The Bloggies

The Weblog Awards 2005 are up and running. A highly subjective category exists for Best Blog Design and a handful of the nominations made were created by Apothegm Designs, which you may have also heard mentioned by Madam Sadie and I a time or two.

We're of course tickled that folks liked the designs enough to put them up and we of course realize we might end up with ass-o-lutely nothing. Finalists will be announced in the coming days, and out of a zillion, it would be nice to see an Apothegm Design in the list. If we don't make the cut, well maybe we'll have better luck next year. Below the fold is a list of the Nominated sites we've had our hands in with a great deal of the content stolen directly from here.

Drunken Wisdom: Created by Phin, with moral support by Sadie to capture the essence of being both drunk and wise. Really is there anything better than being a tad bit on the tipsy side and spouting out worthless facts? The lush colours and offbeat personality of this design really do make one feel as if they entered their local pub. Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Homer and That 1 Guy.

Just *dot* Christina: Created by Sadie, with moral support by Phin who requested more nekidness. Chrissy's new look captures her desire for minimalism in her return to blogging. It's elegant, classy, and Just *dot* Christina!

The LLama Butchers: Created by Phin, with moral support by Sadie to beat Steve and Robbo into submission. This design is perhaps our most eye-catching piece. It really was quiet the task to capture the personalities of those ever defiant LLamas. Now to get working on that Melissa Theuriau skin.

MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy: Created by Sadie, with moral support by Phin, the coding genius, to make sure every bit of code was in the right place and to request more nudity. Beth wanted a more unisex feel to her blog, and her request for "explosions and shit" morphed into the new Patriotic skin. This design carried with it some performance anxiety, due to some naysayers who apparently expected us to do a lousy job. Pffft. It looks pretty damn good. Thank you to Mistress Beth for taking a chance with us for her edgy new look. Oh, and thanks to that Mac guy too!

fistfuloffortnights.net: Ah yes the Mind Fuhrer's blog. She claims she "threw my skins together in a very haphazard manner". I of course requested more nudity. She laughed at me. A lot.

Anyhoo, thanks to all who've helped out venture into the design world do surprisingly well. Y'all don't tell Sadie, but I think it's 'cause she's so darned cute. Well that and she's a helluva designer and bidness partner.

A cat named Sparky

I've got a cat named Sparky.
He's got steel balls and no hind legs.*

* Actually Sparky is my parent's cat and he's has both hind legs, no balls of steel either.

The wolves den

This morning involved a trip to the doctor's office with el pregito aka the lovely bride for a routine check up and the gestational diabetes test. Now I've always been one to study for tests (family members need not correct this lie) so the gestational diabetes test seemed kinda easy to me. All you've got to do is drink a yummy looking orange drink and then wait an hour for them to draw a couple of vials of blood.

I sure hope she passed the test as she didn't study much and she must not like orange drinks 'cause she was making funny faces as she drank it. I tried to taste the drink, but she wouldn't let me, something about me getting pregnant, she was mumbling so I didn't quiet understand it. Well that and I was busy opening a honey bun to eat for breakfast, the cellophane wrappers sure are noisy.

Something I did observe though is the "pack mentality" of pregnant women. See there we were, the missus and me, and three or four other women who are pregnant or have the biggest beer bellies I've ever seen, chatting away. Then a somewhat, but not really*, attractive woman walked into the office and had the audacity to be skinny around all those pregnant chics. Now that's when the snarls formed and the fangs started showing. From the glances these women, who'd be basking in each other's pregnancy glow just minutes before, you could hear them calling the chic that walked in a skinny bitch.

The other expectant father in the lobby noticed the same thing and we laughed about it until we were became the recipients of said glances.

* The utilization of a six pack and a paper bag would've made her a knockout.

I've got class, kinda

I received an e-mail a while back from somebody asking the difference between the class and id selectors used in Style Sheets. If you've done much tinkering with your blog's layout you've definitely seen them in use. My initial reply was something you'd expect from an engineer, it was factually correct yet it didn't give them any useful information. So I dug a bit more and found a reference for Cascading Style Sheet Syntax on W3Schools Online Web Tutorials (a great spot for Style Sheet and other coding help).

The explanation in the extended entry was grabbed directly, without modification, from the W3School's CSS Syntax Tutorial.

Also posted at The Alliance

The class Selector

With the class selector you can define different styles for the same type of HTML element. Say that you would like to have two types of paragraphs in your document: one right-aligned paragraph, and one center-aligned paragraph. Here is how you can do it with styles:

p.right {text-align: right}
p.center {text-align: center}

You have to use the class attribute in your HTML document:

<p class="right">
This paragraph will be right-aligned.
</p>

<p class="center">
This paragraph will be center-aligned.
</p>

Note: Only one class attribute can be specified per HTML element! The example below is wrong:

<p class="right" class="center">
This is a paragraph.
</p>

You can also omit the tag name in the selector to define a style that will be used by all HTML elements that have a certain class. In the example below, all HTML elements with class="center" will be center-aligned:

.center {text-align: center}

In the code below both the h1 element and the p element have class="center". This means that both elements will follow the rules in the ".center" selector:

<h1 class="center">
This heading will be center-aligned
</h1>

<p class="center">
This paragraph will also be center-aligned.
</p> 

Do NOT start a class name with a number! It will not work in Mozilla/Firefox.

---

The id Selector
With the id selector you can define the same style for different HTML elements. The style rule below will match any element that has an id attribute with a value of "green":

#green {color: green}

The rule above will match both the h1 and the p element:

<h1 id="green">Some text</h1>
<p id="green">Some text</p>

The style rule below will match a p element that has an id with a value of "para1":

p#para1
{
text-align: center;
color: red
}

The style rule below will match any p element that has an id attribute with
a value of "green":

p#green {color: green}

The rule above will not match an h1 element:

<h1 id="green">Some text</h1>

Do NOT start an ID name with a number! It will not work in Mozilla/Firefox.

---

CSS Comments

You can insert comments into CSS to explain your code, which can help you when you edit the source code at a later date. A comment will be ignored by the
browser. A CSS comment begins with "/*", and ends with "*/", like this:

/* This is a comment */
p
{
text-align: center;
/* This is another comment */
color: black;
font-family: arial
}

If you have any questions about Cascading Style Sheets or HTML please drop us (basil or phin) a line and we'll see if we can't get the questions answered.

You know when...

you've been blogging too long when you start to use the phrase, Sooper Seekrit, in memo's going out to clients and co-workers.

Quick Question

<deathwish>

What we men do at our jobs five - six days a week is called labor. Why is the process of childbirth, something most women only go through several times in their lives, also called "labor"?

Maybe there's a reason for this whole "sexism" thing I've been reading about.

</deathwish>

Better, Faster, Skinnable

If you dropped by the past couple of evenings you've probably noticed some strange happenings in regards to the functionality of my humble weblog.

When we, the MuNuvian Collective, were moved to our new home on the blogidodihexiwebisphere by our benevolent dictator Pixy Misa we also received an upgraded version of php. Most of the time upgrades are good, even this time the upgrade was good. The only thing that was bad was it broke a couple of scripts several of us were running.

So I spent a part of the holiday weekend rewriting scripts. So the good news is that now the scripts work and they're being installed on the other MuNuvian blogs that got broked.

The main script that got unworking was the script used for skinning (changing the layout of the site). It's working again and probably even a bit mo' better than before.

Learning

I've learned something the hard way this past weekend. Men, if I can even call myself a man anymore, don't belong at baby showers. Why I let the missus and my mother-in-law talk me into going is beyond me.

I blame it on the my lovely bride suffering from PMS (Pre-Motherhood Syndrome) and my wanting to appease her before she goes on a hormonally charged killing spree with me as the first victim.

Yes ladies and gentlemen I now realize why father’s day is a nationally observed holiday. It isn't because a game of slap and tickle had a "lasting" side effect. Nope it's because we men were able to endure the nine or so months of hell on earth known as pregnancy. The fits of rage I can handle, its the crying cause you're happy, sad or the wind is blowing from the west that's going to be the end of me.

Seven months into the Nine month hormonally empowered rollercoaster ride and I'm pretty sure its all down hill from here. Now I understand why a wise man told me earlier: Just tell anyone that asks that you're drinking for three now. A two month bender shouldn't be so bad; it'll be just like college, without the occasional interruption for studying.

I blame...

It's because of the Jews.

Really if they weren't burning their businesses in New Yawk and New Jewsy to move down south there wouldn't be global warming.

Oh and before you start calling me anti-Semitic and racist I think you should know that some of my best friends have friends who are Jewish.

Giving Thanks

This Thanksgiving Day I'm taking the time to remind myself of the many things I'm thankful for. Below is a partial list. I'm sure there's something I've forgotten so I'll probably update it throughout the day.

---

My parents, who have taught me and continue to teach by example the values I hope to bestow upon my chiddrens.

Two brothers that I'd charge hell with a bucket of ice water for, knowing they'd do the same for me.

A wife who in spite of my numerous flaws, sarcastic tone and smart assed mouth loves me anyhoo, well at least she claims she does.

The miracles of nature and watching my wife expand at an exponential rate. Hey give'er a break she's "with child" and she's still as good looking as ever.

A set of friends that I'm able to count on when the chips are down. Including the friends I've made this year via Al Gore's Interweb and that fad the call "Web Logs".

The men and women of our military who keep and have kept our country free; thereby allowing me to exercise my chronic case of foot in mouth disease without fear of hot pokers and other less than pleasant experiences.

As much as I whine and bitch about it my day job. There aren't many places that'll let me get away with the stunts I've pulled. And whilst I'm discussing that infamous four letter word, work, Apothegm Designs wouldn't be possible with out the bestest biddness partner ever: Madam Sadie.

The talents and knowledge that God's given to me, as I sure don't know where a great deal of either of them have come from this past year. I ran out of talent about three months ago and my brian has been mush even longer, I'm just hoping nobody's noticed yet.

And lastly but not least I'm grateful for the World Wide Interweb and it's many fine discoveries.

---

When self promotion goes to far

There's been quite the shakeup in the blogidohexiweb the past couple of days. Nope I'm not referring to the OSM boondoggle, I'll get round to that eventually, you know once everybody else has taken their turn beating Roger, Charles and the rest of the gang with the proverbial whiffle ball bat.

What I’m referring to is how the HBIC (Head Bear In Charge) of the ecosystem has made the call, a wise one in my book, to discount trackbacks as links for ranking purposes.

Really I don't get why folks are up in arms about it. Why should a self promoted link to another site count in the standings? If the folks that're all huffy are only trying to "promote their blogs", let them continue to place trackbacks until their hearts are content. When other bloggers find their content interesting they'll link to it in a fashion that is counted by the NZ Bear’s ecosystem.

Taking the, that it's not fair or it's your site do what you want even if it's wrong approach is childish at best. Just a quick poll, how many of y'all picked up your ball and glove and went home when you got caught cheating or were getting beat in grade school?

If you don't think the shameless self linking has gotten out of control I've removed open trackbacks from several sites we designed. Other bloggers have also removed the open trackback feature because they were being abused. It's one thing to trackback to a related post. It called being a slut when you get out of control and abuse the system. Common courtesy and decency is what it's all about, yet some people seem to have forgotten how they were raised.

Just remember it is his site and his routine. If you've got a better system, write it your damned self. Nobody ever said life was fair (if they did you've been lied to). Keep playing games, I imagine it'd be fairly simple to drop your site from the scan and the ecosystem all together (I damn sure would) and that my friends would be Game Over.*

To prove that great minds think alike Madam Sadie and Confederate Yankee both have similar views, I'm sure there are others out there, so feel free to post a trackback, oh, wait...

* My words not The NZ Bear's. If you wanna bitch, whine or moan about the suggestion please do so in my comments or feel free to contact our complaint department.

Repent, the end is near

Via Madam Sadie we learn that I'm guilty of several of the Seven Bloggy Sins.

1. Using Blog Hosting Services.
Sorta kinda, but not really. The MuNuvain collective is a bit more than a blog hosting service. Why you may ask, because we've got Cheetos and Peanut Butter M&Ms.

2. Ignoring Basic Design and Accessibility Rules
Yep. I likes the way my humble home on the blogidohexiweb looks. Sorry if it doesn't conform to yer standards.

3. Lacking a Topical Focus
What is this topical focus you speak of? I had a rash one time that I treated with a topical ointment, is it anything like that?

4. Infrequent Posting
I'm semi-regular. Almost daily. Maybe I should think about increasing my fiber intake?

5. Writing Poorly
Who the hell promoted you to King O' England and master of the engrish rangrage?

6. Spamming via Trackback and Theft of Content
I though everybody liked spam. I prefer mine fried, topped with a fried egg, mayo and cheese.

7. Failing to Establish Personality
I'm pretty sure I've established multiple personalities, it's just nobody likes three of them.

I've see the error in my ways and I'm willing to repent, just let me know what I've gotta do. Really I'll do anything to get back in y'alls good graces.

Well almost anything. I fell for that peanut butter trick last time and it ain't happening again.

White men can't what???

So somebody thinks white men can't dance.

Oh how I beg to differ.

And don't even make me resort to the Daily Dancer!!!

Okay maybe they aren't the best examples. My specialty though is the Horizontal Mambo (see this previous post for proof).

contesting

The Name Game.

Oh, and another test ping.

A new look

Apothegm has a new look, it's impressive even if I do say so myself, and I will. Madam Sadie definitely outdid herself whilst I was gallivanting about the country.

Happy butchering

The Llamas are O-fficially old, and so is their blog.

Today marks the second birthday of the Butcher's Shop and the world wide interweb hasn't been the same since.

Is it me or is Robo Oh-So Orgleisous in his new holiday outfit? The blue really does accent the color of Robo's eyes nicely and Steve-O, well he's just such a savage beast.

Me thinks a tribute may soon be in order.

RINO Sightings

This week's edition of RINO Sightings is being hosted by Searchlight Crusade.

Putting the grrr in swinger

Getting back into the swing of things after being out of the office is a royal pain in the arse. I'd just gotten a decent schedule worked out for perusing my blogroll, checking non-work e-mail, scribbling notes, starting a post, not to mention all the work related crap these folks 'round here 'spect me to do.

Is Are you really that [insert profanity laden tirade here] stupid? considered a harsh way to respond to co-workers during a Monday afternoon production meeting?

Home again

The best words I'd heard all week Flight 68 for Hooterville North Carolina Now Boarding.

Yay 'twas time to leave the land of Nuts and Fruits and head back home. Sure I enjoyed my trip, it's just folks out on the left coast are a strange timid group.

Just a note to the Los Angelians, when somebody with a southern drawl makes eye contact and says Howdy or Hello he isn't about to rob or rape or murder or maim you or any combination of the above, well most like he isn't. I guess we southern folk are an odd lot in that we still believe in common courtesy.

Heaven forbid you actually try to hold the door or elevator for a woman out there. All those years of oppression that the twenty-something year old spoon fed hussy driving daddy's beamer has endured come flooding back. Sorry 'bout that darlin', if you'll kindly step back outside I'll be sure to slam the door in your face. All these years and I'd never realized how oppressive my dangling participle really was.

To Mistress Chrissy, Madam Sadie and Master Steve-O, as my new Latino Friend, Juan, says Muchos Grassyass for keeping the fires burning. As for the rest of y'all where's the remote, who drank the last of the gin, scotch and Patron and what the hell is that smell?

Damn it's good to be home.

Note to self: Learn spanglish or at least purchase spanglish to southernese translator prior to next trip.

Finally, a Google Search to be proud of

The problem is, my Mom discovered my blog. Okay, I told her about it. But it was over the summer, when we were writing about legitimate things---politics, global warming, the end of days blah blah blah. You know, mainstream stuff that wouldn't curl the split ends at the country club bridge game.

But now, thanks to Phin, I have a little Melissa Theuriau problem.

Fortunately, being the gracious guy that he is, Phin is giving me a Mom-free blogging platform to deal with my little, umm, problem.

Anyhoo, finally a Google #1 ranking worthy of the Christmas Letter:

Melissa Theuriau Yasser Arafat naked.

Anyhoo, Phin's on some bidness trip---something about importing "grey market fish tacos" or something---so he's left the LLamas the keys to his pad.

Always a bad idea....

Seekrit Note to Steve-O: I've got the default publish status set to draft, switching it to publish will allow my 3.275 readers to see the wondermous words you've written.

Date Bait?!

Oh, My!!

Fraud in the on-line dating industry?

NOOOO.

Online daters sue matchmaking Web sites for fraud:

Match.com, a unit of IAC/Interactive Corp. (IACI.O: Quote, Profile, Research), is accused in a federal lawsuit of goading members into renewing their subscriptions through bogus romantic e-mails sent out by company employees. In some instances, the suit contends, people on the Match payroll even went on sham dates with subscribers as a marketing ploy.

Bogus romantic e-mails??

Sham dates with Match.com employees??

Say it ain't so.

A Straight White Lizard?

Yesterday, Eric went off to look at lizards.

Don't ask me why.

Silly BlogPop, does he not know the best ones are in Texas??

Amateur fossil hunter finds "T. Rex of the ocean."

Texas, Eric, Texas. The only place to be!

Those opening lines...

A colleague and girlfriend of mine who is ten or so years older and who has very different tastes than I do was out and about with me in New Orleans a couple of years ago.

We were hanging out at this one bar listening to the Blues and being served by this very attractive bartender. At some point in the evening, my friend approached the handsome barkeep and engaged him in coversation.

Girlfriend: "You are a very handsome young man."

Bartender: "Thank you, ma'am. Is there something I can help you with?"

Girlfriend: "Yes...Do you have an older sister?"

Bartender: {{Only momentarily dazed}} "You are lesbian, aren't you?"

Girlfriend: "Yep. So, are you going to introduce me to your sister?"

Phin Beware!

Scientists have just discovered an Ancient Godzilla which was actually a marine crocodile with a dinosaur-like head and a fish-like tail that likely terrorized the Pacific Ocean 135 million years ago.

As he was discovered in Argentina he has also been dubbed: "the 'chico malo' -- 'bad boy' of the ocean."

These things are so cool to me.

OES On the Air

Our friend Ward Brewer, CEO of Beauchamp Tower Corporation, was on Raleigh, NC's News-Talk 680 WPTF this morning, talking about Operation Enduring Service, a bid to build a small fleet of disaster response cargo ships from obsolete ships no longer needed by the United States Navy.

See previous posts here talking about the former USS Orion and USS Howard W. Gilmore and here starring the former USS San Diego.

Of course, I wasn't able to listen to the show, so if anyone in the Raleigh area heard it, please let me know how you think it went.

You've almost certainly heard a lot about the blog initiative Porkbusters sponsored by N.Z.Bear at The Truth Laid Bear and Glenn Reynolds of Instapundit. I haven't said much about it, not because I don't support it (I'm very much behind it), but because so many others have done a much better job saying what needs to be said (As a side note, that is why you don't see me offering a lot of commentary on SCOTUS nominations).

The driving idea behind Porkbusters was to cut wasteful government spending, called "pork," to help pay for the massive clean-up and recovery costs associated with the catastrophic damage caused by Hurricane Katrina (and later, Hurricane Rita).

While independent of the Porkbusters, Operation Enduring Service is the near-perfect execution of the Porkbusters project. Operation Enduring Service will save American taxpayers $100 million dollars spent to scrap retired American naval ships, overseas. It will efficiently use the salvage and sale of certain ships to pay for the scrapping of less desirable vessels, and will actually generate enough profits to help pay to upgrade and refit several ships to be used in future disaster relief efforts.

The project will even help teh economies of storm-tossed Gulf states by creating between 1,500-3,000 shipbuilding-related jobs.

Operation Enduring Service will save $100 million in wasteful government spending, creates thousands of jobs in the Gulf States devastated by hurricanes this past year, and will build a fleet of disaster response vessels that will greatly enhance our nation's ability to respond to future disasters, at no cost to the taxpayer.

We are literally talking about a privately-funded and self-supporting "Salvation Navy" that will greatly assist FEMA and become the most technologically advanced ships available for use by the United States Coast Guard.

Corporate donors will pick up other costs of preparing these ships for service, and the United States Coast Guard Auxiliary will crew these vessels, but we have to get them first, and time is running very, very short.

The legislation required to make this happen is dangerously close to falling by the wayside. It has to pass before Congress ends this Session, in approximately one week, or the corporate sponsors will be forced to pull out.

BTC has obtained the support of a number of Congressmen and Senators. Each of the senators has the ability to submit this legislation for Operation Enduring Service and should be contacted via phone, fax or electronically and encouraged to submit this legislation immediately.

Senator Cochran, (R-MS) (Chairman of Appropriations)
Phone: (202) 224-5054
Internet Contact Form

Senator DeWine, (R-OH)
Phone: (202) 224-2315
Fax: (202) 224-6519
Becky Watts has the legislation for his office
Internet Contact Form

Senator Shelby, (R-AL)
Phone: (202) 224-5744
Fax: (202) 224-3416
Ryan Welch has the legislation for his office
senator@shelby.senate.gov

Senator Sessions, (R-AL)
Phone: 202) 224-4124
Fax: (202) 224-3149
Stephen Boyd has the legislation for his office
Internet Contact Form

Without this legislation the Corporate Donors will withdraw, the ships will no longer be available and the emergency relief program will collapse.

This is not a partisan exercise; each and every one of us has been directly affected by the recent hurricanes and will be affected again.

This requires immediate action, of the project will collapse. Contact with your House Representative and Senators, let them know the senators above have the legislation to make this happen and to support it or to submit it themselves.

Questions and comments can be directed to:

Email: info -at - btcorp.us
Website: www.btcorp.us
Weblog: www.btcorp.us/mt

Thank you.

133t5p33k

or should I say Leet speak?

The digital equivalent of pig-Latin.

It has also been described as

a 'form of written slang or street talk for the information highway', which had a twofold purpose: 'to create group identity and to obscure meaning from outsiders'. Used as a way of getting past word filters on BBSs and forums, so that they could discuss topics that were banned or censored, like software piracy, hacks and cracks, it is a written anti-language, a way of communicating within a language that excludes outsiders.

Come on, all the cool kids are doing it!

Here is the Gettysburg address from that last link with increasing degrees of leetification applied:

10% Leetification

Fourscor3 and s3v3n y3ars ago our fath3rs brought forth on this contin3nt a n3w nation, conc3iv3d in lib3rty and d3dicat3d to th3 proposition that all m3n ar3 cr3at3d 3qual.

50% Leetification

ƒ0µr$(0r3 4nÐ $3v3n ¥34r$ 490 0µr ƒ47h3r$ br0µ9h7 ƒ0r7h 0n 7h1$ (0n71n3n7 4 n3w n4710n, (0n(31v3Ð 1n £1b3r7¥ 4nÐ Ð3Ð1(473Ð 70 7h3 pr0p0$1710n 7h47 4££ m3n 4r3 (r3473Ð 3qµ4£.

100% Leetification
ƒ0µ®$(0®3 4|\|Ð $3\/3|\| ¥34®$ 490 0µ® ƒ47|-|3®$ ß®0µ9|-|7 ƒ0®7|-| 0|\| 7|-|1$ (0|\|71|\|3|\|7 4 |\|3\/\/ |\|4710|\|, (0|\|(31\/3Ð 1|\| £1ß3®7¥ 4|\|Ð Ð3Ð1(473Ð 70 7|-|3 p®0p0$1710|\| 7|-|47 4££ |\/|3|\| 4®3 (®3473Ð 3¶µ4£.

Did you recognize it?

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Here are some you may actually come across:

"kewl": A common derivation of "cool."

"m4d sk1llz" or "mad skills": Refers to one's own talent. "m4d" itself is often used for emphasis.

"n00b," "noob," "newbie," or "newb": Combinations synonymous with new user. Some leetspeekers view "n00b" as an insult and "newbie" as an affectionate term for new users.

"w00t" or the smiley character \o/: An acronym that usually means "We Own the Other Team," used to celebrate victory in a video game.

"roxx0rs" Used in place of "rocks," typically to describe something impressive.

"d00d": Replaces the greeting or addressing someone as a "dude."

"joo" and "u": Used instead of "you." This is also commonly written as "j00" or "_|00."

"ph": often replaces "f," as in "phear" for "fear" (as in "ph34r my l33t skillz") and vice versa, such as spelling "phonetic" as "f0|\|371(."

For those of us too challenged to decipher on our own, here's a (0|\|v3r5i0|\| 7001
(conversion tool).

Since I am guest-posting at different venues, I've cross-posted this here while I have the keys.

The jig is up...

And Gone.

Well gone from my normal place of residence. Not to worry though. I be here. Where's here, well currently I'm on the outskirts of LA. In a rather sleepy state that I shall soon be remedying.

Good news though the content 'round here will actually be worth reading as Mistress Chrissy, Madam Sadie, The Llamas, Our Maximum Leader and my Older and Sometimes Wiser brother have graciously offered to keep my 4.375 readers entertained.

Yay, they rock!

As I'm off to sleep I'll leave you with this pearl of wisdom I overheard on the aeroplane: You know, the only reason Bush and his henchmen are tarnishing the stellar record of the Clintons and Nancy Pelosi it to prevent a Clinton / Pelosi ticket in '08 that'd be unstoppable. Here I was thinking that these types of ramblings on took place over at the Deamoncratic Underground.

ACK!

Look what I just found in Phin's closet:

Shall I flush it down the toilet?

Single Minded

A man steps from a taxi in a strange city. He pays his fare, grabs his notebook case, and catches his faint reflection between moving bodies in a shop window. Squaring his shoulders, he checks the address once more, then his watch, and notes he has three-quarters of an hour to burn. With a half breath, he calms himself and a familiar single thought enters his busy mind.

Merging with the endless bodies in motion, he walks past his appointment and finds an internet cafe with an open table. Darting in, he counts his blessings and thanks God, yet again, not only for shapely women, football, and beer, but caffeine and that, that thing that is ever-present in his mind.

As he places his order, his mind and voice almost betray him as his lips try to form his order; however, he checks the impulse to speak that, that word, and manages to squeak out "Coffee, please."

The server smiles, delighted with his handsome appearance and endearing Southern accent. His seeming nervousness makes him all the more appealing, she thinks. With disappointment, her trained eye notices the gold band on his left hand. Of course, he's taken, she says to herself, all the best ones are.

In a few moments, she returns with his order. As she attempts to place it before him, he gratefully takes it from her and thanks her properly. His manners are impeccable and his kindness is genuine. She sighs after smiling and turning away.

Holding his java and taking a deep whiff of it's heady aroma, he mentally ticks off the events of recent days and prepares himself for the meeting to come. Big wigs, those in the know, those who kiss their butts, and those who make the decisions will all be there.

Trying to focus on the business at hand, he's distracted yet again. His thoughts are carried back to the phone call he had received from home that had stirred him from the restless sleep of being away just an hour or so before.

The voice on the line had been low and instructed him to open the brief case holding his laptop. With phone in one hand, he pulled the sleep from his eyes and disentangled himself from the bed clothes before he could reach the case.

He had arrived very late the night before and had not even bothered to plug in or check emails. In fact, he had done little more than drop his clothes and chew on a toothbrush for a moment or two before falling into bed.

Cupping the phone between his chin and shoulder he pulled the case onto the foot of the bed and quickly opened it.

Then he saw it.

There was a handwritten note attached:

My Dearest Husband,

When you return we can share this together.

Until then, just remember the last time...

All my love,
Darling Wife

The note was attached to a snack-sized container of pudding...

Help These Veterans Return to Service

Beauchamp Tower Corporation has created Operation Enduring Service which will rebuild and refit obsolete military ships to provide state-of-the-art emergency relief and disaster response at no cost to the taxpayers and a savings to the government of at least $100 million.

In addition, the rebuild/refit of these ships will result in the creation of approximately 3,000 jobs in the areas hit by Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, while increasing the operational capability of the United States Coast Guard.

A number of organizations and corporations are working closely with Beauchamp Tower Corporation to make this happen, including:

• United States Coast Guard Auxiliary
• Dell Computers


• Microsoft Corporation
• Sherwin Williams
• Bender Shipyard
• Alabama Shipyard
• IPSCO Steel
• Erikson Aircrane Heavy Lift Helicopters
• AEPCO Shipyard
• ERM North America
• KME Fire Apparatus

and many, many more.

But due to time constraints, the legislation required to make this happen is dangerously close to falling by the wayside. It has to pass before Congress ends this Session, in approximately one week.

BTC has obtained the support of a number of Congressmen and Senators. Each of the senators has the ability to submit this legislation for Operation Enduring Service and should be contacted via phone, fax or electronically and encouraged to submit this legislation immediately.

Senator Cochran, (R-MS) (Chairman of Appropriations)
Phone: (202) 224-5054
Internet Contact Form
Senator DeWine, (R-OH)
Phone: (202) 224-2315
Fax: (202) 224-6519
Becky Watts has the legislation for his office
Internet Contact Form
Senator Shelby, (R-AL)
Phone: (202) 224-5744
Fax: (202) 224-3416
Ryan Welch has the legislation for his office
senator@shelby.senate.gov
Senator Sessions, (R-AL)
Phone: 202) 224-4124
Fax: (202) 224-3149
Stephen Boyd has the legislation for his office
Internet Contact Form

Without this legislation the Corporate Donors will withdraw, the ships will no longer be available and the emergency relief program will collapse.

This is not a partisan exercise; each and every one of us has been directly affected by the recent hurricanes and will be affected again.

This requires immediate action from every one, contact with your House Representative and Senators, let them know the senators above have the legislation to make this happen and to support it or to submit it themselves.

Questions and comments can be directed to:

Email: info -at - btcorp.us
Website: www.btcorp.us
Weblog: www.btcorp.us/mt

Please help these Navy veterans return to serve their nation once more.

Pimpin' time

It's votey time for the Ladies over at aaron's. At stake, a place of notoriety in the Deck O' Bloggers Heart suit.

So I ask, is there anybody more deserving than Madam Sadie? Really she doesn't ask for much and she gives...*ahem*...so much in return.

So Clickity over to aaron's and get to voting for Madam Sadie in the sidebar.

Once you're done feel free to check out the boobs in the extended entry.
But only once you've voted for Sadie. We've got our best investigatory staff on it and if you cheat we'll send our rabid hamsters to your house and you know that means don't you?

Well don't you???

I'll wait while you're voting.

Anyhoo on to the boobies...

I didn't say they were pretty boobs, or even my boobs for that matter.

Reservations...

Reservations for my trip to the Left Coast next week are complete.
Even though I'll be close to Compton and Inglewood I'm going to pass on kickin' back with my homies and drinkin' a 40's of O.E. I'm sure all the bloods and crypts readin' this are disappointed, so consider this my Shout Out Yo. Maybe on the next trip.

As much as I enjoy travel there's one part I hate.
Making reservations.

Anybody want to volunteer to be my personal travel assistant? The pay is nonexistent, but the perks like persistent sexual harassment and being under around me should more than make up for the lack of pay.

Operation Enduring Service

Note: This post will stay at the top for the next couple of days, new content is below.

Your phone call to the senators listed below will free the USS Orion AS 18 and the USS Howard W. Gilmore AS 16 to become emergency relief and disaster response vessels at no cost to taxpayers.

A record breaking hurricane season has opened our eyes and brought to the forefront our need for improvement in response time to areas damaged by these massive storms. The first hours after a hurricane has made landfall are the most crucial. Without immediate relief those who've survived the massive winds and driving rains may very well succumb to rising waters, heat, water born illnesses and as well as fatigue and stress.

Beauchamp Tower Corporation has created Operation Enduring Service which will utilize obsolete military ships to provide emergency relief and disaster response at no cost to the taxpayers and a savings to the government of at least $100 million.

Due to time constraints the legislation required to make this happen is dangerously close to falling by the wayside-in fact it has to pass before Congress ends this Session (less than 14 days). BTC has obtained the support of a number of Congressmen and Senators. Each of the senators has the ability to submit this legislation for Operation Enduring Service and should be contacted via phone, fax or electronically and encouraged to submit this legislation immediately.

Senator Cochran, (R-MS) (Chairman of Appropriations) Phone: (202) 224-5054 Internet Contact Form

Senator DeWine, (R-OH)
Phone: (202) 224-2315
Fax: (202) 224-6519
Becky Watts has the legislation for his office
Internet Contact Form

Senator Shelby, (R-AL)
Phone: (202) 224-5744
Fax: (202) 224-3416
Ryan Welch has the legislation for his office
senator@shelby.senate.gov

Senator Sessions, (R-AL)
Phone: 202) 224-4124
Fax: (202) 224-3149
Stephen Boyd has the legislation for his office
Internet Contact Form

This is not a partisan exercise; each and every one of us has been directly affected by the recent hurricanes and will be affected again. This requires immediate action from every one, contact with your House Representative and Senators, let them know the senators above have the legislation to make this happen and to support it or to submit it themselves.

Without this legislation the Corporate Donors will withdraw, the ships will no longer be available and the emergency relief program will collapse; thus leaving the disaster response efforts to be further mishandled by FEMA.

Directly from the O.E.S. Project Weblog:

We are preparing to receive at least two ships (if everything goes as planned) to begin the conversion to Fast Attack Emergency Cargo Ships to respond to disaster incidences in Coastal States (East Coast, Gulf Coast, and in some instances West Coast). It is estimated that we can removed about 27% of the federal burden for Ice, Water, and food within the first 10 hours following a CAT-4 landfall. There is also the ability of providing climate controlled medical and staging facilities for up to 40 percent of the same disaster area.

So, you want to see what these old girls will be able to do? Here's a list of only a few things we can provide during a Coastal State disaster (such as flooding or a hurricane)
----Service a disaster area of up to 10,000 square miles (up to 100 miles inland) with minimal (if any) outside support
----Provide complete berthing facilities for up to 400 emergency responders "on scene" at a disaster site
----Fully integrated communications system serving all local, state, and federal agencies, as well as cell phone coverage and military band frequencies--allowing for seamless communications between all disaster scene personnel, no matter what radio frequency or cell phone is being used.
----Daily provide 110 tons of bagged and palletized ice to the disaster region
----Daily generate, bottle, and palletize up to 50,000 gallons of fresh water
----Provide refueling station and loading platform for helicopters operating in the disaster area
----Carry over 7,000 tons of food and supplies for a disaster area
----Store (and provide delivery of) 700,000 gallons of diesel, gasoline, and aviation fuel for use in the disaster area on emergency vehicles and critical needs generators (hospitals, emergency operation centers, etc)
.......and that's just one ship.

It's time to realize that the government can't do it all during a disaster--we've got to roll up our sleeves and get to work to make sure the needs get met--one way or another.

Best part? The first two ships can be ready before next hurricane season--if things go as planned and all of you help us as we've asked.

It will only take a couple of minutes to provide comfort for someone that has had their life devastated by a natural disaster. Your immediate support by contacting your governmental representatives or by spreading the word about this project is greatly appreciated; because tomorrow may be too late.

If you have questions, leave a comment or send an e-mail, I'll find out the answer and get back to you. Or if you like contact O.E.S. directly:
Ward Brewer, CEO
Beauchamp Tower Corporation

Email: info at btcorp.us
Website: www.btcorp.us
Weblog: www.btcorp.us/mt

I'm a sexy beyatch...

Ah, yes, 'tis Thursday, which means it's time for another enlightening episode of the Men's Club and the Demystifying Divas. This topic for today: What constitutes "sexy" in a member of the opposite sex?

Seems like a fairly easy topic to me. Now it may be a bit hard for me to 'splain so I'll use examples.

Sexy | Not Sexy.

While I'm able to attest to the sexiness the missus, I have to speculate¹ about a majority of the other ladies roaming around the blogidodihexiweb. See it's pretty simple, yet fairly complex, kinda like the Jitterbug. Since I'm sure I've aptly confused everyone by now, as I've confused myself, I'll go into further detail.

Sexy really and truly is a bit more than having 36-24-36 measurements; teethes are kind of required (at times), hair is a nice asset as well in most cases, but we can't forget about the importance of a nice set of "Child Birthin' Hips" and ensuring that the prospective mothers of the fruits of our loins has the "ability to keep said fuit properly fed".

Yet sexy is also a bit more than physical. The typical personality traits; confidence, a sense of humor, willing to try a mena... *ouchies*, damn y'all don't have to be so violent. Truth be told there has to be something physically appealing to get the old blood pumping, per say.

I'll probably be strung up for admitting this, but a woman climbs between five points on the ten point hotness scale if she's willing to crawl into the sack with us and another two or three points if she's willing to repeat the experience sober.

It's the entire package, something physically appealing and personality. I've known identical twins, while one was as sexy as any naughty Liberian you've ever fascinated about the other just wasn't. The "less than sexy" twin just wasn't, it wasn't physical, she just didn't have it.

Being a hetero, or as some may say a "breeder", I would discount my fellow Men's Clubbers as sexy due to their possession of dangling participles; however they've got the coherent details that evaded me: Stiggy, The Foreign Minister, Jamesyboy and our Guest Nugget.

I'm pretty sure at this point I've rambled more than enough, thus you ought go visit those who I'd classify as sexy: Phoenix, Sadie, Silk, Kathy and the guest diva Sheila

Note: 1) To reduce the amount of speculation involved in this exercise pictures may be sent.

PANTHER GATE Continued

What do you mean they weren't wearing their cheerleader outfits at the bar???

They were at least dressed up like a librarian and a catholic schoolgirl right???

I'm so confused…

*Shakes Fist Angrily* I'll get you Robbo The Lamabutcher the Fantasy killer.

Dear Mr. Spammer

May the fleas of a million rabid hamsters infest your crotch.

Paris is burning...

It's a given that I have a warped sense of humor. So you really shouldn't find it surprising that when somebody mentions Paris burning I get amused.

Not amused that folks in France are being subjected to riots, nah, that's not terribly funny. It's the random thought that keeps popping into my mind:

Paris has burned plenty of guys:

And it's going to keep on burning everytime they take a leak.

Maybe Valtrex will help ease the sensation and stop the frequent outbreaks.

He's old...

He's just so old.

Yep my older, and sometimes wiser, brother, Confederate Yankee, is celibate.

Wait that isn't the word I'm looking for he's celebrating the one year anniversary of entry into the world of bloggering.

Well maybe he is celibate, I just don't wanna know about it, nor do I want details proving otherwise.
Asexuality folks that's were it's at, neither here nor there.

Control issues...

'tis Thursday Friday and as usual I'm dragging in late early the next day with today's yesterday's Men's Club and Demystifying Divas topic. The topic of course is: Who really has the upper hand in the different stages of a relationship? dating - typically men? after marriage - typically women?

The answer to these questions is of course: phin. I always have control in the relationships I'm involved in; it's just one of my many endearing personality traits(right up there with my humbleness).

When I as a strapping young lad in college, not so many years ago, I like so many college going men maintained an upper hand in the relationships by being oblivious to the fact that I was prime "real estate". We collegiate beer drinking athletes oft found ourselves in the care of a truly wonderful woman in spite of our actions and ourselves. The only logical explanation I can find, other than bribery and extortion, for how I managed to "hook up", as the youngsters may say, with the missus is that she had plans for my betterment. As I've mentioned before, while most young ladies play Hard to Get, I took an active role in playing Hard to Want.

During the years prior to meeting the missus I maintained the upper hand because none of the ladies were "the one". I wasn't overly concerned about "our future". I wasn't callous and I didn't play "games", if the relationship wasn't going to progress, there wasn't a need to chase something that wasn't there. So it often ended or I'd tolerate the young lady's urge to convince me otherwise.

I'm not exactly sure when I lost control of the relationship with the missus, although I'm pretty sure it was shortly after we were introduced. This is also about the time the phrases "yes dear", "anything you say dear" and "I think I've already had enough to drink" entered my vocabulary. As our relationship progressed I realized that resistance was futile and the war had already been lost before a battle had taken place.

Shortly after the missus and I were married she'd found the cutest little boxer puppy and wanted to know my thoughts on bringing said puppy home. I of course expressed how I didn't think it was a good idea to bring said puppy home.

So the next weekend as I was building a dog house, where I often receive my meals. I'm thankful that said puppy and I had formed a bond. I also realized that the missus just wanted somebody to keep me warm and protect me on those cold lonely nights when I've said or done something not so bright.

All that said and all joking aside in a healthy relationship, much like the relastionship the wife and I have when I don't have my foot in my mouth, there isn't one person in control. It's an equal partnership in which both parties are giving one hundred percent (A lesson we both learned from out parents, Thanks mom & dad).

For other peeps with control issues:
The mens: The Maximum Leader, Jamesyboy, Stiggy and our guest Tea-Fizz.

The ladies: Kathy, Silk, Phoenixand Guest Diva Paula.

And a special guest postering from the Wiz!

Healthy fascinations

I mentioned a while back that I have a fascination with one of the few delicacies Southern California has to offer. What I'm referring to of course are the fish tacos available from the street vendors in San Diego (I won't be headed to TJ on this trip).

I'm, for better or worse, headed out to the left coast in a couple of weeks. So whilst I'm out there you can best bet I'll be getting my Fix.

I'll of course be bringing an interpreter with me so I can find out the recipe for the ranch-type dressing the Fish Tacos are served with. If that doesn't work I'll just kidnap one of the vendors and ship her home in my luggage. I could use an extra hand around the house anyhoo.

I'm sure with the missus, being in her delicate state or impregnated up as some folks say, would be all for a nice 18 Latino girl to help out around the house. 'specially if she's young enough to train (18 or 19) and tastefully clothed in a French maid outfit.

Maybe the MoP will be back from his recent hiatus while I'm traipsing about Southern California so I convert him from his evil ways of liberalism over a couple of adult beverages.

That's pretty much me

Via the Madam Ruth and Mistress Sadie:

ENTJ - Commandant Your Type is 60% Extroverted, 37% Observant, 93% Logical and 75% Structured

The single word to describe your type is fieldmarshal or commandant. You also belong to the larger group called rationals. You love to organize others in matters of logic. Even as a child, you likely naturally assumed the role of leader in groups. You share your personality type with 2% of the population. When you lead, you are more concerned with policy and goals than rules and regulations. You have a tendancy to become a workaholic. You are impatient with repetition of error. You are friendly and outgoing, though. You don't mince words and willingly share your many strong opinions. As a romantic partner, you are inspiring, but also somewhat challenging. You have a strong desire to be in charge and your clear need for an organized life and home can be overwelming to a partner. You like to confront conflict directly, discuss problems unflinchingly, solve them, then put them behind you. However, you can be too impatient or unwilling to take the time to listen to your partner and give them a chance to express themselves fully so that they also have a sense of closure. You are generally uncomfortable dealing with emotions, so you are apt to dismiss your partner's emotions as illogical. You feel most appreciated when your partner asks for your opinions, takes your adivce, and relies on you to get a job done right. Your group summary: rationals (NT) Your type summary: ENTJ

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 57% on outgoing You scored higher than 52% on observant You scored higher than 88% on logical You scored higher than 93% on structured

Link: The Quick and Dirty Personality Test.

Yep, that's me.
You may refer to me from here after as El Capitan.

A bit of bragging

Sadie, my ever lovely partner in crime at Apothegm Designs, has wrapped up and rolled out a new design for Miss Beth of My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy.

The image above gives you an idea of the marvelous job she's done; however I'd recommend you clicky over for the full effect.
Miss Beth, by the way, is turning Twenty-Five on her birthday, funny I'd have never guessed she's a day over Twenty-Two.