Lessons learned today

I learned a couple of pieces of valuable information today.

1.Washington rush hour traffic starts about 7:00 am and ends around 7:00 pm.

2. The I-95 / I-395 / I-495 Interchange, also known as The Spur, could have been better designed by a Drunken Two Year Old on Crack.

First mu.nu

There really isn't much to see here as of right now.

I'm in the process of wrappng up the changes to the Movable Type Template

I'm hoping to have a majority of it wrapped up Soon; so I can get back to blogging as normal.

As I'm working out the bugs if you can't see something or something is hard to read let me know.

Well as normal as blogging gets for me anyhooo......

Day of Random

Day of Random

spooge

Day of RandomRules - Recap

Once again via Puffy:

1. Post a single word comment in the thread above. Post ONLY one word and it is to be the first word that comes into your mind after reading the previously posted word.
2. Post a NEW entry on your blog if you have one containing a single word (any word you like) and get your readers to respond in the same way.
3. People can post more than one comment on a blog - but not in succession, someone else must have posted since their last.
4. Sit back and watch the randomness happen and see what words inspire what words.
5. Really, that is it... but it could be fun - you never know!

A random day for posting

Via: Puffy.

Dear Blog reading friends, fans of the blogging memes and other such hoo-har,

On Wednesday 27th April 2005 the Day of Random beings. To play simply title a thread in your blog "Day of Random" and post just one word in that post. The first random word which filters into your brain. Enable comments and then your visitors should leave a one word reply of randomness in response to your blogged word: the first word that came into their mind! Each of your blogging visitors then should do the same on their blogs, starting off with their own random word and seeing what randomness their visitors inspire... are you up for chaotic randomness of silly words that could follow?

It would be worth posting these rules in advance to prepare folks for the bizarre moment which will momentarily hit your blog.

Consider yourselves warned.

The Damned of the West (part 3): Interview with Carrie Hallums Cooper

Part three of The Jawa Report's interview with the wife of one of the civilian hostages in Iraq. Please take the time to read the interview and keep all those helping to rebuild Iraq, the middle east and other embattled areas in your thoughts and prayers.

Part 1.
Part 2.
Part 3.

If you haven't read the interviews please take the time to do so.

Questions and answers

Want to know the meaning of life?

This Friday, Divas Sez will be hosted by Sadie, who will gladly answer your questions, as long as she receives them by Thursday evening.

Get to clickin' on the link and e-mail mistress Sadie your questions.

* Questions about my sexual orientation and whether or not I own an inflatable sheep will be ignored. Okay, they probably won't but don't you have a better question to ask?

I'll Call

This week's Men's Club & Demystifying Divas topic: The meaning of those three little words uttered after a first date, no not "Let's get naked", "I'll call you".

The problem, as several of the other participants have noted, is there isn't an industry standard. How long are you supposed to wait after the first date are you supposed to call. Women expect different things (yes I realize this is the understatement of the Millennium). There's a fine line between attentive, too needy, stalker and uninterested. Call too soon there's definitely something wrong with you, call to late you obviously aren't interested and can't be bothered, oh the joys of dating make me happy to be married happily (at least my wife keeps telling me I’m happily married, so it’s true right?).

Personally I never used the “I’ll call you” line while dating. After the first date if I was interested I asked when she would be around so we could chat. Thus giving her ample opportunity to make up an excuse to dodge my call or let me know when she’d be there to stalk. If I wasn’t I told her it’s been real, it's been fun, but it hasn't been real fun. To me it didn’t make since to lie; of course I’ve been told I’m overly logical and analytical at times, but I think the people that made those statements were reading way too much into it.

Why some guys say “I’ll call you” and never do. The answer is plain and simple, and I apologize in advance for my language, they’re chicken shits. I thought about it for a great while and there really isn’t a better description for them; I started to just call them chickens but that would be an insult to my favorite snack. For a person to look directly into somebody’s eyes that they just went out on a date with and blatantly lie to them is inexcusable; they’re the lowest of the low, they’re chicken shits.

Why do some males feel it is acceptable to blatantly lie? For some reason a large portion of the male population, I refuse to call them men, think that women can’t handle the truth that the guy just isn’t interested. Maybe it’s their ego, some guys honestly think that all women want them and can’t handle the thought they aren’t interested. Some just don’t have the spine to tell a woman they aren’t all that interested. Any way you go about it they’re chicken shits, either egotistical chicken shits or spineless chicken shits.

If you’re offended by this because you’ve used the line to get out of an awkward situation, tough think about the person waiting for a call.

For more reasonable and well formulated statements there are the Darling Delectable Demystifying Divas. For other testosterone laden ramblings there are the other members of the men’s club.

Men's Club: I'll call

This week's Men's Club & Demystifying Divas topic: The meaning of those three little words uttered after a first date, no not "Let's get naked", "I'll call you".

The problem, as several of the other participants have noted, is there isn't an industry standard. How long are you supposed to wait after the first date are you supposed to call. Women expect different things (yes I realize this is the understatement of the Millennium). There's a fine line between attentive, too needy, stalker and uninterested. Call too soon there's definitely something wrong with you, call to late you obviously aren't interested and can't be bothered, oh the joys of dating make me happy to be married happily (at least my wife keeps telling me I’m happily married, so it’s true right?).

Personally I never used the “I’ll call you” line while dating. After the first date if I was interested I asked when she would be around so we could chat. Thus giving her ample opportunity to make up an excuse to dodge my call or let me know when she’d be there to stalk. If I wasn’t I told her it’s been real, it's been fun, but it hasn't been real fun. To me it didn’t make since to lie; of course I’ve been told I’m overly logical and analytical at times, but I think the people that made those statements were reading way too much into it.

Why some guys say “I’ll call you” and never do. The answer is plain and simple, and I apologize in advance for my language, they’re chicken shits. I thought about it for a great while and there really isn’t a better description for them; I started to just call them chickens but that would be an insult to my favorite snack. For a person to look directly into somebody’s eyes that they just went out on a date with and blatantly lie to them is inexcusable; they’re the lowest of the low, they’re chicken shits.

Why do some males feel it is acceptable to blatantly lie? For some reason a large portion of the male population, I refuse to call them men, think that women can’t handle the truth that the guy just isn’t interested. Maybe it’s their ego, some guys honestly think that all women want them and can’t handle the thought they aren’t interested. Some just don’t have the spine to tell a woman they aren’t all that interested. Any way you go about it they’re chicken shits, either egotistical chicken shits or spineless chicken shits.

If you’re offended by this because you’ve used the line to get out of an awkward situation, tough think about the person waiting for a call.

For more reasonable and well formulated statements there are the Darling Delectable Demystifying Divas. For other testosterone laden ramblings there are the other members of the men’s club.

Another meme

Silk decided to pass the Turd in a punchbowl meme on to me: Simply compose a four-line poem and post it on your blog. The first and third verses of the poem should read “Turd in a punchbowl.” Verses two and four may be about any subject (including turds!) but they must rhyme with each other.

I've always said I'll try just about anything once.

Turd in a punchbowl
It's not a Haiku
Turn in a punchbowl
I'd rather sniff glue

Now to pass it on.
I'll tag moehawk, he hasn't done any crappy blogging yet.
To carry on the English theme, Sortapundit.

The man should have fun with this.

The next pope

The lefties have spoken; we simply can not allow Pope Benedict XVI to rule the Catholic Church with an Iron fist. We mustn't allow the world's Catholics to suffer under Pope Benedict XVI's rule, think of all the innocents who will be subject to catholic indoctrination if we allow Pope Benedict XVI to be head of the Catholic Churh. Just what were the cardinals thinking?

From the Left's analysis of the Iraq Quagmire we all know the War in Iraq cannot be won; via The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler "Now, the warbloggers, who are fuzzy on the details of the actual war, like to believe that we're winning in Iraq. They're about the only ones who do."

Fear not though, I have a solution. Since America is in dire need of a Military Victory, lest we be shamed in front of the rest of the world and loose our Super Power Status, we should invade the Vatican. Actually we can't just invade the Vatican; we must erase any semblance of its existence. Sure I know what you're saying it'd be sacrilegious; but when faced by being shamed by France (they said we’d never win the war against Iraq you know) what’s a little sacrilege?

Face it, President Bush isn’t going to waste a Nuke on the Moon, and we have all these spares laying around. So why not nuke the Vatican?

Sure there’s the whole Italy really hasn’t done anything to us either mindset; but they have. We didn’t complete the hit on that Communist Hussy Giuliana Sgrena and they're going to figure it out soon; so technically we’d be killing two birds with one stone. Okay maybe more than two birds, but when you think about it has anything good ever really come out of Italy?

Finally we must have an exit strategy. What are we going to do once we've removed the power of the Catholic Church from the Vatican? We can ill afford to follow the precedent set in Germany and Iraq where American troops must remain present for even one day after the battle is over. Well really it wouldn’t be a battle since we’d just be dropping a bomb or a dozen; but you get my point. We shall move the center of the Catholic Church to San Francisco and follow through on Susan Estrich’s petition to the Vatican to do away with that ruffian Benedict XVI and appoint a female pope instead.

Just remember kids, when they launch the missles you heard it here first. Now I understand why being a hate filled lefty is so easy, you see a problem you pick a solution and run with it.

Thanks basil

basil said he ‘spects traffic to start dropping of since he’s blogging about baseball. I started to reply in the comments, but since I ahve the keys to his place for at least a little while longer I figured I’d post about it here and there.

I can’t really see traffic at basil’s doing anything other than increasing as time goes by, matter of fact I’d be willing to bet somebody this shiny quarter I’ve got in my pocket that it does nothing but increase. There are several reasons I feel will keep people keep coming back, I'll only get into a couple of them. One reason, most of the posts are well written, I say most of them because I have a couple of posts at basil's that may be stinkin’ the joint up (sorry ‘bout that ya’ll, but you do the best you can with what you’ve got).

Another is people can relate to what he’s writing about, especially with baseball. My local team is the Kinston Indians, when their schedule doesn’t conflict with my sister-in-law’s softball schedule we try to attend their games. It’s professional baseball in its most pure form. You don’t have the superstars that demand the spotlight, the fans don’t ruin the atmosphere and it’s still affordable, all in all it’s and enjoyable way to spend a weekend afternoon. With the enthusiasm basil displays for the Catfish it’d be hard not to vicariously pull for the Catfish.

Then there are those of us that stop by to for the meals. Breakfast / Lunch / Supper and the occasional snack provide us with links to blogs we may not otherwise read. I can say with some certainty that on a daily basis I find a post I would have probably missed were it not for basil’s suggestion. I’ve also found several of my daily reads from meal time post, blogs that I probably wouldn’t have otherwise found. Then there are the readers that found my blog through the links basil offered.

Thanks basil for the inviting each of us in to share the passion you display for the Catfish, bringing back memories of games we’ve attended or played in, keeping us entertained with the Alliance’s various assignments and keeping us well fed while we’re reading along.
phin

* Cross posted at basil's blog. Why? Because I could.

The Tar Heel Tavern

The Tar Heel Tavern is being hosted this week by Viewfinder BLUES.

Thanks basil

basil said he ‘spects traffic to start dropping of since he’s blogging about baseball. I started to reply in the comments, but since I ahve the keys to his place for at least a little while longer I figured I’d post about it here and there.

I can’t really see traffic at basil’s doing anything other than increasing as time goes by, matter of fact I’d be willing to bet somebody this shiny quarter I’ve got in my pocket that it does nothing but increase. There are several reasons I feel will keep people keep coming back, I'll only get into a couple of them. One reason, most of the posts are well written, I say most of them because I have a couple of posts at basil's that may be stinkin’ the joint up (sorry ‘bout that ya’ll, but you do the best you can with what you’ve got).

Another is people can relate to what he’s writing about, especially with baseball. My local team is the Kinston Indians, when their schedule doesn’t conflict with my sister-in-law’s softball schedule we try to attend their games. It’s professional baseball in its most pure form. You don’t have the superstars that demand the spotlight, the fans don’t ruin the atmosphere and it’s still affordable, all in all it’s and enjoyable way to spend a weekend afternoon. With the enthusiasm basil displays for the Catfish it’d be hard not to vicariously pull for the Catfish.

Then there are those of us that stop by to for the meals. Breakfast / Lunch / Supper and the occasional snack provide us with links to blogs we may not otherwise read. I can say with some certainty that on a daily basis I find a post I would have probably missed were it not for basil’s suggestion. I’ve also found several of my daily reads from meal time post, blogs that I probably wouldn’t have otherwise found. Then there are the readers that found my blog through the links basil offered.

Thanks basil for the inviting each of us in to share the passion you display for the Catfish, bringing back memories of games we’ve attended or played in, keeping us entertained with the Alliance’s various assignments and keeping us well fed while we’re reading along.
phin

* Cross posted at basil's blog. Why? Because I could.

Posting else where

I have just wrapped up a template redesign for Blog Netiquette; I've also wrapped up an article about Comments. If I've missed anything let me know.

basil from basil's blog was also nice enough to offer me a set of keys to his place while he's out of town so I've been guarding his blog and feeding the strays that happen by.

Another 25 Word Challenge

This week's challenge 25 Word Challenge is being hosted by Politickal Animal.

Be sure to stop by and vist.

If I Could Be... meme

The Thong Pirate tagged moehawk, who in turn tagged me with the "If I Could Be..." meme that Ogre started.

If I could be a llama-rider I would sing the Llama song as I rode circles around the Llama Butchers' houses taunting them (Yay Arsenic Hour).

If I could be a psychologist I would prescribe electroshock therapy to all the hippies I encountered.

If I could be an architect I would design Chesticle Shaped buildings. Aren't there already enough Phallic shaped office buildings?

If I could be a bonnie pirate I would seek safe haven at the Pirate's Cove then go out drinking and wenching.

If I could be a professor I would profess my unending love for Midget Strippers and Hula Dancers; but I'm not so I won't.

So here's how it works. Following there is a list of different occupations. You must select at least 5 of them (feel free to select more). You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select 5 of the items as it was passed to you). Each one begins with "If I could be..." Of the 5 you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession.

For example, if the selected occupation was "pirate" you might take the phrase "If I could be a pirate..." and add to it "I would sail the 7 Seas, dating lasses from around the worlde." See how easy that is?

Here's the list:
If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama-rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be a midget stripper...

Now to choose the next victims participants....

Sadie (although I'm sure I'll pay dearly for it), Zonker and The Wizard.

Stupid moves part two

As my previous post helped to establish I'm just not the sharpest knife in the drawer at times.

Since WitNit tagged me with his "My stupidest moment" meme with the question: What’s the stupid story you only tell when you're drunk? It seems only fitting that the story be from one of the *ahem* few *ahem* experiences I have with alcohol.

It was my freshmen year in high school. The town I grew up in is Greenville, North Carolina, home of East Carolina University and some of the best tailgating in the country. The week prior to a home ECU football game a group of my friends and I decided to tailgate, which would seem harmless enough to most folks.

My parents did their due diligence: they spoke to the parents of other kids that would be there, they spoke to the chaperones and then after quite a bit of begging on my part, they granted me permission. Looking back on it now I honestly think they had a prior knowledge of things to come because they were reluctant to let me go or the fact I was a tad bit of a hellion at the time but, anyhoo…

The Saturday of the game rolled around, my parents dropped me off and I had arranged for a ride home. It started out simple enough, the chaperones were there, and we grilled out, tossed around a football, typical tailgating experience minus alcohol; until the chaperones left to walk around. Once the chaperones were a safe distance away the booze was pulled out and we started taking shots.

This was really my first experience drinking alcohol in any quantity. I can’t remember now the exact amount, but that I got more than a tad bit tipsy. My intentions were to take a couple of shots, catch a buzz sober up during the game and return home. I was down right drunk and it wasn’t a pretty site. Being too drunk to get into the game we decided it was time to depart the tailgating field lest we be arrested for being drunk and underage.

All was well and good until they put me in a moving car. This proved to be a bad idea. I didn’t puke in the car; I did however puke a couple of times on the way home. So we arrived at my house where my friends helped me out of the car, at the end of the driveway. I somehow managed to stumble a majority of the way up the driveway, how long it took I’m not sure, to the door. Where I was promptly greeted by my loving mother; who to say the least was less than amused.

I tried my best to convince them I wasn’t drunk and that I hadn’t had anything to drink, but they weren’t buying my story for some reason. Maybe it was the little bit of puke I got on my shirt, maybe it was the stench of Jack Daniels I’m not sure which one it was but something gave away the fact that I’d had at least one to many to drink. It certainly couldn’t have been my inability to crawl a straight line or slurred speech that had anything to do with it.

I can’t remember the exact punishment my parents handed down; I’m just happy my father was able to suppress the urges to strangle me (or maybe he didn’t and that explains quite a bit, hmmm), but I do know it kept me from drinking a majority of the remaining years of High School.

To this day I'm still not sure what made me think I could pull of catching a buzz and then going home to the folks house. Definitely not one of my more intelligent moments.

Now to pass the meme along:
basil from basil’s blog ought to have a great story.
As a fellow ECU Graduate I’ll tap William Teach from Pirates Cove.
Payback’s a bitch so I’ll tap moehawk from oystersnout.

Update: William Teach has posted his reply.
Update #2: moehawk has replied.

The Damned of the West (part 2): Interview With Susan Hallums (cont.)

As usual I'm a day late.
Part two of The Jawa Report's interview with the wife of one of the civilian hostages in Iraq. Please take the time to read the interview and keep all those helping to rebuild Iraq, the middle east and other embattled areas in your thoughts and prayers.

Part 1.
Part 2.

If you haven't read it please take the time to do so.

The stupid meme

WitNit has tagged me with his "My stupidest moment" meme.

For some strange reason the people who sign my paycheck actually expected me to get work done today. So I wasn't able to figure you just which amazing display of stupidity I wanted to share. So I'll repost something I originally posted about a month ago:

I've already stated multiple times that I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer; and I'm just gonna give you another case that proves my point.

I've had problems off and on with my neck and back for the past couple of years, the Chiropractor thinks it was a wreck I was in years ago, the wife thinks it's because I spend to much time in front of the computer, I think I'm just not fishing enough. But anywhoo….

One night as we (my wife and I) were lying in bed I decided I'd try putting Icy Hot on my neck. (For those of you unfamiliar with ICY HOT® is the dual action topical pain reliever that gets icy to dull the pain and then gets hot to relax it away, as their web site says). So I got out of bed, found the Icy Hot, rubbed it on my neck, got fussed at by the wife for stinking up the bedroom (boy howdy does that stuff stink), got back in the bed, started watching TV again.

Well at some point in while I was watching TV best I can figure my 'nads (aka Whozits, the Boys, the Twins) itched and I scratched them.

Because shortly thereafter there was an indescribable burning sensation in my nether regions, I mean it felt like somebody was holding a blow torch to my crotch. So I jumped out of bed, ran to the bath room and started trying to wash off the Icy Hot. Let me tell you, there isn't any amount of water in the world that will rinse off Icy Hot once it's already reached the 7th Layer of Hell heating stage.

To add insult to injury my lovely wife, who had a sense of humor almost as warped as mine, gets out of be to see what the howling was about.

Once I explained to her what I'd done there was more howling, but this time it was laughter. There I was concerned my man berries were going to spontaneously combust and all she can do is laugh hysterically.

Well I didn't find much humor in it at the time, but now I get tickled thinking about it. There has however been a ban placed on bringing Icy Hot into our house. I guess this is another case of what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger, and in my case smarter, cause I'll never apply Icy Hot without washing my hands afterwards again.

The Damned of the West (part 1)

The Jawa Report has interviewed the wife of one of the civilian hostages in Iraq. Please take the time to read the interview and keep all those helping to rebuild Iraq, the middle east and other embattled areas in your thoughts and prayers.

Men's Club: Spit Polished & Squeaky Clean

It's Tuesday and this week's topic: The differences between how men and women get ready in the morning.

Living in a house with two women (my wife and her sister) has taught me many, many things. Some things that shouldn't be said and some things that every man should know. That being said a little bit more background may be in order. My wife has two sisters; all three of these ladies were high school and collegiate athletes(her youngest sister, the one living with us is still in school); thus they have the ability to kick my skinny little arse at will. Lucky for me they choose not to, most of the time.

I on the other hand, grew up in a house hold with two brothers one older and sometimes wiser, and one younger. While the many different scrapes and scuffles we got into taught me quite a bit about life' challenges; they did absolutely nothing to prepare me for life with two bosses the lovely ladies at my house(the two bosses statement was removed due to the fact I take orders from my dog and the cats also).

One thing I learned early on was that there is a sacred (and scary) time of the day when afore mentioned ladies are getting ready for Work / School; granted it took several verbal thrashings, but I've learned none the less.

My morning routine is simple:

1. Alarm goes off, get out of bed.
   
2. Bathroom Time: Brush Teeth & possible shower depending upon the previous nights activities and whether to not I showered prior to going to bed. (If I go to bed clean I'?m not going to get dirty without a little bit of help).
3. Put on Clothes
4. Pop pills(Prescribed medications only of course)
5. Grab breakfast
   
6. Let Chloe (our pet boxer & number three in the chain of command) out for the day.
7. Leave for work.

Total Time Elapsed: 20 ? 30 Minutes.
* If a shower is required only one type of soap is required (another added benefit of keeping a shaved head).

Now for the ladies:
On days where there will be little human interaction(weekends, vacations, etc?) their routine doesn?'t vary much from mine, except there is a guaranteed shower. On days when human interaction is required well that?s a whole ?nother ball game. Using the keen observational skills I acquired during my stalker younger days I've tried to document a typical work / school day morning.

1. Alarm Clock sounds off. Snooze button slapped a couple of times.
2. Drag out of bed & stumble towards bathroom.
3. Brush Teeth & Preheat shower to Four Million Degrees Celsius to create sauna affect.
4. Arrange towels, bath robe and cleaning supplies.
5. Shower: Use Special soap (body wash). Rinse. Use Special soap for the face. Rinse. Shampoo. Rinse. Shampoo. Rinse. Condition. Rinse.
6. Dry Hair Using Towel. Which ends in a strange turban type wrap to ensure no excess moisture will escape.
7. Dry body using another Towel and wrap around torso.
8. Cover remaining exposed skin with floor length bath robe.
9. Pick out attire for the day.
10. Return to bathroom and use hair dryer.
11. Put previous outfit back and choose another.
12. Return to bathroom and torment hair using various items call ?Irons?. Some are for curling others for straightening and there's yet another for attacking unsuspecting males that may walk past the door way.

13. Pull original outfit from closet and lays [the original outfit] beside second outfit.
    
14. Return to bathroom and apply makeup (this step may is optional, some days they wear makeup some days they don?t).
15. Pull third and final outfit from closet.
16. Put on outfit & model in front of at least two mirrors.
    
17. Grab breakfast
18. Kick phin in the ribs.
    
19. Leave for work

Total Time Elapsed: 60 -? 90 Minutes.

So as you can see there really isn't that much of a difference between how men get ready and how ladies gets ready ; only a step or twelve (majority of the steps apply to her sister also, although there are portions I didn't witness all of them first hand).

*To further my research I spoke to several of my married friends and verified the steps above with them; some slight alterations may take place, but in general they stayed the same.

[+/-] show/hide the extended entry

Update Everybodys In, and on the same day too. Impressive.
Kate 'splains her daily routine.
Kathy says that if you expect a woman to go into battle she needs ample time to apply the proper amount of "war paint".
Silk give us a lady's perspective and says an attractive & presentable woman is worth the wait.

Sadie finally woke up sometime after noon and posted, her response was worth the wait (there's something mentioned about 500 groping hands or something or other; sounds kinky to me).
The Wizard has added another male perspective.
Puffy Says that if you can keep the ladies from taking advantage of unsuspecting men everyone would get ready much quicker (well he didn't really say exactly like that).
Zonker gives us a glimpse of what it's like to wake up with him. Hmm, that doesn't quite sound right does it? I think I just scared myself.

[]'d red text added for clarification. Thanks be to Sadie for pointing out english isn't my first language; I'm not sure what the first one is yet. When I find out I'll let y'all know.

Now go clean yourself you nasty rascal.

Spit Polished & Squeaky Clean

It's Tuesday and this week's topic: The differences between how men and women get ready in the morning.

Living in a house with two women (my wife and her sister) has taught me many, many things. Some things that shouldn't be said and some things that every man should know. That being said a little bit more background may be in order. My wife has two sisters; all three of these ladies were high school and collegiate athletes(her youngest sister, the one living with us is still in school); thus they have the ability to kick my skinny little arse at will. Lucky for me they choose not to, most of the time.

I on the other hand, grew up in a house hold with two brothers one older and sometimes wiser, and one younger. While the many different scrapes and scuffles we got into taught me quite a bit about life' challenges; they did absolutely nothing to prepare me for life with two bosses the lovely ladies at my house(the two bosses statement was removed due to the fact I take orders from my dog and the cats also).

One thing I learned early on was that there is a sacred (and scary) time of the day when afore mentioned ladies are getting ready for Work / School; granted it took several verbal thrashings, but I've learned none the less.

My morning routine is simple:

1. Alarm goes off, get out of bed.
   
2. Bathroom Time: Brush Teeth & possible shower depending upon the previous nights activities and whether to not I showered prior to going to bed. (If I go to bed clean I'’m not going to get dirty without a little bit of help).
3. Put on Clothes
4. Pop pills(Prescribed medications only of course)
5. Grab breakfast
   
6. Let Chloe (our pet boxer & number three in the chain of command) out for the day.
7. Leave for work.

Total Time Elapsed: 20 – 30 Minutes.
* If a shower is required only one type of soap is required (another added benefit of keeping a shaved head).

Now for the ladies:
On days where there will be little human interaction(weekends, vacations, etc…) their routine doesn’'t vary much from mine, except there is a guaranteed shower. On days when human interaction is required well that’s a whole ‘nother ball game. Using the keen observational skills I acquired during my stalker younger days I've tried to document a typical work / school day morning.

1. Alarm Clock sounds off. Snooze button slapped a couple of times.
2. Drag out of bed & stumble towards bathroom.
3. Brush Teeth & Preheat shower to Four Million Degrees Celsius to create sauna affect.
4. Arrange towels, bath robe and cleaning supplies.
   
5. Shower: Use Special soap (body wash). Rinse. Use Special soap for the face. Rinse. Shampoo. Rinse. Shampoo. Rinse. Condition. Rinse.
6. Dry Hair Using Towel. Which ends in a strange turban type wrap to ensure no excess moisture will escape.
7. Dry body using another Towel and wrap around torso.
8. Cover remaining exposed skin with floor length bath robe.
9. Pick out attire for the day.
10. Return to bathroom and use hair dryer.
11. Put previous outfit back and choose another.
12. Return to bathroom and torment hair using various items call “Irons”. Some are for curling others for straightening and there's yet another for attacking unsuspecting males that may walk past the door way.
    
13. Pull original outfit from closet and lays [the original outfit] beside second outfit.
    
14. Return to bathroom and apply makeup (this step may is optional, some days they wear makeup some days they don’t).
15. Pull third and final outfit from closet.
16. Put on outfit & model in front of at least two mirrors.
    
17. Grab breakfast
18. Kick phin in the ribs.
    
19. Leave for work

Total Time Elapsed: 60 -– 90 Minutes.

So as you can see there really isn't that much of a difference between how men get ready and how ladies gets ready ; only a step or twelve (majority of the steps apply to her sister also, although there are portions I didn't witness all of them first hand).

*To further my research I spoke to several of my married friends and verified the steps above with them; some slight alterations may take place, but in general they stayed the same.

Update Everybodys In, and on the same day too. Impressive.
Kate 'splains her daily routine.
Kathy says that if you expect a woman to go into battle she needs ample time to apply the proper amount of "war paint".
Silk give us a lady's perspective and says an attractive & presentable woman is worth the wait.
Sadie finally woke up sometime after noon and posted, her response was worth the wait (there's something mentioned about 500 groping hands or something or other; sounds kinky to me).
The Wizard has added another male perspective.
Puffy Says that if you can keep the ladies from taking advantage of unsuspecting men everyone would get ready much quicker (well he didn't really say exactly like that).
Zonker gives us a glimpse of what it's like to wake up with him. Hmm, that doesn't quite sound right does it? I think I just scared myself.

[]'d red text added for clarification. Thanks be to Sadie for pointing out english isn't my first language; I'm not sure what the first one is yet. When I find out I'll let y'all know.

Now go clean yourself you nasty rascal.

The secret is out

I can't remember how I happened upon Joe Vialls' web site; it may have been referenced by one of the posters at the Democratic Underground or the Daily KOS.

I stop by every now and then just to see how Ole Joe is doing. When he isn't trying to find a way to keep the Bush Administration from brain washing him (Joe if you're reading this I'm pretty sure most folks wear Aluminum Foil Hats) he's busy sniffing out governmental plots. Since my last visit to this guys nut house (honestly this guy makes the folks over at the DU look normal) he's been quite busy.

Good Ole Joe shows that President Bush called in a hit on(warning: contains graphic images of Nicholas Berg) Giuliana Sgrena and also has an article about how the December 26th Tsunami was caused by a Nuclear Bomb (hint it's based on there not being a Tsunami with the most recent earth quakes).

In light of Joe's articles and several recent postings at the Democratic Underground it has become apparent there is a leak in the conservative blogosphere.

I would like to ask everyone on the GOP's e-mail list to re-read the instructions at the end of each e-mail. You will notice it says to delete the message, not forward it, delete it.

Please remember, all messages send out but the Bush administration to Conservative Bloggers are confidential. Imagine the horrors if the Moon Bats, Hippies and Conspiracy Theorist at the Democratic Underground have hard proof the current republican administration was responsible for the following items:

• John Kerry's impotence
• Rigging the past two presidential elections
• Earthquakes and Tsunamis in the Middle East and Indonesia
• Ted Kennedy's "Accident" at Chappaquiddick
• Barbra Boxer's permanent state of PMS

How do you define hero?

From Red State Rant: "Pat Tillman's story is one reminiscient of those rarely seen among our celebrities since WWII. Here is the latest tidbit in his saga. Not surprising at all."

How do you define hero?

25 word challenge

This week's 25 word challenge is being hosted by Lady Mac's Musing.

Go ahead over and join in the fun.

Perspective

Jarhead does a great job of putting things into perspective.

Because she said so

While I wasn't very productive today somebody else was.

Kathy, yes the snarky diva, hath answered the questions bestowed upon her this week.

Great advice at a great price, you go now.

If I Could Be... meme

The Thong Pirate tagged moehawk, who in turn tagged me with the "If I Could Be..." meme that Ogre started.

If I could be a llama-rider I would sing the Llama song as I rode circles around the Llama Butchers' houses taunting them (Yay Arsenic Hour).

If I could be a psychologist I would prescribe electroshock therapy to all the hippies I encountered.

If I could be an architect I would design Chesticle Shaped buildings. Aren't there already enough Phallic shaped office buildings?

If I could be a bonnie pirate I would seek safe haven at the Pirate's Cove then go out drinking and wenching.

If I could be a professor I would profess my unending love for Midget Strippers and Hula Dancers; but I'm not so I won't.

So here's how it works. Following there is a list of different occupations. You must select at least 5 of them (feel free to select more). You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select 5 of the items as it was passed to you). Each one begins with "If I could be..." Of the 5 you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession.

For example, if the selected occupation was "pirate" you might take the phrase "If I could be a pirate..." and add to it "I would sail the 7 Seas, dating lasses from around the worlde." See how easy that is?

Here's the list:
If I could be a scientist...

Now to choose the next victims participants....
Sadie (although I'm sure I'll pay dearly for it), Zonker and The Wizard.

If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama-rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be a midget stripper...

Feral cat hunting tips

Always remember it's safety first.

PETA has started supplying Feral Cats with small firearms, so all feral cats should be considered armed and dangerous.

Feral Cat Hunting Tip #1: Always use a high powered rifle that had a greater range than your typical pistol. Sure it may be fun to get up close and personal when you're about to bust a cap in fluffy's ass, but what happens when you run across a cat like this one?

Click to Enlarge
You must exercise extreme caution. PETA has started arming small bands of Feral cats with Chain Guns also. These groups can typically be heard before they're seen since they like to use other furry woodland creatures as target practice.

Feral Hunting Tip #2: Shoot the cat with their paw on the trigger first. Feral Cats are agile hunters / killers. If you don't target the trigger cat first, they may swing the gun around and well then you're nothing but another statistic.

Click to Enlarge

Stay tuned.
More Feral Cat Hunting exclusives from phin's blog are on their way!!!

Update: Submitted to Carnival of the Cats

Feral cat hunting tips

Always remember it's safety first.

PETA has started supplying Feral Cats with small firearms, so all feral cats should be considered armed and dangerous.

Feral Cat Hunting Tip #1: Always use a high powered rifle that had a greater range than your typical pistol. Sure it may be fun to get up close and personal when you're about to bust a cap in fluffy's ass, but what happens when you run across a cat like this one?

Click to Enlarge

You must exercise extreme caution. PETA has started arming small bands of Feral cats with Chain Guns also. These groups can typically be heard before they're seen since they like to use other furry woodland creatures as target practice.

Feral Hunting Tip #2: Shoot the cat with their paw on the trigger first. Feral Cats are agile hunters / killers. If you don't target the trigger cat first, they may swing the gun around and well then you're nothing but another statistic.

Click to Enlarge

Stay tuned.
More Feral Cat Hunting exclusives from phin's blog are on their way!!!

Update: Submitted to Carnival of the Cats

When things go wrong

There's been a lot of attention paid to Wisconsin's plan legalize the hunting of feral cats.

Animal rights' activists are being described as illogical, because they say it's "inhumane" to kill feral cats.

Click to Enlarge

They've all started chanting: "We're mad as hell and we're not going to take it anymore!"

Feral cats are extremely smart and capable of mastering all kinds of trickery. Of course not everyone can hear them. Hell only two of my personalities can hear the cats taunting us; the other two think they're looking for another excuse to blow up furry woodland creatures.

The danger from feral cats is real. They may not have opposable thumbs but they're dangerous none the less. Just look at the picture, do they look like they're bringing a house warming present?

And just what are we supposed to do when they team up with the rabid monkey's that are plaguing Canada? Sure you haven't heard anything about Canada's plague; they're to busy covering up scandals and whining about the NHL season being canceled, but it's real. And monkeys have opposable thumbs, so with the two of them working together they could be unstoppable.

What happens next when it's all cat blogging all the time? Seriously folks this is a real threat. If you don't believe me just check the Democratic Underground or the Daily KOS, I'm sure the mothership is beaming information to them on an hourly basis.

New footage and information will be released we capture and interrogate these beasts.
Shamelessly linked to basil's breakfast menu.
Update: Submitted to & Accepted by Carnival of the Cats

Sorry lady we don't do stupid

James Joyner from Outside The Beltway has passed on story from KLTV 7 - AP, about a mother who is upset about the response she received when she called in a domestic dispute. I heard the transcripts of the 911 call on my way in to work this morning.

Apparently the woman's two daughters (12 & 14) had been left home alone and were fighting. The 12 y.o. got a little out of and kicked a hole in the door. The mother when she got home called said the girls had quit fighting, but the 12 y.o. was out of hand and she couldn't control her. The 911 dispatcher, in a JOKING TONE, asked if she wanted the officers to shoot the girl. At this point the woman got pissed and threatened to tattle on the dispatcher.

Well she tattled and he received two reprimands, but this isn't good enough for her.

Sorry lady, last time I checked 911 was for emergencies and your inability to raise decent children looks to go back at least 12 years, probably longer. This really isn't something that could be cured in a one time visit from the police.

Hat Tip: Robert from The LLama Butchers ( I agree with him, it was pretty damned funny.)

Update VIA EMT Blog:

Forbess, a dispatcher for five years at the Watauga Department of Public Safety, told her he was joking and apologized. But the woman was offended, and Forbess immediately told his supervisor what happened.

“This type of response cannot be tolerated, and this letter shall serve as notice that any future unprofessional responses while answering the 911 line will be cause for termination,” Police Chief David Van Laar wrote to Forbess.

More blogger help

I've seen a couple of people mention that they use NoteTab Light, most notably Mr. Bad Example himself Harvey, for their blogging / posting / html editing purposes. I took their advice and I'm a huge fan of it, it has the HTML Coding references there so my feeble mind doesn't have to try and remember them. If you haven't looked into NoteTab I'd recommend you do so, it'll make your blogging life easier.

Another free tool that I use is Metapad. Metapad is an enhanced version of Windows Notepad. It doesn't contain the rich features of NoteTab, it is however a vast improvement over the Standard Windows Notepad. The Metapad Site has instructions on how to replace the default Notepad.

While I'm on the topic are there any other tools you guys are using that may make bloggers live's easier?

Update: Travis suggests SciTe Link: http://scintilla.org/SciTE.html

Update #2: Harvey of Bad Example (yes the same one mentioned above) suggests Irfanview:

http://www.irfanview.us/
Free image-handling software. It's not the most versatile thing in the word, but if you're just looking for something simple & fairly intuitive to help you get images ready for posting, this is perfect. Especially since it lets you compress jpeg images, as described toward the bottom of this tutorial:
http://www.deadzoom.com/member/ n...utorial_Old.htm

Update #3: Moogie of Moogie's World seconds the NoteTab Light Suggestion.

And to take sadie's advice I'll drink to all of these!

Ten disappointed people

I'm betting there are at least ten people were very disappointed in the search results that lead them here, well probably more than that but the ten that searched for Jenna Jameson really disappointed. In yesterday's post regarding guys liking bad girls I mentioned Jenna Jameson; I'm not sure how everybody else was able to post without at least one reference to her. Well the mention of her in my post has put me in the top ten a technorati search for Jenna Jameson as of this moment; I'm way at the bottom (no pun intended) in Google & Yahoo rankings but I've had a couple of hits from those search engines also.

Sorry guys but if you're looking for pictures of Jenna Jameson naked or really any other porn stars naked or doing whatever else they go in pictures your S.O.L.

My questions though is why would anyone really want to search for Jenna Jameson in blogs. I'm pretty sure she's got a website, with all the porn on the internet these days I'd be willing to be that Jenna Jameson has at least one site devoted to her and it probably has lots of pictures of Jenna Jameson Naked.

Now if you're looking for inflatable sheep, as a couple of people were, click here.

Blog Netiquette

There's a new post up at Blog Netiquette with information from Eugene Volokh, of The Volokh Conspiracy with the who's what's and why's of blogging.

And as if I didn't already have enough irons in the fire, I've volunteered to help with a couple of posts. The next post will be on what agitates our fellow bloggers. That's where you come in. Drop a note in the comments with your pet peeves.

Update: I've moved this post to the top for the next couple of days. I've received some great feedback so far. Thanks.

Ogre's got advice

Ogre's offering advice for people using Blogger & Haloscan.

He's offered instructions on Auto-Discovery Trackbacks. No it doesn't mean your life will be easier, but yes you need to add the code to your template to make others lives easier.

It isn't always about you ya know.
Be considerate.
Visit Ogre.
Implement the code(be sure to make a backup in case you mess something up first, don't say we didn't warn you).
You go now.
Thank you please drive through.

I'll take the preacher's daughter

It’s Tuesday, which means it’s time for another installment of the Men’s Club and the Demystifying Divas. This week’s topic: What draws us to a Bad Girl? The ladies are covering the other side with why women seem to find Bad Boys attractive.

To start with I’m not going to cover why guys will go after a Bad Girl in the sense of why they'd go after a girl that is willing to sleep with any and everything that has a pulse. That would be simple. A majority of single men, especially while in their teenage college years, will jump in the sack with anything willing rattlesnakes, hedgehogs and inflatable sheep, much less a female.

It’s the Bad Girl, the one your parents would freak out if you brought home for fried chicken on Sunday. The girl that may or may not have piercings or tats; but definitely has the don’t give a damn attitude.

Why are men attracted to bad girls?

Confidence: One thing most guys hate: having to reassure a girl that she’s attractive, if we didn’t find you attractive we wouldn’t have asked you out. Not that it doesn't need to be done from time to time, but an attention hound grates on most men’s nerves like fingernails on a chalk board. It all goes back to the old saying about high maintenance women; no matter how good she looks some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap. If you have to interject complements for her into every conversation it gets old quick; thus most guys are intrigued by women that they feel are already self confident.

Curiosity: If she'll cast off societies norms and tell the world to kiss her ass, then what else is she up for. Now prior to you jumping to conclusions I'm not talking about what she’s up for in the sack, I'm referring to life's many other activities; like bowling and gardening(naked of course, but bowling and gardening none the less).

Challenge: Like women, men like a challenge, and the allure of an untamed woman is something that will drive most men mad. Not that we’re looking for to change her, but the thrill of having a woman that will speak her mind and to hell with what anyone else thinks is a breath of fresh air.

If men are given the choice between women with a persona of June Cleaver or Jenna Jameson(note the or part deems the choice mutually exclusive), most would choose Jenna Jameson. (If you don’t know who Jenna Jameson is the author with the best selling book: How to Make Love Like a Porn Star oh and an she’s the Adult Film Starlet). We'd actually like a combination of the two, so we could have dinner ready for us when we got home and all the acrobatic achievements in the bedroom afterwards. Really would be the fun in dating / marrying someone that’s so benign and predictable that you know what to expect 24 / 7?

By the way, why is it that preacher's children are notoriously hellions and why haven't preachers figured out their kids are the bad boys & girls?

For other men's club opinions: The Wizard and Puffy. Zonker's taking the week off.

The ladies explain why they all want me women like bad boys. So hop on over and visit: Christina, Kathy, Sadie and Silk.

Blog Netiquette (Comments)

There's a new post up at Blog Netiquette with information from Eugene Volokh, of The Volokh Conspiracy with the who's what's and why's of blogging.

And as if I didn't already have enough irons in the fire, I've volunteered to help with a couple of posts. The next post will be on what agitates our fellow bloggers. That's where you come in. Drop a note in the comments with your pet peeves.

Update: I've moved this post to the top for the next couple of days. I've received some great feedback so far. Thanks.

Congratulations are in order

Her Majesty, The Queen of Feisty has inducted several new members to the Red Hat Divas & Divaesque Ladies.

Don't take my word for it, read about it here.

Six months and nobody's dead (Yet)

I quit smoking six months ago today; after smoking at least two packs a day for over ten years.
With the help of Wellbutrin it was by far one of the easist things I've done, if you're even remotely considering quiting, this is the route I'd recommend. I'd much rather pop a couple of pills a day and not worry about the gum, patches, filters, etc....

If you ask my co-workers I'm a tad bit more cranky, but what the hell do they know.
I didn't experience any side effects, my wife didn't either, since I had quit for two weeks before I told her. The only change I've noticed is an increase in appetite (thus the extra 20 pounds I've put on).

the 25 word challenge

Welcome to this weeks installment of the 25 word challenge. The concept is simple. A story is started with 25 words in a post, then continued in the comments section.

The rules are very simple:
a) each comment has to be 25 words or less and
b) no back to back comments, but commenters can come back as often as they like.

Next weeks challenge will be hosted by: Ali at Lady Mac's Musings

And now on with the show:

Jack climbed into his seaplane headed for the Caribbean. He'd worked for these clients before, but this time his purpose and cargo were both unknown.

It's a Mascot

itsapundit.com has a new mascot.
I'm wondering how the ladies are gonna like that. Me doth think ItsaGleeson may be in for an itsa Castration.

Caption Contest

Figured I'd pass along a couple of caption contests:
basil's trying to figure out what Spain's Prime Minister is doing.
the Man has a Highway Scene that needs captioning.

Diva Sez

You've asked, she answered.
Okay well may YOU didn't ask, but somebody did.
Now go read the answers.
Oh you dont' know the questions?
They're over there to.
You go now.

Kevin Drum Incites a Riot

Kevin Drum posted an article yesterday telling Michelle Malkin and several other bloggers to STFU. Another prime example of maturity and intelligence displayed by progressive bloggers. The thought processes and intellect only go downhill from there in the comments section of Drum's blog. The escapees from asylum known as the Democratic Underground brought forth useful bits of knowledge like:

Remember 9/11 Changed Everything.

The Republicans [screwed] up. Martinez admitted it. Now if they could only admit that they killed 1500+ soldiers for a lie. [Edited by me]

I'm not sure how they managed to jump from a Memo Regarding Terri Shavio to the war in Iraq, but they tried. From there the intelligence (or lack there of) declines to a point where Mrs. Malkin is personally attacked. Several have jumped to defend Drum saying he isn't responsible for the opinions expressed in his comments section.

Drum and his band of merry Moon Bats at Political Animal, have displayed a mastery of the English language that can only be picked up by trolling at the Democratic Underground for months. They wonder why the Progressive Party is at an all time low and yet they continue to encourage actions such as these. It's time the progressive leaders accept responsibility for their actions and stop blaming conservatives.

Drum set the language expectations, set the tone and opened the door the trolls when he ended his post with STFU. Confederate Yankee, The Jawa Report and IMAO all have large readerships without the language used by multiple people leaving comments at Drum’s Political Animal. The blog owner is responsible for the comments left on their site. They can be cleaned up, deleted or at a bare minimum the readers could be asked to stay on topic. Drum has yet to do follow through on any of these actions.

Best guess is that Drum and the rest of his loyalists will continue to personally attack those that don't agree with them since they can't find a way to intelligently argue the facts. Drum remarked in June of 2003 on how he allowed comments on his blog, while a majority of the large conservative blogs didn't. With trolls like the ones at Political Animal is it any wonder Mrs. Malkin and the other bloggers don't allow comments.

Frank J of IMAO said: "Mrs. Malkin seems to get the worst barbs because she's not only conservative, but she's also committed the high crimes of being a minority and a woman (an opinionated one!)." Other than this what has she done to deserve such hate from "progressive" thinkers?

Maybe Drum will be man enough to apologize for the content of his blog and his loyalists’ remarks personal, but I doubt it. Until then the only thing that we can hope for is that Progressives such as Drum and his loyalists continue to drive the moderate democrats away from their party.

Linked to basil's lunch menu 4/8/2005.

Note: I e-mailed a copy of this post to Kevin Drum, if he responds I'll update the post.

The response

My innocent little gesture to prove that I have an Imagination has been replied to.
Gwen Sadie has replied.
This blogging thing is good for my ego, I've fooled people into thinking I'm smart and now at least one of the divas thinks I'm hot (well probably not, but we won't tell my ego).

Speaking of Clowns

While I was in college, all eight wonderful years, I constantly had a sneaking suspicion that I was surrounded by a bunch of clowns. If you've spent much time on a collegiate campus you're probably familiar with the type: They make the guys wearing Aluminum Foil Beanies that comment on the Democratic Underground look sane and are constantly spouting off how the Bush Administration hasn't done anything right, they're taking advantage of the working class and they're destroying the environment; right before they hop into their BMW.

My suspicions about the Clowns of Higher Learning have been confirmed, Wednesday night at Butler University conservative activist David Horowitz was hit with a pie shortly after he started a lecture. So without further ado, I'd like to introduce you to the new face of the liberal movement.

Click to Enlarge in Another Window
Hopefully they'll catch the clowns responsible for the attack.
Surely these intellectuals know that such childish acts don't further their cause?
Are we really supposed to take the party of Pie tossers seriously?

Hat Tip: Michelle Malkin via The Jawa Report

A happier ending

Michelle Malkin posted an article, MORE "PEACE" THUGS AT WORK, about a group of students that organized a sit-in at an UC Santa Cruz job fair to protest the military recruiters that were present. When campus police in riot gear showed up the administrators sought a peaceful resolution and negotiated with protest leaders. The hour long protest ended after when military representatives vacated their posts.

You read it correctly, the Representatives of the U.S. Military were asked to leave their posts to pacify some 75 protestors. Why is it that the people who had a lawful right to be there were asked to leave to pacify those who were participating in an illegal activity? This incident at UCSC is another fine example of how the Liberal Bias in the United States Collegiate System is ruining our country.

I'd love to see how the administration tries to explain buckling to this group. It seems to me the they would know that giving in to this type of illegal activity is only going to encourage it at other campuses across the country; maybe that's what they're hoping will happen.

If the administration had allowed the cops, or the recruiters themselves, to drag the protesters out with a little bit of encouragement from some pepper spray, the "Peaceful" Demonstation would have ended and probably wouldn't be repeated. Now that would have been a happier ending. Why is it when a group of liberals get together they have the spine of a Jelly Fish?

Hopefully the next group that organizes and unlawful protest the U.S. Military is met with just the right amount of pepper spray and baton usage.

Scoobie Responds

I posted the other day about Scoobie Davis being a Moon Bat. He was kind enough to reply in the comments: "For the record, I am a center/left person. I grew up in a Republican family (right about the time the party of Lincoln was admitting people like Trent Lott). So I left it. That makes me a moon bat?"

Leaving from the Republican party doesn't make anyone a Moon Bat, I know several people that aren't members of the Republican party and they aren't Moon Bats.

Why do I think Scoobie Davis is a Moon Bat.

Well here are just a couple of reasons:

Scoobie Davis refers people to Media Matters as a reliable information source.
Scoobie Davis links to Oliver Willis as a reliable information source.
Scoobie Davis links to The Liberal Avenger as a reliable information source.

Scoobie Davis praises Ameriblog for outing a gay journalist Jeff Gannon. “Kudos to AmericaBlog for their journalistic coup”. If you still don’t think he’s a real journalist, click here.

And per Scoobie Davis online he posted the following about how he "socializes with some of Hollywood's elite: “I don't want to give specifics about how I get in, but often it involves using deception about who I am. I don't think that's a betrayal of my values because it gets me into some really slammin' places.” If you’ll don’t see anything wrong with lying since it gets you into some “Really Slammin’ Places” what else would he do for a little media exposure? This really has nothing to do with him being a Moon Bat, but does show a lack of moral fortitude.

Scoobie Davis didn't really think I'd call him a Moon Bat without documentation did he?

Update: Welcome Jawalanchers, not to be confused with Jolly Ranchers(although both are great, only one satisfies the ego), who needs Glenn Reynolds when you've got The Jawa Report & It's A Pundit?

No imagination

During a recent conversation with an employee he asked if I knew any of the bloggers that I read. I 'splained to him that I didn't I'd chatted with some via e-mail or in comments but I didn't know any of them, except for the Confederate Yankee, who's my brother.

Then he asked if I knew what any of them looked like. I told him that some of the bloggers posted pictures of themselves; others preferred the anonymity of posting without saying who they were (I wonder who would do such a thing).

To finish of the conversation he says, well are any of the blogs you read written by hot chics? I asked him, how the hell am I supposed to know if their Air Conditioner quit working? Then it hit me by hot he meant good looking.

I hadn?t really put a whole lot of though into it until that moment, but who needs pictures when you?ve got imagination? Below are the exclusive photo's of the ladies that make up the Demystifying Divas.

Avril at Cake Eater Chronicles	Christina at Feisty Repartee
Gwen at Fistful of Fortnights	Jessica at Just Breathe

And the guys at work say I don't have a vivid imagination. Yes I have a death wish, why do you ask?

Update: Since I was asked nicely I've replaced Britney. (I kinda figured I'd catch hell for that one)
Update #2: A certain someone has dinner plans for me, I think I might be in a tad bit of trouble, you know the whole hell hath no fury like .......

Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Wife's

Popcorn or her fine ass either.

This weeks Demystifying Divas / Men's Club topic was brought to us by a multi-part question from Dax Montana of The Dax Files. The original post can be found here. For those of you too lazy to click over here's a summary of the questions asked:

• What is cheating?
• At what level of commitment can cheating occur?
• How much of an emotional investment does it take before cheating can occur?
• What should be the penalty?

What is cheating? Plain and simple it's breaking the rules. This goes for relationships as well as just about anything else in life. To establish ground rules you've got to communicate. Now I’m not saying that prior to going out on the first date you should sit down and hash out a contract; but the application of a bit of common sense you should be able to determine your boundaries. At some point in time, as a relationship progresses, the expectation of exclusivity comes into play. If you aren’t sure about it, well then maybe you should ask, if you’re sleeping with the person; then you should definitely ask if you aren’t sure.

The act of cheating is going to vary from relationship to relationship; based upon the ground rules established. I realize that may sound like a politician’s way out of the definition, so here are some examples. To some cheating would be going out to dinner with someone else, to others cheating may not start until actual physical contact has been made and yet to some others it isn’t cheating if your partner knows what is going on (enter the world of swingers). Like in West Virginia its all relative.

Chances are pretty good if you’ve got to lie or deceive partner about what you were doing then you’re cheating. I’m not talking about going out drinking with your college buddies, unless your college buddies like to get drunk and act like Romans. I’m referring to any of the actions you may take to build a romantic relationship with another person.

At what level of commitment can cheating occur? Really it all falls back to the ground rules established. As some couples that have only dated for a short time period expect exclusivity whereas some people that are married allow physical relationships with others (enter the pesky swingers again). But a pretty safe bet is that once you’ve seen each other naked then there’s a pretty safe bet the other person is expecting exclusivity. Exceptions to this rule could be the drunken ramblings in the sorority or fraternity house in college; but like swingers these would be the exceptions to most people’s rules.

If you don’t feel that an intimate encounter of the naked kind warrants a commitment of monogamy then it is your responsibility to let the other person know if they don’t already; preferably prior to the intimate part of the naked encounter. Yes by taking responsibility for your actions and letting someone know that you’re planning to rogering as many people as possible, or maybe just the office secretary, may put damper on things; but don’t you owe them a little respect?

How much of an emotional investment does it take before cheating can occur? I’ll say it one more time it depends upon the ground rules (So I’m beating the hell out of a dead horse what of it?). A pretty safe bet here would be if you’ve utter the three little words that get so many people in trouble, no not Let’s get naked, the other three, I Love You, then there is an expectation of monogamy. If you’ve uttered those words and the person replied me too, well don’t you feel like an ass?

What should be the penalty? The clap, it’s painful, yet curable. I haven’t had the clap, nor do I want too. But a nice non-permanent, yet painful venereal disease seems like it would be fitting for someone who breaks the trust of someone they're in a relationship with.

That being said, it’s extremely difficult to give cheating a blanket definition. Since all people are unique each relationship will also be unique. The only thing I know for certain is the relationship I have with my wife and the ground rules she’s given me. Innocent flirting is acceptable. Cheating would be defined as trying to build a romantic emotional or physical relationship with someone else. I double checked earlier for clarification and received a reply of if you have to ask don’t do it. The ever growing list of things I know I can’t do include going out to a romantic dinner with someone, kissing, touching rubbing, etc…

The penalties I haven’t really thought about what I’d do, but my wife has made her view point on this clear. If she were to catch me cheating she divorce me, neuter me, then kill me; but not necessarily in that order and defiantly without anesthesia.

For more opinions on this topic the other gentlemen sounding off are: The Wizard, Puffy & Zonker should be speaking up at some point in the near future.
And the always lovely divas have chimed in also: Silk, Sadie, Kathy & Chrisina

Googlegate

It has now been eight days since Google News dropped The Jawa Report. Maybe google should steal IMAO's tagline, 'cause they sure as hell ain't fair & balanced.

Google News: Making the Democratic Underground look conservative.

Partial Credit

I'm not a big fan of rain, and when I've been trapped inside for a couple of days things tend to get ugly around my house. Granted I usually start 99% of anything that goes on, but things get ugly.

That being said this past weekend was one of those occasions, it rained Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Needless to say after being cooped up in the house I was more than full of myself. Since it had been raining for three days our puppy's normally white socks were a nice shade of mud. So my lovely wife asked me to let our puppy, a 3 year old 70 pound boxer, I did.

Here's where the problem started our puppy normally sleeps in a Kennel, and will go to her kennel with a little direction; but all I was told to do was let the puppy in. I wasn’t told to put her in the kennel. So once I opened the door and stepped to the side, my sweet puppy (when she misbehaves she’s my puppy) headed straight to my wife’s bedroom (the only place in the house that’s mine is the office) and for the bed. Well the puppy does this really cute bit where she pulls back the covers and crawls under them, it really is a great site to see.

You remember the mud colored socks well they were back white again, but the nice light blue sheets my wife had on the bed were now spotted with a nice shade of mud. Needless to say my lovely bride wasn’t as amused as I was, in the least.

I tried to explain to her that all I did was follow her directions and let the puppy in and from there it was in her hands, she hasn’t bought in to it yet. After I quit laughing and the misses quit threatening to neuter me I changed the sheets on the bed and my wife didn’t even thank me. All she did was mumble something about the life I saved being my own.

Here I was thinking I had followed here instructions to a tee and then gone above and beyond and cleaned up the mess she made. One would think I’d at least get partial credit right?

Shamlessly linked to basil's blog: lunch 4/5/2005

The Moon Bat that is Scoobie Davis

I’ve always been amused by the idiocy displayed on the far left. You know the likes of Oliver Willis, The Daily Kos and The Raving Moon Bats at the Democratic Underground. Another Moon Bat, not to be out done, has proclaimed himself king of the Googlebomb. That person would be none other than the not-so-great Scoobie Davis. Scoobie Davis is founder of Scoobie Davis Online and The Googlebomb Project. From Scoobie Davis Online he directs traffic to The Googlebomb Project Blog where he give has set up posts that allow people to cut and paste links for Googlebombs.

If you aren’t sure what a Googlebomb is, it’s a way to direct traffic using the search results of Google and by misdirecting links in a web page, you can help direct traffic. From the Googlebomb Project blog: “It is a quick, cost-free way to give members of the web-surfing public information. I believe the goal of Googlebombing is to expose those who attempt to deceive us.”

I’ve been debating on whether or not to mention Scoobie Davis as I didn’t want to give him any credit. Normally when you ignore something insignificant it’ll eventually go away, but I guess a more accurate analogy would be he’s a pimple on the ass of progress that needs to be popped.

I had always assumed it was envy that started off his campaign, with his latest Google Bomb of Michelle Malkin, I’m positive. His Google Bombs direct traffic to such reliable, non-partisan sites such as: MediaMatters.org, OliverWillis.com, Democrats.Org and of course there’s almost always a link back to Scoobie Davis online.

Here are a list of the people this Moon Bat’s Google Bombed: Tammy Bruce, Christopher Rudy and News Max, Karl Rove, Sean Hannity, Fox News, Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin. I'm not sure why Scoobie gets his panties all in a wad when he thinks about these people and decides to Googlebomb them; but after looking at a majority of his Google Bombs thought, it looks like Scoobie Davis is using the Googlebomb Project blog to send traffic back to Scoobie Davis online. Now how would that be for an exposé. Wouldn't it be amusing if the Moon Bats that have been helping Scoobie Davis Googlebomb learned he was just trying to boost traffic to his blog?

Tarheel Tavern #6

The sixth edition of the Tarheel Tavern is up over at Chewie World Order.

Next week's edition be hosted by 2sides2ron.

Update: As Ron so kindly pointed out in the comments it's Tarheel not Tarhell; boy what a difference a letter makes.

Who done it

And why?

I guess some folks are wondering who's who over at It's A Pundit.
Under strict orders, glad I saw them in the comments, I can't say(basil might kill me dead or worse). But stay tuned, as with any Rovian / Reynoldsian / basilian conspiracy it's bound to leak out sooner or later.

Ask a silly question

So I was asked by a friend of my wife's:
Why do you always wear cowboy boots?

Because spurs would look silly with flip flops.

Ask a silly question, get a silly answer.
For some reason she thinks I'm a smart ass, I'm not sure why though.
[+/-] show/hide this answer

25 Words or less please

This week's installment of the 25 word challenge is up at Moogies World.

Yes I'm a Bad Person

The latest round of questions, answers and advice is up over at Fistful of Fortnights.

Yes I'm a bad person for it taking me so long to link to it.

Thanks basil

basil, from basil's blog posted this morning about his April fools prank /The Alliance's precision guided humor assignment: The creation of It's A Pundit, if you aren't familiar with it go there it's a great spoof of that Hippy Beating, Hobo Killing, Puppy Blending Glenn Reynolds. In my humble opinion it is the greatest April Fool's prank I saw yesterday and one of the best I've ever seen.

In basil's post he thanks everyone that stopped by to post and said "Friday was one of the most enjoyable days I have ever had reading a blog. And it was my blog." Those are my sentiments exactly, except it wasn't my blog, matter of fact I'm kinda envious I didn't think of the idea.

I can assure you that as long as basil lets me keep my log in I'll be posting there. As Saide from Fistful of Fortnights said: "I must admit, it's rather freeing to post as La Femme Wonkita." Well I wasn't posting as La Feeme Wonkita, but it is great fun to post as one of Glenn Reynolds personalities.

Thanks basil, not only for allowing me to post at It's A Pundit but for linking to me and sending traffic my way. See for those of you who don't know basil was the first person to link to me, back on Feburary 4th. I've been meaning to thank him for it but well, I'm no good at that type of thing and I kept putting it off. So Thanks basil for helping my little blog become somewhat of a daily read for some folks.

As I said earlier I'll keep posting at It's A Pundit until basil runs me off or the real Evil Glenn Reynolds decides to take a break from blending puppies and tries a goldfish shake (you know goldfish are the snacks that smile back right?).

And in the words of Dan Rather: Courage.

I hate computers

I just wanted to go on the records stating that I hate computers. Yes I realize they do what the operator tells them too, thats part of the problem. Why would anything anyone create anything that does what I say most of the time?

I trying to decide whether to format it or launch it into orbit.

Stupid Computer.

Update: Turns out I didn't have to send it into orbit or launch it, I did however kick the crap out of it a couple of times.

Nothing, I have Nothing for Sale

I have nothing new to add to the blogosphere this April Fools Morning.

It appears that the web pirate basil has taken over yet another blog. It started a while back with his high jacking of Red State Rant. That little skirmish wasn't resolved until Lance called in the Marines.

Evidentially as innocent a basil looks his quest for blogging dominance has resulted in the take over of evil glenn's web site. Yes, you read that right, click on the link, basil has control of evil glenn's web site.

In other news, the great Frank J's promise to blog forever ended abruptly when he sold out to the Koreans, that must have been one poofy deal, and the comparison's of the lovely Sarah K to Yoko began to fly.

Happy April Fool's Day Everybody.