Importing

I'm in the process of importing my old blogspot posts
I've finished importing my old blogspot posts, so if things look strange around here it's because they are.

Thanks be to Pixy for fixing up the super duper importerer.

I've Moving

I'm moving!!!!!!!

I've finally wrapped up a majority of the changes to my new template & home on the range web.
I'm now a Munuvian.

Be sure to update you blogrolls / book marks (All three of you linked here).

Lessons learned today

I learned a couple of pieces of valuable information today.

1.Washington rush hour traffic starts about 7:00 am and ends around 7:00 pm.

2. The I-95 / I-395 / I-495 Interchange, also known as The Spur, could have been better designed by a Drunken Two Year Old on Crack.

Day of Random

Day of Random

spooge

Day of RandomRules - Recap

Once again via Puffy:

1. Post a single word comment in the thread above. Post ONLY one word and it is to be the first word that comes into your mind after reading the previously posted word.
2. Post a NEW entry on your blog if you have one containing a single word (any word you like) and get your readers to respond in the same way.
3. People can post more than one comment on a blog - but not in succession, someone else must have posted since their last.
4. Sit back and watch the randomness happen and see what words inspire what words.
5. Really, that is it... but it could be fun - you never know!

A random day for posting

Via: Puffy.

Dear Blog reading friends, fans of the blogging memes and other such hoo-har,

On Wednesday 27th April 2005 the Day of Random beings. To play simply title a thread in your blog "Day of Random" and post just one word in that post. The first random word which filters into your brain. Enable comments and then your visitors should leave a one word reply of randomness in response to your blogged word: the first word that came into their mind! Each of your blogging visitors then should do the same on their blogs, starting off with their own random word and seeing what randomness their visitors inspire... are you up for chaotic randomness of silly words that could follow?

It would be worth posting these rules in advance to prepare folks for the bizarre moment which will momentarily hit your blog.

The Damned of the West (part 3): Interview with Carrie Hallums Cooper

Part three of The Jawa Report's interview with the wife of one of the civilian hostages in Iraq. Please take the time to read the interview and keep all those helping to rebuild Iraq, the middle east and other embattled areas in your thoughts and prayers.

Part 1.
Part 2.
Part 3.

If you haven't read the interviews please take the time to do so.

Questions and answers

Want to know the meaning of life?

This Friday, Divas Sez will be hosted by Sadie, who will gladly answer your questions, as long as she receives them by Thursday evening.

Get to clickin' on the link and e-mail mistress Sadie your questions.

* Questions about my sexual orientation and whether or not I own an inflatable sheep will be ignored. Okay, they probably won't but don't you have a better question to ask?

Men's Club: I'll call

This week's Men's Club & Demystifying Divas topic: The meaning of those three little words uttered after a first date, no not "Let's get naked", "I'll call you".

The problem, as several of the other participants have noted, is there isn't an industry standard. How long are you supposed to wait after the first date are you supposed to call. Women expect different things (yes I realize this is the understatement of the Millennium). There's a fine line between attentive, too needy, stalker and uninterested. Call too soon there's definitely something wrong with you, call to late you obviously aren't interested and can't be bothered, oh the joys of dating make me happy to be married happily (at least my wife keeps telling me I’m happily married, so it’s true right?).

Personally I never used the “I’ll call you” line while dating. After the first date if I was interested I asked when she would be around so we could chat. Thus giving her ample opportunity to make up an excuse to dodge my call or let me know when she’d be there to stalk. If I wasn’t I told her it’s been real, it's been fun, but it hasn't been real fun. To me it didn’t make since to lie; of course I’ve been told I’m overly logical and analytical at times, but I think the people that made those statements were reading way too much into it.

Why some guys say “I’ll call you” and never do. The answer is plain and simple, and I apologize in advance for my language, they’re chicken shits. I thought about it for a great while and there really isn’t a better description for them; I started to just call them chickens but that would be an insult to my favorite snack. For a person to look directly into somebody’s eyes that they just went out on a date with and blatantly lie to them is inexcusable; they’re the lowest of the low, they’re chicken shits.

Why do some males feel it is acceptable to blatantly lie? For some reason a large portion of the male population, I refuse to call them men, think that women can’t handle the truth that the guy just isn’t interested. Maybe it’s their ego, some guys honestly think that all women want them and can’t handle the thought they aren’t interested. Some just don’t have the spine to tell a woman they aren’t all that interested. Any way you go about it they’re chicken shits, either egotistical chicken shits or spineless chicken shits.

If you’re offended by this because you’ve used the line to get out of an awkward situation, tough think about the person waiting for a call.

For more reasonable and well formulated statements there are the Darling Delectable Demystifying Divas. For other testosterone laden ramblings there are the other members of the men’s club.

Another meme

Silk decided to pass the Turd in a punchbowl meme on to me: Simply compose a four-line poem and post it on your blog. The first and third verses of the poem should read “Turd in a punchbowl.” Verses two and four may be about any subject (including turds!) but they must rhyme with each other.

I've always said I'll try just about anything once.

Turd in a punchbowl
It's not a Haiku
Turn in a punchbowl
I'd rather sniff glue

Now to pass it on.
I'll tag moehawk, he hasn't done any crappy blogging yet.
To carry on the English theme, Sortapundit.

The man should have fun with this.

Thanks basil

basil said he ‘spects traffic to start dropping of since he’s blogging about baseball. I started to reply in the comments, but since I ahve the keys to his place for at least a little while longer I figured I’d post about it here and there.

I can’t really see traffic at basil’s doing anything other than increasing as time goes by, matter of fact I’d be willing to bet somebody this shiny quarter I’ve got in my pocket that it does nothing but increase. There are several reasons I feel will keep people keep coming back, I'll only get into a couple of them. One reason, most of the posts are well written, I say most of them because I have a couple of posts at basil's that may be stinkin’ the joint up (sorry ‘bout that ya’ll, but you do the best you can with what you’ve got).

Another is people can relate to what he’s writing about, especially with baseball. My local team is the Kinston Indians, when their schedule doesn’t conflict with my sister-in-law’s softball schedule we try to attend their games. It’s professional baseball in its most pure form. You don’t have the superstars that demand the spotlight, the fans don’t ruin the atmosphere and it’s still affordable, all in all it’s and enjoyable way to spend a weekend afternoon. With the enthusiasm basil displays for the Catfish it’d be hard not to vicariously pull for the Catfish.

Then there are those of us that stop by to for the meals. Breakfast / Lunch / Supper and the occasional snack provide us with links to blogs we may not otherwise read. I can say with some certainty that on a daily basis I find a post I would have probably missed were it not for basil’s suggestion. I’ve also found several of my daily reads from meal time post, blogs that I probably wouldn’t have otherwise found. Then there are the readers that found my blog through the links basil offered.

Thanks basil for the inviting each of us in to share the passion you display for the Catfish, bringing back memories of games we’ve attended or played in, keeping us entertained with the Alliance’s various assignments and keeping us well fed while we’re reading along.
phin

* Cross posted at basil's blog. Why? Because I could.

The Tar Heel Tavern

The Tar Heel Tavern is being hosted this week by Viewfinder BLUES.

Posting else where

I have just wrapped up a template redesign for Blog Netiquette; I've also wrapped up an article about Comments. If I've missed anything let me know.

basil from basil's blog was also nice enough to offer me a set of keys to his place while he's out of town so I've been guarding his blog and feeding the strays that happen by.

Another 25 Word Challenge

This week's challenge 25 Word Challenge is being hosted by Politickal Animal.

Be sure to stop by and vist.

If I Could Be... meme

The Thong Pirate tagged moehawk, who in turn tagged me with the "If I Could Be..." meme that Ogre started.

If I could be a llama-rider I would sing the Llama song as I rode circles around the Llama Butchers' houses taunting them (Yay Arsenic Hour).

If I could be a psychologist I would prescribe electroshock therapy to all the hippies I encountered.

If I could be an architect I would design Chesticle Shaped buildings. Aren't there already enough Phallic shaped office buildings?

If I could be a bonnie pirate I would seek safe haven at the Pirate's Cove then go out drinking and wenching.

If I could be a professor I would profess my unending love for Midget Strippers and Hula Dancers; but I'm not so I won't.

So here's how it works. Following there is a list of different occupations. You must select at least 5 of them (feel free to select more). You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select 5 of the items as it was passed to you). Each one begins with "If I could be..." Of the 5 you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession.

For example, if the selected occupation was "pirate" you might take the phrase "If I could be a pirate..." and add to it "I would sail the 7 Seas, dating lasses from around the worlde." See how easy that is?

Here's the list:
If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama-rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be a midget stripper...

Now to choose the next victims participants....

Sadie (although I'm sure I'll pay dearly for it), Zonker and The Wizard.

Stupid moves part two

As my previous post helped to establish I'm just not the sharpest knife in the drawer at times.

Since WitNit tagged me with his "My stupidest moment" meme with the question: What’s the stupid story you only tell when you're drunk? It seems only fitting that the story be from one of the *ahem* few *ahem* experiences I have with alcohol.

It was my freshmen year in high school. The town I grew up in is Greenville, North Carolina, home of East Carolina University and some of the best tailgating in the country. The week prior to a home ECU football game a group of my friends and I decided to tailgate, which would seem harmless enough to most folks.

My parents did their due diligence: they spoke to the parents of other kids that would be there, they spoke to the chaperones and then after quite a bit of begging on my part, they granted me permission. Looking back on it now I honestly think they had a prior knowledge of things to come because they were reluctant to let me go or the fact I was a tad bit of a hellion at the time but, anyhoo…

The Saturday of the game rolled around, my parents dropped me off and I had arranged for a ride home. It started out simple enough, the chaperones were there, and we grilled out, tossed around a football, typical tailgating experience minus alcohol; until the chaperones left to walk around. Once the chaperones were a safe distance away the booze was pulled out and we started taking shots.

This was really my first experience drinking alcohol in any quantity. I can’t remember now the exact amount, but that I got more than a tad bit tipsy. My intentions were to take a couple of shots, catch a buzz sober up during the game and return home. I was down right drunk and it wasn’t a pretty site. Being too drunk to get into the game we decided it was time to depart the tailgating field lest we be arrested for being drunk and underage.

All was well and good until they put me in a moving car. This proved to be a bad idea. I didn’t puke in the car; I did however puke a couple of times on the way home. So we arrived at my house where my friends helped me out of the car, at the end of the driveway. I somehow managed to stumble a majority of the way up the driveway, how long it took I’m not sure, to the door. Where I was promptly greeted by my loving mother; who to say the least was less than amused.

I tried my best to convince them I wasn’t drunk and that I hadn’t had anything to drink, but they weren’t buying my story for some reason. Maybe it was the little bit of puke I got on my shirt, maybe it was the stench of Jack Daniels I’m not sure which one it was but something gave away the fact that I’d had at least one to many to drink. It certainly couldn’t have been my inability to crawl a straight line or slurred speech that had anything to do with it.

I can’t remember the exact punishment my parents handed down; I’m just happy my father was able to suppress the urges to strangle me (or maybe he didn’t and that explains quite a bit, hmmm), but I do know it kept me from drinking a majority of the remaining years of High School.

To this day I'm still not sure what made me think I could pull of catching a buzz and then going home to the folks house. Definitely not one of my more intelligent moments.

Now to pass the meme along:
basil from basil’s blog ought to have a great story.
As a fellow ECU Graduate I’ll tap William Teach from Pirates Cove.
Payback’s a bitch so I’ll tap moehawk from oystersnout.

Update: William Teach has posted his reply.
Update #2: moehawk has replied.

The Damned of the West (part 2): Interview With Susan Hallums (cont.)

As usual I'm a day late.
Part two of The Jawa Report's interview with the wife of one of the civilian hostages in Iraq. Please take the time to read the interview and keep all those helping to rebuild Iraq, the middle east and other embattled areas in your thoughts and prayers.

Part 1.
Part 2.

If you haven't read it please take the time to do so.

The stupid meme

WitNit has tagged me with his "My stupidest moment" meme.

For some strange reason the people who sign my paycheck actually expected me to get work done today. So I wasn't able to figure you just which amazing display of stupidity I wanted to share. So I'll repost something I originally posted about a month ago:

I've already stated multiple times that I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer; and I'm just gonna give you another case that proves my point.

I've had problems off and on with my neck and back for the past couple of years, the Chiropractor thinks it was a wreck I was in years ago, the wife thinks it's because I spend to much time in front of the computer, I think I'm just not fishing enough. But anywhoo….

One night as we (my wife and I) were lying in bed I decided I'd try putting Icy Hot on my neck. (For those of you unfamiliar with ICY HOT® is the dual action topical pain reliever that gets icy to dull the pain and then gets hot to relax it away, as their web site says). So I got out of bed, found the Icy Hot, rubbed it on my neck, got fussed at by the wife for stinking up the bedroom (boy howdy does that stuff stink), got back in the bed, started watching TV again.

Well at some point in while I was watching TV best I can figure my 'nads (aka Whozits, the Boys, the Twins) itched and I scratched them.

Because shortly thereafter there was an indescribable burning sensation in my nether regions, I mean it felt like somebody was holding a blow torch to my crotch. So I jumped out of bed, ran to the bath room and started trying to wash off the Icy Hot. Let me tell you, there isn't any amount of water in the world that will rinse off Icy Hot once it's already reached the 7th Layer of Hell heating stage.

To add insult to injury my lovely wife, who had a sense of humor almost as warped as mine, gets out of be to see what the howling was about.

Once I explained to her what I'd done there was more howling, but this time it was laughter. There I was concerned my man berries were going to spontaneously combust and all she can do is laugh hysterically.

Well I didn't find much humor in it at the time, but now I get tickled thinking about it. There has however been a ban placed on bringing Icy Hot into our house. I guess this is another case of what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger, and in my case smarter, cause I'll never apply Icy Hot without washing my hands afterwards again.

The Damned of the West (part 1)

The Jawa Report has interviewed the wife of one of the civilian hostages in Iraq. Please take the time to read the interview and keep all those helping to rebuild Iraq, the middle east and other embattled areas in your thoughts and prayers.

Men's Club: Spit Polished & Squeaky Clean

It's Tuesday and this week's topic: The differences between how men and women get ready in the morning.

Living in a house with two women (my wife and her sister) has taught me many, many things. Some things that shouldn't be said and some things that every man should know. That being said a little bit more background may be in order. My wife has two sisters; all three of these ladies were high school and collegiate athletes(her youngest sister, the one living with us is still in school); thus they have the ability to kick my skinny little arse at will. Lucky for me they choose not to, most of the time.

I on the other hand, grew up in a house hold with two brothers one older and sometimes wiser, and one younger. While the many different scrapes and scuffles we got into taught me quite a bit about life' challenges; they did absolutely nothing to prepare me for life with two bosses the lovely ladies at my house(the two bosses statement was removed due to the fact I take orders from my dog and the cats also).

One thing I learned early on was that there is a sacred (and scary) time of the day when afore mentioned ladies are getting ready for Work / School; granted it took several verbal thrashings, but I've learned none the less.

My morning routine is simple:

1. Alarm goes off, get out of bed.
   
2. Bathroom Time: Brush Teeth & possible shower depending upon the previous nights activities and whether to not I showered prior to going to bed. (If I go to bed clean I'?m not going to get dirty without a little bit of help).
3. Put on Clothes
4. Pop pills(Prescribed medications only of course)
5. Grab breakfast
   
6. Let Chloe (our pet boxer & number three in the chain of command) out for the day.
7. Leave for work.

Now for the ladies:
On days where there will be little human interaction(weekends, vacations, etc?) their routine doesn?'t vary much from mine, except there is a guaranteed shower. On days when human interaction is required well that?s a whole ?nother ball game. Using the keen observational skills I acquired during my stalker younger days I've tried to document a typical work / school day morning.

1. Alarm Clock sounds off. Snooze button slapped a couple of times.
2. Drag out of bed & stumble towards bathroom.
3. Brush Teeth & Preheat shower to Four Million Degrees Celsius to create sauna affect.
4. Arrange towels, bath robe and cleaning supplies.
5. Shower: Use Special soap (body wash). Rinse. Use Special soap for the face. Rinse. Shampoo. Rinse. Shampoo. Rinse. Condition. Rinse.
6. Dry Hair Using Towel. Which ends in a strange turban type wrap to ensure no excess moisture will escape.
7. Dry body using another Towel and wrap around torso.
8. Cover remaining exposed skin with floor length bath robe.
9. Pick out attire for the day.
10. Return to bathroom and use hair dryer.
11. Put previous outfit back and choose another.
12. Return to bathroom and torment hair using various items call ?Irons?. Some are for curling others for straightening and there's yet another for attacking unsuspecting males that may walk past the door way.

13. Pull original outfit from closet and lays [the original outfit] beside second outfit.
    
14. Return to bathroom and apply makeup (this step may is optional, some days they wear makeup some days they don?t).
15. Pull third and final outfit from closet.
16. Put on outfit & model in front of at least two mirrors.
    
17. Grab breakfast
18. Kick phin in the ribs.
    
19. Leave for work

So as you can see there really isn't that much of a difference between how men get ready and how ladies gets ready ; only a step or twelve (majority of the steps apply to her sister also, although there are portions I didn't witness all of them first hand).

*To further my research I spoke to several of my married friends and verified the steps above with them; some slight alterations may take place, but in general they stayed the same.

[+/-] show/hide the extended entry

Update Everybodys In, and on the same day too. Impressive.
Kate 'splains her daily routine.
Kathy says that if you expect a woman to go into battle she needs ample time to apply the proper amount of "war paint".
Silk give us a lady's perspective and says an attractive & presentable woman is worth the wait.

Sadie finally woke up sometime after noon and posted, her response was worth the wait (there's something mentioned about 500 groping hands or something or other; sounds kinky to me).
The Wizard has added another male perspective.
Puffy Says that if you can keep the ladies from taking advantage of unsuspecting men everyone would get ready much quicker (well he didn't really say exactly like that).
Zonker gives us a glimpse of what it's like to wake up with him. Hmm, that doesn't quite sound right does it? I think I just scared myself.

[]'d red text added for clarification. Thanks be to Sadie for pointing out english isn't my first language; I'm not sure what the first one is yet. When I find out I'll let y'all know.

Now go clean yourself you nasty rascal.

The secret is out

I can't remember how I happened upon Joe Vialls' web site; it may have been referenced by one of the posters at the Democratic Underground or the Daily KOS.

I stop by every now and then just to see how Ole Joe is doing. When he isn't trying to find a way to keep the Bush Administration from brain washing him (Joe if you're reading this I'm pretty sure most folks wear Aluminum Foil Hats) he's busy sniffing out governmental plots. Since my last visit to this guys nut house (honestly this guy makes the folks over at the DU look normal) he's been quite busy.

Good Ole Joe shows that President Bush called in a hit on(warning: contains graphic images of Nicholas Berg) Giuliana Sgrena and also has an article about how the December 26th Tsunami was caused by a Nuclear Bomb (hint it's based on there not being a Tsunami with the most recent earth quakes).

In light of Joe's articles and several recent postings at the Democratic Underground it has become apparent there is a leak in the conservative blogosphere.

I would like to ask everyone on the GOP's e-mail list to re-read the instructions at the end of each e-mail. You will notice it says to delete the message, not forward it, delete it.

Please remember, all messages send out but the Bush administration to Conservative Bloggers are confidential. Imagine the horrors if the Moon Bats, Hippies and Conspiracy Theorist at the Democratic Underground have hard proof the current republican administration was responsible for the following items:

• John Kerry's impotence
• Rigging the past two presidential elections
• Earthquakes and Tsunamis in the Middle East and Indonesia
• Ted Kennedy's "Accident" at Chappaquiddick
• Barbra Boxer's permanent state of PMS

How do you define hero?

From Red State Rant: "Pat Tillman's story is one reminiscient of those rarely seen among our celebrities since WWII. Here is the latest tidbit in his saga. Not surprising at all."

25 word challenge

This week's 25 word challenge is being hosted by Lady Mac's Musing.

Go ahead over and join in the fun.

Perspective

Jarhead does a great job of putting things into perspective.

Because she said so

While I wasn't very productive today somebody else was.

Kathy, yes the snarky diva, hath answered the questions bestowed upon her this week.

Great advice at a great price, you go now.

Feral cat hunting tips

Always remember it's safety first.

PETA has started supplying Feral Cats with small firearms, so all feral cats should be considered armed and dangerous.

Feral Cat Hunting Tip #1: Always use a high powered rifle that had a greater range than your typical pistol. Sure it may be fun to get up close and personal when you're about to bust a cap in fluffy's ass, but what happens when you run across a cat like this one?

Click to Enlarge

You must exercise extreme caution. PETA has started arming small bands of Feral cats with Chain Guns also. These groups can typically be heard before they're seen since they like to use other furry woodland creatures as target practice.

Feral Hunting Tip #2: Shoot the cat with their paw on the trigger first. Feral Cats are agile hunters / killers. If you don't target the trigger cat first, they may swing the gun around and well then you're nothing but another statistic.

Click to Enlarge

Stay tuned.
More Feral Cat Hunting exclusives from phin's blog are on their way!!!

Update: Submitted to Carnival of the Cats

Sorry lady we don't do stupid

James Joyner from Outside The Beltway has passed on story from KLTV 7 - AP, about a mother who is upset about the response she received when she called in a domestic dispute. I heard the transcripts of the 911 call on my way in to work this morning.

Apparently the woman's two daughters (12 & 14) had been left home alone and were fighting. The 12 y.o. got a little out of and kicked a hole in the door. The mother when she got home called said the girls had quit fighting, but the 12 y.o. was out of hand and she couldn't control her. The 911 dispatcher, in a JOKING TONE, asked if she wanted the officers to shoot the girl. At this point the woman got pissed and threatened to tattle on the dispatcher.

Well she tattled and he received two reprimands, but this isn't good enough for her.

Sorry lady, last time I checked 911 was for emergencies and your inability to raise decent children looks to go back at least 12 years, probably longer. This really isn't something that could be cured in a one time visit from the police.

Hat Tip: Robert from The LLama Butchers ( I agree with him, it was pretty damned funny.)

Update VIA EMT Blog:

Forbess, a dispatcher for five years at the Watauga Department of Public Safety, told her he was joking and apologized. But the woman was offended, and Forbess immediately told his supervisor what happened.

“This type of response cannot be tolerated, and this letter shall serve as notice that any future unprofessional responses while answering the 911 line will be cause for termination,” Police Chief David Van Laar wrote to Forbess.

More blogger help

I've seen a couple of people mention that they use NoteTab Light, most notably Mr. Bad Example himself Harvey, for their blogging / posting / html editing purposes. I took their advice and I'm a huge fan of it, it has the HTML Coding references there so my feeble mind doesn't have to try and remember them. If you haven't looked into NoteTab I'd recommend you do so, it'll make your blogging life easier.

Another free tool that I use is Metapad. Metapad is an enhanced version of Windows Notepad. It doesn't contain the rich features of NoteTab, it is however a vast improvement over the Standard Windows Notepad. The Metapad Site has instructions on how to replace the default Notepad.

While I'm on the topic are there any other tools you guys are using that may make bloggers live's easier?

Update: Travis suggests SciTe Link: http://scintilla.org/SciTE.html

Update #2: Harvey of Bad Example (yes the same one mentioned above) suggests Irfanview:

http://www.irfanview.us/
Free image-handling software. It's not the most versatile thing in the word, but if you're just looking for something simple & fairly intuitive to help you get images ready for posting, this is perfect. Especially since it lets you compress jpeg images, as described toward the bottom of this tutorial:
http://www.deadzoom.com/member/ n...utorial_Old.htm

Update #3: Moogie of Moogie's World seconds the NoteTab Light Suggestion.

And to take sadie's advice I'll drink to all of these!

Ten disappointed people

I'm betting there are at least ten people were very disappointed in the search results that lead them here, well probably more than that but the ten that searched for Jenna Jameson really disappointed. In yesterday's post regarding guys liking bad girls I mentioned Jenna Jameson; I'm not sure how everybody else was able to post without at least one reference to her. Well the mention of her in my post has put me in the top ten a technorati search for Jenna Jameson as of this moment; I'm way at the bottom (no pun intended) in Google & Yahoo rankings but I've had a couple of hits from those search engines also.

Sorry guys but if you're looking for pictures of Jenna Jameson naked or really any other porn stars naked or doing whatever else they go in pictures your S.O.L.

My questions though is why would anyone really want to search for Jenna Jameson in blogs. I'm pretty sure she's got a website, with all the porn on the internet these days I'd be willing to be that Jenna Jameson has at least one site devoted to her and it probably has lots of pictures of Jenna Jameson Naked.

Now if you're looking for inflatable sheep, as a couple of people were, click here.

Blog Netiquette

There's a new post up at Blog Netiquette with information from Eugene Volokh, of The Volokh Conspiracy with the who's what's and why's of blogging.

And as if I didn't already have enough irons in the fire, I've volunteered to help with a couple of posts. The next post will be on what agitates our fellow bloggers. That's where you come in. Drop a note in the comments with your pet peeves.

Update: I've moved this post to the top for the next couple of days. I've received some great feedback so far. Thanks.

Ogre's got advice

Ogre's offering advice for people using Blogger & Haloscan.

He's offered instructions on Auto-Discovery Trackbacks. No it doesn't mean your life will be easier, but yes you need to add the code to your template to make others lives easier.

It isn't always about you ya know.
Be considerate.
Visit Ogre.
Implement the code(be sure to make a backup in case you mess something up first, don't say we didn't warn you).
You go now.
Thank you please drive through.

Congratulations are in order

Her Majesty, The Queen of Feisty has inducted several new members to the Red Hat Divas & Divaesque Ladies.

Don't take my word for it, read about it here.

Six months and nobody's dead (Yet)

I quit smoking six months ago today; after smoking at least two packs a day for over ten years.
With the help of Wellbutrin it was by far one of the easist things I've done, if you're even remotely considering quiting, this is the route I'd recommend. I'd much rather pop a couple of pills a day and not worry about the gum, patches, filters, etc....

If you ask my co-workers I'm a tad bit more cranky, but what the hell do they know.
I didn't experience any side effects, my wife didn't either, since I had quit for two weeks before I told her. The only change I've noticed is an increase in appetite (thus the extra 20 pounds I've put on).

the 25 word challenge

Welcome to this weeks installment of the 25 word challenge. The concept is simple. A story is started with 25 words in a post, then continued in the comments section.

The rules are very simple:
a) each comment has to be 25 words or less and
b) no back to back comments, but commenters can come back as often as they like.

Next weeks challenge will be hosted by: Ali at Lady Mac's Musings

And now on with the show:

Jack climbed into his seaplane headed for the Caribbean. He'd worked for these clients before, but this time his purpose and cargo were both unknown.

It's a Mascot

itsapundit.com has a new mascot.
I'm wondering how the ladies are gonna like that. Me doth think ItsaGleeson may be in for an itsa Castration.

Caption Contest

Figured I'd pass along a couple of caption contests:
basil's trying to figure out what Spain's Prime Minister is doing.
the Man has a Highway Scene that needs captioning.

Diva Sez

You've asked, she answered.
Okay well may YOU didn't ask, but somebody did.
Now go read the answers.
Oh you dont' know the questions?
They're over there to.
You go now.

Kevin Drum Incites a Riot

Kevin Drum posted an article yesterday telling Michelle Malkin and several other bloggers to STFU. Another prime example of maturity and intelligence displayed by progressive bloggers. The thought processes and intellect only go downhill from there in the comments section of Drum's blog. The escapees from asylum known as the Democratic Underground brought forth useful bits of knowledge like:

Remember 9/11 Changed Everything.

The Republicans [screwed] up. Martinez admitted it. Now if they could only admit that they killed 1500+ soldiers for a lie. [Edited by me]

Drum and his band of merry Moon Bats at Political Animal, have displayed a mastery of the English language that can only be picked up by trolling at the Democratic Underground for months. They wonder why the Progressive Party is at an all time low and yet they continue to encourage actions such as these. It's time the progressive leaders accept responsibility for their actions and stop blaming conservatives.

Drum set the language expectations, set the tone and opened the door the trolls when he ended his post with STFU. Confederate Yankee, The Jawa Report and IMAO all have large readerships without the language used by multiple people leaving comments at Drum’s Political Animal. The blog owner is responsible for the comments left on their site. They can be cleaned up, deleted or at a bare minimum the readers could be asked to stay on topic. Drum has yet to do follow through on any of these actions.

Best guess is that Drum and the rest of his loyalists will continue to personally attack those that don't agree with them since they can't find a way to intelligently argue the facts. Drum remarked in June of 2003 on how he allowed comments on his blog, while a majority of the large conservative blogs didn't. With trolls like the ones at Political Animal is it any wonder Mrs. Malkin and the other bloggers don't allow comments.

Frank J of IMAO said: "Mrs. Malkin seems to get the worst barbs because she's not only conservative, but she's also committed the high crimes of being a minority and a woman (an opinionated one!)." Other than this what has she done to deserve such hate from "progressive" thinkers?

Maybe Drum will be man enough to apologize for the content of his blog and his loyalists’ remarks personal, but I doubt it. Until then the only thing that we can hope for is that Progressives such as Drum and his loyalists continue to drive the moderate democrats away from their party.

Linked to basil's lunch menu 4/8/2005.

Note: I e-mailed a copy of this post to Kevin Drum, if he responds I'll update the post.

The response

My innocent little gesture to prove that I have an Imagination has been replied to.
Gwen Sadie has replied.
This blogging thing is good for my ego, I've fooled people into thinking I'm smart and now at least one of the divas thinks I'm hot (well probably not, but we won't tell my ego).

Speaking of Clowns

While I was in college, all eight wonderful years, I constantly had a sneaking suspicion that I was surrounded by a bunch of clowns. If you've spent much time on a collegiate campus you're probably familiar with the type: They make the guys wearing Aluminum Foil Beanies that comment on the Democratic Underground look sane and are constantly spouting off how the Bush Administration hasn't done anything right, they're taking advantage of the working class and they're destroying the environment; right before they hop into their BMW.

My suspicions about the Clowns of Higher Learning have been confirmed, Wednesday night at Butler University conservative activist David Horowitz was hit with a pie shortly after he started a lecture. So without further ado, I'd like to introduce you to the new face of the liberal movement.

Click to Enlarge in Another Window

Hat Tip: Michelle Malkin via The Jawa Report

A happier ending

Michelle Malkin posted an article, MORE "PEACE" THUGS AT WORK, about a group of students that organized a sit-in at an UC Santa Cruz job fair to protest the military recruiters that were present. When campus police in riot gear showed up the administrators sought a peaceful resolution and negotiated with protest leaders. The hour long protest ended after when military representatives vacated their posts.

You read it correctly, the Representatives of the U.S. Military were asked to leave their posts to pacify some 75 protestors. Why is it that the people who had a lawful right to be there were asked to leave to pacify those who were participating in an illegal activity? This incident at UCSC is another fine example of how the Liberal Bias in the United States Collegiate System is ruining our country.

I'd love to see how the administration tries to explain buckling to this group. It seems to me the they would know that giving in to this type of illegal activity is only going to encourage it at other campuses across the country; maybe that's what they're hoping will happen.

If the administration had allowed the cops, or the recruiters themselves, to drag the protesters out with a little bit of encouragement from some pepper spray, the "Peaceful" Demonstation would have ended and probably wouldn't be repeated. Now that would have been a happier ending. Why is it when a group of liberals get together they have the spine of a Jelly Fish?

Hopefully the next group that organizes and unlawful protest the U.S. Military is met with just the right amount of pepper spray and baton usage.

Scoobie Responds

I posted the other day about Scoobie Davis being a Moon Bat. He was kind enough to reply in the comments: "For the record, I am a center/left person. I grew up in a Republican family (right about the time the party of Lincoln was admitting people like Trent Lott). So I left it. That makes me a moon bat?"

Leaving from the Republican party doesn't make anyone a Moon Bat, I know several people that aren't members of the Republican party and they aren't Moon Bats.

Why do I think Scoobie Davis is a Moon Bat.

Well here are just a couple of reasons:

Scoobie Davis refers people to Media Matters as a reliable information source.
Scoobie Davis links to Oliver Willis as a reliable information source.
Scoobie Davis links to The Liberal Avenger as a reliable information source.

Scoobie Davis praises Ameriblog for outing a gay journalist Jeff Gannon. “Kudos to AmericaBlog for their journalistic coup”. If you still don’t think he’s a real journalist, click here.

And per Scoobie Davis online he posted the following about how he "socializes with some of Hollywood's elite: “I don't want to give specifics about how I get in, but often it involves using deception about who I am. I don't think that's a betrayal of my values because it gets me into some really slammin' places.” If you’ll don’t see anything wrong with lying since it gets you into some “Really Slammin’ Places” what else would he do for a little media exposure? This really has nothing to do with him being a Moon Bat, but does show a lack of moral fortitude.

Scoobie Davis didn't really think I'd call him a Moon Bat without documentation did he?

Update: Welcome Jawalanchers, not to be confused with Jolly Ranchers(although both are great, only one satisfies the ego), who needs Glenn Reynolds when you've got The Jawa Report & It's A Pundit?

No imagination

During a recent conversation with an employee he asked if I knew any of the bloggers that I read. I 'splained to him that I didn't I'd chatted with some via e-mail or in comments but I didn't know any of them, except for the Confederate Yankee, who's my brother.

Then he asked if I knew what any of them looked like. I told him that some of the bloggers posted pictures of themselves; others preferred the anonymity of posting without saying who they were (I wonder who would do such a thing).

To finish of the conversation he says, well are any of the blogs you read written by hot chics? I asked him, how the hell am I supposed to know if their Air Conditioner quit working? Then it hit me by hot he meant good looking.

I hadn?t really put a whole lot of though into it until that moment, but who needs pictures when you?ve got imagination? Below are the exclusive photo's of the ladies that make up the Demystifying Divas.

Avril at Cake Eater Chronicles	Christina at Feisty Repartee
Gwen at Fistful of Fortnights	Jessica at Just Breathe

Update: Since I was asked nicely I've replaced Britney. (I kinda figured I'd catch hell for that one)
Update #2: A certain someone has dinner plans for me, I think I might be in a tad bit of trouble, you know the whole hell hath no fury like .......

Googlegate

It has now been eight days since Google News dropped The Jawa Report. Maybe google should steal IMAO's tagline, 'cause they sure as hell ain't fair & balanced.

Google News: Making the Democratic Underground look conservative.

Partial Credit

I'm not a big fan of rain, and when I've been trapped inside for a couple of days things tend to get ugly around my house. Granted I usually start 99% of anything that goes on, but things get ugly.

That being said this past weekend was one of those occasions, it rained Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Needless to say after being cooped up in the house I was more than full of myself. Since it had been raining for three days our puppy's normally white socks were a nice shade of mud. So my lovely wife asked me to let our puppy, a 3 year old 70 pound boxer, I did.

Here's where the problem started our puppy normally sleeps in a Kennel, and will go to her kennel with a little direction; but all I was told to do was let the puppy in. I wasn’t told to put her in the kennel. So once I opened the door and stepped to the side, my sweet puppy (when she misbehaves she’s my puppy) headed straight to my wife’s bedroom (the only place in the house that’s mine is the office) and for the bed. Well the puppy does this really cute bit where she pulls back the covers and crawls under them, it really is a great site to see.

You remember the mud colored socks well they were back white again, but the nice light blue sheets my wife had on the bed were now spotted with a nice shade of mud. Needless to say my lovely bride wasn’t as amused as I was, in the least.

I tried to explain to her that all I did was follow her directions and let the puppy in and from there it was in her hands, she hasn’t bought in to it yet. After I quit laughing and the misses quit threatening to neuter me I changed the sheets on the bed and my wife didn’t even thank me. All she did was mumble something about the life I saved being my own.

Here I was thinking I had followed here instructions to a tee and then gone above and beyond and cleaned up the mess she made. One would think I’d at least get partial credit right?

Shamlessly linked to basil's blog: lunch 4/5/2005

The Moon Bat that is Scoobie Davis

I’ve always been amused by the idiocy displayed on the far left. You know the likes of Oliver Willis, The Daily Kos and The Raving Moon Bats at the Democratic Underground. Another Moon Bat, not to be out done, has proclaimed himself king of the Googlebomb. That person would be none other than the not-so-great Scoobie Davis. Scoobie Davis is founder of Scoobie Davis Online and The Googlebomb Project. From Scoobie Davis Online he directs traffic to The Googlebomb Project Blog where he give has set up posts that allow people to cut and paste links for Googlebombs.

If you aren’t sure what a Googlebomb is, it’s a way to direct traffic using the search results of Google and by misdirecting links in a web page, you can help direct traffic. From the Googlebomb Project blog: “It is a quick, cost-free way to give members of the web-surfing public information. I believe the goal of Googlebombing is to expose those who attempt to deceive us.”

I’ve been debating on whether or not to mention Scoobie Davis as I didn’t want to give him any credit. Normally when you ignore something insignificant it’ll eventually go away, but I guess a more accurate analogy would be he’s a pimple on the ass of progress that needs to be popped.

I had always assumed it was envy that started off his campaign, with his latest Google Bomb of Michelle Malkin, I’m positive. His Google Bombs direct traffic to such reliable, non-partisan sites such as: MediaMatters.org, OliverWillis.com, Democrats.Org and of course there’s almost always a link back to Scoobie Davis online.

Here are a list of the people this Moon Bat’s Google Bombed: Tammy Bruce, Christopher Rudy and News Max, Karl Rove, Sean Hannity, Fox News, Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin. I'm not sure why Scoobie gets his panties all in a wad when he thinks about these people and decides to Googlebomb them; but after looking at a majority of his Google Bombs thought, it looks like Scoobie Davis is using the Googlebomb Project blog to send traffic back to Scoobie Davis online. Now how would that be for an exposé. Wouldn't it be amusing if the Moon Bats that have been helping Scoobie Davis Googlebomb learned he was just trying to boost traffic to his blog?

Tarheel Tavern #6

The sixth edition of the Tarheel Tavern is up over at Chewie World Order.

Next week's edition be hosted by 2sides2ron.

Update: As Ron so kindly pointed out in the comments it's Tarheel not Tarhell; boy what a difference a letter makes.

Who done it

And why?

I guess some folks are wondering who's who over at It's A Pundit.
Under strict orders, glad I saw them in the comments, I can't say(basil might kill me dead or worse). But stay tuned, as with any Rovian / Reynoldsian / basilian conspiracy it's bound to leak out sooner or later.

Ask a silly question

So I was asked by a friend of my wife's:
Why do you always wear cowboy boots?

Because spurs would look silly with flip flops.

Ask a silly question, get a silly answer.
For some reason she thinks I'm a smart ass, I'm not sure why though.
[+/-] show/hide this answer

25 Words or less please

This week's installment of the 25 word challenge is up at Moogies World.

Yes I'm a Bad Person

The latest round of questions, answers and advice is up over at Fistful of Fortnights.

Yes I'm a bad person for it taking me so long to link to it.

Thanks basil

basil, from basil's blog posted this morning about his April fools prank /The Alliance's precision guided humor assignment: The creation of It's A Pundit, if you aren't familiar with it go there it's a great spoof of that Hippy Beating, Hobo Killing, Puppy Blending Glenn Reynolds. In my humble opinion it is the greatest April Fool's prank I saw yesterday and one of the best I've ever seen.

In basil's post he thanks everyone that stopped by to post and said "Friday was one of the most enjoyable days I have ever had reading a blog. And it was my blog." Those are my sentiments exactly, except it wasn't my blog, matter of fact I'm kinda envious I didn't think of the idea.

I can assure you that as long as basil lets me keep my log in I'll be posting there. As Saide from Fistful of Fortnights said: "I must admit, it's rather freeing to post as La Femme Wonkita." Well I wasn't posting as La Feeme Wonkita, but it is great fun to post as one of Glenn Reynolds personalities.

Thanks basil, not only for allowing me to post at It's A Pundit but for linking to me and sending traffic my way. See for those of you who don't know basil was the first person to link to me, back on Feburary 4th. I've been meaning to thank him for it but well, I'm no good at that type of thing and I kept putting it off. So Thanks basil for helping my little blog become somewhat of a daily read for some folks.

As I said earlier I'll keep posting at It's A Pundit until basil runs me off or the real Evil Glenn Reynolds decides to take a break from blending puppies and tries a goldfish shake (you know goldfish are the snacks that smile back right?).

And in the words of Dan Rather: Courage.

I hate computers

I just wanted to go on the records stating that I hate computers. Yes I realize they do what the operator tells them too, thats part of the problem. Why would anything anyone create anything that does what I say most of the time?

I trying to decide whether to format it or launch it into orbit.

Stupid Computer.

Update: Turns out I didn't have to send it into orbit or launch it, I did however kick the crap out of it a couple of times.

Nothing, I have Nothing for Sale

I have nothing new to add to the blogosphere this April Fools Morning.

It appears that the web pirate basil has taken over yet another blog. It started a while back with his high jacking of Red State Rant. That little skirmish wasn't resolved until Lance called in the Marines.

Evidentially as innocent a basil looks his quest for blogging dominance has resulted in the take over of evil glenn's web site. Yes, you read that right, click on the link, basil has control of evil glenn's web site.

In other news, the great Frank J's promise to blog forever ended abruptly when he sold out to the Koreans, that must have been one poofy deal, and the comparison's of the lovely Sarah K to Yoko began to fly.

Happy April Fool's Day Everybody.

I could keep quiet, but I'm not

I was gonna just keep my big mouth shut when I read Acidman's reply (a warning that his language gets a bit rough) to the topic we discussed earlier this week. In his profanity laden tirade, it's his blog he can use the language conventions of the Democratic Underground if he wants, he brings in some incoherent standpoint that since the women he's been involved with have used sex as a weapon, all women must.

Normally I wouldn't get involved in an argument with someone who isn't being reasonable about a subject, see my father taught me a long time ago that there's no need to get into a pissing contest with a skunk, but I was also raised to speak up when a disservice is being done.

I truly am sorry that his ex-wife won't let him talk to his son and has turned his son against him, or whatever the case is.

But to attack the personalities of the ladies just isn't right, especially when they haven't done anything to him. Sure some women use sex as a weapon, if he'd have keep a civil tone and asked I'm sure everyone would agree with him. But to assert that due to cartoon images they're all using sex as a weapon is crap. I'll let them pick him to pieces about that.

Since Acidman started the trend of jumping from one conclusion to another here's my take on the whole situation. Acidman got burned by his ex-wife, again I'm sorry about that, but at some point you have to be man enough to pick up the pieces and realize that all women aren't to blame. Sure there are some that are bitter shrews, just like there are some grumpy old farts running around, but with a little common sense and a decent judge of character you can weed out the good from the bad. But of course that would require accepting at least partial blame for our situations and that just isn't rational is it?

Maybe he should stick to bashing the unemployed, dope-smoking ex-friend shacking with his ex-wife and his ex-wife. Or if she's as big a pain as he makes her out to be send him a thank you note and MOVE ON. At some point Acidman's got to realize that being pissed at the world isn't going to do him much good and the best thing to do is get along with his life. Espcially when he lashes out at a group of ladies that haven't done anything to him with the rational of a two year old. If he doesn't like women, well there are plenty of places he can meet a nice guy to play butt darts with.

I guess next Acidman be all over me for having a goldfish posted on my site, you know the whole: fish are related to shell fish and oysters are an aphrodisiac which leads to women using sex as a weapon logic , but hopefully he'll be man enough to do it in a civil tone.

At least some of them get it

I've been pretty hard on the Democratic Underground, but after several months of stopping by I've finally seen a post that makes me think not all of them are wearing Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanies. Really as hard as it is to believe Az's post It's the civility stupid speaks volumes for anyone trying to get a point across, no matter what side of the isle you're on.

A majority of the people that replied, I can't since I've been black listed, were reasonable. There were of course the ones that said they should be civil towards each other when posting in the DU, but the only way to get a point across to some(in otherwords Conservatives) was to flame them, but a majority were reasonable.

Maybe some of the folks on the far left and hopefully some on the far right are starting to realize that they've been pushing the extremes for way too long. Really how much more can those of us that aren't on the edge tolerate from the vocal minorities?

She asked for it

How can you expect a guy not to be amused when his wife asks him for six inch wood?

The exact conversation has taken place at my house on more than one occasion, and yes with pretty much the same results.

The Tolerant Left?

Since when has being a progressive thinker involved throwing around racial slurs?

Not sure what I'm talking about?

Well according to the Democratic Underground Jessie Jackson is a whore and "and is now officially an Uncle Tom. Come on, sitting down with the likes of Randall Terry? Sean Hannity?" Don't take my word for it click the link, it'll open in a new window. (Oh and a page out of Confederate Yankee's handbook I have a screen shot in case they change or delete the thread.)

Why haven't the moderators deleted the thread if they don't allow posts that are "inflammatory, extreme, divisive, incoherent, or otherwise inappropriate. Do not engage in anti-social, disruptive, or trolling behavior. Do not post broad-brush, bigoted statements." The quoted text is directly from the Democratic Underground's Discussion Forum Rules.

They're already discredited themselves as tolerant of gay republican’s (do a quick Google search for Jeff Gannon) are they trying to prove they're bigots also?

A recap of the morning after.

A recap of yesterday's topic: Will a guy respect a girl if she sleeps with him too soon?

Chrissy provides her presective about self respect.
Kathy explains that men are pigs .
Puffy claims he's Irresistible.
Sadie explains that men really aren't that complicated.
Silk provides an accurate description of the three types of men.
The Wizard proves that he's a gentleman.

Zonker askes if men ever really respected women in the first place.

Since the common theme is that men are transparent, could it be that women enjoy the tourment?

Dax Montana has asked the Diva's to chime in on cheating and wouldn't mind hearing from the four Mousecateers Musketeers in the mattter also.

Its that time of year again

It's the time of year when the flowers are bloomin', the birdies are chirpin' and i can't get to friggin' sleep.

Not worry though, my insomnia only lasts from spring through the end of fall.

The bad news, if you thought I was incoherent before, wait until I've only had ten hours of sleep in a three or four day time period.

The good news, by not being able to sleep I've set up rotating descriptions at the top of the page. I stole the idea from The Flying Space Monkey, hopefully he'll forgive me when he gets back from the boondocks.

The code for this option is below and should work for any of the blog platforms.

The code below can be copied and pasted into your template wherever you would like the random quotes to appear. If you have less than ten quotes, I would recommend that you duplicate some of them to fill in all ten sections.

<script language="JavaScript">

 var Quote=new Array()

 Quote[0] = "Insert Your Quote #1";

 Quote[1] = "Insert Your Quote #2";

 Quote[2] = "Insert Your Quote #3";

 Quote[3] = "Insert Your Quote #4";

 Quote[4] = "Insert Your Quote #5";

 Quote[5] = "Insert Your Quote #6";

 Quote[6] = "Insert Your Quote #7";

 Quote[7] = "Insert Your Quote #8";

 Quote[8] = "Insert Your Quote #";

 Quote[9] = "Insert Your Quote #10";

 var Q = Quote.length;

 var whichQuote=Math.round(Math.random()*(Q-1));

 function randomHeader(){document.write(Quote[whichQuote]);}

 randomHeader();

</script>

<noscript>

 Default Quote I case a Browser doesn't run Java

</noscript>

If you have any questions about the code in this post, please leave a nasty comment for me or send me hate mail.

Words of Wisdom

Confucius Say: Man who cooks carrots and pees in same pot very unsanitary.

Is the end near?

Could it be that the Crumpet Muncher Sortapundit has had enough?
We were once again trying to find incrimating evidence Sortapundit selling pictures of Jamie Lynn Spears naked and the locigal place to us was a set of Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers. We didn't find him selling pictures of Jamie Lynn Spears naked by Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers but we were able to capture several images of him coming towards us.

Click to Enlarge in Another Window

We are unsure as to whether he was offering us a drink in peace or trying to slip us a ruffie and take advantage of it. As information becomes available you can find out about it here or on one of many allies web sites.

Below are the steps we are taking to protect the seven sacred searches:

We are currently seeking a broad range of reforms and improvements for the seven sacred search results of:

• Gizoogle
• Paris Hilton's cell phone number
• The Niggas at DFNCTSC
• Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers
• Girls big tit
• Free big tit sites
• Jamie Lynn Spears naked

• Gizoogle
• Paris Hilton's cell phone number
• The Niggas at DFNCTSC
• Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers
• Girls big tit
• Free big tit sites
• Jamie Lynn Spears naked

[+/-] show/hide the searches, not really work safe

Can Sortapundit recover from his losses, or will he continue his current trend of loosing places in the blog war and their seven sacred searches?

Update: Sortapundit has declared defeat. Am I psyco psychic or what? He has been a worthy adversary, more to come later.

Disappearing text for long posts

OddyBoBo asks and so she receives. I'm a sucker for a damsel in distress(even if she didn't model the tight sweater & scarf). She's asked for a way to Show / Expand text in posts. I started out with the information from Blogger Help which expands the the entire article if you follow it word for word. Below are the instructions that will allow you to Show / Hide parts of a long post.

You first have to make a couple of additions to your template.

Template Modifications:
somewhere between the <style> and </style> tags add the following two lines:
.posthidden {display:none}
.postshown {display:inline}

After the </style> tag and before the </head> tag paste the following function.

<script type="text/Javascript">

function expandcollapse (postid) {

whichpost = document.getElementById(postid);

if (whichpost.className=="postshown") {

whichpost.className="posthidden";

}

else {

whichpost.className="postshown";

}

}

</script>

Now when you want to Show / Hide Part of a Post you will add the following code after the start of your post:

Here is the beginning of your post, at the expansion point insert the following code:

  <span class="posthidden" id="UniqueID">

Here is the rest of your post.
It could be text or pictures that aren't work safe.
Like a woman Modeling a Sweater and Waving a Scarf.
Then at the end of the post be sure to put this text or it won't work.

  </span><a href="javascript:expandcollapse('UniqueID')">


[+/-] show/hide this post</a>

[+/-] show/hide this post

Clear as mud?

Any questions sent hate mail or leave a nasty comment.

Currently in blogger I can't find a way to automate the UniqueID portion so you'll have to start a list of your own. My recommendation would be to use a numeric value and increase it by one each time.

Update: Mustang 23 of Assumption of Command made the following suggestion in the comments.

I based my Unique ID on the Date of the post.
For example

DDMMMYY#
27MAR051

Where # is the order that I createthem for that day. this way you won't have to remember which uniquie IDs you have used

This makes sense to me and it from everything I've found the past couple of days blogger doesn't allow access to the Post#.

I've answered your questions.

I guess I struck a nerve with my previous post about Moon Bats, Liberals and the Democratic Underground because I got a response from a guy that was so pissed he double posted his comment. Since he took the time to type everything twice exactly the same I’ll be kind enough to respond to him.

nonny’s first question: So I take it you are happy with all the killing your party's head has inflicted upon American, Iraqi and Afganistani families?

Well I don’t really recall President Bush firing any shots.

In Afghanistan didn't President Bush did respond to a direct attack against America by removing the Taliban from power and shutting down Osama’s training camps. Something President Clinton could have done, but lacked the back bone to do. You do recall the four Passenger Airliners that were Hijacked by Terrorist and used as missiles right or were they planted by Karl Rove and the Bush administration also? I guess we could have signed Osama up for the fruit for the month club and sent really nasty letters asking him not to do it again. If Hillary or another Moon Bat gets elected in ’08 maybe they could sent a “Sorry I Destroyed Your Terrorist Training Camps” to Osama along with a couple of Million Dollars in restitution so he can restart his operations, just in case the republicans win the whitehouse again.

I guess we could have left Saddam in power in Iraq. It really seems the people there liked him, you know with them slapping the pictures and statues of him with the bottoms of their sandals once he was removed from power (I hear that’s the ultimate sign of respect, like naming your kid after him, in Islamic cultures). I guess I see the liberal’s point of view; he wasn’t really gassing his own people (they were Kurds) and his sons should have been allowed to rape and kill whom ever they want (Boys will be Boys). I really do wish the administration would get a grip and realize that the Middle Eastern People really do enjoy being oppressed by tyrannical mass murders.

I’m not happy with the American families that have lost loved ones; it bothers me that we have lost over 1,500 soldiers fighting the war on terror and freeing the Iraqi people. And you know the bad part is we could have prevented the whole thing by staying out of Iraq the first time and letting Saddam take over the entire Middle East, just think the entire region could be in the control of one man.

You are just parading down the street with your head held high, proud that you are part of this "thing" that has kept perhaps the most inept, bumbling, thoughtless, hypocrical and unintelligent man shoehorned into office in order that suited looters might better raid the riches?
I wouldn’t really call it a parade, I don’t have a marching band or any floats or clowns, but am I proud that I voted for President Bush twice? Damn Skippy.
So I’m guessing you think President Bush’s entire life has been a vast right wing conspiracy?
I’ll concede somewhat to the bumbling part, so he isn’t the most eloquent and charismatic speaker of the 21st Century; but please keep in mind that one of the best speakers of the 21st Century is Bill Clinton and what will he go down in history for? Getting caught in the Oval with his pants down.
Thoughtless, haven’t you see the pictures of him mourning with the families that lost loved ones in the September 11th attacks and the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq?
Hypocritical (it does have a t in it), I can’t really see where he’s changed his stance a whole lot. If anything he’s stuck to his “guns” to a fault.
Unintelligent, I guess anyone can earn a Bachelors Degree from Yale and a Masters in Business Administration from Harvard from Ivy league schools? I see in your profile you have a Masters degree from Harvard so you must know how hard it is to earn a graduate degree from an Harvard.

Have you no standards at all? Sure I have standards. If I didn’t I’d be a Moon Bat.

One day you will wonder why you wasted so many years defending the indefensible.
You may want to rethink that one, see I’m proud of my country, proud of my countries military, proud of my President’s decision to make the world a better place. Come to think of it I really am repulsed by the Elections in Afghanistan, Iraq, Egypt and Saudi Arabia where ever did I go wrong?

Wake up while you still have an inkling of a chance. Force yourself to be impartial, for even one day, and it will all become clear to you.
Maybe I’ll try it this weekend. I’ll start by doing all the things we’ve freed the Middle East from. I’ll beat my wife for speaking back to me (a couple of kidney shots should do it), then I’ll go out and hand out some justice Islama-Style. Come to think of it I'm pretty much hopeless.

[+/-] show/hide this post
Here's the thing: The Democratic Party perishes at the peril of the whole, as we are the stewards and not the looters and polluters.
Funny you use the word stewards to describe the Democratic Party. Steward: (noun) transport somebody who attends to the passengers on an aircraft or ship, or handles food provisions and dining arrangements on a ship. Well it isn’t a ship but Moon Bats can always scream: ALL ABOARD THE CRAZY TRAIN, and hop on the Democratic Underground.com Railroad, don't forget to ask the last nut out of the tree to turn off the light.

See anon, Nonny, don’t you feel special.
I could have offered you an Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie but I'mbetter than that.
If you had been from anywhere other than North Carolina I probably would have taunted you.
You know by using phrases grown ups really can’t stand.
But I’m better than that.
I didn’t taunt you by going Booga booga,
Or screaming Nonny nonny boo boo, stick your head in poo poo
Or singing Nonny nahh, nonny nahh nahh, hey hey hey, good bye

But I didn't because I'm better than that.

I’ll patently await your mature non-hate filled lefty response.
I’ll patently await your mature non-hate filled lefty response.

Update: Rusty over at the Jawa Report has an article about a top leader of the Taliban Islamist rebels beening killed. Is this an example of the senseless killing your talking about; oh and I do feel sorry for the Raz Mohammed's human shields family.

Those wild and crazy DU'ers

Capt'n Teach over at Pirates Cove noticed that for the most part the Lefty Bloggers aren't having any fun. They really are a hate filled group, and as if the Deamoncratic Underground and it's underlings weren't already pathetic enough, they're now super proud of one of the posters being cited in the Washington Post.

Was it a ground breaking, earth shaking revelation that the Moon Bats on the far left are driving out moderate democrats? Nope. Did one of their posters finally realize that Karl Rove and the Bush Administration aren't behind all things evil in this world? Nope. Have they realized that teaming with the likes of Scoobie Davis, more to come on him later, just isn't going to further their cause? Nope.

It was the Shocking Photographic Proof from April of '04 that the President has touched several bald men's heads. I'm not sure what Dan Froomkin & The Washington Post were trying to accomplish by linking to JuliusBlog's article with pictures of the President Touching bald men's heads. But to display the logic of a Moon Bat, Rigorous Intuition tries to tie in Jeff Gannon which of course is logical to a Moon Bat because Jeff Gannon is bald.

At the rate the some of the super Moon Bats in the Media and the rest of the hate filled lefties are going will there even be a Democratic Party left in '08?

basil's been kidnapped

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
basil from basil's blog has been kidnapped.
Last report is that he was waiting on some the chicks heading to Gulf Shores.
Well if this is them, I'm not sure of their intention, but poor basil. And to think what they'll do with too him. Oh, the horror.

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The picture of basil the gnome was shamelessly taken from here.

Sortapundit or Sortapimp?

Spies for the Good Guys in the basil vs. the Crumpet Muncher Sortapundit have uncovered the two images below of Sortapundit and one of his Niggas at DFNCTSC

This post was delayed for 24 hours when a cease fire was declaired for Wednesday, in Honor or Sortapundit being white trash.

Fred's world tour

Fred came by to say howdy. He got here from Oddybobo's place, who got him from Ogre who got him from Harvey who theived him from Nick whose original assignment was to steal pencils from Chuck. Fred stopped by eastern North Carolina for a bit and met some very, ummm, nice young ladies.

Click to Enlarge in Another Window

The Men's Club

It's Tuesday, which means theDemystifying Divas (Christina, Kathy, Sadie and Silk) are discussing today's topic of the "Do's and Don'ts of Flirting."

A group of men among men have decided to come forward and provide men's prospectives to the Diva's topics. The name of this group you may ask, The Men's Club (Puffy , The Wizard, Zonker and me). On Wednesdays we'll be offering a Man's perspective on the Diva's topic of the week.

The first installment of The Men's Club will be post Wednesday at Down for Repairs.

how to destroy the earth

The Moon Bats and other Hate Filled Lefties have been trying to destroy the USA for some time now. As we all know countries and empires rise and fall, but the earth has been around for quite a while. I was browsing the internet earlier and saw a guide for destroying the earth. Below is the preface for the guide:

You've seen the action movies where the bad guy threatens to destroy the Earth. You've heard people on the news claiming that the next nuclear war or cutting down rainforests or persisting in releasing hideous quantities of pollution into the atmosphere threatens to end the world.

Fools.

The Earth was built to last. It is a 4,550,000,000-year-old, 5,973,600,000,000,000,000,000-tonne ball of iron. It has taken more devastating asteroid hits in its lifetime than you've had hot dinners, and lo, it still orbits merrily. So my first piece of advice to you, dear would-be Earth-destroyer, is: do NOT think this will be easy.

This link provides a guide for those who do not want the Earth to be there anymore.

Hmm, maybe we could the Moon Bats get preoccupied with this instead of ruining our fair nation.

I got lucky

I started to respond in the comments of my previous post, A lession to be learned, but then I decided what I have to say it worthy of a post. I am king of the castle here, and only here, so I get to do this type of stuff.

The reason I say I got lucky is simple. The comments from the previous post about Terri Schavio have, to date, been civil, intelligent and well formed discussions. Not everyone agrees, but I'm impressed at the civil tone that's been displayed.

When carolinagrayghost voiced an unpopular opinion, especially among Republicans and those that lean to the right (which I think a majority of my readers do), he was met with coherent well formed comments that didn’t attack personally him and the big point, they were logical. One of the benefits I have, that most don't, is that I know the carolinagrayghost personally and know some of the medical back ground and life experiences that he used to formulate his opinion. So while it isn’t popular opinion, I know where he’s coming from. I’ll also add this, if he felt Terri Schiavo had the slightest chance at recovering he’d voice that opinion too, popular or not.

After carolinagrayghost make a comment, John from WuzzaDem, replied explaining his side of the case. Which he’s based of research, he started out wanting to know why Terri’s parents had been allowed to interfere and changed his mind, after looking at both sides of the case. John does an excellent job of explaining the case to keep Terri alive; he has articles here, here and here.

Then The Mean Sister (who is 5'6" and a sometimes contributor to basil’s blog) responded to carolinagrayghost with an explanation of the painful loss of a child she endured and her view on the situation.

Me I don’t think I’ve stated one way or the other, and if you’re expecting me to do so now, well I’m not. I’m not sure what I’d do if I were in their situation, except follow in carolinagrayghost & John’s steps and get as much information from both sides and hopefully follow The Mean Sister’s (who is 5'6" and a sometimes contributor to basil’s blog) steps and make the best decision for my loved one. But that isn’t the purpose of this post. The purpose of it is that I got lucky. I’ve think I may have cornered the market on intelligent responses for the Terri Schiavo case. All the other sites with information about Terri’s case I’ve read that allow reader comments have been full of unsubstantiated claims and based on emotion.

On of the biggest problems, in my humble opinion, that the people pushing to keep Terri alive have to overcome is the fanatics. I’ve seen on other sites once someone mentions removing her feeding tube the readers attack like the flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz, and often times their arguements are about as realistic. At some point people need to realize that you don’t do anything to further your cause when you start making irrational statements and personal attacks, everyone knows the liberals over at the Deamoncratic Underground and KOS do enough of that.

A lession to be learned

I've tried to keep my mouth shut regarding the Terri Schiavo's case; I just haven’t really felt it was my place since I’m not a trained medical practitioner or legal expert. But since congress gets to put their two cents in I’m going speak about it too.

Caring parents, for better or worse, are eternal optimists in regards to their children. This being stated, it is unfair to assume or expect a caring parent will allow a child to die, especially in a manner that is as painful to watch as starvation.

There should have been a couple of riders on the bill pushed through last night. The first should have been a requirement for people to make their wishes known in regards to terminal conditions. A couple of check boxes on the Drivers License form or a method similar to registering for selective service would suffice for those too lazy to fill out a living will. The second rider should have been a law allowing medical practitioners to end a person’s life with a terminal condition without starving them to death.

Living wills aren’t extremely complex documents. It is no fun to think about what to do if we become sick or harmed and can no longer care for ourselves. The fact of the matter is simple, if one thing is to be learned from Terri Schavio it is that we can not afford to leave our wishes open to interpretation. Below are a couple of links to living wills that will allow you to think about how to proceed should you need to rely on it. The living wills below may not be up to the legal standards in your state, thus you should contact a trained legal professional to finalize your living will, but defiantly take the time to fill one out if you haven’t already.

http://www.lectlaw.com/forms/f115.htm
http://www.peopleslawyer.net/willform.html

Really what are you waiting for Christmas? Get a move on it already.

When will the violence end?

basil's wife was attacked recently by a rooster, you can read the details about it here. Through confidential sources we have obtained pictures of the rooster that perpetrated the attack. Click the image below for the full sized version.

After seeing the image one has to wonder, who would raise such a creature, what purpose does it serve?

Is the rooster basil’s secret weapon he’ll use to combat Sortapundit?

What devious plan does basil have for this giant fowl?

Get well soon Mrs. basil!

(Hopefully I won't be castrated for this post)
Note: No chickens were harming in the writing of this article.

Whose your daddy now Sortapundit?

The first barrage of attacks unleashed on Sortapundit have been successful. No longer is Sortapundit the master of his Domain, the Shock and Awe strategy planned by basil has worked beautifully. Yet even with a successful first round of attacks, never before in history has so much hope for so many people been gathered together in a single group of bloggers. Your deliberations and decisions during these somber days have already realized part of those hopes.

But the great tests and the great accomplishments still lie ahead. I would like to assure you that we will remain steadfast in its support of basil’s blog. This we shall do in the conviction that basil will provide a great share of the wisdom of the courage and the faith which can bring to this blogosphere lasting search results for: Gizoogle, Paris Hilton's cell phone number, The Niggas at DFNCTSC, Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers, Girls big tit, Free big tit sites and Jamie Lynn Spears naked.

Clearly, it would not be fitting for me to take this occasion to present to you a unilateral blog war report on Sortapundit. Nevertheless, I assure you that in our deliberations on that Crumpet Muncher we sought to invoke those same great concepts of seeing Jamie Lynn Spears naked and going to Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers. Neither would it be a measure of this great opportunity merely to recite, however hopefully, pious platitudes.

I know that the blogosphere shares my deep belief that if a danger exists in the world, such as a Limey Bastard with a blog, it is a danger shared by all - and equally.

But the dread secret and the fearful engines of Gizoogle’s might are not ours alone. In the first place, the secret is possessed by our friends and Allies, whose scientific genius made a tremendous contribution to our original discoveries and the search engine dominance.

The secret is also known by the Limey Bastard Sortapundit.

Sortapundit has informed us that, over recent days, he has devoted extensive resources to finding Jamie Lynn Spears naked. Oh how I long for the days when America’s preteens were able to roam free without being stalked by Sortapundit.

The coming months will be fraught with fateful decisions. In this Assembly, in the basements and studies of the world; in home offices everywhere, be they pajama clad bloggers or Jamie Lynn Spears naked, may they be the decisions which will lead this blogosphere out of fear and into peace.

To the making of these fateful decisions, I pledge before you - and therefore before the blogosphere - its determination to help solve the fearful Limey Bastard with a blog Sortapundit dilemma - to devote its entire heart and mind to find the way by which the miraculous inventiveness of man shall not be dedicated to his search engine results for Gizoogle, Paris Hilton's cell phone number, The Niggas at DFNCTSC, Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers, Girls big tit, Free big tit sites and Jamie Lynn Spears naked but by ensuring we are higher in the search engine rankings of the fearful Limey Bastard with a blog Sortapundit.

I again thank the delegates for the great honor they have done me in inviting me to appear before them and in listening to me so courteously.

Note: A majority of this article was taken from President Dwight Esinhower's Atoms for Peace Speech Given December 8, 1953.

This one's for you Sortapundit

My fellow Bloggers:

Today I wish to speak to you about a struggle which we do wage every day, a struggle we must win if we're to protect our search engine results and our way of life. At stake are search engine results essential to our blogs rankings. Protecting these rankings against Sortapundit or any other hostile Crumpet Muncher is a heavy responsibility.

Operations to protect Gizoogle are usually done quietly with little publicity. Well, lately they've been making big news. Some of you may be wondering if the large number posts in recent week means that we're looking harder or whether there are more Limey Bastards to find. Well, I think the answer to both questions is yes. The threat from Sortapundit is certainly increasing; he has taken over Google rankings for Jamie Lynn Spears Naked and Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers. The number of bloggers working with basil's blog and working against Sortapundit around the blogosphere has grown sharply in recent days.

This blog had given high priority to improving our ability to detect and counter threats from Sortapundit, especially when Paris Hilton's cell phone number is involved. We've added resources, people, and top-level attention to this task. We will not hesitate to root out and strike down anyone who tries to out search result basil's Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers. We'll let the chips fall where they may. And we've had impressive results. We are either catching up to Sortapundit or increasing our search result rankings for:

• Gizoogle
• Paris Hilton's cell phone number
• The Niggas at DFNCTSC
• Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers
• Girls big tit
• Free big tit sites
• Jamie Lynn Spears naked

Blog war HTML Code

As you may be aware, there is a blog war taking place. Some limey bastard named Keith Taylor at Sortapundit thinks he can take over the following seven sacred searches from basil's blog.

• Gizoogle
• Paris Hilton's cell phone number
• The Niggas at DFNCTSC
• Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers
• Girls big tit
• Free big tit sites
• Jamie Lynn Spears naked

<li><a href="http://www.basilsblog.net/blog_war/index.html" target="_blank" title="http://www.basilsblog.net">Gizoogle</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.basilsblog.net/blog_war/index.html" target="_blank" title="http://www.basilsblog.net">Paris Hilton's cell phone number</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.basilsblog.net/blog_war/index.html" target="_blank" title="http://www.basilsblog.net">The Niggas at DFNCTSC</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.basilsblog.net/blog_war/index.html" target="_blank" title="http://www.basilsblog.net">Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.basilsblog.net/blog_war/index.html" target="_blank" title="http://www.basilsblog.net">Girls big tit</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.basilsblog.net/blog_war/index.html" target="_blank" title="http://www.basilsblog.net">Free big tit sites</a></li> <li><a href="http://www.basilsblog.net/blog_war/index.html" target="_blank" title="http://www.basilsblog.net">Jamie Lynn Spears naked</a></li>

[+/-] show/hide the code

The following blogs have joined the fight:
basil's blog
BOBO BLOGGER
GOP and the City
oystersnout
phin's blog

Travis Benning

Sortapundit doesn't know who he's messing with...

I found a personality test at simlarminds.com and took it twice.
The test finds out which famous leader you are most like.

What Famous Leader Are You? personality tests by similarminds.com

What Famous Leader Are You? personality tests by similarminds.com

Update: My wife just e-mailed me to say the test said she was Gandhi. I'm starting to think Similarminds.com has their results backwards. Either that or it could be we offset each others mental depravity.

A warning shot for Sortapundit

Just hours ago, Allied forces began an attack on Sortapundit. These attacks continue as I speak. This conflict started March 13th, 2005 when the dictator of Sortapundit threatened our neighbor, basil’s blog. basil's blog is a member of the Alliance has been attacked; its author brutalized and threaten by Sortapundit. Four days ago, Sortapundit started this declared war against basil's blog, today, the battle has been joined.

As we wait for approval of the official declaration of war from our benevolent leader, the Great Frank J. (worship him), a police action in the blogosphere is a necessary evil that cannot be taken lightly by anyone involved, especially the strip clubs in Ohio with Midget Strippers.

_______________

While the world waited, Sortapundit
systematically attacked,
pillaged, and plundered a little
blog no threat to his own.
_______________

Sortapundit will eventually comply with all relevant Alliance resolutions, and then, when peace is restored, it is our hope that Sortapundit will live as a peaceful and cooperative member of the family of blogs, thus enhancing the security and stability of the Blogosphere.

Some may ask, why act now? Why not wait? The answer is clear. The blogosphere could wait no longer. Sanctions showed no signs of accomplishing their objective; Jamie Lynn Spears naked and cold is loosing hope. We and our allies concluded that sanctions alone would not force Sortapundit from his goal of search engine dominance.

While the world waited, Sortapundit systematically attacked, pillaged, and plundered a little blog no threat to his own. He subjected the readers of basil’s blog to unspeakable atrocities, and among those, showed them pictures of midget strippers.

While the blogosphere waited, Sortapundit sought to dominate search engines. And while the blogosphere talked peace and withdrawal, Sortapundit dug in and moved massive hyperlinks into his blog.

While the blogosphere waited, Sortapundit stalled, more damage was being done to the fragile search results of the Third World Blogs, the emerging search engines of Eastern Europe, to the entire world, including to our own search engines.

While the blogosphere waited, Sortapundit met every overture of peace with open contempt.

While the blogosphere prayed for peace, Sortapundit prepared for war.

This is an historic moment. We have before us the opportunity to forge for ourselves and for future generations a new world order, a blogosphere where the rule of law, not the law of the jungle, governs the conduct of blogs.

When we are successful, and we will be, we have a real chance at this new blogosphere order, an order in which a credible blog can use its peace-keeping role to fulfill the promise and vision of the Alliance’s founders.

We have no argument with the readers of Sortapundit. Indeed, for the innocents caught in this conflict, I pray for their safety.

Our goal is not the conquest of Sortapundit, okay well i guess it is, but it is also the liberation of basil’s blog. It is my hope that somehow the Sortapundit's readers can, even now, convince their dictator that he must lay down his arms, leave basil’s blog alone, and let Sortapundit itself rejoin the family of peace-loving blogs.

Thomas Paine wrote many years ago: "These are the times that try men's souls." Those well-known words are so very true today. But even as bloggers of the multi-blog forces attack Sortapundit, I prefer to think of peace, not war. I am convinced not only that we will prevail, but that out of the horror of combat will come the recognition that no blog can stand against the Alliance.

Oh for those unsure how the fight started Sortapundit declared war and claimed he would overtake basil's blog in the following google searches:

• Gizoogle
• Paris Hilton's cell phone number
• The Niggas at DFNCTSC
• Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers
• Girls big tit
• Free big tit sites
• Jamie Lynn Spears naked

• Gizoogle
• Paris Hilton's cell phone number
• The Niggas at DFNCTSC
• Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers
• Girls big tit
• Free big tit sites
• Jamie Lynn Spears naked

• Gizoogle
• Paris Hilton's cell phone number
• The Niggas at DFNCTSC
• Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers
• Girls big tit
• Free big tit sites
• Jamie Lynn Spears naked

The DU won't let me comment anymore

I was upset after reading Oddybobo's post about not having a blog family and realizing I wasn't part of a family either that I did what most youngsters do and tried to fit in. I tried to post on Kos, but like Space Monkey, Kos won't let me post. So I wandered around the internet and I found the Deamoncratic Underground(I'd Click that Link if I were you).

I signed up and started posting. Shortly after my first couple of posts everybody started picking on me, calling me a conservative and breeder (I think they were trying to be mean). I tried to rationalize with them, but the Deamoncratic Underground Moderators (Another Link If I Were You) took away my posting privilages too. Then I found the DU's rules for posting, no wonder they didn't like anything I had to say and deleted all my comments.

1. Who We Are: Deamoncratic Underground is an online community for Liberals and other Moon Bats. Members are expected to be generally supportive of Stalinist and other Pinko-Commie ideals; and to support Pinko-Commie Bastards for political office. The D.U. is not affiliated with the Democratic Party. We tired to afflict ourselves with the Democratic Party, but we are too far to the left and they don’t want our Pinko-Commie input. Comments and Conspiracy theories posted here are to be treated as the Gospel according to Oliver; which allows Moon Bats to claim unsubstantiated rumors to be the truth.

2. Civility: Treat other members with respect. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me... Oh we just love that song and anything else that allows us to dance. Do not post personal attacks against other members of this discussion forum unless they are straying from the herd. Then Attacks are not only welcome, they are encouraged. Unless all free thinkers are either beaten back into line or banded from commenting we will be unable to continue our stick policy of Group Think.

3. Content: Do not post messages that are inflammatory, extreme, divisive, incoherent, or otherwise inappropriate unless they are directed at the Republican Party or Moderate Democrats. Do not engage in anti-social, disruptive, or trolling behavior; please save this for commenting on Right Wing Blogs. Do not post broad-brush, bigoted statements; unless you are trying to bring down the Bush Administration , then you may forsake any and all things Liverals say they lay down stand for.

4. Copyrights: All material posted here is Original. We don’t care if it was pulled from copyright protected sources, once it has been posted on the DU it is the intellectual property of the DU and its posters.

5. Forum Administration: Respect the moderators and administrators, and respect their decisions. The moderators and administrators have been subjected to years of brainwashing and torture to reach the level of Pinko-Commiedom that affords them the privilege to encourage group think. You can help make their job easier by clicking the "Alert" link on any post that might need moderator attention. Any post that links to a Web Site or references materials that may disprove any Conspiracy Theory created on the DU should be submitted to a Moderator for deletion.

Silly Liberals, Conspiracy Theories are for Congressmen.
Update: Michelle Malkin has a post Moonbats on Parade with more information regarding the Lunacy of the Left Wing.

A long strange trip....

World66 has a Map Personalization routine up that allows you to display all the various states you've been to.

Until it was displayed I didn't realize just how many place I'd been.

Below is the map.

I have the eastern part of the US covered, now I just need to head out west.

create your own personalized map of the USA

Men vs. Women

Christina over at Feisty Repartee has posted about what women want. She went on to explain the qualities that she finds important: Teeth, good sense of humor, easy smile, confident and self-assured in his own skin to give me a good run for my money, respectful, and knows his away around the kitchen.

Well I figured it was time for a self evaluation anyhoo so here goes:

Teeth: I still have all of them(except for the six wisdom teeth I had removed), I had a couple fall out but I keep them in my pocket, that counts right?
I brush my teeth at least twice a day and try to remember to floss after most meals.

Good Sense of Humor: I like to think I have a decent sense of humor. In the house & family I grew up in if you didn't have a sense of humor you'd be in trouble. I'm able to laugh at myself & my own stupidity (My burning sensation post is a prime example of this).

Easy Smile: I think I get points for this. Some people have said I have a good smile; but then again some people also said John Kerry would make a good President. Hmm, time to think about this one. I do like to smile, especially at work, just because it makes people wonder what I've done now.

Confident and Self-Assured enough in his own skin to give me a good run for my money: Me Confident? I've been called pretentious & pretentious. So I guess I could be overly confident at times. Now this whole running bit, I'm not to sure about that, but if the money's high enough I guess I could run; plus I'm all about chasing women.

Respectful: I was raised with a southern upbringing so I like to think I'm respectful. I normally remember to say Sir, Ma'am, Thank You, etc.. even if someone is younger than me. I show respect to my elders, trying hard not to talk back, unless they're hippies or liberals then I can't help but correct them. I don't yell or direct profanities at people often (when I do they deserve it).

Knows his way around the Kitchen: I can and like to cook and eat. My wife and I come pretty close to splitting the cooking duties around the house. Oh and I bake too.

Reviewing this means that I have the some of the qualities that at two women (Christina and Oddybobo in Christina's comments) hopefully three since I'm married, find desirable. Yay me.

Reading this just further backs up my feelings that women are extremely complex and know pretty much what they're looking for; which is a good thing considering men are simpletons.

Men are pretty simple when I comes to what they're looking for.
I did a quick poll at my place of work among the men I got the same answer.

Beer & Boobs. Well some may not be looking for the beer part, but definitely Boobs. Some pickier men may also want a woman with a nice behind.

Yes I am a Sexist Pig, thank you for noticing.

The attack of the flying Book Memes

Harvey at Bad Example, tagged Oddybobo and she tagged me so here goes:

You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be? Where is Joe Merchant by Jimmy Buffett. Really is there anything better than flying around the Caribbean with a hot woman? Okay maybe flying around the Caribbean with two hot women, but you get the idea.

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional Character? The cast of chicks from Leisure Suit Larry (Not Work Safe), oh wait, ummm never mind, we weren't discussing cartoon porn were we. Look over there it's a Moon Bat Looking for a beating. Speaking of Moon Bats is Wonkett a fictional character? Nah, it's just a fictional name. I can't think of a fictional character I've had a crush on.

The last book you bought is? XML Programming and Applied XML Programming for Microsoft .NET Have I mentioned I'm a computer geek? The last non-work related book I bought, A Salty Piece of Land, about two months ago and I haven't had a chance to start reading it yet.

The last book you read? Teach Yourself Microsoft Visual Basic .NET 2003 I think I mentioned something about being a geek right? Non-work related would be: The Purpose-Driven Life if you haven't read it it's well worth the read.

What are you currently reading? Database Programming with Visual Basic .NET Yup, definitely a geek. Also planning to start on The Purpose-Driven Church shortly(within the next month).

Five books I would take to a deserted island.

The Purpose-Driven Church
A Salty Piece of Land
The Bible According to Mark Twain
Martha Stewart's Guild to Living on a Deserted Island (she had to write something while she was in time out didn't she?)
The Professor's Guild to Raft Building, wait he could build a radio out of two coconuts but not a raft. Fifty years of Playboy, it's got pictures right?

Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and Why?
Confederate Yankee, because he's my older and sometimes wiser brother.
basi at basil's blog, because he's older and sometimes wiser than both C.Y. and me, plus he's a smart ass so it should be interesting to see his responses.
Pluto's Dad at Eyes on the Ball News, because he's an interesting character and I'm wondering how many books he's managed to read (wouldn't the pages get sticky with drool?)

Tar Heel Tavern

The third edition of Tar Heel Tavern (the Blog Carnival of North Carolina bloggers) is up over at Ogre's Politics & Views.

Separated at birth?

Could it be that everyone's favorite Ogre & the internet's biggest troll were separated at birth?

There's one thing about the Gannon story that I haven't seen anyone piece together.

O-Chub said in an email Glenn Reynolds: "Now, am I willing to launch a campaign based on firsthand knowledge? You bet."

Since he's attacked Gannon and called him a male prostitute, and Confederate Yankee found over ten posts regarding Gannon on o-Chub's blog, then in O-Chub's own words he must have he has first hand knowledge of Gannon being a male prostitute.

Which could only mean that Oliver Willis was a client of Gannon's. Oliver could have picked a more clever way to come out of the closet couldn't he?

Is there any other way to interpret what O-Chub had to say?

Confederate Yankee's asked for intelligent, well-reasoned, and validly-sourced responses and has yet to receive any.

Great now I've got the song from Bob and Tom: Paging Richard Smoker stuck in my head.

** Shrek is a TM and © 2001 DreamWorks LLC

Whoo Hoo a blog fight....

A blog fight is like a cat fight, just without the possibility of a boob popping out right?
Keith deceides he's tired of basil's blog being in the lead for the following searches:

Gizoogle
Paris Hilton's cell phone number
The Niggas at DFNCTSC
Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers
Girls big tit
Free big tit sites
Jamie Lynn Spears naked

Now if the English didn't notice we whipped their ass in a little thing called the revolutionary war, why an Englishman wouldn't expect the same outcome in a blog war is beyond me. So my one question to keith, who’s also stopped speaking American English and is now speaking English English, is Fancy a Good Rogering?

Isn't this how the first war started, one southerner preemptively jumped to the defense of another southerner. Oh wait that was the Civil war, and we’re taking care of evening things up at a meeting in July.Click HERE for details.

I've got this burning sensation

Christina's post about a humbling moment she recently had reminded me of a rather not so swift moment in my past; why her story reminded me about it I don't know, but it did and here's the story.

I've already stated multiple times that I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer; and I'm just gonna give you another case that proves my point.

I've had problems off and on with my neck and back for the past couple of years, the Chiropractor thinks it was a wreck I was in years ago, the wife thinks it's because I spend to much time in front of the computer, I think I'm just not fishing enough. But anywhoo….

One night as we (my wife and I) were lying in bed I decided I'd try putting Icy Hot on my neck. (For those of you unfamiliar with ICY HOT® is the dual action topical pain reliever that gets icy to dull the pain and then gets hot to relax it away, as their web site says). So I got out of bed, found the Icy Hot, rubbed it on my neck, got fussed at by the wife for stinking up the bedroom (boy howdy does that stuff stink), got back in the bed, started watching TV again.

Well at some point in while I was watching TV best I can figure my 'nads (aka Whozits, the Boys, the Twins) itched and I scratched them.

Because shortly thereafter there was an indescribable burning sensation in my nether regions, I mean it felt like somebody was holding a blow torch to my crotch. So I jumped out of bed, ran to the bath room and started trying to wash off the Icy Hot. Let me tell you, there isn't any amount of water in the world that will rinse off Icy Hot once it's already reached the 7th Layer of Hell heating stage.

To add insult to injury my lovely wife, who had a sense of humor almost as warped as mine, gets out of be to see what the howling was about.

Once I explained to her what I'd done there was more howling, but this time it was laughter. There I was concerned my man berries were going to spontaneously combust and all she can do is laugh hysterically.

Well I didn't find much humor in it at the time, but now I get tickled thinking about it. There has however been a ban placed on bringing Icy Hot into our house. I guess this is another case of what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger, and in my case smarter, cause I'll never apply Icy Hot without washing my hands afterwards again.

I reached a new level

Of meanness that is.
Recently in the news there have been a stories of young girls that have run away to meet their older lover. Well there’s another danger that many people don’t think about with chat programs, ‘specially when they’re loaded on machines at work.

One of the guys here mistakenly signed in to Yahoo IM, then left for a bit to run an errand. His wife send him an IM asking how is day’s going and well it was all down hill from there. My Boss / Partner in Crime / Best Friend Since High School and I were walking past his machine about the time the message popped up. And when I mentioned it was all down hill, well it was all down hill for him.

It started out simple enough, with the hey how are you. Blah, Blah, Blah crap.
Me: So what’re you wearing?
Her: Same thing I had on this morning when I left.
Me: Was it the leopard or cheetah print undies? I can’t remember
Her: Neither, I’m commando (I think I’m gonna be sick)
.
.
.

Her: Is he still being an ass?
Me: Who?
Her: phin (Isn’t my real name, I subbed it in)
Me: Nah, he’s been pretty cool today
Her: Have you asked off so we can go to the games next week
Me: Not yet, I’m going to wait till he gets out of a meeting
Her: Maybe he won’t be an ass about it
Me: Hopefully not
.
.
.
Me: What’s for dinner

Her: Dunno
Me: Really, what are you fixin me I’m getting hungrey
Her: Then you cook
Me: I didn’t get married to cook, I married a cook
Her: You think so
Me: I think my dinner best be ready when I get home
Her: You the F$*% do you think you are
Me: No need to be pissy about it, just have my dinner ready(And I close the chat program and sign off)

I can’t till he asks me for time off.
Oh, I’m not quite sure how he’ll bring up that we got him in trouble with his misses since chat programs aren’t allowed on the machines at work.
To be continued...

Update: When my employee came in to ask for time off, he didn't ask for time off to see the game, he asked for an afternoon off to early register for some classes at one of the local Tech. Colleges. I told him I had to check my schedule to see if he could have the afternoon off, but that I thought I had already allowed someone else to have that day off. I went back to him about 10 minutes later and gave him the morning of to register for the classes (I don't want to interfere with his education). I can't decide whether or not to give him the time off since he lied about it.

So maybe she was right to call me an ass.

Update #2: The production meeting has come and gone, he apparently didn't get much sleep last night; his couch isn't very comfy. He came in and asked for the time off to go to the ACC Tourney Games, which I'd have let him go to, to start with had he not lied. He's been walking around with a scored puppy look all morning. Maybe he'll thin about uninstalling Yahoo Instant Messenger before something like this accidentally happens again.

The early years

Those who know me know that I went through a tad bit of a hellion stage when I was younger. I never did anything too serious like robbing banks or burning home to the ground, but there were a couple of times when a jail sentence would have been getting off lightly had my friends and I gotten caught in the act. I think my past has helped mold me into the somewhat decent person I am today, but I can only imagine the fear I bestowed upon my parents as I was going through my hellion stage.

When the issue of my past comes up at family gatherings my parents can’t help but grin and point out that I’ll find out what they went through when I have hellions of my own. The only thing I have to say is: Thank God I Wasn’t A Liberal, if my kids (no Mom & Dad we aren’t expecting) hit a liberal stage I’m scared I may snap and end up pulling a jail sentence that is probably long over due.

Does anyone know if provocation is a defense for beating the sense back into a liberal?

more firefox funness

Is funness even a word? Is now.

k ~ http://www.kde.org/
l ~ http://www.coe.int/DefaultEN.asp

m ~ http://www.tamu.edu/
n ~ http://www.kn.pacbell.com/wired/bluewebn/
o ~ http://www.oreilly.com/
p ~ http://www.pflag.org/
q ~ http://www.q4music.com/nav?page=q4music
r ~ http://www.r-project.org/

s ~ http://www.hoovers.com/free/
t ~ http://www.att.com/
u ~ http://www.whatuseek.com/
v ~ http://bobby.watchfire.com/bobby/html/en/index.jsp
w ~ http://www.gop.com/
x ~ http://www.x.org/

y ~ http://messenger.yahoo.com/
z ~ http://www.healthatoz.com/

Funny things happen

When you get a little quick on the trigger and only end up typing a single letter in the address bar FireFox takes you to some pretty interesting places:

a ~ http://www.yourdictionary.com/
b ~ http://prb.aps.org/
c ~ http://www.cnet.com/
d ~ http://www.dlink.com/

e ~ http://www.eonline.com/
f ~ http://www.f-secure.com/
g ~ http://www.komen.org/
h ~ http://www.h-net.org/
i ~ http://www.itools.com/
j ~ http://www.jenniferlopez.com/

Oh J-Lo, I'll be back later and I'll finish up the list when I get finished evaluating j-lo online home.

Dixie BlogFest Part 1.5

Or is it Volume I?
Halftime's over and the South is getting ready to rise again.
That's right for the yank's reading this; the War of Northern Aggression was never officially called off. We just decided to take an extended break to lull you into a false sense of security. Thus the reason for a meeting of the minds to strategize a war plan; it looks like it’s gonna be in Atlanta July 8 – 10.
Dixie BlogFest is the Brian Child of Red State Rant: Click HERE for more information.

MBA Bashing continues.....

Well evidently somebody's upset I called Danny Schechter a weenie after reading his post about the protests in Syria being illegal, I'm with basil when it comes to being unsure if the it's actually Danny Schechter or not.

I also pointed out that you have to be pretty damned petty if you are compelled to sign your name with your graduate degree after it. (The knucklehead in question signed is name Ihava Napolionic Complex, MBA. Well his first name isn't really Ihava and his last name isn't Complex, but you get the point.

One of the few pleasures in life I have is getting under peoples skin. I've said before I'm a simpleton, given half a chance I'll piss someone off just for a reaction.

Thus the MBA Bashing continues.

I think I have a new favorite cartoon!
Kind Regards,
Phineous T. Goldfish, M.B.A.

Take your kid to work day

An image of Guiliana Sgrena on take your kid to work day has just been released.

I'm betting tomorrow she'll teach junior how to burn a flag.
Update: I forgot to mention that I found the picture above when I did an image search for Guiliana Sgrena

Please be supportive!

Figured I'd pass this one along:
Today is the international day for the mentally disabled. Please send an encouraging message to a friend who's a little bit slow, as I have just done.

Keep trying.

Hang in there you are doing great.

You are special.

Update: For some reason the people I e-mailed this to weren't big fans of it. Not sure I understand why though.
Update #2: The boss said if I send him another e-mail like the one above I'm fired. I said, well I don't have another e-mail like the one I just sent; can I just send it to you again?

Survival Instincts

I’m not sure how but I managed to survive long weekend with 14 women. My wife coaches the women’s basketball at one of the local junior colleges. This weekend was their regional tournament and being the good husband I am; I went along to watch the girls play. The girls played well, they finished second in the tournament and second in the conference, not bad for a first year team.

It amazes me how the survival instincts of the human race can kick in at a moments notice. Being surrounded by a group of women with a bond that can be accurately compared to a pack of wolves had an amazing affect on my typical smart mouth. My normal case of foot in mouth disease was miraculously cured for a three day time period. Now it’s not that I didn’t make snide comments, I just made sure my comments weren’t extremely offensive. Don’t worry though my case of foot in mouth disease returned within fifteen minutes of being home.

Why blog?

Christina from Feisty Repartee asked "Why we do this blogging thing?" I've also been kinda wondering the same thing after reading basil's post about learning to blog earlier this week. Truth of the matter is I'm really not sure why I do it. I started reading blogs a while back, not regularly at first, but the ones I was reading put an interesting twist on the topics I was interested in.

My older, sometimes wiser, brother started his blog in November and a short time after that I started reading basil's blog. If anyone is to blame it would be the two of them. I'd kicked around the idea of blogging off and on but never really took the time to do anything about it. My brother's ability to belittle and berate those that have agitated him so eloquently with words intertwined with basil's humor and ability to tell a story finally inspired me to get off my lazy can and give it a whirl.

While on vacation I jumped in created my blog and posted on a couple of topics that had worked on my nerves and it's been downhill from there. If I had to give the main reason I post; stress relief, plain and simple stress relief. I can't scream too much at the people I work with, they'll quit and that would cut into the amount of time I can get paid to read blogs. I can't scream at my wife, she'll kick my arse and it's hard to read with two black eyes. So that leaves me with being obnoxious and overbearing where I can't be beaten too severely; that and the internet gives everyone has access to my words of wisdom.

My narcissism also feeds my desire to blog, after all who better to voice their opinion than my personalities? That and the comradery of other bloggers; it kinda reminds me of one big happy family, dysfunctional but happy none the less.

My pet troll

The past week has been a week of firsts for me.
I received my first & second Frankalanches.
I received my first link from Harvey at Bad Example, thus I'm now an annoying neighbor (Image Coming Soon).
I received my first e-mail from someone saying they appreciated my work on this site.
And I received an e-mail from my first Troll.

Her e-mail, below in its entirety, calls me things like a redneck, a sexist pig and also other things questioned my lineage.

Phin, You really are a back woods redneck, typical of someone from North Carolina. You just prove that you’re a sexist pig in your post the House of Women. How you ever managed to convince someone other than a relative to marry you is and always will be a miracle. Hopefully your site’s reader ship will dry up and you will stop posting sexist drivel that only makes you look like a stupid son of a bi***. Why don’t you crawl back under your f***ing rock and stop bothering civilized world.

Well you know there’s a lot to be said for being from North Carolina, we’ve the home of NASCAR, we have the Outer Banks, the Mountains, several of the Top Medical Schools in the Country (Duke, East Carolina University and the University of North Carolina in Chappell Hill), the list goes on and on. The biggest problem is the Yankees. It’s gotten to the point I don’t mind the Damn Yankees (Yankees that come to visit and then say) it’s the visitors to the Outer Banks that think they own the entire Island that are giving you a bad name. Don’t worry I’ve already e-mailed my elected federal Employees and asked them to put a check point to keep you out.

She does have it right. I’m a redneck. I posted about it here. Now if you want to insult me call me a liberal; then well as I said earlier: I’ve never hit a lady, but I don’t have a problem punching a …

I haven’t said it before so I’ll say it now. Yup I’m sexist. I definitely feel there are certain things men can do that women can’t, of course there are also things women can do that men can’t. For example, there’s only been one case of a woman conceiving a child without the physical help of a man. That’s right if it weren’t for us there wouldn’t be any feminist around to raise hell with men for being sexist. There’s the whole writing your name in the snow while peeing too, but I’ll leave that topic open for another debate. I’d also love to see a women elected to a majority of the governmental offices, think of the money we’d save on salaries alone! Well I guess that wasn’t nice, so I apologize. I do believe if a man and woman are doing the same job then they should be paid the same amount; half of what the one person doing the job would be paid.

Whe hopes my readship dries up and goes away. What a mean thing to say. She's actually hoping the drought in certain parts of the country will spread. There is a drought and I hope it doesn’t spread to the internet; it would be horrible if the internet dried up, just terrible. Oh by the way why didn’t you provide link to your blog?

Now for calling me a S.O.B. and wishing I’d crawl back under my rock. Well I’ve always loved when someone results to name calling to prove a point, especially when it’s laced with profanities. How better to sound intelligent than to rip of a string of curse words that will distract from the fact you really don’t have a point.

Now if you’re open to a healthy debate post a comment here about why you think I’m sexist and we can discuss it. Plus she could have ended your e-mail with a hugs and kisses or love you mean it statement.

I love my pet troll, hopefully she’ll post comments where everyone can see them and I won’t have to cut and paste her e-mail here.

Questions about Terri's life

I've been debating on whether or not to write an entry stating my opinion in regards to Terry Schiavo. I don't really feel I have anything new to contribute, but there are several questions I haven't seen answers to and they've been haunting me for the past couple of days. To me the case is clear cut; Michael Schiavo is an ass trying to murder his wife. Last time I checked marriage vows included the phrase for better or worse and there wasn't an AS LONG AS IT'S CONVENIENT statement anywhere.

I feel pretty safe in saying that a majority of the people I know would do anything, by any means necessary, to improve a family member's quality of life. If there were no hope that she would ever recover and she were in constant pain, I could understand wanting to find a quick and painless way to end the suffering. However this isn't the case and ending someone's life for betterment of your own is a criminal offense, last time I checked it was called murder.

There are a couple of things I don't understand and I'm hoping someone can explain them to me, as I've said before I'm a simpleton:

Why isn't denying her the therapy needed to get rid of her dependency on a feeding tube abuse?

Since he has denied access to therapy, which would allow her to leave the hospital / care facilities why can't he be arrested for false imprisonment?

When the Judge allows Michael Schiavo to order the removal of the feeding tube why won't they be arrested for conspiracy to commit murder?

If and when Michael Schiavo is allowed by the courts to order the removal of her feeding tube, wouldn't it be a conflict of the Hippocratic Oath to allow it much less remove it? And couldn't this result in the care facility loosing their license or at the least opening itself up for a criminal proceedings?

When Michael Schiavo tells the care facility to remove the feeding tube can't he be charged with attempted murder / assisting in euthanasia / spouse abuse or another crime that would make it impossible for him to benefit from her death? This would remove his urge to murder her since there wouldn't be any profit in it wouldn't it?

Blogs for Terri has updated information.
John from WuzzaDem has a great post regarding the attempted murder of Terri.
You can always blame basil, his original post about Terri Schiavo made me think about how I'd handle the situation and led to my questions.

I'll go back to my corner now and behave.

For the man who has everything, except a headache

A company has finally created a virtual girlfriend. All the costs, none of the benefits; they're calling it The Marriage Simulator.

For a monthly fee, not including the airtime costs paid to cell phone operators, 3G cell phone users can talk to Vivienne any time, buy her virtual gifts, marry her in a virtual ceremony and even get a virtual mother-in-law.

• You don't have to pay for dinner.
• The love of your life is just a subscription away.
• Maybe they've invented a mother-in-law that isn't crazy.
• No alimony payments (as of right now).
• Worry free breakups; you just quit paying the bill.
• More time for on-line gaming.
• Your orders a just a phone call away.
• You can practice all the pickup lines you've been saving for the past 5 years (Boy your processor must be tired, 'cause you've been running through my mind all night).
• You can finally have multiple girlfriends, they might not be real, but you can't keep a player down can you?
• No physical danger when you snap and answer yes to the dress making her ass look fat.

Google to replace Main Stream Media

Ever wished that you could get an unbiased opion about someone in the news?
Always thought that John from Wuzzadem was a little off in his Google Talks posts?
Well Google Talk backs up a majority of what John's written about:

Just enter a couple of words in the text box and hit Start, Google will go out and find the informaiton. I've posted a couple of examples below. In red is what I typed, the black is what google talk returned.

phin is a multi-level marketing software
I've been called worse.

Karl Rove is a brilliant Idea
I think there's proof he's more than just an Idea.

Ted Kennedy is a terrorist
It's got to sting when even Google knows you're against you're own country.

Dan Rather is a moron, I think he is going to be a Dad by Peter Downey
We've know for years he's a moron, but why hasn't CBS run with the story that he's knocked up.

Eason Jordan is a serial slanderer of the American military
Google wins again.

Ted Rall is a Commie. asshole.
Ouchies, its gotta sting when a search engine thinks you're a commie asshole, I bet even his momma doesn't love him.

Maurice Hinchey is a member of the GameSpy Network
Maybe he should put down the playstation controller and start watching Fox News, then he wouldn't make an ass of himself going on an on about conspiracy theories.

Go ahead and give it a try, see what Google says:

Google talk a Google Hack by Douwe Osinga

Where were they when I was going to school

Three Tampa Bay Buc's cheerleaders recently paid a visit to Chocachatti Elementary School to help the kids prepare for the FCAT Tests. All I'm wondering is why didn't they have a program like this when I was in school; I would have paid all kinds of attention; hell I'd probably still be enrolled.
(hat tip: barking moonbat)

Things I'd do

If you take Congressperson Hinchey threatening to ruin Sean Hannity and add it to Teddy Kennedy's driving experiences, with the Clinton's list of Crimes and people that mysteriously died, you come to the conclusion that being elected to an Elected Federal Government Position and being a Democrat entitles one to do anything you damn well please. So here's the list of things I'd do if I were a Democrat and elected a Federal Office.

* Bitch Slap (To open handedly slap someone. Denote disrespect for the person being bitch slapped as they are not worthy of a man sized punch.) Ted Rall. Really how can someone be so bitter without being publicly bitch slapped? I'm thinking a pay per view event to raise money for a new Right Wing Propaganda News Channel.
* Pimp slap (back of the hand. not the palm.) Hillary Clinton. Being raised with a traditional southern upbringing I've always respected women, even if they didn't deserve it, thus I've never hit a woman; hell I've never raised my voice at a woman in anger. Thus it would be nice to have reduced moral values of a Democratic Office, which would provide me with the ability to pimp slap senator Clinton.
* Have legislation passed that makes hippy beating the national past time.
* Create "Conservitivisation" Camps for hippy's and liberals. At these camps they would be taught the values of normal people (i.e.: Conservatives).
* Teabag any other democrats who didn't like my policies of Hippy Beating and Conservitivisation Camps. You don't like my policies, well how do you like my whozits on your forehead? Quick a photo-op.
* I'd keep Howard Dean in charge of the DNC, really could conservative bloggers ask or anybody else?
* Line the offices of the Democratic Senators and Congress people so they could no longer receive their orders from the mother ship.
* Punch Barbra Boxer in the mouth; just because I've never hit a lady doesn't keep me from punching a bitch.

Find some sneaky way to bring down the democratic party's validity, like declaring that Karl Rove was behind the Dan Rather and Eason Jordan scandals. Oh wait, they're already doing that with RatherGate and it's just a matter of time before they start up with Eason.

who the hell do i think i are

THE "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" BLOGGER QUIZ
1. Who the hell do you think you are?
I are phin, my picture may lead you to belive I’m a goldfish, but I’m not. I’m actually a guppy. I’ve got a post about it here.

2. So, other than blogging, what's your job? Do you work at some fast food joint, dumbass?
While my favorite phrase is “Would you like fries with that?” I don’t work at a fast food joint. The phrase really confuses my clients to confusion since I work at a vertical software company and at night I e-mail pictures of Ted Rall with farm animals to my friends (both of them).

3. Do you have like any experience in journalism, idiot?
No, but that isn’t stopping Ted Rall from writing pieces that appear on Yahoo.

4. Do you even read newspapers?
I used to read the paper, but it doesn’t do so well in my Aquarium. I’m hoping Aquaman will hook a brotha up and keep me updated in the happenings of the world in his daily posts at IMAO.

5. Do you watch any other news than FOX News propaganda, you ignorant fool?
Fox is the only channel that is able to get through my Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie, so no.

6. I bet you're some moron talk radio listener too, huh?
I listen to Bob & Tom, is that talk radio? They have a talk show and it’s on the radio, so yeah I guess I listen to talk radio.

7. So, do you get a fax from the GOP each day for what to say, you @#$% Republican parrot?
For the last time I’m a Guppy, not a goldfish, not a parrot a Guppy. And faxes are so passé I receive my instructions though telepathic channels, just like every other republican stool pigeon.

8. Why do you and your blogger friends want to silence and fire everyone who disagrees with you, fascist?
We wouldn’t want them silenced and fired if they were right. It’s just that we hate stupid people and we’re hoping to keep them from breeding if they can’t find work and afford to reproduce.

9. Are you completely ignorant of other countries, or do you actually own a passport?
I don’t have a passport, I’ve never really liked the cars that Honda makes, I do however own a Mitsubishi Endeavor and a Ford Ranger.

10. Have you even been to another country, you dumb hick?

I tried to leave my Aquarium one time but I didn’t do so well breathing air. I’m hoping to be reincarnated as a cat in my next life, I’m just hoping Frank J doesn’t pee on my head.

11. If your so keen on the war, why haven't you signed up, chickenhawk?
They’re only taking applications for mine sniffing Dolphins. When they have an opening for a Telepathic Republican Stool Pigeon Guppy I’ll be the first to enlist.

12. Do you have any idea of the horrors of war?
I once saw a turtle and hare fight over a carrot, does that count?

13. Have you ever reached into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face?
How the hell did you know my best friend was a Jelly Fish and no I haven’t poked him in the face; Jelly Fishes don’t have faces.

14. Have you ever reached into any pile of goo?
I stuck my fin in shark poo one time, it smelled icky, it kinda reminded me of Aquaman's breath.

15. Once again, who the hell do you think you are?!
I are phin, I are not an engrish major, but I are a telepathic, republican stool pigeon guppy.

In response to Ted Rall

Theodore,
It takes years for some people to realize they are a waste of oxygen; at least you’re a little ahead of the game. In your Who Watches the Watch Dog column on yahoo you referred to bloggers as the new sheriff in town that is drunk, mean, and works for the bad guys. You also said many of bloggers are ordinary people who are uneducated. Hmm, let me think about it for a second.

The blogger’s I read are:

Bad Example: Harvey has a degree in Finance
Basil’s Blog: basil’s a System’s Analyst.
Confederate Yankee: C.Y.’s a Web Design Consultant with a Masters in Tech Writing.
IMAO: Frank J’s an Engineer
Mountaineer Musings: SarahK’s a CPA
The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles: SpaceMonkey is a programmer.

I could continue though my blog roll to prove that we’re educated (I’m a Systems Analyst with a Bachelors in Computer Science and a Masters in Business Administration) but your pinko commie handlers probably don’t let you read blogs written by people with cognitive thought processes; thus you’ll probably need to stick with the Democratic Underground.
May you catch the clap from your gay monkey lover.

Now that my rant is over, on with the fun; Theodore made several valid points about what conservative bloggers think of him, but he was a little off.

"Ted Rall should be beat to within an inch of his life with a baseball bat." – Really we wouldn’t wish Ted beaten within an inch of his life. If someone is going to exert that much effort, they may as well finish off the job. Now it would be cool if someone knee capped him, or just kicked him in the whozits repeatedly until he no longer has the ability to reproduce.

"Every morning when I read the paper, I hope the headline will bring me tidings of Ted Rall's untimely demise. Untimely? Nah. Overdue." - We don’t read the paper each day searching for news of your demise. We do however check Fox News repeatedly during the day hoping you’ve developed lead poisoning from chewing on one to many pencils.

"When I flush the toilet, it isn't considered violence, is it? So killing Ted Rall should be no different." – Now how are you going to compare yourself to something that involves valuable resources? It would be more appropriate if you stated that using traps to kill rats and mice is a public service, so wouldn’t killing Ted Rall be a public service too?

Impeach Maurice Hinchey

There aren’t many people I down right loathe but Congressperson (I refuse to call him a man) Maurice Hinchey is one of them. Confederate Yankee has written two letters to Hinchey asking for an explaination and hasn't heard anything back yet.
Hinchey's conspiracy theory about the Karl Rove and the Bush Administration seem like grounds for impeachment to me. One of the Articles of Impeachment against Bill Clinton was: Abuse of Power. Well, if using the your position as a Congressperson to spread unfounded conspiracy theories about the Bush Administration isn’t abuse of power I’m not sure what is. Maybe I’m wrong, if so I’d like to know. Otherwise I hope that the House & Senate will Impeach Hinchey and on his way out they should give him an Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie as suggested at GOP and the City.

Gender Confusion Continued

basil recently wrote an article about Gender Confusion and the Gender Genie. This got me to thinking about the whole, Group Blog issue over at IMAO. Personally I’m a fan of IMAO and I like the group blog format; Harvey, Right Wing Duck, SarahK and Space Monkey are doing a great job and are providing quite a bit of humor / input that would otherwise be missed. So to the naysayers and anti-group-blog at IMAO I say bugger off; if you don’t like the format, you don’t have to be a troll and talk badly about the posts. Now that that rant is out of the way, the most recent addition to the family of posters is Aquaman. Now I’m not one to go bashing super hero’s but it appears that Aquaman may actually be better categorized as Aquawoman. When I took “Aquaman’s” two most recent fun trivia posts from February 21, 2005 & February 22, 2005 and ran them through the Gender Genie, they came back with the results being female. Don’t take my word for it, give it a try.

Now being the good conspiracy theorist this leads leave me with the following paths to pursue.

1. SarahK is actually posting the Aquaman Fun Facts, thus it should be Aquawoman.
2. One of Frank J’s personalities is a woman.
3. SarahK successfully neutered Frank J after a failed attempt at Group Plan A, and Frank is now posting as Aquaman.

Home Remedies

I received this list of home remedies the other day and felt they were worth passing along.

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic! Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: just cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape

chhh, chhh, changes

I'm making some major changes to the layout of the site; please bear with me while I'm implementing them.
Thanx,
phin

The house of women

I live in the house of women. It's me, my wife, her 3 cats (all female), my boxer (also female) and my 19 year old sister in law. I’ve always respected my father in law; but it has been during the past several months of my sister in law living with us while she goes to college that I’ve realized the hell he must have lived through with three daughters. Now that I have his oldest and youngest living in my house I realize just how little my opinions matter.
There’s just way too much estrogen running though the house and me being the simpleton that I am, well I say some pretty stupid things, and now I think they’re planning to neuter me. Below is a list of things that sounded funny at the time:

• You’re going back for seconds again?
• I promise you that if the clothes in this house were shrinking, mine wouldn’t fit either.
• If you want your boobs to grow just rub a little toilet paper between them, it worked on your butt cheeks.
• If you don’t want me peeing on the seat leave it up.
• So when you say you're leaving does it mean you aren't coming back? Oh, you're just going to work, damn.
• Really, you can leave the seat up, I promise you won’t fall in.
• Those are what we call child berthing hips.
• You know, you really don't sweat much for a fat girl.

Reid's proposed Social Security Changes

Harry Ried has posted a social security calculator on his web site.The final numbers have been adjusted for inflation, however on Reid’s website; it figures only a 3% return.I used his calculations and bumped up the return to a more realistic number. I also added a line to the table that shows exactly what type of return you’ll get based on Harry’s plan (Oh that’s right he doesn’t have one).

I love my engrish!

Ahh yes the murdering of the engrish ranguage, how much better could it get?
Engrish.com has the latest and greatest finds from the land that loves all things American.
What is Engrish?
Engrish can be simply defined as the humorous English mistakes that appear in Japanese advertising and product design.

Where else are you going to find a toy Colonel Sanders labeled Uncle Sam?
Or a Kiss my patch t-shirt?

ACORN's gone nuts

A comment in IMAO's How to be romantic on a budget patrick(I don't think he is the starfish from SpongBob) made a comment about ACORN.org. So you don't have to read it:

ACORN, the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now, is the nation's largest community organization of low- and moderate-income families, working together for social justice and stronger communities. Since 1970, ACORN has grown to more than 175,000 member families, organized in 850 neighborhood chapters in 75 cities across the U.S. and in cities in Canada, the Dominican Republic and Peru.

It's time to clean the internet.

I mentioned earlier that I love hoaxes and urban legends. I received information below of a "concerned" customer of mine. It seems he doesn't want his e-Commerce site to be down for a full 24 hours.

I was forwarded the e-mail below by my son. If I understand this correctly my clients will be unable to access the site I have hosted with your company. This concerns me as I was guaranteed 99% up time for my e-Commerce site during normal operating hours. Please let me know how you plan to address the situation.

INTERNET MAINTENANCE ANNOUNCEMENT
IT IS URGENT THAT YOU DO NOT CONNECT TO THE INTERNET FROM FEBRUARY 28th 23:59 GMT (11:59 PM) UNTIL 00:01 GMT (12:01 AM) MARCH 2nd.
It's that time again. As many of you know, each year the Internet must be closed down for a 24-hour period of time in order to receive maintenance or a "Tune Up if you will".
Many dead links on the World Wide Web will be removed, as well as ftp links that are no longer used. Lost e-mail will also be removed from the system at this time.
Although the down time for maintenance will be an inconvenience for many people, you will find this will allow for a much more efficient and faster responding internet.

This year, the "Tune Up" will occur from 23:59 GMT (11:59 PM) on February 28th until 00:01 GMT (12:01 AM) on March 2nd. During that 24 hour period, dozens of powerful Internet bots at key locations around the globe will simultaneously scan the Internet and complete the desired maintenance jobs wherever they may be required.
To help protect any valuable data you may have on the Internet from possible corruption, we highly recommend you take the following steps before this 24 hour maintenance period begins:
1. Disconnect all terminals and LANs from the Internet.
2. Disconnect all Internet servers from the Internet.
3. Refrain from connecting any computer, or any other Internet connection device, to the Internet in any way.
Note: The term "other Internet connection device" includes such devices as WebTV.
Again, we understand the inconvenience this will cause many people. And for that, we apologize. However, the great increase in Internet performance you will experience after this short period of maintenance will far outweigh any problems it will cause.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation.
Global Internet Maintenance Organization
Webmasters: It is very important that the entire Internet community be notified of the upcoming Internet maintenance before it gets underway. Please direct all of your users and personnel to read this notice ASAP!
Please pass this announcement to all other Internet users you contact as well.
Thank you.

* All names have been removed to protect the Technologically Challenged.

Update : A quick search on About.com's Urban Legends shows the letter my customer received. I'm still debating on whether or not to let him know he's been had

It's whats for dinner.

I love Urban Legends, they make me happy. The sole reason they make me happy isn’t because they make me feel smarter than the person that forwarded me an e-mail promising a $10,000 check from Uncle Bill, a case of Champaign, a free steak dinner or a naked 18 year old that will massage my hmmm back, nope, its because they’re normally started by someone with the same warped sense of humor I have.

Take SaveToby.com for example, this guy is claiming that unless he receives $50,000 by June 30^th Toby (the cute bunny wabbit on the opening screen) is lunch. That’s 50,000 US Dollars, not pesos, dollars. The same premise is being used to Save Bernd! except they’re looking for 1,000,000 euros.

I like furry woodland creatures as much as the next guy, but wow 50,000 to save that furry little bugger is a bit strong. Don't get me wrong; I like rabbit, rabbit pot pie, fried rabbit, the list goes on and on. I’m sorry Mr. Fluffy, but it looks like you’re toast gonna be served with gravy and toast. If the world is depending upon me to save these wabbits, all I have to say is: Rabbit it's what’s for dinner.

Did you hear that?

Yahoo New reports: Iranian officials are saying an empty fuel tank caused the explosion in Bushehr province, where is building a nuclear power plan, earlier today. Arab media has come forward with witnesses that say an Unidentified Flying Object fired missiles into the area.
Iranian officials have countered with a statement, there is no such thing as a UFO. There is nothing, NOTHING that can penetrate Iranian Air Space. Besides anything that does would certainly meet the burning hell.

Who I'm not.

As basil pointed out in the real me after bloggers brought down Dan Rather and Eason Jordan they've started to turn on each other. Catallarchy discovered that Libertarian Girl actually has a dangling participle, Wizbang has the pictorial proof she's a russian bride. In light of the recent events I felt it may be best for me to clarify a couple of things.

To start of with the picture of the Goldfish up in the top left corner of this site isn't me; I'm actually a guppy, but I'm in a government witness protection program. So please understand why I can't post an actual picture.

Also fo those of you that have been chatting with me on yahoo & aol under with my screen name of QT_14YO_Girl. Well, I'm sorry. My name may have led you to believe I'm a cute 14 year old girl but I'm not. I'm also hoping the people with screen names of boxer_chic, ted_the_drunk and flip_flop_man will all leave me alone. I would like to thank you for the invitations to Massachusetts and California, but I don't think my wife will let me travel that far without her.

I'm not sure what they want me to do with a case of baby oil, a shower curtain and the french maid outfit they sent me; but whatever they have in mind it isn't gonna happen (by the way for any future gifts I'm a size 10, not a 2).

My hope is that by coming forward and admitting my mistakes now my fellow bloggers won't seek my resignation.

And a happy V.D. to you too.

I would like to wish whoever it was that spread their germs to me a happy V.D. and I don’t mean Valentine’s Day. Nothing permanent just a nice case of the clap. I’m not bitter, really I enjoy the coughing, hacking ad drug induced hallucinations.
To everyone else, happy V.D. and by V.D. I mean Valentine’s Day.

Kerry and Kennedy as Laurel and Hardy

Registered Media has released an image displaying the type of action we'd see if Kerry had been elected.

Puppy Blogging

The more people I meet, the more i like my puppy (Chloe). But with a face like the one below who wouldn't.

And who are you?

Which Family Guy character are you?

tip: It comes in pints

Micro$oft will strike again!

basil's blog has an article that may show why Mozilla & FireFox will be the next Company / Product to be added to the Computer History Museum (I sure hope not though). As Bill Gates so fondly pointed out in what Business 2.0 has determined to be one of the top dumbest moments in business, Microsoft's competitors don't stick around long. I can only imagine what the reaction will be when he finds out one of Micro$oft's employees is using a browser other than IE, Bill may shut down the internet.

A sacrifice I’m not willing to make

Granted I’m not a golfer. I haven’t played the game much and really I don’t understand the thrill people get by chasing around a little white ball. I really fail to understand why someone would have a so they can play from the ladies tees. Talk about being nuts, umm or not. This year Danish-born Mianne Bagger becomes the first trans-gendered golfer to play in the British Open. Concerns over the recent number of Frenchmen who are demanding the ability to play in the the British Open has caused the Ladies Golf Union and LPGA to add a no "Frenchmen Allowed" clause to their gender policy.

I’ve got some Ocean front property in ..

President Bush was recently heard singing the following song in the tune of George Strait’s Ocean Front Property:

I’ve got some ocean front property in Afghanistan, Armenia, Azerbaijan-proper, Azerbaijan-Naxcivan exclave, Iraq, Pakistan, Turkey and Turkmenistan.
From my Desert Hutch you can see the greatly extended Persian Sea.
I’ve got some ocean front property in Afghanistan, Armenia, Azerbaijan-proper, Azerbaijan-Naxcivan exclave, Iraq, Pakistan, Turkey and Turkmenistan.
Those silly Iranian towel heads should have never messed with me.

The latest map of the Persian Sea explains why.

Not enough porn on the internet!!

Tecmo has filed a law suit against the creators of a hack (unauthorized program modification) that allows players of the DOA: Beach Volleyball game to see the girls naked. This leaves only one question. Why watch girls naked in a video game? The answer to that question eludes me.
I'm pretty sure they could have filled up a couple of hard drives with porn downloads in the amount of time it took to create the hack.

Bush sends Jong new map of Korean peninsula, talks resume

After President George W. Bush sent Kim Jong II the latest revision of the Korean peninsula by the US Geological Survey the North Korean government has asked to resume talks about nuclear disarmament. A copy of the revised map is below.

Things every man should know

Being a simpleton as I’ve been told on more than once it doesn’t take much to amuse me. Often times I find things thoroughly amusing that my wife is appalled by. Having only been married a short time (three and a half wonderful years if you’re reading dear and an eternity if you aren’t) there are several things I think every man should know.

• It is never intelligent to discuss your wife’s sister’s hotness with her, or the hotness of her friend (that is single and promiscuous) or the hotness of her mom.
• Referring to your wife as “Ol’ Hatefull” because she spouts off at the mouth every thirty seconds isn’t a wise decision.
• Who lit the fuse on your tampon is not an appropriate response to any question for any reason.
• It isn’t acceptable to pee in the sink, even if you move the dishes to the other side.
• If you have a dog and it is a female, you still can’t get away with saying you’re going home to spend time with the bitch.
• Using all the hot water for any reason prior to the misses taking a bath is equal to giving her written permission to remove your whozits, through your nose.
• According to some unwritten law attempting a covered wagon is grounds for a swift kick in the nads at a date to be determined.
• The answer to “Does this skirt, top, dress, etc.. make me look fat?” is never: well since you’ve mentioned it…
• If you’ve ever complimented your wife and she replies with: “daddy says I’m the best” you should be very concerned.
• I don’t care how hot her sister is you can't discuss it with your wife

Tsunami "Landslide" revealed

News.com.au has a story show the release of the sonar images from the origin of the Tsunami last year. This shows proof positive the cause was not an earthquake, but the result of a Cannon Ball by Michael Moore. The imprints in the Ocean floor are identical to those left in Janeane Garafalo’s pool last year when Moore was visiting for a couple of days.

Rights violations in Vietnam

There have been rights violations in Vietnam and no one is doing anything about it. The activists at PETA want your help to save the victims; the addresses of the Vietnamese Embassies are right there so you can tell them how you feel about the problems in their country.
I’m not talking about the Hmong and Lao people that are being systematically killed off. I’m trying to get you to wake up and do something about the poor animals over there that aren’t being taken care of. How cruel and heartless could you be?
Personally I feel bad for the animals that being starved and mistreated, but aren’t there bigger concerns? Come on PETA step up to the plate, Humans are Animals too. Do the right thing PETA and use your abilities to make changes that will benefit mankind.

And just so everyone knows I like animals, Cats are one of my favorites, because they taste just like chicken.
Here Kitty Kitty Kitty.

Al Sharpton finds his purpose in life.

Yahoo news has reported that the Rev. Al Sharpton has joined PETA in calling for a boycott on Kentucky Fried Chicken. It is almost too good to be true, from Civil Rights Leader, to Failed Presidential Bid to Free The Chickens spokesman. Talk about a career backslide; come on Al you've got to save some credibility if you're going to run again in 2008. Now if we could just find some meaningful purpose for the rest of the Democratic Presidential hopefuls.

Scarborough Country's "Real Deal" is really wrong.

What do these women all have in common (and no they aren't all stalking me).
Pamela Turner, 27 from Tennessee
Sarah Bench-Salorio, 28 from California
Katherine Tew, 30 from North Carolina

Kathy White, 39 from Texas
Well maybe they are stalking me but i doubt it, I'm probably bit to old for them.
If you answered they're all being charged for having sex with their students then you're tonight's lucky winner (of what I haven't figured out yet).
On Tuesday February 8th’s episode of Scarborough Country, Joe Scarborough Points out the growing problem of sex abuse by female teachers in public schools. The transcript of the show is below:

Your children are in danger at school, and nobody is doing anything about it.
It’s time for tonight’s “Real Deal.”
Now, yesterday, the police busted a female teacher in Tennessee for having an ongoing sexual relationship with a 14-year-old boy. Pamela Turner was booked on 15 counts of sexual battery and 13 counts of rape.
And last week, I gave you the shocking stats from a recent federal study that suggested almost 10 percent of children attending public schools are sexually abused by their teachers or instructors. You know, we are deluged daily with images of defrocked priests who use their position of power to abuse children, but rarely do we get more than a fleeting glance of the almost daily procession of young female teachers who seduce young middle school boys or high school boys. And the size and the scope of the sexual abuse in American’s public schools dwarfs the Catholic priest scandal. But the press either buries the stories or they fail to connect the dots.
Now, why is that? Well, first of all, as you know, attacking religious figures has long been a pastime of the mainstream media. So when beasts that are in clerics’ uniforms get in trouble, it plays right into the media’s bias against faith. But, secondly, and I think more troubling, the teachers union remains one of the most powerful unions in America.
And their refusal to face up to the subterranean scandal proves once again that too many union bosses are more interested in protecting teachers’ jobs than making sure your children are safe. And as one major figure in teachers unions once said, when asked if he would ever put students’ needs above the teachers, the response was, sure I will, when kids start paying dues.
Well, it’s time to make unions and their offending teachers start paying their dues. Magnify the Catholic priest scandal by 100 and maybe then you can understand just how massive this problem is. It is time for parents to wake up and tell the school board members enough is enough. And while they are at it, they can tell their state reps and senators it’s time to toughen up laws involving sexual abuse in public schools.
We pay for those schools, and we ought to be assured that our children are safe when we drop them off in the morning. There is an epidemic, but nobody is taking notice. It’s endangering our kids, and it’s tonight’s “Real Deal.”

And I thought I was Anna's biggest fan

So when do you cross the line from being a fan to being a stalker? William Lepeska one of Anna Kournikova's biggest fans evidently crossed the line. I mean all the poor guy did was swim 200 yards naked, walk into her house and try on some clothes. Would it still be considered stalking if he hadn't worn the black thong with white pants?

Thanks for removing yourself from the gene pool.

I can't say I'm upset the Welsh man mentioned in this story removed himself from the list of people able to reproduce. If you're going to remove your whozits based off the outcome of a rugby game you didn't deserve them to start with.

Is Janeane Garafalo calling the shots at Al-Jazeera?

As amusing as the capture John Adam, a.k.a. Cody, a.k.a. G.I. Joe has been; I started to wonder how the Arab / Muslim world perceived the recent events. I started out doing a search for Arab blogs, not much information on our action hero could be found there. Next stop the king of all Arab media, Al-Jazeera.
I started with a search for John Adam: results – nothing.
Next a quick search for Cody: results – nothing.
Maybe their search features don’t work to hot, I’ll poke around a bit surely they have something mentioned on their site about the hoax.
After about two hours of skimming headlines I found no mention of our captured hero. Does he even exist in the eyes of the Arab media or is our brave Cody just another casualty of war??

I went back and read several of the more interesting headlines I saw along the way while searching for Cody. While I found nothing about the mistake the main stream media made, what I did take away from the review was a sick feeling in my stomach. Were it not for my convictions and staunch anti-liberal mindset I’d almost be able to sympathize with the people in the Middle East that hate the US and what it stands for. The propaganda machine at Al-Jazeera could make Adolph Hitler look like the patron saint of tollerance, peace and happiness. I was and still am totally in awe of how a media giant that bills itself as an organization that will: “cover all viewpoints with objectivity integrity and balance.”

A strategy, but not one for freedom: This article from May describes George Bush as a fundamentalist Christian who constantly talks about his "crusade" in the Middle East.

US reform threatens Arab identity: Does a great job of describing how the United States’ hope for a free and democratic Iraq is nothing more than a ploy to destroy thousands of years of culture and to stop out the Islamic Faith.

US initiatives for reform: Is and interview with Danielle Pletka, vice-president for foreign and defence policy studies at the Washington DC based American Enterprise Institute for Public Affairs Policy (AEI), here the pictures are worth 100,000 words. When she says the US isn’t in a quagmire in Iraq the editors promptly insert a picture of a burned out Hummer.

It’s no wonder to why the Arab world hates the US if Al-Jazeera is the number one media outlet. The terrorists killing Muslims in Iraq aren’t called terrorists, they’re “Fighters” and their targets are the occupying forces. I found plenty of articles describing how the US was leading a war ON Iraq or AGAINST Iraq. There were also plenty of statements that categorized Westerners as Crusaders out to Colonize the holy land once again.

Maybe I’m naïve, but it seems that with the successful elections that took place just a little over a week ago there would be some toning down of the Anti-Western stance. But instead the propaganda giant has decided to use its influence to state that the United States is using the recent elections to legalize the occupation of Iraq.

I’m starting to think that the 10 – 12 journalists killed Eason Jordan mention may have actually terrorists with cameras and that Al-Jazeera is an offshoot of CNN.

Then again it could quite possibly be that Janeane Garafalo is calling the shots over at Al-Jazeera and that would explain just about everything.

Be afraid, be very afraid

Be afraid, be very afraid if John Gibson’s forecast is correct and Jeb doesn’t win the presidency in ’08 the alternative could be a nightmare. I don’t think I want to image a world run by the Clintons. The thought of Bill in charge of the U.N. and Hillary in the Whitehouse makes me nauseous. What small country is Hillary going to destroy if she has her finger on the button when Bill’s next sexual escapade goes public? I have to agree with John Gibson and wonder just what the hell is Kofi thinking.

Below is a list, from The Progressive Review, of the records the Clintons set during their eight year visit to D.C.
- The only president ever impeached on grounds of personal malfeasance
- Most number of convictions and guilty pleas by friends and associates
- Most number of cabinet officials to come under criminal investigation
- Most number of witnesses to flee country or refuse to testify
- Most number of witnesses to die suddenly
- First president sued for sexual harassment.
- First president accused of rape.
- First first lady to come under criminal investigation
- Largest criminal plea agreement in an illegal campaign contribution case
- First president to establish a legal defense fund.
- First president to be held in contempt of court
- Greatest amount of illegal campaign contributions
- Greatest amount of illegal campaign contributions from abroad

People for the Ethical Treatment of Dolls

In light of recent events U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan announced at a press conference today the creation today of a special task force to ensure no dolls are abused in the war against terror. The taskforce named People for the Ethical Treatment of Dolls (PET’D) will be lead by none other than Barbra Boxer. Mr. Annan feels that since she has outlived her usefulness to the American people and she may as well be of some usefulness.

After taking the microphone over Ms. Boxer announced her first priority would be to pressure the Bush Administration into creating the No Dolls Left Behind Act. She feels the Act will be able to gain support from Senator John Kerry since nobody has taken him seriously after his failed presidential run. Boxer also hopes to gain support from the Muppets and Sesame Street.

Things President Bush should have said in the State of the Union Address

Any demand for a withdrawal date is as insignificant as it was when Ted Kennedy made it. We’re in Iraq until the job is done. Then we’ll come home.

Mission Accomplished = removing Saddam Hussein from power had been accomplished. Simple enough or should I draw pictures?

We’re still in Japan & Germany does that mean we lost World War II also?

We have begun the invasion of Canada. The 51st – 63rd States are expected to be annexed shortly. Once we have completed the annexation of Canada we will take over Mexico, thus reducing the problems of Illegal immigration and reducing the amount of border we have to protect.

Republicans have control of the house and senate; who cares if the Democrats don’t like my policies, the Democrats have been rendered irrelevant by the American people.

To prevent any further cases of Post Election Selection Trauma I hereby declare myself Emperor of the United States of America.

Edward Kennedy NUDE!!!!!

Senator Kennedy claims that Mr. Gonzales does not represent the United States commitment to individual dignity, our respect for the rule of law, and our reputation around the world as a beacon for human rights, not as a violator of human rights.

Senator Kennedy bases these claims not on information he has in hand, but on information Mr. Gonzales has not given to the Committees during his vetting.

On Tuesday Senators Kennedy and Durbin wrote a letter to the members of the Judiciary and Government Accountability Committees stating they feel:

“We believe that both the Judiciary Committee and the Homeland Security Committee should separately or jointly take the necessary steps to obtain all of the documents referred to in the article, and any other documents relating to the events and activities described in the article. The Senate should have an opportunity to assess all materials relating to the First and Second Bybee memorandums before it begins debate on the Gonzales and Chertoff nominations”

Or perhaps the truth revealed itself in the final two words of the statement above "Chertoff Nomination". Could it be that by Senator Kennedy is hoping to gain enough information while running Mr. Gonzales through the ringer to keep Michael Chertoff from being nominated? Just in case you’ve forgotten, Michael Chertoff stepped on quite a few democrats toes when he was Chief Counsel to the Senate Whitewater Committee.

Or it could be the ole Teddy is still upset someone besides him is president.

Iraq's first vote in over 50 years a success!

Inital reports show 72 percent of those eligible to cast ballots did so. Wait that has to be a typo, nope I checked, double checked, and even went back a third time. For a land that had the will of America pushed on it the Iraqi’s seemed to respond very well. Maybe American’s should have some of their own will pushed upon themselves since our highest voter turn out was 63 percent back in 1960.

After the results of the Iraqi elections are finalized I’m waiting on John Kerry, Barbra Boxer and Teddy Kennedy to demand answers to the following three questions:
1) Were the people voting actually U.S. Troops dressed as Iraqi’s?
2) Where was the Bloodbath that was projected to take place on Election Day in Iraq?
3) Is there a place for them in Iraq’s political arena since they’ve worn out their welcome in America?

• Update: The percentage of voters has been lowered to 60%

I suggest a training collar for Ted Kennedy

I'm betting after Teddy's most recent tirade most of the people in Massachusetts wish they had forced him to wear a training collar. I think everyone in America would like to see the day we could withdraw from Iraq. Most rational people, those who aren’t pickled and get their jollies by driving off bridges, would agree that it is impossible to give a number of days until Iraq will be completely self sufficient. That would be like demanding to know the exact date and time Teddy will be sober again, it just isn’t going to happen without divine intervention.
Maybe instead of focusing on areas outside of his expertise Teddy should chair a new committee on how to prevent drunken driving, or maybe he could at least give us firm dates on when every American will have health insurance and issue he considers almost as important as fixing another drink.

Censor the Media!!!!!!!

I'm starting to long for the good ole days when body counts of our troops were not major focus of the major news outlets. It is not entirely the fault of the left wing media, as the conservative government has given them access to a war zone. But what good is the constant stream of American solders death doing for anyone other than to boost the terrorists moral?

1/27/05: Iraq Violence Kills 12; Baghdad Gun Battles
1/26/05: Deadliest day for U.S. in Iraq War
1/26/05: Father: Son killed in crash was due home soon

I could keep listing the daily reports coming out of Iraq but if you found this page you can obviously search Al Gore’s invention.

None of the media outlets are not reporting the positive aspects of what is going on in Iraq. You've got to look pretty hard to find an article such as the one on World Tribune.com that says anything remotely positive.

Not that I'm cynical or anything, but it is starting to look like the media is pulling for the insurgency. The media receives anonymous tips about where a “demonstration” is going to take place; and then wow a terrorist kills somebody. Who could see that coming? If the “reporters” and “photographers” have not figured it out by now they need to get the hell out of Iraq; I’m not sure they have enough sense to live much longer without constant supervision (they’ve got to have T.G.I.F. written on their shoes).

The world in my humble opinion would be a much happier and safer place if the constant flow of media out of a war zone were to stop. Think about it for a second: The Terrorists would only be inflicting minor casualties without the constant ego boost they receive by seeing themselves on the news. The U.S. Troops could carry out interrogations as needed without being demonized by the very people it is trying to protect.

Note to Democrats: T.G.I.F. = Toes Go In First

No more blue light?

To hell with Corporate Americana and to hell with K-Mart. They've decided the blue light special is gone for good. Attention K-Mart shoppers, we should no longer cling to the hopes of hearing those three famous words again.

He's dead, just kiddin'

EMT's declared a Larry Green dead two hours after he was hit by a car. When his injuries were being documented by the Medical Examiner she noticed he was still breathing (How'd the EMT's miss that part?). It would have been a whole lot cooler if he had asked for a drink.

He's just Festively Pump

So there are several states that feel getting rid of physical education is a good idea. The education boards may want to take a look at the picture below prior to getting rid of the programs.

When this has become the norm rather than the exception we've got a big problem on our hands, no pun intended.

I used to like SPAM.

I just finished changing my e-mail address at work again. I was receiving too much Spam. I used to like spam.

But then it started being delivered via e-mail, instead of in a Square Tin Container. I find that the spam printed out on paper isn’t nearly as tasty as the chicken, beef and pork byproducts. So I want to go back to the good old days when the only spam I received was in a Square Tin Container.

The other reason i changed my address is the Feds had tapped that e-mail account, so I’m being clever and changing it.

They’ll never be able to figure out that it’s still me, NEVER I SAY.

Now if you'll pardon the dust and noise I've got a bit of remodeling to do. Oh and this would be the official: Hear I Bee! post for phin's blog, so if you would be please pardon the dust while I get things settled.