Notably Missing

The Dymistifying Divas and the Men's Club are discussing swim-wear.

I'm absolutely possitive Theresa, Silk, Phoenix, Ally, Mark, Jim, and James will do a great job "covering" the topic.

There are however a couple of options that I'm sure will be absent.

Note: The images below may not be safe for work or suitable for viewing by impressionable children, the mentally ill or those that lack intestinal fortitude.

First the virtues of the bubble wrap bikini.

Really, can you have open and honest discussion about beach-wear without bringing bubbles into play?

And most importantly our pal Steve-O sporting a Speed-O.

Somebody pass the mental floss.

Hanging up my spurs

Due to some recent developments time has become an awfully scare resource around my neck of the woods. The past nine moths have been a great ride. I've had loads of fun covering a lot of topics and I've hopefully provided a laugh or two along the way. I've met some new people, both figuratively and literally, that I'm honored to refer to as friends.

Yet as I mentioned time is an all to valuable commodity around my neck of the woods these days so something's got to give and by give I mean go. I kicked around the decision for a couple of weeks and there isn't anything else I can figure out. So I've got to hang up the spurs. Well a set of them anyhow.

Since I'm unable to devote the time to form coherent statements about the topics being covered by the Men's Club and Demystifying Diva's I'm stepping back.

You'll still be able to get your fix from the men's club from on Thursdays Jamesyboy, the Naked Villains and Stiggy.

And the ladies can be found posting on Thursdays at Villains Vanquished, Just Breathe, and Who Moved My Truth.

For now I'll still be 'round here, hopefully, if the wolves and pajamahadine don't get to me. And remember if I turn up missing it's because I know too much.

I'm a sexy beyatch...

Ah, yes, 'tis Thursday, which means it's time for another enlightening episode of the Men's Club and the Demystifying Divas. This topic for today: What constitutes "sexy" in a member of the opposite sex?

Seems like a fairly easy topic to me. Now it may be a bit hard for me to 'splain so I'll use examples.

Sexy | Not Sexy.

While I'm able to attest to the sexiness the missus, I have to speculate¹ about a majority of the other ladies roaming around the blogidodihexiweb. See it's pretty simple, yet fairly complex, kinda like the Jitterbug. Since I'm sure I've aptly confused everyone by now, as I've confused myself, I'll go into further detail.

Sexy really and truly is a bit more than having 36-24-36 measurements; teethes are kind of required (at times), hair is a nice asset as well in most cases, but we can't forget about the importance of a nice set of "Child Birthin' Hips" and ensuring that the prospective mothers of the fruits of our loins has the "ability to keep said fuit properly fed".

Yet sexy is also a bit more than physical. The typical personality traits; confidence, a sense of humor, willing to try a mena... *ouchies*, damn y'all don't have to be so violent. Truth be told there has to be something physically appealing to get the old blood pumping, per say.

I'll probably be strung up for admitting this, but a woman climbs between five points on the ten point hotness scale if she's willing to crawl into the sack with us and another two or three points if she's willing to repeat the experience sober.

It's the entire package, something physically appealing and personality. I've known identical twins, while one was as sexy as any naughty Liberian you've ever fascinated about the other just wasn't. The "less than sexy" twin just wasn't, it wasn't physical, she just didn't have it.

Being a hetero, or as some may say a "breeder", I would discount my fellow Men's Clubbers as sexy due to their possession of dangling participles; however they've got the coherent details that evaded me: Stiggy, The Foreign Minister, Jamesyboy and our Guest Nugget.

I'm pretty sure at this point I've rambled more than enough, thus you ought go visit those who I'd classify as sexy: Phoenix, Sadie, Silk, Kathy and the guest diva Sheila

Note: 1) To reduce the amount of speculation involved in this exercise pictures may be sent.

Control issues...

'tis Thursday Friday and as usual I'm dragging in late early the next day with today's yesterday's Men's Club and Demystifying Divas topic. The topic of course is: Who really has the upper hand in the different stages of a relationship? dating - typically men? after marriage - typically women?

The answer to these questions is of course: phin. I always have control in the relationships I'm involved in; it's just one of my many endearing personality traits(right up there with my humbleness).

When I as a strapping young lad in college, not so many years ago, I like so many college going men maintained an upper hand in the relationships by being oblivious to the fact that I was prime "real estate". We collegiate beer drinking athletes oft found ourselves in the care of a truly wonderful woman in spite of our actions and ourselves. The only logical explanation I can find, other than bribery and extortion, for how I managed to "hook up", as the youngsters may say, with the missus is that she had plans for my betterment. As I've mentioned before, while most young ladies play Hard to Get, I took an active role in playing Hard to Want.

During the years prior to meeting the missus I maintained the upper hand because none of the ladies were "the one". I wasn't overly concerned about "our future". I wasn't callous and I didn't play "games", if the relationship wasn't going to progress, there wasn't a need to chase something that wasn't there. So it often ended or I'd tolerate the young lady's urge to convince me otherwise.

I'm not exactly sure when I lost control of the relationship with the missus, although I'm pretty sure it was shortly after we were introduced. This is also about the time the phrases "yes dear", "anything you say dear" and "I think I've already had enough to drink" entered my vocabulary. As our relationship progressed I realized that resistance was futile and the war had already been lost before a battle had taken place.

Shortly after the missus and I were married she'd found the cutest little boxer puppy and wanted to know my thoughts on bringing said puppy home. I of course expressed how I didn't think it was a good idea to bring said puppy home.

So the next weekend as I was building a dog house, where I often receive my meals. I'm thankful that said puppy and I had formed a bond. I also realized that the missus just wanted somebody to keep me warm and protect me on those cold lonely nights when I've said or done something not so bright.

All that said and all joking aside in a healthy relationship, much like the relastionship the wife and I have when I don't have my foot in my mouth, there isn't one person in control. It's an equal partnership in which both parties are giving one hundred percent (A lesson we both learned from out parents, Thanks mom & dad).

For other peeps with control issues:
The mens: The Maximum Leader, Jamesyboy, Stiggy and our guest Tea-Fizz.

The ladies: Kathy, Silk, Phoenixand Guest Diva Paula.

And a special guest postering from the Wiz!

Writing about rights....

It's Thursday and time for us (the Men's Club and the Demystifying Divas) to cover another topic. Today's topic is a tad bit on the serious side. The topic, whether the biological father of an unborn child should have the right to block a woman's abortion; and should she be subject to damages for her failure to disclose prior to termination of the pregnancy?

The topic of abortion is a tough, and often troll baiting, topic alone. Add in the options of either a)women having a right to control their bodies or b)the penis wielding womb butchers¹ have absolute moral and physical authority of what women should or shouldn't do, and the topic gets even rougher. Me I like trolls, almost as much as I'd like a stalker, thus mean, hateful and nasty comments are welcome, just make sure they're on topic and don't forget to kiss me on the cheek when your done with the spanking.

On to the first part of the topic: Should the biological father have the right to prevent an abortion? No more so than he should have the right to force an abortion. It all boils down to circumstances. Should a one-night-stand gone awry have a resounding effect for the next eighteen plus years of the three people's lives? How about a couple that has only been together for a short time period, weeks or months? How about years? Or if they're married? What happens if the mother's life is in danger? Should rapist be allowed to force their victims to carry their children to term? If you follow the strictest of pro-life arguments, in each of the cases mentioned above the answer is the unborn child should be carried to term.

I for one however can't go along with that train of thought. In my humble little opinion, it all boils down to a woman's right to decide what is best for her and what to do with her child birthing equipment. If a male is ready to utilize the reproductive tools bestowed upon him, then it's in his best interest to find a woman ready to bare the fruits of his loins. Until then we men are, and should be, at the mercy of the fairer sex.

Given my views on the first part I don't see how a woman could be held liable for controling her body.

If in the future technology allows for incubation from conception to "birth", then the laws may need to be revisited. Until then, if a man wants absolution control over his swimmers and their biological functions then it's best to fly solo or not fly at all until he finds someone willing to birth his babies.

For other views: Jamesy, Our Maximum Leader, Stiggy and That 1 Guy.

And the ladies: Phoenix, Kathy, Silk and Ruth.

Note: 1) Phrase Stolen shamelssly from Jeff Goldstein of Protien Wisdom.

The truth, if it exists...

'tis another Thursday and today's topic for the Demystifying Divas and The Men's Club is three things we'd like to have the oppositely sexed folks out there explain their views on.

Being a rather inquisitive person it took me a while to figure out just three things I wanted to have answered.

First would have to be the unnecessary mutilation and mutations and contortions y'all endure. If y'all really don't want us noticing the twins why do you have them taped / strapped / padded / pulled or otherwise contorted so they're approximately three inches below your chin? Of course we're going to stare at the grand Tetons you've got them prominently on display; it'd be like expecting Rover to completely ignore the mailman as we walks across the front lawn, it's just unnatural. Then there's makeup, granted a bit of makeup may help to enhance natural feature, but by and large most women could do without the war paint. By and large, as with all things, natural is mo' better. Speaking of natural, what the hell are y'all thinking when you pluck / wax / shave / otherwise remove your eyebrows and try to color them in with a magic marker. The "synthetic eyebrow" look isn't become, on the contrary it's down right scary at times and clownish at others.

Second, what the hell is so hard about checking the status of the toilet seat? Ladies it's as much your fault as it is ours; unless there is some genetic mutation that we men are unaware of that prevents women from checking to ensure the seat is in the down and locked position before they plant their delicate derrieres to "make pee-pee"? Maybe there is a genetic deformity, which would also explain why light switches are always left in the up (ON) position as well.

Thirdly all the incessant open ended questions that have no right answer. All the dreaded questions that men we know if we answer them honestly we may as well take a vow of celibacy. "Does this dress / skirt / pantsuit make my ass look fat?" Nope, but the three cheeseburgers and value sized fries you just scoffed down ain't helpin'. Shortly after wild monkey lovin', asking: "So what're you thinking about?" The truth is, it's either nothing 'cause we're about to get some sleep or we're comparing you to your sister that's just a bit more kinky. The list of question is endless, yet they all have the same end result of the lady that's asked it being disappointed. Why, why, why do y'all feel the need to ask these questions, if you're really into pain wouldn't a nice game of slap and tickle be a whole lot more fun and also mutually gratifying?

Stiggy, The Villains, and Jamesy shall be producing questions as well. Nugget is our guest inquisitor this week so see what he has to say as well.

For the ladies perspective, head over and see what Kathy, Silk, and Phoenix have to say. Ms. Sadie says we're on a break, so we'll just have to fondly reminisce of better days (and increase stalking efforts).

I'm a slackard continued

This week's entry composed of three parts: Do men always have good sex? What about women do they have good sex? Who/what determines if the sex was, indeed, good?

First of I’ll apologize for the delayed nature of this posting and as much as I’d like to give the powers that be the ole one finger salute and blog instead of deal with work related crises well bloggin’ just doesn’t pay the bills. Now on to the matters at hand, so to speak.

When examining the question we have to wonder, what is great sex? If it’s reaching a physical climax then 99% of the time men are going to have great sex, the other 1% we’re so drunk we think we’re Dionysus (the Greek God Wine and Intoxication, who also had a way with the ladies) himself and if the ladies aren’t getting their jollies, well it isn’t our fault. If you’re to ask men that haven’t been married, or in this day and age been in a long term “relationship”, they’ll tell you that they always have good sex, however they haven’t experienced the toe curling, heart stopping, physically and mentally exhausting activity that can only be achieved once you’ve reached a certain level of love and trust.

This leaves one wondering if men are capable of having the bad sex and most certainly there are those who would say yes, it’s possible to have the bad sex. I haven’t experienced the bad sex first hand and feel relatively certain the missus hasn’t experienced the bad sex either. Of course she could be protecting my fragile ego, in which case at least one of us is happy and sleeping well at night. Most often stories of the bad sex revolve around a night of heavy alcohol consumption and a "friend" that they may or may not have known before the drinking started.

As for the ladies, do they have the good or the great sex? If they’re smart they do. As Sadie pointed out last week, it’s about edumucating your significant other. If they’re doing it wrong, expect them to keep doing it wrong if you’re emphatically screaming “You’re my big daddy!” while secretly waiting for him to finish up so you can get back to watching Oprah or doing your nails. Women have known for centuries that men are simpletons; why they haven’t figured out we need explicit instructions with lots of detail and subpoints, preferably with diagrams, is beyond me.

As I eluded to a bit earlier most folks will agree that casual sex is good, hell even less than perfect sex is still desirable, because face it sex is much more enjoyable when there are at least two (and in monogamous relationships only two) interested and active participants; a twosome sure beats a onesome everytime. The key of course being interested and active are both required, if you aren’t willing to put your all "into it" per say, it may be good but it won’t be great. Great sex is as much a mental act as it is physical, it’s being able to read and anticipate which acrobatic feat should be performed next. Only through communikateshun will you know if it is time for the triple lutz-double toeloop or should we shift gears and try a summersault-triple back flip dismount instead (bedroom acrbatics folks that's where the true path to gratification lies).

As with any physical activity just be sure you warm up first, as this helps to avoid injuries. Some prefer stretching, others foreplay, I prefer a six-pack of Abita Golden and a hot pastrami sammich.

For more enlightened and less disturbing approaches: the Air Marshal of Naked Villainy, Jamesy, Stigmata and That 1 Guy of Drunken Wisdom. The ladies Silk, Kathy, Chrissy and Phoenix.

I'm a slackard...

'tis Thursday, which means it's time for another episode of fun and games with fireworks and fuzzy animals the demystifying divas and the men's club to cover another topic.

This weeks topic: do men always have great sex.

Regretfully I'm still researching the topic I had a last minute project dropped on me at work so I'll be posting it later tonight.

In the mean time check out the gents Naked Villainy, Jamesy, Stigmata and That 1 Guy of Drunken Wisdom. The ladies Silk, Kathy, Chrissy and Phoenix.

What's a happenin' hot stuff

Today's question came to us from The Flirt Blog and it goes something like this: how do you tell if someone is single?

Being unsingle, or happily married as mrs. phin keeps telling me, means I don't really have to worry about whether or not somebody is single. However prior to meeting mrs. phin there was a need to try to determine whether a lady was single or "off the market" so to speak.

One method of spotting a single lady has always been to spot the pack¹ of single ladies at the local bar / pub / dance club. In college single ladies, "the target", much like single men, tend to roam the bar scene in packs. Often times the pack contains one or two ladies who are in a relationship, they act as the voice of reason for the single ladies ensuring they get home with their panties intact, they are / were "the enemy". Being able to differentiate between the "targets" and the "enemies" is essential and is the difference between leading a life of happiness and leading a life of celibacy.

There are the obvious signs when trying to spot the ladies that are off the market such as, but not limited to: a wedding or engagement ring on her finger, the rather large gentlemen she's draped over or the incessant yapping about her boyfriend.

The signs the ladies are "available" may be a bit more subtle. Since some people (myself included) are flirtatious, flirting in and of itself can't be considered a sign she'd like to get to "know" you better. Repetitive eye contact is often judged to be a sign that a lady is interested, of course it could be you're the ugliest sob she's ever seen, you look like her long lost sister who had an addadicktome, that you've got something stuck to your tooth (and not the tooth in your pocket) or maybe she'd like to chat with you a bit.

A couple of the methods I used, prior to meeting mrs. phin (note to self: you're happily married) were asking the "target" herself, asking one of the other ladies in the pack or asking the bartender, verbal communication is a wonderful thing and the worst that can happen is they say she's off the market.

If you're a tad bit on the shy side you may decide to take an indirect route and watch how she interacts with the guys around her. The major downside to this option is another gentleman is liable to sweep her off her feets befo' you gets a chance.

Sure I'm pushing the direct route, but you really don't want to be on the receiving end of a jealous husband wanting to shoot his wife's loofer. Nor do you want to spend hours upon hours pitching woo to a lady that isn't willing to receive said woo. As with most things in life it's all about communication, 'specially since assumptions make an ass out of you and me and we're both shunned for them.

In the case of mrs. phin I took and have taken a more active role in ensuring our marital bliss and ensuring everyone knows we're together. As has been well documented in the past women have a genetic deformity, an "evolutionary trait" if you will. This "trait" makes women think that we enjoy "the chase", thus they take great joy in playing "hard to get". Mrs. phin did indeed take this route when we were dating. When I "sealed the deal" otherwise known as convincing her to marry me I turned the tables on her. I've taken the approach of playing "hard to want", this often involves making an ass out of myself in public and having her call me a jackass. This method however provides her with the "project" of ensuring I'm not annoying single ladies or corrupting their boyfriends, thus enabling her to display she's a kept woman, see and y'all thought I was crazy.

Important Note #1: Do not refer to a group of ladies in a bar as a herd, as they often mistake this as your inference that they're heifers or sows and tend to get a bit pissy. Making mooing noises or hog calls as the crowd walks by is also a good way to have "the enemy's" husband / boyfriend attempt to inflict bodily harm uponst you.

For testoserone laden ramblings: Stiggy, Our Maximum Leader, Nugget, and Jamesy.
The effervescent estrogenized remarks of Silk, Kathy and Phoenix.

Sadie and Pammy were kind enough to offer a preview of next week's topic, action was of course planned to build anticipation and definately wasn't a scheduling snafu.

I checked the mail today

and even though I was a tad bit disappointed that I didn't receive notification that I'd the publishers clearing house sweepstakes, I did get the next best thing.

My Official Well Hung T-Shirt.

Perhaps you too should rush over and purchase goods from the from the Villainous Commerce Site. Then maybe you'll be well dressed as well.

Maybe the LLamas are finally gonna get a t-shirt or two going as well. My vote's for the photo below, Robbo really did make a lovely bride.

Guess who's back...

After a couple of months of rest, relaxation and recuperation the Demystifying Divas and Men's Club are back in action. It really is stressful being this damned good looking and intelligent, but hey somebody’s got to do it so it may as well be us. The topic this week: If men to show their emotions are they real men? Do women really want the strong silent type?

The answer to the question "If men to show their emotions are they real men?" is yes; however the outward our displays of emotion are just a bit different than what women are expecting.

It's really a matter of how the two sexes define the expression of emotions. There's the uberfeminine display of emotion, which involves the verbalization of your feelings, crying, watching beaches repeatedly and eventually consuming a gallon of Häagen-Dazs Chocolate Chocolate-Chip Ice Cream. There's the ubermasculine display of emotion, which often involves reaching ones breaking point, climbing a bell-tower and reciting lines from Full Metal Jacket. Somewhere in the middle is what we deem acceptable practice.

Men are supposed to cringe when they see another guy get popped in the nads and then laugh. It's not that we're happy he got involuntariy neutered, it's our way of saying "Damn, that sucks, better you than me". We're also supposed to point and laugh when our drunken buddy falls off the bar stool or gets shot down by the hot girl. We aren't reveling in their pain, we're just saying: "We've all been there; you've got to climb right back up on that barstool and hit on the really drunk chic at the end of the bar".

We're there to help our buddies out should they be in need. When his wife of ten years turns out to be a lesbian and leaves him for Helga; we'll take him to a strip joint, pour beers down his throat and buy him lap dances from skeezy strippers to make him feel better. We won't even mention that he cried like a two year old.

See I'm not saying men are candy asses if they display a bit of emotion, its all well and good if warranted. It's the needless incessant "Why don't you show me how much you love me" that men should be about to live without and that little phrase turns us into cold emotionless drones just looking for a reason to drop you for the Coors light twins.

As far as whether or not women want the strong silent type, judging by the number of times I've been hushed, shhh'ed and told to be quiet I'd say the answer is a resounding yes. I'm not even so sure about the strong part, I'm pretty sure the women 'round the phishbowl just want me to be quiet. Being a well trained husband and having learned to keep quiet when the TV is turned to Lifetime is why she keeps me around, my abilities to open jars and utilize hand tools are just the added benefits.

My opinion is if women wanted overly emotional metrosexuals they wouldn't keep marrying those of us who know when and when not to display a bit of emotion.

For bits of wisdom from the Men's Club check out The Wizard, The Foreign Minister, The Fertile Irishman and this week it's Jamesyboy in the hot seat.

The ladies also bring forth bits of wisdom so be sure to visit Kathy, Sadie, Silk and the newest diva Phoenix.

Back in the saddle...

That's right folks we're back in the saddle again.

Well we'll be back in it, starting September the 29th. Yep, September 29th is when the posting by the demystifying divas and the men's club collectives shall resume.

There is of course the matter of the Feisty Diva retiring, so Phoenix of Villains Vanquished joins the line up of your as normal as they get normal divas, Kathy, Sadie and Silky. (Rumor also has it that there have been sightings of our beloved feisty one over here, but y'all know how rumors are.)

Stigmata (the who is also answering to the name of the Fertile Irishman), The Wizard, the Villainous Naked Ones and I being the gentlemens of the men's club will be making our triumphant returns as well.

Here kitty, kitty, kitty....

'tis Thursday and time to cover another topic. This week’s topic: What pets will tell you about a date.

Growing up I had a various assortment of pets, fishes (imagine that???), cats and dogs. The missus also had a wide array of pets. Currently our household contains cats and a dog. The cats are the wife's and are constantly plotting against me (evil and manipulative little creatures they are). The dog is ours but favors who ever has food at that moment. The puppy doesn't roam the house freely; but she does have more to do with the decision making processes than I do.

As far as pets and potential dates when was "in the game" I wasn't overly concerned about the types of pets a date had. Unless it was a pet spider, I hate spiders. Now quantity is a whole different story, the people with hundreds of animals roaming inside of their homes need extensive therapy and beatings with a rubber hose and shouldn't be considered potential mates. Hell they shouldn't be allowed to breed.

This topic also reminded me of the joke:

Facts about cats:
1) Cats do what they want.
2) They rarely listen to you.
3) They're totally unpredictable.
4) They whine when they are not happy.
5) When you want to play, they want to be alone.
6) When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7) They expect you to cater to their every whim.
8) They're moody.
9) They leave hair everywhere.
10) They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.

Conclusion: They're tiny little women in cheap fur coats.

Should things progress and your date wants to bring their pet into the game run.
Don't stop to think about it, just run. Run like the wind. Sure you may think that the Llamas are smart, cute and cuddly creatures; however I promise you, dating a Llama will bring nothing but heartache and they’ll make a mess of the place if the get their hooves on the keys to your pad.

Yep you guessed it I drew a blank on this one.
No formidable insight, except if you aren’t an animal person you shouldn’t date / marry an animal person.

For testosterone laden points of view visit: Our Maximum Leader, The Wizard and Stiggy.

The guest diva man for the week is the tincanman.

For estrogen laden points of view: Chrissy, Silk and Sadie have posted. Kathy will probably post as soon as she finishes chasterating (new form of punishment) a LLama.

You said what??????

This week's topic for the Men's club and the Divas is: Most embarrassing dating moments and how to avoid them.

I once again had trouble with this topic; mainly because it really takes quite a bit to embarrass me. However as I looked back over my dating past there were several moments I remembered that I should probably be embarrassed by or at least ashamed of. Not surprising a majority of these moments had to do with the impaired judgment that goes hand in hand with having a few too many drinks.

First and foremost is hitting on the bartender. Sure she's going to flirt right back as you're tipping five bucks for a two dollar beer. I can however promise you that 99% of the time she isn't going to give her phone number out to a guy that manages to down a fifth of liquor by himself in one night. Thus it's best to save your pickup lines for the chick that keeps getting hotter as the night wears on. You know the one dancing alone beside the pool tables.

As the old song goes: Last night I went to bed at two with a ten, and at ten I woke up with a two... Just a hint, if you're going to have a one night stand, make sure:
a) your friends don't see the other participant if he / she is below par
b) that you come home wearing the same thing so you can at least deny anything happened. If you come home minus clothing it's hard to claim we just "talked"; and you can bet your friends will give you hell for hooking up with somebody that's homely.
c) that you see your "target" sober so your beer goggles don't interfere with good judgment.

There's also the embarasing, when is the right time kiss someone for the first time. Try to kiss her too soon and she'll turn her head and you're kissing cheek. Wait too long and she's telling all her girl friends you're gay. To avoid this I always went for smokers. See I was a smoker so when I was on the market the added smoke flavoring didn't bother me and I figured if she was willing to stick a nasty ass cigarette in her mouth she probably won't mind kissing me good night.

The final embarrassing moment, which I inevitably encountered, was me opening my big mouth and saying the wrong thing. Not sure if y'all have noticed it or not but I'm a tad bit of a smart ass, just a tad mind you. One particular instance comes to mind. An ex-girlfriend and I were watching Tee Vee. I made a comment about the show she snippily responded. Never one to be out done I replied: "When I want lip out of you, I'll rattle my zipper". For some reason she wasn't as amused as I was. Needless to say the relationship went downhill from there. The remedy for this was for me to learn to keep my big yap shut, when I finally met the right one.

Note: I haven't done this one but I saw it happened and laughed accordingly.
The over protective bit is way over rated; don't make an ass out of yourself in public trying to be big and bad. I promise there's always somebody bigger and meaner. When you get overly jealous and he kicks your ass you'll just end up looking like an even bigger idiot when she leaves with her new "friend".

For more enlightened views: The Naked Villains, The Wizard and Stiggy shall provide manly perspectives. While Sadie, Silk, Kathy, Chrissy and Michele provide the feminine point of view.

Don't be a reject...

'tis time to cover another topic with the demystifying divas and the Men's club. This week's topic: how to avoid romantic based rejection and how to recuperate when you've been rejected.

Being rejected stings. Well depending upon the situation it can do a bit more than sting. For example being shot down when using an extremely horrid pickup line: "Hey darlin' you wanna go in halves on a bastard?" Isn't nearly as painful as say meeting your wife's new lover, who also happens to be your best friend's sister.

Just imagine the get barbeques after such an incident, "Hey aren't you they guy that Frank's little sister is dating now? Man that's got suck. So what'd you do to turn your wife into a lesbian?" There really isn't another scenario that deals such a crushing blow to a man's ego, except maybe if she became a nun and explained that you'd ruined sex for her completely.

When meeting women there are a several ways guys typically try to minimize the sting of being rejected. The most well known method is the use of pick up lines. At this point in time the women reading this are saying recalling all the times some poor sap walked up to them and said "Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes." It's lines like these that some men resort to as ice breakers.

The way they look at it, is if you're willing to laugh of an appalling introduction you'll probably let us down easy when we finally work up the nerve to ask for your phone number. If you blow us off completely, well then we can chalk up your crassness to your lack of a sense of humor and we wouldn't want to waste our precious limited time anyhoo.

I promise you ladies we men aren't as stupid as we look, okay some of us are, but by in large we aren't. We know that you're a fierce lot and that your instincts to protect your young (born or unborn) can and does make y'all. We're just trying to soften the blow when we learn that you wouldn't even consider us as a potential mate (or playmate as the case may be).

After being turned down we'll there are several steps towards the road of repairing our damaged ego.
The first is to order another round of refreshing adult beverages.
Next we'll swear the lady that turned us down is:
a) Already engaged / married / in a committed relationship.
b) A hateful hussy we'd prefer not to spend any time around.
c) A lesbian.
d) ALL OF THE ABOVE.

Nine times out of ten we'll opt for answer d and swear all the ladies in the group of are from the lesbian convent just down the road. This helps to save our fragile egos since there really can't be anything wrong with us can there? Once we've convinced ourselves that it's you and not us we'll move along to the next unsuspecting victim.

Our methods of avoiding rejection once we're in a relationship go even further. We'll end a relationship / fail to pursue a relationship over the most insignificant reasons. She's got a mole on her right shoulder, holds the fork funny, snorts when she laughs, etc... the reasons men have ended relationships are as numerous as the days of the earth. Some of them may be valid phobias, however often times I've seen guys try to end a relationship prior to being dropped. If they sense things aren't going so well, zip, bang, pow, see ya darlin'. Its been real, its been fun, but it hasn't been real fun.

Primarily it all boils down to our fragile egos again. The blow seems to be less crushing if we end the relationship by finding a fault, no mater how insignificant in the other person.

Now should we be captured by surprise and dropped prior to being able to end the relationship ourselves there are a series of steps that we go through to recover. The first involves mentally torturing ourselves for about fifteen minutes until we realize it was your fault and that you really weren't worthy of us to start with. From there we call our college buddies, who are required by The Guy Code to take us out drinking as step two in the recover process.

While out drinking all the guys will take turns swearing how she was never "the right one"; never mind that just two days earlier they were swearing she was the greatest thing since canned peaches. Once there has been adequate ex-bashing it's time to start down the true road of recovery with means you've got to get "back in the game". If the friends are married, this will typically involve a trip to the nearest gentlemen's establishment so the kind young ladies can reassure your buddies you that they're you're still desirable. If they're all single, this will typically involve a trip to the nearest gentlemen's establishment so the kind young ladies can reassure your buddies you that they're you're desirable. (Catching a theme here?)

Once the customary trip to Bottoms Up is out of the way it's time to start over with the steps mentioned in how to avoid rejection when meeting women. It really is a vicious cycle isn't it? Makes me happy I'm happily married (at least the wife keeps telling me I'm happily married).

The Wizard, the Naked Villains and Stiggy are offering mo' better masculine points of view.

Kathy,Silk, Sadie and Phoenix are providing female prospectives. Chrissy isn't feeling so hot and may post tomorrow.

Jealousy

'tis the time to cover another topic with the Men's Club and the Demystifying Divas. This week's topic: Jealousy, the green eyed monster.

I'll be honest with y'all folks I had trouble with this topic. I'm not a jealous person, never have been. I talked to the Wife about it a bit and her view point is if somebody else is willing to put up with my crap they can have me (for some reason she thinks I'm hard to get along with, like she knows anything about that).

Now I can say that my lack of jealousy has gotten me into a bit of trouble. I was dating a girl in college, prior to meeting the Wife, and after a couple of drinks she thought it would be cute to see my reaction when she said she was going to drop me for my best friend. My reaction: "Sweet! If he's willing to put up with your silly ass I won't have to drive you home and I'll have somebody to talk to about that thing you do with your tongue".

Game. Set. Match.

Maybe I shouldn't have been so enthusiastic or at least waited until we weren't in public to take the wind out of her sails. She was pissed to say the least. She couldn't comprehend why I wasn't the least bit concerned and upset that she was talking about leaving me. She was even more upset that I'd just blissfully allow my best friend to take her from me. And she was starting to go ballistic because I'd busted her bubble in public.

The Wife and I have discussed jealousy at various times throughout our relationship. She's told me she isn't concerned about me cheating, that she has complete faith and trust in me. She also said just in case I ever do feel like wondering astray to keep in mind that she will remove my whozits, bare handed.

See folks it's all about trust (and fear).

The Wizard, Puffy, The Naked Villains, Chrissy, Sadie, Kathy and Silk along with Joan of Seven Inches of Sense have all voiced their opinions on Jealousy.

Make your move movie ....

Today is Tuesday and you know what that means, its nudie magazine day time for the demystifying diva and the men's club to cover another topic. This week's topic, movies more specifically Chick / Guy Flicks.

I discussed the topic a bit with the wife this past weekend on our trip home from best buy. She's a fan of chick flicks (Never Been Kissed, She's All That, Steal Magnolias, The Yahooligans Sisterhood, Pretty Woman). Of no surprise to anyone I'm the stereotypical male when it comes to movie, if something blows up, or there's T. & A. I'm happy, if both are involved I'm even happier, if there's a lesbian love scene and lots of explosions I'm ecstatic (note the lesbians have to be attractive, Rosie O'Donnell and Ellen getting naked in a movie would be deal breaker, this wasn't discussed with the Wife).

I tried while pondering this post, as I have in the past, to figure out the appeal of chick flicks. Why, why, why do women feel the need to watch a movie that is going to make them cry? I've never understood it, probably never will. The Wife has pretty much given up on explaining the appeal of these types of movies. I admit it partially has to do with my coarse and unsympathetic nature; however a decent explanation would still be greatly appreciated. I'm sure I'll get ripped to shreds for this, but I've come the following conclusions regarding the reasons some women are addicted to chick flicks.

1. Its plain and simple enthralled. For a brief moment they're able to push aside all their worries and become completely enthrawled in the details of someone else’s problems. Problems which are nine times out of ten solved by the movie.

2. They're infatuated with the search for the perfect man. For women that have never been married they're clinging to the hope that their price charming is going to come riding into their lives and rescue them from the Cube Farm. They're just waiting for the perfect guy to sweep them away to live in his castle with an ocean view.

3. They're waiting for their chance to prove to the world they're just an extreme makeover away from being Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman or Rachael Leigh Cook in She's All That.

4. They're bitter shrews waiting for their chance to show their ex-boyfriend they're better of without them. Okay, maybe bitter shrews is a bit harsh, but how many people (guys included) have watched one of the life improves after High school / College movies and thought: Damn I'd love to show that putz / skank how much better my life is without them.

Guy movies on the other hand are much easier to figure out; probably because men are much simpler creatures.
Features for a successful guy movie.
1. Fast Cars
2. Fast Women
3. Lots of Explosions
4. Gross comedy or guys getting hit in the nuts
5. Sports based movie allowing men to relive high school / college glory days
6. A never before seen set of chesticles (Swordfish - Halle Barry & The Gift - Katie Holmes).

Features for a very successful guy movie.
1. Fast Cars + Fast Women
2. Fast Cars + Lots of explosions
3. Lots of naked men women. *

Features for a Blockbuster
1. Fast Cars or Lots of Explosions with Fast women making out with each other.
Features for a guy that will fail
1. Rosie O'Donnell or any other unattractive angry lesbian Naked.
2. Naked men (We don't care for comparisons)

Pretty much it boils down to the same old deal of women being complex and men being simple. Luckily there are movies in the middle ground, comedies (even some of the romantic comedies) may very well be the saving grace for men and women to live in harmony on movie night.

The following quotes are out of context (inspired by Sadie of course), thus you should read their entire post to put it (the quote) into place (context).

For those of you wondering the oldest profession is apparently still alive and well in L.A. The Minister of Propaganda finally admits to being a gigolo "I live in Los Angeles and I work in the Industry."

Sadie admits to a gender identity crisis "I am a man" and says "Oh woe is me. Who will ever save me from this terrible fate?"
Chrissy says "it was all about me!"
Kathy says "it works to keep the marital strife to a minimum."
Silk says "it is impolite to drool over another mans pert buttocks if you are sitting with a guy on a first date." I'm betting that hasn't stopped her though.
I hope Margi wasn't including me in the group that "behaved like eunuchs in public".

Stiggyis putting the final touches on his err, umm post.

The Wizard may be MIA, it depends upon how the fishing has been the past couple of day.

Note: Starting next week Tuesdays are moving to Thursdays. Okay well the whole day isn't moving, just the schedule of when we're discussing topics. See aren't you glad we didn't move the whole day, otherwise you'd have another couple of days before the Friday and that'd be no good.

* Thanks to owlish for pointing out the type-o, boy howdy what a difference two llittle letters make.

Lies, Damn Lies, and .....

Ah yes another Tuesday another topic for the Demystifying Divas and the Men's club. Today's topic: The lies told to significant others. As I do every Tuesday when discussing these topics I shall enlighten you with the Truthfulness of a Michael Moore documentary and the sincerity of a Tom Cruise wedding proposal.

Everything I have said is a lie, including this.

I'm guilty of it, am I ashamed, well a bit; however I've never intentionally lied to the Wife or some one I was dating, it just happened that way. I'm sure the ladies out there are thinking, that lying SOB is really going to say he doesn't intentionally lie to his wife. Well for what it's worth I don't. There's no reason for me to lie and is able to pick out when I'm not telling the whole truth. I'd hate to see her reaction if I were to try an outright lie. Knowing this the Wife as come to realize that if she doesn't want an honest answer, she need not ask me the question (it also goes without saying that tact isn't one of my strong suits).

Why do people feel compelled to lie? Maybe you're trying don't want to hurt a friend's feelings, maybe you're trying to get somebody naked, maybe you just don't remember the truth, the reasons are as varied as the individual situation.

The analysis of some of the common lies:
I'll respect you in the morning. Sure we have all intentions of respecting you in the morning (okay sometimes we don't). However when you become a willing and eager participant in a game of slap and tickle, on a shower curtain coated from head to toe in baby oil the respect factor drops a bit. Can you blame us for loosing a little bit of respect for sleeping with us the night we met?

That was by far the bestest relations I've ever had, when confronted with this question shortly after having the sex. In this case we're just trying to protect your fragile little ego and our family jewels. I mean could you handle the truth of knowing that you're little sister is better than you are in the sack? I didn't think so.

No I didn't spend a hundred dollars at the strip club at So and So's bachelor party. Technically this wouldn't be a lie as we never spend a hundred dollars at a strip club. Sure we've spent over that amount or just under that amount, but never exactly one hundred dollars. Being vague isn't a lie is it? Now if you ask for an exact dollar amount and if we know you're going to be pissed; well expect the bull shit to spew forth.

Telling the Wife I'm going to take out the trash / the dog / or anything else that involves me getting of my ass during the next commercial while you're watching the game. We really are planning to do whatever you've been nagging about; it's just better things keep getting in the way. For future reference if you have TIVO this excuse is worthless. The Wife has become quite fond of picking up the remote and pausing a show so I can help with whatever task I've been putting off for the past three days.

Since I'm rather common and you're excepting it I won't mention the: No darling that outfit doesn't make you look fat lie. It's just too predictable. Plus when someone has mistakenly asked me that question I preferred to point out that it is their ass, not the outfit making them look fat.

Sorry folks that it. That's all I've got. I really had more written until Kathy distracted me with an explanation that pudding wresting was possible whilst Sadie erased what I'd worked on. Silk and Chrissy came in to see what the ruckus was all about and it evolved into the royal rumble of lingerie clad pillow fights. Honest, that's the way it happened.

Would I lie to you?

Okay so I'm slack and non-creative today.

The these fine bloggers put their talents to use and shall help to keep you entertained. Be sure to click over and see what our Maximum Leader, the Wizard and Puffy have to say about lying. Then visit Kathy, Silk, Sadie, Sheila O'Malley (she's guest blogging for Chrissy) and Twisty.

Birthday wishes

A toast to our Maximum Leader on his birthday:
May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse.

If Our Maximum Leader has yet to receive his card I scanned it :

(click it for a larger view)

Card Layout shamelessly borrowed from sadie who also beat me to the punch at wishing Our Maximum Leader a Happy Birthday.

The right to bare arms

and bare legs and bare asses and pretty much anything else you can think of. It's Tuesday and the topic for the Men's Club and the Demystifying Divas: What is appropriate swim wear.

I devoted much of my time on the beach this past weekend to observing what people chose to wear. The Wife and I discussed the mater on a number of occasions and the best thing we could come up with is the people wearing what they shouldn't where they shouldn't were in the area on vacation and weren't planning to ever see the people they were visually accosting again. It's either that or their is a governmental regulation on the amount of material that can be used to make a swim suit. While we didn't run into anything nearly as horrendous as this guy, there were some that were close. See I've noticed that past a certain point as the size of the person increases the bathing suit stays the same, it's just their sense of shame that degenerates.

We discussed it a bit more as we were eating at various restaurants away from the beach (several miles away) and noticed people coming in without first going to their abode and changing. A couple of the places with out door patios allow them to sit outside, others without an out door area explained what the appropriate attire was. Some of them got upset and made a scene, some of them shook their heads and hurried away. The thing that got, and still gets, to me is what the hell were they thinking in the first place.

So I decided it was time to create phin's guide for swim wear:
1. Cover your ass. Whether you're 18 with ass you can bounce a quarter off or 60 with an ass you can hide a herd of midgets in keep it covered. Nobody wants to see your ass cheeks hanging out of your swim suit.

2. If you feel the need to ask someone if your bathing suit is too small or if it makes your ass look fat. It is and it does. Don't put that person in an awkward situation by asking them and most defiantly don't offend people by wearing it out in public.

3. Men with abnormally hairy chests shouldn't wear large gold chains to accessorize their chest hair. I promise you it isn't pretty, it is grotesque and you aren't going to meet the Coors Light Twins dressed like that.

4. If you aren't going to shave or wax your bikini line, don't wear a bikini or anything else that reveals your thighs. Period. Nobody finds the throw rug protruding from your swimwear attractive.

5. The people pointing and laughing at you on the beach aren't laughing with you. You've either had a wardrobe malfunction or you didn't understand the first four steps.

6. Swim wear is made for the beach or the pool area and shouldn't be worn outside that area unless you are heading directly too or from said area. Even if a city is named Whatever Beach. This means you can't head from the beach to a restaurant five miles into town wearing your swim suit and expect to be seated. Unless you're headed to the Nascar Cafe at the Redneck Riviera, then it's expected (and don't forget to keep a Marlboro hanging from lips at all times).

7. Wrapping a towel around your waste and putting on a T-Shirt doesn't make your swim suit appropriate either.

8. Don't leave your sense of decency behind when you put on a bathing suit. People with small children don't want explain the various parts of the human anatomy to their children on vacation.

9. Crack Kills

10. The only time a man should wear a Speedo is if he is swimming in the Olympics (and that's questionable).

11. Women that are Very Pregnant shouldn't wear string bikinis. Yes it's a wonderful time in your life, yes you have a glow about you, no I don't want to see your tummy that is now the size of a beach ball.

12. If you're comfortable wearing it, your friends aren't doubled over laughing and the family pet isn't gnawing at the draino bottle when you walk around the house in it, go for it.

Hopefully these guys didn't wear speedo's when they were blogging about swim wear:
The Foreign Minister of Naked Villainy is daring people to google for naked chicks.
Puffy aka Stigmata is still roaming around europe and will hopefully post pictures from the beaches.

These bikini clad bloggers are also discussing swim wear.
Silk is man thong blogging.
Chrissy says it's all about comfort.
sadie is searching for her bikini.
Kathy says who cares.

The guest Diva for the week Kate says it's anything goes on the Jersey Shore.

The Wizard is taking the Week off.

Don't tell me no lies....

It's Tuesday, which means it's time for another round of who's line is it anyway episode of the Men's Club and Demystifying Divas. This week's topic: Once a flame of a friend becomes available, is that person "forever" unavailable to other friend.

I've never had a problem with a friend of mine dating a girl I had gone out with. Not that it's happened very often as most my friends all realized that I until I met my wife I had a knack for picking out crazy. Not just run of the slightly off balance, I'm talking medicated crazy. So needless to say once I'd figured out they were crazy my buddies had figured it out too. As a wise man once said, "All women are crazy, it's just a matter of degree", who he is remains a mystery as the women in his life have hidden his body and erased all semblance of his existence.

There are times it's unacceptable however to ask for permission. If they've just been through a nasty break up there really isn't a need to pour salt into the wound by asking their permission to date.

Yes you have to ask permission, it's just common courtesy. There is a direct correlation between how long they've dated, how long you've been friends and how long you have to wait before you can got out with them. If the relationship was serious (marriage, engaged, long term) only a super putz would ask permission to hook up with a friend's ex. One of the main reasons you've got to ask permission, is you run this risk of getting your feelings hurt as well as permanently damaging a friendship.

As I previously mentioned I dated a girl that was kinda crazy (if you missed it and don't feel like reading it she was really to get married after two months and I wasn't). When we parted ways it was a less than amicable breakup. She bumped into a drinking buddy of mine a couple of weeks later and they started dating. Then one night while out at one of the local watering holes they showed up. He was embarrassed, I didn't give a damn, she came over and tried to make me jealous. Her bit didn't work, she got mad, started crying and he just assumed I'd called her a nasty skank or worthless hussy or psycho bitch and jumped to her defense.

Now I'm a fairly passive guy, I was raised not to start a fight and I can count the number of physical altercations (other than scuffles with my brothers) I've been in on one hand . But I was also raised not to back down from one either. He kept pushing the issue thinking I was pissed, when I explained to him that I really didn't give a damn, that they were both worthless as tits on a bull and made for each other he got mad and took a swing at me. The one thing I regret is I never got a punch in, my buddies were on him before I had a chance to react and he received a good ole southern ass whipping. Which is the proper punishment for breaking Rule #10 of the Official Guy Code: Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return, is required to grant it. Shortly after that little incident she broke things off with him we talking things out over a couple of beers and went our separate ways.

The problem was the trust was broken. Which is why you need to speak to your friends prior to boinking their ex. Had he let me know I'd have happily said go for it and the whole little incident would have been avoided. As most adults know relationships are built on trust. If you're doing something you have to keep secret from you friends, especially a close friend, then you ought not be doing it to start with.

I'll leave the gentlemen readers with one final bit of advice:
Always remember in South Carolina and West Virginia Rule #5 of the Official Guys Code of Conduct also applies: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever, even if your buddy did break up with her, it's still unacceptable to ask his permission to date her. Plus if she isn't good enough for her own family she isn't good enough for you.

For more enlightened views:
The Wizard found out his best friend broke the guy code.
Stigmata aka Puffy is offering monkeys for anyone brave enough to date his exs.
Smallholder of the Naked Villains is polishing his report.

Kathy has some not so fond memories of goombahs.
sadie says to kick the garbage to the curb.
Silk says don't even go there.
Chrissy says that women very merrily married.

When the past isn't

Its doomsday Tuesday which means it's time to cover another topic with the Men's Club and Demystifying Divas, this week's topic: Full disclosure of sexual background.

I guess I could be considered fairly old fashioned on this topic since I kind of like to know a woman's history prior to hoping into the sack with her. It's not that I want a list of references with various acts performed and do's / don'ts (although the do's and don'ts might be helpful), oh what the hell am I babbling about I'm married and I'd me neutered were I to even think twice about running around on my wife.

The amount of disclosure and the details (who, what, when how many times, were there farm animals and pudding involved) will be determined by the situation, what type of relationship you're having and what the person can handle. It will also depend on the amount of respect you have for the person your in a relationship with. In an ideal world it would matter not the number of sexual conquests a person had endured so long as they were disease free. The past is and should remain in the past, but often time our past isn't left behind and must be explained. Our mistakes and experiences build the character that whomever we're seeing is interested in, however often times people are discouraged when their version of the fairy tale doesn't meet real life experiences.

It's a simple fact that some people can handle information others can't. In college I knew guys who wanted to know their girlfriend's entire past. Then once they'd heard it, if it wasn't what they'd baked up in their ideological little world they couldn't deal with it. It made them act like a jealous ass while out in public or the pedestal they had placed her on came crashing down and the relationship started to wither away. Was it right, nope, she was still the same person prior to disclosing that information.

There is always a time and place for everything, full discloser included.

If it's a one night stand after drinking heavily at the bar in Tijuana there probably won't be too much chatting about prior history, just be sure to wear a protective coat of armor. 40% of people who know they are HIV+ do not tell their partners (Information from Trojan® Condoms Web Site). And for something else that Ajax won't take off, 1 in 5 people (20%) over the age of 12 have some form of herpes. Hmm, maybe it would be good to have a conversation prior to hoping in the sack with somebody.

The Minister of Propaganda and the Wizard do a better job of explaining when its time to disclose various bits of information. I was working on a list but got distracted when somebody started throwing gummie bears and talking about her undies and talking politics.

Christina is right on target, as usual, when she says there are bits of information that we should know prior to proceeding very far in a relationship. She calls it interrogation within the guise of polite conversation. I call it a smart move. Especially for a woman, there are too many weirdos out there. Not that all people convicted of criminal behavior will be forthcoming with their past, but hopefully you can learn enough to run like hell. Silk continues the discussion with information you should disclose prior to disclothing.

There are times however that discloser isn't a good idea and may actually be detrimental to your health. For example, say you talk your girlfriend to trying something new, when you've finished up you shouldn't tell her it was okay and that her best friend was better. Or on your honeymoon, you shouldn't say: "You know your little sister and I did this thing the other night I think you'd enjoy, maybe we could get her to join us". And never tell her that after a couple years of practice she might be as good in the sack as her mom is.

sadie offers advice on how to recover if you're ever cornered with questions about how your current flame compares to an ex. I'm pretty sure she documented the correct responses for my benefit.

Kathy reminds me of one of the reasons I like being married, the hard parts over with, no more secrets. Except that trip to the Bunny Ranch (Not work safe) a couple of years back.

Moogie is guest posting with the divas this week.

Stigmata is still gallivanting across Europe, and shall post when able.

Lonely or Broken

This week's topic of discussion for the Men's Club and Demystifying Divas: Lonely Hearts or Broken Hearts and which one is better / worse.

Since I don't talk about myself enough I'll try to pull from personal experience in this post. For the most part in regards to women I dated prior to meeting my wife; let's just say I'm glad they're in the distant past and they don't have my current address (them girls was crazy in the head, however they did provided me with some ammunition material for this post).

I never really went through either one of the stages; I really didn't give a damn about being in a relationship until I met my wife. So I don't have any personal experience with the lonely heart or broken heart bit. Go ahead, laugh, I'll quit typing for a second while you get the calling bullshit and calling me a liar. Done now? May we proceed? Thank you.

The first somewhat serious girlfriend I had in college was a perpetual lonely heart. To her life wasn't worth living if she wasn't in a relationship; she simply needed the stability (for lack of a better term) of another person in her life. The big problem however was she went from zero to married in about a two month time frame. Within two months of our first date she had already started talking marriage, number of kids she wanted, naming the kids, and figuring out how we'd divvy up the holidays, etc….

Being a freshmen in college for the first bit when she was doing this I was pondering whether or not I'd have another beer. When I realized that she was serious about the names of our children and all the other stuff, we had a little chat that ended up with me being called several not nice names and her attempting to launch my whozits into orbit with a swift kick (that I luckily blocked, for the most part). However, within two weeks she had found her next victim and had moved on.

We kept in contact (she was a bartender at one of my favorite watering holes) and she repeated the cycle until she found someone as off balance as she was. They were married within a year and divorced two years later. She was still playing the lonely heart card the last time I saw her about three years ago.

I also knew a girl in college that could be the case study for your stereotypical bitter broken hearted shrew. She'd found her one true love, and knew prior to their relationship he a drunk, a cheat and a liar, but he was the one for her. They were She was madly in love and love conquers all right? He'd change for her, she thought. And he did, at least until they got naked or he found someone else to play slap and tickle with.

She would incessantly harp on the one that got away. Somehow there was a guy at every party, every bar, hell just about anywhere that reminded her of her ex. She'd start off with tears, then move anger and cuss any guy that would listen (and some that wouldn't), then move to the self pity stage). Boy howdy was she a bitter shrew at the ripe old age of twenty. She really felt that in the end it really was her fault, she could have been more attentive to his needs or tried that threesome with the girl they met at the bar the night before they broke up. That would have been a true display of her love for him and he couldn't possibly have left after that right?

At times people (men and women) fail to realize that the world really is against them and they really are a horrible person that nobody wants to be in a relationship with; for the rest of us, its just matter of living, learning and moving on ( and / or hiding bodies).

Given the two choices, the lonely heart is a much better scenario if you ask me. Really if they haven't been in true love they don't know what they're missing?

When Lord Alfred Tennyson made the statement: 'Tis is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. He obviously hadn't been kicked in the twins or verbally accosted in public by a spurned wife or girlfriend.

For more rational and less biased opinions:
The AirMarshal describes his perfect man what women want and why they're a glutton for punishment. You may also rest assured the rest of the Villains will chime in.
The Wizard says that a broken heart is only a flesh wound.
Stigmata is gallivanting across europe and will post when asap.
Kathy says loneliness is like crack (to some people).
Christina says she shall partake and embrace love's grace.
sadie says women really wonder "Am I a horrible person.... do I suck in bed".
Guest blogging with the divas this week is Pammy, who agrees that Alfred is full of cow paties.
Silk says that she's heavy today. Her words, not mine, do y'all really think I'm that crazy?

Yay sparklies

Jewelry is a funny and fickle thing. One of life's most important decisions for a man often times hinges on the purchase of a ring. Why because society says that if we don't spend three months salary on an engagement ring, instead of making a down payment on a house, we just don't love her enough or we haven't really though through our decision to marry.

Then there's the wedding band, the anniversary band, tennis bracelets and all kinds of other sparklies that people deem to be an important method of expressing our true feelings.

See you can really express just about any emotion or sentiment with a jewelry purchase:

You can say I love you:
But you've got to be careful. I dated a couple of girls in the past that said they wouldn't consider a relationship with someone who wasn't planning on purchasing them at LEAST a Carat Diamond.


See money really can buy you love. If they're a hooker, and when someone demands at a certain sized diamond all you're really doing is negotiating price. It's the thought that counts right?

Then you can also say I'm sorry:
Say you get caught in one of life's little situations. What better way to apologize than with a set of diamond earrings?

Now before you go thinking it's just women that demand sparklies think again. I know several "men" that have more expensive taste in jewelry than the women I'm friends with. As dear Sadie once said, "one must search for masculine men these days, as so many have been pussified due to the glorification of sensitive males." What the hell does a guy need with an onyx and diamond pinky ring; unless he's trying to win the Mrs. Metrosexuality pageant?

Sorry folks I just don't see the reason men need to wear have a diamond ring on every finger unless they're trying to compensate for something else. The real men I know wear a wedding band, a watch, possibly a class ring and maybe a necklace. But if you want to prove you're over compensating for a below the belt lacking feel free to spend your bank account on bling.

For more enlightened views:
Christina's investment tip, gold.
Silk says that women and birds are genetically linked.
Sadie says to burn dollars to create carbon that will eventually become diamonds.
Kathy just can't stop herself. From what you'll have to read for yourself.
Phoenix, guest blogging with the divas this week be sure to visit, says she's a stereotypical girl.

Puffy is finished robbing a jewelry store and has posted.

The Wizard has to been called away on work, stupid work always interfering with blogging.

The Gentlemen of Naked Villany will be taking zonker's place in the Men's Club lineup. zonker is trying to convince us he actually has a life outside of blogging so he had to step down. Up to bat this week is The Maximum Leader and he's knocked it out of the park, you go read now.

The quandary of strip clubs

It's Tuesday and today's topic: Strip Clubs.

I personally have never been a big fan of Strip Clubs, but that isn't to say I haven't been to more than a couple, of dozen. Part of my job involves travel and being fairly young, the owners of the businesses I was meeting with felt obliged to keep me "entertained". When I was single more often than not this meant a trip to their local strip joint; thus there are several stories I'll pull from when discussing the do's and don't of Gentlemen's Establishments.

If you've never been to a strip joint there are several things you should know:

• Unless you're in Vegas, New York or another major metropolitan area the girls won't look like they do on the posters outside (until you've had half a dozen $5 - $8 dollar drinks).
• If you're trying to catch a buzz while in said strip joint stick to beer. You'd be amazed at how watered down the booze is in adult establishments (Partially to keep folks from getting to rowdy).
• To quote Chris Rock: "There is no sex in the Champaign room, there's Champaign in the Champaign room, but there is no sex in the Champaign room".
• If you decide to get handsy in a strip joint, you will get your ass handed to you by a bounder that would make Sam Elliot in Roadhouse his bitch.
• Your new best friend named Candy really doesn't give a damn what you do for a living, that your wife is out of town, that it's your last night before getting married so long as you keep stuffing bills in her garter belt she's your best friend.
• Men if you're in Montreal Canada it is worth attending the Canadian Ballet; just so you can say you've been. No the Canadian Ballet isn't really ballet and I wouldn't take your spouse with you, just ask a male hotel clerk, cabbie or limo driver; they'll get you where you need to go.
• Never eat at a strip joint named Café Risqué

As I mentioned earlier I've been to more than a few strip joints. There are several things I'd rather do than go to a strip joint with a client, such as have a root canal done without anesthesia or get my 'nads waxed; but since those weren't options I couldn't choose from them. Now not all of my experiences have been bad and more likely than not something damn funny is going to happen. Not that you'd be allowed to discuss what happened to somebody in public as that would be a direct violation of the code.

Most of the guys I know aren't going to a strip joint to find the next love of their life or even hoping for a roll in the hay with one of the dancers. Most of the time it's a "special" occasion (birthday, bachelor party, etc..) when a group of guys head out to see some bouncies and make asses out of themselves.

I could really do without going to another strip joint. Why? Well the allure of paying, as I mentioned earlier, $5 - $8 for a drink really doesn't excite me. Not that I'm cheap, I just don't like water in my scotch, 'cause we all know fish have sex in water. I'm not really a big fan of the perfume that is misted out of AC vents to keep the place from smelling like a hog house. The music is almost always too damned loud. As my friends and I have gotten older the bachelor party ritual of strip joints has been replaced with offshore fishing trips and golf outings.

For the ladies wondering if we were going there for some type of sexual gratification, nope, in all honesty it could be best compared to taking a shower with rain gear on. Everything required is there, but the additional elements keep it from being a truly satisfying experience.

Why do men go to strip joints? Well not that the scenery hurts, but mainly its somewhere we don't have to worry about making an ass out of ourselves. There's a certain comfort in knowing that as long as you don't jump up on stage and start stripping yourself there will always be somebody that's a bigger ass than you.

There are several things in life that are certain, death, taxes, Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store and men don't talk about what their buddies did at the strip joint.

If you're looking for a crowd that really knows how to have a good time in a strip joint. Find the bachelorette party headed to the Cheetah Club in Vegas. That's right a soon to be married woman and her bridesmaids know how to raise hell in a boobie bar; but that a story for another time

For more coherent rambling about adult establishments:
The men:
The Wiz learns about stripping from his preacher, really he does.
Zonker talks about working with strippers or something.

The divas:
Sadie's clueless and admits it (This shall forever be a day of infamy).
Chissy talks about boobs, jubblies hooters.
Michelle offers advice for those thinking about becoming strippers.
Kathy proves her husband is a brave man.
Silk just wants somebody to take their clothes off.

Puffy is still at Thee Dollhouse researching the topic.

Something to ponder

It seems The Men's Club name is already in use by a less than reputable gentleman’s establishment.

Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not.

Hat Tip: Acidman

Ooooh that smell

This week's Men's Club & Demystifying Divas topic: Scents.
In the words of Lynyrd Skynyrd:

Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell

This week's Men's Club & Demystifying Divas topic: Scents.

The sense of smell is a funny thing. A scent can make us hungry, home sick, sick, feel better, amorous or it can ruin the mood (tip: a covered wagon isn’t a turn on).

A little bit of the right perfume or body spray can wreak havoc on a man’s sensibilities. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: men are simple creatures, beer, food and a good smellin’ woman is pretty much all it takes to make us happy. Even the ever ranting Acidman has posted about this. For me the scent is Pear Glace, the misses wore it in college and I’ve kept her stocked in the stuff ever since. I prefer the body washes & body sprays, as the colognes (I was informed by the witch of a saleswoman at Victoria Secretes it isn’t’ called perfume anymore) tend to be a bit too strong for my tastes, even when applied conservatively.

On the other hand, nothing screams hey, look at me I’m a raging Metrosexual more than a guy that takes a bath in cologne. They need to learn that little bit goes a long way when it comes to cologne. A guy I used to work with almost always took a bath in whatever cologne he’d found that week. Besides giving me a migraine it eventually made me scream: “WTF, don’t you realize you’re not supposed to use half a damn bottle of cologne. A dab you moron, a dab of cologne, you’re not supposed to be bathing in it.”

For posts that actually make sense and that aren’t rambling incoherent rants:
Ruth rants about scents that don't make sense but cost more than a couple of cents.
Kathy has me wondering where my bottle of Drakkar went.
Sadie's gone to the dogs, well not really, she offers tips to keep it from happening.
Christina's talking about being naughty in the kitchen, minus the naughty part (mmmm cookies).
Silk wants a man that is hard and sweaty, well at least one that smells that way.

Puffy makes sense out of spending cents to get a decent scent.
The Wizard has found something that smells good, five bucks says it isn't my socks.
Zonker says he likes the smell of a freshly cleaned cat and wonders why the other men didn't mention it. I personally didn't mention it 'cause I'm a dog person. Another thing that screams I'm a Metrosexual is cat blogging: Right Zonker?

Update: For those of you wondering what cologne I wear, it's the alone cologne: Ole Nunsbush.

I'll Call

This week's Men's Club & Demystifying Divas topic: The meaning of those three little words uttered after a first date, no not "Let's get naked", "I'll call you".

The problem, as several of the other participants have noted, is there isn't an industry standard. How long are you supposed to wait after the first date are you supposed to call. Women expect different things (yes I realize this is the understatement of the Millennium). There's a fine line between attentive, too needy, stalker and uninterested. Call too soon there's definitely something wrong with you, call to late you obviously aren't interested and can't be bothered, oh the joys of dating make me happy to be married happily (at least my wife keeps telling me I’m happily married, so it’s true right?).

Personally I never used the “I’ll call you” line while dating. After the first date if I was interested I asked when she would be around so we could chat. Thus giving her ample opportunity to make up an excuse to dodge my call or let me know when she’d be there to stalk. If I wasn’t I told her it’s been real, it's been fun, but it hasn't been real fun. To me it didn’t make since to lie; of course I’ve been told I’m overly logical and analytical at times, but I think the people that made those statements were reading way too much into it.

Why some guys say “I’ll call you” and never do. The answer is plain and simple, and I apologize in advance for my language, they’re chicken shits. I thought about it for a great while and there really isn’t a better description for them; I started to just call them chickens but that would be an insult to my favorite snack. For a person to look directly into somebody’s eyes that they just went out on a date with and blatantly lie to them is inexcusable; they’re the lowest of the low, they’re chicken shits.

Why do some males feel it is acceptable to blatantly lie? For some reason a large portion of the male population, I refuse to call them men, think that women can’t handle the truth that the guy just isn’t interested. Maybe it’s their ego, some guys honestly think that all women want them and can’t handle the thought they aren’t interested. Some just don’t have the spine to tell a woman they aren’t all that interested. Any way you go about it they’re chicken shits, either egotistical chicken shits or spineless chicken shits.

If you’re offended by this because you’ve used the line to get out of an awkward situation, tough think about the person waiting for a call.

For more reasonable and well formulated statements there are the Darling Delectable Demystifying Divas. For other testosterone laden ramblings there are the other members of the men’s club.

Spit Polished & Squeaky Clean

It's Tuesday and this week's topic: The differences between how men and women get ready in the morning.

Living in a house with two women (my wife and her sister) has taught me many, many things. Some things that shouldn't be said and some things that every man should know. That being said a little bit more background may be in order. My wife has two sisters; all three of these ladies were high school and collegiate athletes(her youngest sister, the one living with us is still in school); thus they have the ability to kick my skinny little arse at will. Lucky for me they choose not to, most of the time.

I on the other hand, grew up in a house hold with two brothers one older and sometimes wiser, and one younger. While the many different scrapes and scuffles we got into taught me quite a bit about life' challenges; they did absolutely nothing to prepare me for life with two bosses the lovely ladies at my house(the two bosses statement was removed due to the fact I take orders from my dog and the cats also).

One thing I learned early on was that there is a sacred (and scary) time of the day when afore mentioned ladies are getting ready for Work / School; granted it took several verbal thrashings, but I've learned none the less.

My morning routine is simple:

1. Alarm goes off, get out of bed.
   
2. Bathroom Time: Brush Teeth & possible shower depending upon the previous nights activities and whether to not I showered prior to going to bed. (If I go to bed clean I'’m not going to get dirty without a little bit of help).
3. Put on Clothes
4. Pop pills(Prescribed medications only of course)
5. Grab breakfast
   
6. Let Chloe (our pet boxer & number three in the chain of command) out for the day.
7. Leave for work.

Total Time Elapsed: 20 – 30 Minutes.
* If a shower is required only one type of soap is required (another added benefit of keeping a shaved head).

Now for the ladies:
On days where there will be little human interaction(weekends, vacations, etc…) their routine doesn’'t vary much from mine, except there is a guaranteed shower. On days when human interaction is required well that’s a whole ‘nother ball game. Using the keen observational skills I acquired during my stalker younger days I've tried to document a typical work / school day morning.

1. Alarm Clock sounds off. Snooze button slapped a couple of times.
2. Drag out of bed & stumble towards bathroom.
3. Brush Teeth & Preheat shower to Four Million Degrees Celsius to create sauna affect.
4. Arrange towels, bath robe and cleaning supplies.
   
5. Shower: Use Special soap (body wash). Rinse. Use Special soap for the face. Rinse. Shampoo. Rinse. Shampoo. Rinse. Condition. Rinse.
6. Dry Hair Using Towel. Which ends in a strange turban type wrap to ensure no excess moisture will escape.
7. Dry body using another Towel and wrap around torso.
8. Cover remaining exposed skin with floor length bath robe.
9. Pick out attire for the day.
10. Return to bathroom and use hair dryer.
11. Put previous outfit back and choose another.
12. Return to bathroom and torment hair using various items call “Irons”. Some are for curling others for straightening and there's yet another for attacking unsuspecting males that may walk past the door way.
    
13. Pull original outfit from closet and lays [the original outfit] beside second outfit.
    
14. Return to bathroom and apply makeup (this step may is optional, some days they wear makeup some days they don’t).
15. Pull third and final outfit from closet.
16. Put on outfit & model in front of at least two mirrors.
    
17. Grab breakfast
18. Kick phin in the ribs.
    
19. Leave for work

Total Time Elapsed: 60 -– 90 Minutes.

So as you can see there really isn't that much of a difference between how men get ready and how ladies gets ready ; only a step or twelve (majority of the steps apply to her sister also, although there are portions I didn't witness all of them first hand).

*To further my research I spoke to several of my married friends and verified the steps above with them; some slight alterations may take place, but in general they stayed the same.

Update Everybodys In, and on the same day too. Impressive.
Kate 'splains her daily routine.
Kathy says that if you expect a woman to go into battle she needs ample time to apply the proper amount of "war paint".
Silk give us a lady's perspective and says an attractive & presentable woman is worth the wait.
Sadie finally woke up sometime after noon and posted, her response was worth the wait (there's something mentioned about 500 groping hands or something or other; sounds kinky to me).
The Wizard has added another male perspective.
Puffy Says that if you can keep the ladies from taking advantage of unsuspecting men everyone would get ready much quicker (well he didn't really say exactly like that).
Zonker gives us a glimpse of what it's like to wake up with him. Hmm, that doesn't quite sound right does it? I think I just scared myself.

[]'d red text added for clarification. Thanks be to Sadie for pointing out english isn't my first language; I'm not sure what the first one is yet. When I find out I'll let y'all know.

Now go clean yourself you nasty rascal.

I'll take the preacher's daughter

It’s Tuesday, which means it’s time for another installment of the Men’s Club and the Demystifying Divas. This week’s topic: What draws us to a Bad Girl? The ladies are covering the other side with why women seem to find Bad Boys attractive.

To start with I’m not going to cover why guys will go after a Bad Girl in the sense of why they'd go after a girl that is willing to sleep with any and everything that has a pulse. That would be simple. A majority of single men, especially while in their teenage college years, will jump in the sack with anything willing rattlesnakes, hedgehogs and inflatable sheep, much less a female.

It’s the Bad Girl, the one your parents would freak out if you brought home for fried chicken on Sunday. The girl that may or may not have piercings or tats; but definitely has the don’t give a damn attitude.

Why are men attracted to bad girls?

Confidence: One thing most guys hate: having to reassure a girl that she’s attractive, if we didn’t find you attractive we wouldn’t have asked you out. Not that it doesn't need to be done from time to time, but an attention hound grates on most men’s nerves like fingernails on a chalk board. It all goes back to the old saying about high maintenance women; no matter how good she looks some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap. If you have to interject complements for her into every conversation it gets old quick; thus most guys are intrigued by women that they feel are already self confident.

Curiosity: If she'll cast off societies norms and tell the world to kiss her ass, then what else is she up for. Now prior to you jumping to conclusions I'm not talking about what she’s up for in the sack, I'm referring to life's many other activities; like bowling and gardening(naked of course, but bowling and gardening none the less).

Challenge: Like women, men like a challenge, and the allure of an untamed woman is something that will drive most men mad. Not that we’re looking for to change her, but the thrill of having a woman that will speak her mind and to hell with what anyone else thinks is a breath of fresh air.

If men are given the choice between women with a persona of June Cleaver or Jenna Jameson(note the or part deems the choice mutually exclusive), most would choose Jenna Jameson. (If you don’t know who Jenna Jameson is the author with the best selling book: How to Make Love Like a Porn Star oh and an she’s the Adult Film Starlet). We'd actually like a combination of the two, so we could have dinner ready for us when we got home and all the acrobatic achievements in the bedroom afterwards. Really would be the fun in dating / marrying someone that’s so benign and predictable that you know what to expect 24 / 7?

By the way, why is it that preacher's children are notoriously hellions and why haven't preachers figured out their kids are the bad boys & girls?

For other men's club opinions: The Wizard and Puffy. Zonker's taking the week off.

The ladies explain why they all want me women like bad boys. So hop on over and visit: Christina, Kathy, Sadie and Silk.

Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Wife's

Popcorn or her fine ass either.

This weeks Demystifying Divas / Men's Club topic was brought to us by a multi-part question from Dax Montana of The Dax Files. The original post can be found here. For those of you too lazy to click over here's a summary of the questions asked:

• What is cheating?
• At what level of commitment can cheating occur?
• How much of an emotional investment does it take before cheating can occur?
• What should be the penalty?

What is cheating? Plain and simple it's breaking the rules. This goes for relationships as well as just about anything else in life. To establish ground rules you've got to communicate. Now I’m not saying that prior to going out on the first date you should sit down and hash out a contract; but the application of a bit of common sense you should be able to determine your boundaries. At some point in time, as a relationship progresses, the expectation of exclusivity comes into play. If you aren’t sure about it, well then maybe you should ask, if you’re sleeping with the person; then you should definitely ask if you aren’t sure.

The act of cheating is going to vary from relationship to relationship; based upon the ground rules established. I realize that may sound like a politician’s way out of the definition, so here are some examples. To some cheating would be going out to dinner with someone else, to others cheating may not start until actual physical contact has been made and yet to some others it isn’t cheating if your partner knows what is going on (enter the world of swingers). Like in West Virginia its all relative.

Chances are pretty good if you’ve got to lie or deceive partner about what you were doing then you’re cheating. I’m not talking about going out drinking with your college buddies, unless your college buddies like to get drunk and act like Romans. I’m referring to any of the actions you may take to build a romantic relationship with another person.

At what level of commitment can cheating occur? Really it all falls back to the ground rules established. As some couples that have only dated for a short time period expect exclusivity whereas some people that are married allow physical relationships with others (enter the pesky swingers again). But a pretty safe bet is that once you’ve seen each other naked then there’s a pretty safe bet the other person is expecting exclusivity. Exceptions to this rule could be the drunken ramblings in the sorority or fraternity house in college; but like swingers these would be the exceptions to most people’s rules.

If you don’t feel that an intimate encounter of the naked kind warrants a commitment of monogamy then it is your responsibility to let the other person know if they don’t already; preferably prior to the intimate part of the naked encounter. Yes by taking responsibility for your actions and letting someone know that you’re planning to rogering as many people as possible, or maybe just the office secretary, may put damper on things; but don’t you owe them a little respect?

How much of an emotional investment does it take before cheating can occur? I’ll say it one more time it depends upon the ground rules (So I’m beating the hell out of a dead horse what of it?). A pretty safe bet here would be if you’ve utter the three little words that get so many people in trouble, no not Let’s get naked, the other three, I Love You, then there is an expectation of monogamy. If you’ve uttered those words and the person replied me too, well don’t you feel like an ass?

What should be the penalty? The clap, it’s painful, yet curable. I haven’t had the clap, nor do I want too. But a nice non-permanent, yet painful venereal disease seems like it would be fitting for someone who breaks the trust of someone they're in a relationship with.

That being said, it’s extremely difficult to give cheating a blanket definition. Since all people are unique each relationship will also be unique. The only thing I know for certain is the relationship I have with my wife and the ground rules she’s given me. Innocent flirting is acceptable. Cheating would be defined as trying to build a romantic emotional or physical relationship with someone else. I double checked earlier for clarification and received a reply of if you have to ask don’t do it. The ever growing list of things I know I can’t do include going out to a romantic dinner with someone, kissing, touching rubbing, etc…

The penalties I haven’t really thought about what I’d do, but my wife has made her view point on this clear. If she were to catch me cheating she divorce me, neuter me, then kill me; but not necessarily in that order and defiantly without anesthesia.

For more opinions on this topic the other gentlemen sounding off are: The Wizard, Puffy & Zonker should be speaking up at some point in the near future.
And the always lovely divas have chimed in also: Silk, Sadie, Kathy & Chrisina

Will she respect me in the morning?

The demystifying diva's topic this week; will a guy respect a girl if she sleeps with him too soon?

If you are reading this and you manage to seduce me, then yes I would have trouble respecting you in the morning.

1. Because I’m married & the wife doesn’t read my blog.
2. Because she slept with me, really could she stoop much lower?
3. Because even after you slept with me you stuck around until the sun came up.

To directly answer the question: will a guy respect a girl if she sleeps with him too soon? Nope, but I can't image to many of the ladies out there respecting a guy they bedded to soon either. Much less wanting long term / meaningful relationship with him. Sure there are the exceptions to the rule, lust love at first site, blah, blah, blah... But thats just what it is and exception.

A majority of the guys I ran around with i college would try to get a girl into the sack on their first date. If she was a willing participant, then normally their relationship didn’t progress, if she didn’t then she was “relationship material”. Was it right? In my opinion no, I’ve had more than one argument about it(prior to anyone jumping to conclusions I didn’t even attempt to kiss my wife goodnight until our third date).

Its just fact that there is a double standard(don't bitch at me I didn't set it) that most people adhere too, otherwise the question would have been "would you respect someone you slept with too soon". Currently in our society it is acceptable for a guy to sleep with as many women as possible, whereas a woman is expected to remain chaste. To me its none of anyone else's business who's playing slap and tickle with who.

If you can respect yourself in the morning, more than likely the person you've just rolled around in the hay with is going to respect you too. But my bet, and I'd feel pretty safe making it, is that if you're going to respect yourself in the morning you've waited until the time is right. What's the right time, that is a matter that you'll have to discuss with the person you're gonna bump uglies with. Which means yup, you really should at least discuss doing the horizontal mambo with your partner prior to the act.

I can’t really say it any better than The Wizard and Feisty have, it's all about self respect. Silk does a great job describing the three types of hoodlums that are trying to get your daughters in the sack. Sadie calls a spade a spade and lays out the mindset of a majority of my college friends regarding sex(are men really that transparent?) Kathy explains why women think men are pigs, "I promise I'll call really I will", and like Sadie she finds that men are transparent(I'm noticing a trend).

Do's and Don'ts of Flirting

The Diva’s Christina, Kathy, Sadie & Silk all chimed in with this week’s topic the Do’s and Don’ts of Flirting. The first installment of The Men’s Club is up over at Down for Repairs with additional commentary available from Puffy, Zonker and my two and a half cents worth is below. I recommend reading at least a couple of the links above prior to my commentary, don't worry they'll open in a new tab if you're using Fire Fox or a new window if you're using something else.

I’ll agree with the ladies that flirting is an art form, and by in large I agree with a majority of what they had to say.

Pretty much everyone agrees that eye contact is the key and that men aren’t supposed to check out women’s chest-ticles when we’re flirting. All the ladies & the Wizard mentioned something about comments / looks being directed towards breasts. Well if the ladies wouldn’t push them up with the Miracle Wonder Bra, two boxes of Kleenex and a roll of duct tape they wouldn’t be busting out of your blouse for us to see. I mean if I stuffed two packs of gym socks down my shorts you couldn’t help but look could you?

Smile, everyone says be sure to smile. Well that’s all fine and dandy if you have decent teeth, which was discussed earlier by me here and by the ladies here, here, here and here. But what happens if you have a grin like a hockey player? How do you explain to a woman that you still have all your teeth, it’s just that most of them are in your pocket. Oh and we aren’t supposed to keep a grin on our face like a serial killer either. To be the fairer sex women sure are confusing, kinda judgmental too, I mean you can't judge a book by it's cover but you can judge a man by his teeth / smile?

Ask questions about topics that both people are interested in, like yourself what better topic? Plus you want to impress the woman you’re flirting with by being knowledgeable about the topic right. But be sure to ask questions about her too, you need to find out if she has a steady job and decent pay (how else is she going to support your bad habits right?).

Everybody says touching is good. The only problem is how do men really know you women are clean? We all know women are dirty smelly drunken buffoons that go for days without showering, oh wait that’s a bachelor nevermind. So touching is good, but you can't be too touchy feely, and we aren't supposed to get all grabby. I’m really getting confused here, if I can’t look at a woman’s breasts how am I supposed to make sure I don’t touch them, by accident of course?

We aren’t supposed to be clever in our ddvances and yet they all say be witty and to make them laugh. They say everybody enjoys being around someone with a good sense of humor. Above all men are supposed to relax, RELAX, JUST HOW THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO RELAX, THERE’S TOO MUCH PRESSURE.

Welcome to the world of flirting where a sexual harassment suit is just one slip of the tongue away ( I guess that could be taken literally and figuratively couldn’t it?)