims in with: Is It Thursday Already?
Deliverance part deux
ya shore do gots a purdy mouff boy.
When I saw the above photo* on the LLama's site I was hoping the remake of Deliverance was in the works. Alas it turns out it was just Sean Penn trying to prove he should have been the lead in Walking Tall instead of the Rock.
Next thing you know he'll be in the wrestling ring screaming: Can you smelllllll what Spicoli's cookin'?
* Image stolen directly from the LLamas who stoled it from Drudge.
Me callous???
I received an e-mail last night from somebody who'd found my humble web abode by searching for Hurricane Ophelia. After visiting for a brief timeframe (one page view) they'd seen enough.
I was then greeted by an e-mail. They wanted to know how I could make light of such an dangerous situation. How could I be so callous and make such a joke when thousands have recently been left homeless? Was I some kind of moron for not taking the situation seriously?
I started to reply back to the author. Then I figured the reply would fall on deaf ears. They'd already made up their mind and there wasn't any need in trying to convince them otherwise. Nope, that time could be better spent.
How could it be better spent? By signing them up for a daily porn blitz. Unsure of the person's sexual orientation I decided it would be best to go with a variety of material. I sure hope they enjoy the daily barrage of interracial, man on man, woman on woman, bestiality I signed them up for.
Oh and dear reader, should you stop back by, make sure your Virus Definitions and Firewall are up to date. Those porn rings you signed up for are notorious for spreading viral infections.
See I'm not callous. Vindictive, bitter, malicious, hateful, petty and mean spirited yes, but I'm definitely not callous.
Update: The request for beer wasn't so much for me as it was for the benefit of the surrounding people and areas. See when the old lady runs out of beer she starts drinking liquor. And when she drinks liquor she gets mean. And when she gets mean somebody’s gonna tote an ass whippin’ and it sure isn’t going to be me.
Update #2: The old lady just e-mailed me and said I shouldn't refer to her as the old lady anymore. If I turn up missing the CIA did it, she's in cahoots with them.
Recovery Efforts
After listening to a couple of news reports regarding Ophelia I'm pretty sure it's time for me to start sandbagging around my home. Hopefully the rest of neighborhood will chip in as I'm on the highest lot in the subdivision and my front lawn could be used as a shelter of last resort.
I'll be stocking up on supplies since I'm pretty sure there's a law that requires all inhabitants of North Carolina within sixty miles of the coast to rush to the grocery store to purchase twelve loaves of bread, eight gallons of milk and thirty-two bags of ice. We're also required to fill up every container possible (including old milk jugs) with gasoline so we're able to wait for at least a day for the power company to repair downed lines.
I'll be forced to clean up the yard (as I can't have those pink flamingos I bought this summer don't get missing).
In the unlikely event that I turn up missing during or shortly after Ophelia passes through North Carolina please send a goldphish recovery team and beer to the area noted on the map below.
Make sure they don't forget the beer.
RINO Sightings
Sadie has the most recent edition of RINO Sightings up at her place.
I feel sorry for whoever has to follow Sadie with the carnival next week; as the Vanity Fair themed edition will be a hard act to follow. By the way that's William Makepiece Thackeray's Vanity Fair, not the magazine.
Another milestone reached
Of course I had nothing to do with it. It's Eric of Straight White Guy fame that's reach his two year anniversary.
Eric's was one of the first blogs I found after stumbling blindly into the blogging arena and is still one of the first stops during my daily browsing. A quick perusal through his archives shows he's one of the top shelf bloggers.
Congrats on the mark Eric, hopefully there'll be many more.
I'm saintly damn it
Seems after yesterday that I won't be getting a nomination for sainthood anytime soon.
Seems some folks have forgotten just how saintly I am.
Seems somebody, I'm not gonna name any names, needs a reminder that there's a halo under the bowler.
See halo and all.
Now where's my nomination?
Sedation Dentistry
After reading Robbo's adventures in escaping from dentist visits earlier this morning I'd remembered I was going to post a public service announcement regarding Sedation Dentistry.
If you're wondering about Sedation Dentistry :
Sedation dentistry allows patients to become drowsy and, in most cases, sleep right through their dental procedures. The actual process involves patients taking an analgesic or sedative about an hour before their procedure. The sedative or analgesic can sometimes be administered in a pill form, while other times it will be administered intravenously. When the medication kicks in the patient usually becomes extremely relaxed and drifts into a sleep-like state. When they become coherent after surgery most patients have no memory of their procedure at all.
The only side effect of Sedation Dentistry I've noticed is that my underwear magically get turned around backwards during the visit. It really wouldn't have been so bad if I had worn something other than my lucky thong. Let me tell you that was a tad bit uncomfortable.
Maybe I'll purchase a nice new set of manties for my next sedation dentistry visit.
Hell bound
There's the old saying that you learn something new everyday.
Today's lesson for me was that I'm bound for hell. Never mind the good deeds I've done, the way I've lived my life or all the Sundays I've spent in church. Nope, I'm destined to burn, eternally. My damning behavior?
I dared to ask a couple of bible thumpers why so many churches and god fearing people's lives were destroyed by God. A God who'd wielded Hurricane Katrina as a weapon. A weapon with power equal to or greater than the bombs we dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Prior to their answer I reminded them of their stance regarding the Tsunami from earlier this year.
The response I got: "That is why you're going to hell."
No worries though, I let them know I'd hold the door for them if I got there first.
» basil's blog swims in with: Supper: 9/9/2005
Hey yo fat girl
Are ya ticklish?
I saw this picture of Billy Boy's former mistress
"Get In My Belly!"
And the answer to everyone's question:
Yes, she swallows.
Apparently anything that doesn't swallow her first.
Somebody's to blame
The media has chosen to focus on the poor down trodden souls who've lost everything, urging them along and pushing the belief that it's because the government didn't intervene. Acidman posted an article written by Robert Tracinski of The Intellectual Activist, where Tracinski explains the problem in New Orleans was created by the welfare state. Thousands of people were and are dependant upon the government to not only to provide for them, but evidently to think and provide morals as well.
As the various branches of the government were dead locked in a circle jerk trying to figure out how they could dodge culpability, garner votes for the next election and blame the opposing party some of the residents had chosen to forget the thousands of years of advances the human race and resort to barbaric actions never before seen in America. Other residents have risen out of the proverbial ashes as heroes and tried to restore peace and order to their beloved home.
Granted I can't speak with firsthand knowledge regarding the situation in New Orleans. I've been there and still can't fathom seeing a majority of it soaking in a toxic soup. The chaos that must have erupted when those who choose to ride out Hurricane Katrina, realized they'd made the wrong choice is incomprehensible to me.
The biggest problem I've seen is a one that has repeated itself over and over throughout history. It's the vacuum created anytime authority is suddenly removed and people are unsure what is going to happen next. After the fall of the Taliban in Afghanistan several gangs and warlords battled to determine who would be in control until the government stepped in.
The same thing happened in New Orleans. The people who chose to stay behind were faced with an absence of power as Ray Nagin and Kathleen Blanco floundered indecisively while the Federal Governments hands were tied. Their inability to lead and follow through on previously documented procedures may very well have been the death blow for thousands New Orleans residents.
The absence of power isn't overly surprising when we learn through the Rieghl World View that the New Orleans Levee Board is under federal investigation for corruption. I imagine that in the near future we'll see just how inept and corrupt the Governor's and Mayor's offices really are.
A rescue gone awry
Moxie points out just why Sean Penn is dangerous, not only to himself but to those surrounding him. From her post comes this jewel of a quote:
His bloated ego is what sent him to a penthouse hotel room in Iraq, and in a little boat to rescue 40 cats in New Orleans. PETA thanks him for it, I'm sure.
I'm sure PETA greatly appreciates Sean's help.
Compassionate souls
After the bidding had closed on the two designs Sadie and I auctioned off Thursday and Friday we announced the highest bids. A comment was left by a kindly gentleman named Seth saying he wished he had seen the auction sooner. Seth mentioned in the comment that he would have gone at least double or even higher during the auction had he only known about it sooner.
After reading the comment Sadie and I discussed how to proceed, I was admittedly shocked and in state of bewilderment. Unsure how to proceed we decided to offer Seth a redesign, with Pixy Misa's blessing a new home as a part of the MuNuvian family and to let him decide the amount he wanted to donate. Upon receiving our offer Seth replied that he would match the winning bid, tenfold.
As the media focuses on the tragedy that is still unfolding before our very eyes there is hope. The compassionate souls giving from their heart have ensured the people whose worlds have been destroyed have a chance to rebuild, there's once again hope.
It is definitely an honor for Sadie and me to be able to give something back to three of the people who have given so much of themselves. Thanks again to Nugget, Seth and That 1 Guy for providing comfort to those in need.
Apothegm Designs would like to thank everyone who has done whatever they could to ease the pain for those who have been affected by Hurricane Katrina. Those who took the time to bid or promote auction have our utmost gratitude and respect.
The results are in!!
When Sadie and I were bouncing aroud the idea of auctioning off a couple of blog designs I never imagined it would bring about the amount of interest and raise the amount of money that it has.
Nugget snuck in just under the wire at 11:59. That 1 Guy was the first to bid September 1st and stepped up just in time with his final bid at 11:56. These are the two gentlemen who submited the winning bids.
I am in awe and humbled by the display of generosity displayed during this event, throughout the blogosphere and worldwide the past couple of days.
Thanks again to everyone who helped to make this effort a success.
» NYgirl swims in with: The Heroes of Katrina
» Confederate Yankee swims in with: Judgement Day, Update 2
A helping hand
This post will remain on top until the bidding closes Friday night.
On Monday Hugh Hewitt suggested the blogging community band together to raise funds and awareness for the charities helping provide relief to the areas affected by Hurricane Katrina. Glenn Reynolds suggested the date of Thursday, September 1st and offered to provide links. The Truth Laid Bear has setup a tracking page to help keep count.
In trying to do our part we, your friendly Apothegm Designers, are auctioning off a custom blog design (within reason) to the highest bidder. Samples of our work can be seen at the Apothegm Designs Website.
The bidding starts at a bargain of $150 and the funds will be donated to The American Red Cross, or the winning bidder's charity of choice.
Bidding is open in the comments of this post until Midnight (11:59:59) September 2nd.
Update: After exchanging several emails, we have decided to up the offering and auction a SECOND custom design. So unless there are any objections, we shall accept the two highest bidders.
Update #2: Pixy Misa, the benevolent leader of MuNuviana, has offered to throw in free hosting* and a mu.nu domain for the winners if they're interested. So not only do you get a custom designed blog, you get free hosting and you get to join the Mu.Nu family of blogs, really what more could you ask for?
Update #3: Sadie, the brains and the looks of Apothegm Designs, suggested that we include a bit of ongoing maintenance with the package. So should you hose up your design trying to add links or if you have a question about something, the answer is just an e-mail away!
Update #4: We have Winners!!!
Nugget snuck in just under the wire at 11:59 and That 1 Guy stepped in at 11:56. A million thanks to everyone who bid, it's greatly appreciated and we're humbled by your generosity. We'll be in contact shortly to start ironing out the details and getting the design process rolling.
» Confederate Yankee swims in with: Blog Auction for Katrina Victims
» MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy swims in with: Phintastic!
» The Jawa Report swims in with: InPhincible!
» Cake Eater Chronicles swims in with: Hurricane Relief
» Drunken Wisdom swims in with: Katrina Relief
» fistfuloffortnights.net swims in with: At times like these…
» basil's blog swims in with: Breakfast: 9/1/2005
» NIF swims in with: American Red Cross
» Stop The ACLU swims in with: Doing Our Part for Katrina Victims
» Naked Villainy swims in with: Hurricane Relief
» Bobo Blogger swims in with: Blog For Relief -Hurricane Katrina
» The LLama Butchers swims in with: Katrina Relief
» Random Pensées swims in with: Hurricane Relief
» Red State Rant swims in with: Hurricane Katrina Relief.
» Snooze Button Dreams swims in with: Hey, look!
» Ogre's Politics & Views swims in with: More Donations Needed!
» The Politburo Diktat swims in with: Auction for Hurricane Relief
» Cotillion swims in with: Auction For Hurricane Victims
» .:.WitNit.:. swims in with: Help New Orleans AND Get Redesigned
» Steal The Bandwagon swims in with: Hurricane Blogging...Cotillion Style
» Cotillion swims in with: Hurricane blogging...cotillion style
» Ambient Irony swims in with: Get A Cool Blog And Help Katrina Victims
» basil's blog swims in with: Lunch: 9/2/2005
» basil's blog swims in with: The Clock Is Ticking
» Merri Musings swims in with: You Got No Time
» It'sAPundit.com swims in with: Time Is Running Out
» Vince Aut Morire swims in with: Time's A Wastin'
» MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy swims in with: Time Is Not On Your Side
» The Jawa Report swims in with: Time Is Your Enemy
» And Rightly So! swims in with: No Time For Slackers
» And What Next... swims in with: Hurricane Katrina Disaster Relief
That damned things gonna kill me....
As I read this post by Acidman I couldn't help but think back to when I was working as a wrench monkey in a muffler shop shortly after graduating from high school. Every couple of months somebody would inadvertently drop a muffler and sever the air-hose we'd use to power the air-wrenches.
When the muffler would drop and cut the hose it would whip around, as Acidman said, "like it had a mind of it’s own". To the unsuspecting victim you might not think a rubber hose whipping around would be too bad; well that's until you put eighty pounds of air-pressure behind it. Then when the end of that hose makes contact it'll leave a whelp that won’t go down for days.
We'd hired a new guy, we'll call him George, and George had been there long enough to get smacked a couple of times by the hose so he should have learned from his mistakes. Well evidently it took a damn big mistake, which may have ruined his chances at ever reproducing, to finally teach him a lesson. See George was cutting the muffler off a car as usual, except one minor detail, he was straddling the hose.
When the muffler dropped it was like watch a slow-motion scene on T.V. as it fell and hit the tip of the air-hose releasing that whipping demon; a whipping demon that was trapped and had reared up betwixt Georges legs poping him at least twice in the nads before he hit the ground in the fetal position. As we scrambled to snatch the hose from the wall that damned hose popped George in the chest and head at least half a dozen times and left him looking like he'd gone a couple of rounds with Mike Tyson. Poor rascal wasn't sure what had gotten a hold of him.
Bad part was ole George never did learn his lesson and was constantly getting beaten by that air-hose, he just didn't straddle it anymore. The good part was I'm pretty sure Darwin came in and helped remove him, however unwittingly, from the gene pool.
Others pitching in
Michele of Letters from NYC is auctioning / selling several items and services for the relief effort.
Laughing Wolf also has several items up for grabs.
Wizbang is auctioning off a post.
Frank J. says what lots of people are thinking.
